I will confess.
I am an incurable gamer.
This morning, I woke up at five to get a head start on my favorite computer game, RuneScape. I am a level 79 ex-member, and have the skills to prove it. I have level, or lvl as the veterans call it, 70 attack, 62 strength, 60 ranged and defense, 39 prayer, 44 magic, 7 runecrafting, 1 construction, 66 health, 38 agility, 28 herblore, 39 thievery, 56 crafting, 29 fletching, 17 slaying, 40 hunting, 50 mining, 42 smithing, 53 fishing and cooking, 26 fire-making, 46 woodcutting, 2 gardening, and 928 total, a legacy shared by my friend AJ. Ajbusman, our character, was in Lumby, the shortened form of Lumbridge (the main town in RuneScape), making money at about100 gold pieces, or gp, per ten seconds.
I started out in Varrock, but, in plain view of everyone, proved my wizardly skills by performing the "Teleport to Lumbridge" spell. I vanished into the Ferris Wheel of magic with a noticeable flash of orange light, the magical discarge. I got out of my seat as it neared the bottom, sliding into Port Sarim as a figure skater slides through ice. I was taking advantage of a glitch, sure, but even if it is against the rules, nobody really cares about that glitch. It is old hat to all but the just-started, can-I-have-free-stuff, annoying noobs.
I had headed toward the local ferry service, waiting for the pirate to give his safety lecture in an annoying cutscene. Instead, the screen went blue and yellow letters snaked their way through the monitor. I had slapped the case, the age-old method of rapid restore, to save my computer from the wrath of what the techies call BSODx3 (Blue Screen Of Death, Doom, and Destruction). Luckily, the blue and yellow had given way, to be replaced by the usual image, that of a pirate holding a picture of a drunken boat-hand falling off a ship. I had agreed with the pirate, as you are supposed to do, and then climbed onto one of the many barges around. I was headed toward Karamja.
One I had passed the security guards, I had proceeded to the Shilo Villiage to fish. I had brought a fishing rod, small fishing net, fly fishing rod, and harpoon, as well as my trade-mark gold-trimmed rune armor and whip. I was prepared to catch ANYTHING, even a river troll. I watched my character fish for five seconds, then brought up a Microsoft Word document I was working on titled "Free Runescape Gold Guides," almost ready for me to publish to the Internet.
When I had switched over to RS again, a pearlescent, lvl 90, powerful Shade. I had sustained serious damage (nearly 80 of my total health was gone), in spite of my extensive armor, and the Shade, to my horror, had taken none. I had fumed inwardly. How dare that Shade kill Ajbusman! How dare he take no damage when I am hitting him with a rune whip! How dare he kill me with his bare hands. HOW DARE HE! Ajbusman had died for the first time in over five years. At the last moment, I had fumbled over to the prayer menu and clicked "Keep one more item upon death." I realized I had been skulled, so I would keep one more item than usual upon death. I would be able to keep my Rune Full Helm, my Rune Sq Shield, my Rune Platelegs, my Amulet of Strength, and my Ring of Life (fat lot of good those last two things did me). I lost my mithril arrows, 52 chaos runes, all of my fish, 10mil gp, my leather boots, my flowing blue cape, and my studded gloves. Oh boy, I thought. Hello Lumbridge.
I headed toward the cow pen to regain my gold. And here my retelling catches up to real life. I am now killing cows for their hides. Once I get full inventory hides, I go to the bank. Then I repeat the process over and over until I have one thousand hides. Then I leave, pass the toll gate (for free, as I have already completed the quest needed to pass), and work my way south 'till the familiar sight of the Al Kharid bank comes into view. Then I log out of World 32 and log back into World 8. Then I go into the bank and trade with the lazy, rich, stupid people. If you can believe it, they will willingly buy a cowhide for 100gp, rather than wasting two minutes and 40gp to get it themselves.
All the lights in our house, and probably the world, blew as a gust of electricity far greater than what the lights were made to withstand gushed through the wires. The computer was the last to go, one of its two monitors imploding with the surge. Luckily that wasn't the flatscreen. I thought.
When the power had subsided, I booted my PC up. When I logged into RS, my password wouldn't work. Luckily I have set those recovery questions! I thought. But when I clicked "Main Menu," the game didn't do anything. Instead, a large black hole appeared in front of me and sucked me up into its vast depths. I blacked out.
When I came to, a brown window was open in front of me, asking me for my character preferences (clothes, colors, gender, hair ). This isn't supposed to happen! This is only for those noobs! I was shocked. I picked the same thing as I have picked for all my accounts Green, torn-up pants, white shirt, no beