I stared over the rail of the S.S Biggest Fucking Waste of my Time with disdain; I'm a full-time amateur director that finally got his foot in the door. Now my lisping Computer Programing nerd of a friend dragged me on this stupid cruise when I'm supposed to be writing a script and casting now that I finally got some support for my epic romantic comedy that borders on fantasy. He says that I "need to sleep more" and that I'm "over-working" myself, which is compete BS because as long as I have Starbucks there's no need for sleep and I can't over work myself if I have a full 24 hours to work. For a programmer he seems to suck at math, I grumbled to myself in complaints and leaned on the rail more, the sky was bright and clear with fluffy clouds, the water was a pristine blue-green, and the crisp, salty sea air actually made me relax a little. I couldn't help but think this would be a wonderful scene for my movie, and this is where the main protagonist male approaches the female and says-

"Hey you thirsty? I got us something to drink." Well… yes he'd say that but with less of an annoying lisp, I turned to Sollux and glared holes through those stupid red and blue sunglasses. When he's not wearing the glasses he has grey eyes but their normally influenced by his glasses to look red and blue, the wind picked up a bit then blew his chestnut colored hair out of his lightly freckled and tanned face. He wasn't bad looking but he's still a douchebag so I have every right to confide in him my personal feelings.

"I want to go home, unlike some people I actually have things to do." I griped taking the drink from him.

"Please spare me the sob story; you look like shit, your bags have bags, and you're white as a ghost."

I grimaced. "I'm albino you asshole, just because I dye my hair and wear contacts doesn't mean that all changes in case your brain was too incapable of solving that out for itself." I huffed and stared out at the water, I wish I was just born with black hair and brown eyes like my dad with his strong Hawaiian features, I hated my stupid genetic fuck up but continued. "I shouldn't even be out in the sun, I could keel over and just flop over the rail to into the water and drown while my lifeless carapace sinks to the bottom of the ocean."

"Glad to see you're still so very optimistic about life. You know you can't swim so stop bitching and enjoy your vacation you sarcastic prick." Even though he was insulting me all the while he spoke so easily, regardless of that lisp, he was relaxed. I might have been fighting it but I did feel a bit more at ease here, like I'd ever let him onto it though.

"Well, glad to see you're so relaxed. I can see this trip was just a giant success, be honest, you just brought me so you wouldn't be some kind of creepy awkward third wheel."

He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I wouldn't be a third wheel, it'd be a threesome but I have to babysit you so you don't kill yourself while I'm gone so drink your drink and shut up."

I sipped my drink and rolled my eyes, it was fruity and cool but warmed on its way down. "Please you hate that guy for one, secondly ew I don't need to envision that, and finally, why are you trying to get me drunk you lisping pervert."

He snorted. "Getting you drunk would be too easy considering you drink like a five year old malnourished girl."

I scowled at him. "Shut it! You're not one to talk you have a genetic advantage over me, Irish-German on both sides of his family. You can drink like a fish for days."

"That was so racist you asshole."

I rolled my eyes. "Deal with it. I just can't wait until this stupid ship gets where we have to go. I'm going back to my room to work on my script. Thanks for the drink or whatever."

He shrugged. "Yeah, I'll go hit up the pool. There might be a floaty more interesting to have a conversation with."

I let that go and changed my mind at the last second to make my way to the dining hall, I'd skipped breakfast with them after all. Upon my entry I spotted Equius sitting at a table by himself with empty glasses all around him, he's never one to drink so I figured it was probably milk. I grabbed a plate and sat next to him since I didn't feel like sitting with a stranger and there were no open seats available, he was hunched over the tablecloth with a pencil in hand and a notebook that stole his attention. Sollux said it was almost as hard to get him to come as it was me because he was marine veteran and a personal trainer. The dark brown hair he normally wore down was tied back in a low ponytail and his skin was dark and firm above all the muscle.

"Hey Zahhak, what are you doing?" Not that I was really curious I was just starting a conversation, he wasn't so bad until he started being a prick.

"Hello Vantas. I am simply writing."

"Well I can fucking see that, I'm shocked that you even came on this stupid vacation."

He just stared at me with brown eyes in a half glare but refrained from spitting out whatever was on the tip of his tongue. "Actually I find this temporary brake from all my work quite enjoyable. Of course I am excluding the fact that this vessel does not have a place exclusively for exercise, I rather like it."

I ate as he talked and rolled my eyes, swallowing what was in my mouth and nursing my alcohol. "Obviously they wouldn't have an exercise room, fatass people don't go on vacation to lose weight. If anything they gain weight before they go home."

"Ah yes, many of my clients have used that very excused. I find it repulsive that they would not show up in the first place but to come back and we only have more work to do. That does not please me, there is no way to elucidate the reasoning behind gaining so much weight in a short time."

I shrugged. "If you have more work then you get paid more for their time, also take into consideration that you're probably going to gain weight too, it's nothing you plan to do. I'm pretty sure your clients don't go on vacation and get fat just to piss you off."

He made a disgusted look. "Impossible, I carefully partake of the food they have. Seeing how they do not have a work-out area I've been making due within my personal chamber. I'm determined to remain strong; they simply aren't as disciplined as I am."

I rolled my eyes. "I swear to god you're going to end up with the most impulsive piece of shit on the face of this earth. They're going to tame your wildly pretentious attitude and finally put you in your place. You should know better than to judge people Mr. Robot Building Slam Poet."

His glared hardened and I recognized that he was trying to use his anger management exercises so I scoffed. "Please don't make me fucking order you to calm down Zahhak."

"Please do… command me if you wish."

I grimaced and half-yelled. "Calm the fuck down, it was an order disguised by a question so I don't get the stupid looks I'm getting now." I turned to the woman that glanced at us. "This isn't a free show, buy a fucking ticket!" She jolted, shot me a dirty look, and quickly turned away before I settled down.

"Vantas, you may find it in your best interest to keep calm and leave other people out of it. I'm quite sure we will find a similar incident of what happened the very first time you boarded the vessel very unpleasant."

I scowled remembering that security took my too my room and threatened to kick me off the boat the next time I 'cause trouble'. "I don't need to hear this from you and your stupid anger management classes. This is bullshit, I'm going back to my room anyway."

I stood, downing my drink as if to prove a point, he nodded. "Very well, but do remember that this is a vacation so try to allow yourself to relax. You never know, you may find some kind of inspiration for your next… film."

I have a feeling he was about to insult my job but he let it go and so did I so I nodded and walked away. Even Equius is relaxing and he's wound tighter than a rubber-band ball up a clam's ass. I took out my key card and scratched my head with a sigh before entering my room and flopping back on the bed. Am I weird for being the only one that's not relaxed? I mean I'm definitely more mature than the other's so maybe it's just that hint of maturity that's holding me back rather than myself. I thought on that for a while then groaned knowing damn well I'm not mature, I grabbed my laptop and tried to stop my chat from automatically popping up as it's programmed to do but it was too late since someone already messaged me.

- caligulasAquarium [CA] began chatting with carcinoGeneticist [CG]-

CA: hey kar wwhats up
CA: seriously answwer me i just need someone to talk to for a glubbin sec evven if its you
CG: MY GOD AMPORA WHAT?
CG: HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT THAT I WAS BUSY?
CG: BECAUSE I AM. I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR YOU.
CA: cod! cmon just for a sec its somefin reel important
CG: MAKE IT QUICK.
CA: kay so me an fef wwere just chillin by the pool evveryfin is all great
CA: then shorely enough sol comes ovver like he owwns the fuckin place
CG: JESUS DON'T YOU ASSHOLES EVER TAKE A BREAK?
CG: SECURITY EVEN BANNED YOU GUYS FROM TALKING TO EACH OTHER ANYWAY.
CA: yeh but wwhatevver i do wwhat i wwant
CA: but thats not the problem you sea
CA: fef and sol started gettin all friendly-like
CG: AND YOU'RE JEALOUS, BIG WHOOP I'M SO SHOCKED
CA: no its nofin like that its just
CA: dont you think that me and sol could date
CA: we have moments that wwe get along
CA: its not like i like him just fuckin ponderin it
CG: NO. HELL NO.
CG: THAT'S FUCKING DISGUSTING.
CA: but it makes sense
CG: LOOK YOU MARINE BIOLO-DOUCHEBAG, IF YOU HURT FEFERI
CG: BECAUSE OF SOME DUMBASS PONDER, WHICH I PRAY ISN'T A STUPID PUN OF YOURS,
CG: I WILL CHOKE YOU TO DEATH WITH THAT GODDAMN FUCKING SCARF.
CA: cod why are you so definsive
CA: do you like fef or somefin
CG: MY GOD YOU'RE SUCH A FUCKING TOOL
CG: DON'T TALK TO ME AMPORA.

- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased chatting with caligulasAquarium [CA]-

I logged off quickly and laid back on my bed with a massive headache budding, he was so selfish it drove me insane just a French-Spaniard with a purple patch in his blonde hair, thick glasses that hid green eyes, and a horrid personality. He didn't deserve her and maybe I am standing up for her. She's pretty, not my type, but pretty, her Arabian roots give her rich brown skin and long wavy brown hair, she's nice in general though even if her bubbly personality made me gag. It actually took effort to pull my laptop back into my lap so I could watch my RomCom. It was the kind that made me laugh and cry and even made me angry and jealous at one point because the way the director portrayed it made the scenes so real and believable but unbelievably sweet. It was the kind where you, cheesily enough, wish that you lived that kind of life. I think I'd trade my life in for one that that or to at least direct a movie this good.

I only realized that I'd fallen asleep when I heard screaming and someone banging on my door, I tried to wake up sooner but it wasn't doing it for me. That is, until Equius broke my freaking door down. Sollux ran around him.

"KK we have to go right now!" I hopped out of bed, still trying to shake my sleep.

"What happened?"

"Details later just come on. Everyone's evacuating!" I rushed outside next to him and in front of Equius as we joined the madness. People were running and screaming and making huge scenes over this and that. The sky was dark and clouds rolled angrily, the sea was almost just as black and seemed like it merged with the sky to form one giant angry entity and we were unwelcomed germs in its immune system. I made sure to keep myself sandwiched between them until we met up with Feferi and Eridan at a life boat they saved for all of us. Just looking at the yellow dingy made my clenching stomach, spasm with sickness. Filled with air and professionally secured with ropes, it had no benches and looked like it weighed only 30 pounds. Countless visions of us flipping over in the violent waves flooded my mind.

"Vantas?" Equius broke the insanity that was going on in my head long enough for me to notice everyone was in it except for me.

"If we're not ok on this huge boat then what makes that little shit safer!" I screamed.

"Because this doesn't have a huge fucking hole in the hull."

"And this is hole-proof!"

"KK get your ass on this thing right now!" Sollux commanded, tired of arguing with me.

"Hell no! I can't swim and I'm not putting my life in the hands of some air-filled pool toy!" Equius sighed and stood before approaching me.

"Pardon me Vantas."

I backed up, putting my hands on his chest and shoving backwards with the effectively of pushing a skyscraper. "What the fuck are you doing!"

He didn't say a word but just lifted me and climbed back in the boat, his arms effortlessly holding me down while I struggled against him. "Captor, may we please evacuate, I fear that we will fall behind the others."

We sailed for a while, rocking roughly against the waves and I wasn't so much fighting Equius anymore, it was more like I was flipping out every time we hit a really high wave and clung to him like a baby monkey.

"Look Kar whale we fine, we just have to make it out into warmer waters." His selective stutter and use of puns in a serious situation pissed me off beyond all belief and before I could even help (or care to stop) myself I growled at him and he recoiled to clinging to the side of the dingy. "Geez calm do-HO COD!" His voice peaked an entire octave as he stared straight behind us, slowly the other turned their attention and wore the same expression. Something told me not to turn around, but I ignored it, my mouth gaped open as felt my entire body freeze. I screamed the wave it's welcome as it smashed into us, the icy water felt like bitter needles stabbing into my skin. I was being jerked back and forth by the water while flailing my arms and legs like a bitch so I could break the surface and gasp for air. The saltwater stung my eyes but I forced them open, the dingy was nowhere in sight and quick as a flash the current jerked me back under. I tried to flail in the same way in order to resurface but I was pushed and pulled in every which way so much I forgot which way was up. The shock and adrenaline of everything caused my lungs to give in on me and I involuntarily inhaled a heap of burning water which caused me to cough and take in water, again. It was like some kind of cruel cycle that made my vision hazy once I actually got used to having my eyes open under the water, another blink and the black and blue water suddenly turned blood red then back to its depressing churn within the next blink. My limbs hurt and felt heavy since I was fighting Equius before all of this, I found myself hoping everyone wasn't experiencing this. It felt like death.

Distant chatter stirred in the back of my head, there was a soft blanket under me and a warm pressure on my front, everything felt hazy. I did register however when my body convulsed and jerked to the side to project whatever water was in my lungs on the sand beside me. After my fit of coughs stopped I looked at the relieved faces around me and felt relief myself that they were all ok. Where were we though? I looked around on the beach and my gaze stopped at a group of people.

"Who are they?" I asked, my voice coming out as a croak before I cleared it, a tall guy from the middle opened his arms with a big goofy smile. He had inky black hair and tanned skin, but his face was painted white, his half-lidded eyes were a deep blue-purple and he slumped slightly. He looked like a stoned clown.

"Hey bro! Glad to see you're ok, we've never had a death and it'd motherfucking suck if we did."

I glared at him. "Who the fuck are you and where are we?"

"KK chill it's fine, they helped us out."

"That doesn't answer any of my questions!" I yelled despite the general achiness of my entire body, including my throat.

The lanky bastard only laughed. "Welcome to Alternia and I guess I'll all up and introduce myself. I'm Gamzee Makara and this is the entirety of our society."

"This is everyone?" Equius chimed, looking at the small group of people.

"Yeah, we had to up and welcome you."

"Wait… but we just washed up here. How did you know we were going to?"

Gamzee just grinned at Feferi's question. "We were expecting you of course."

[A/N: Now with edited goodness! I saw so many errors in the last one and I took out Sollux's lisp because:
1. It's hard to type sometimes.
2. It's confusing to read. We all know he has a lisp.]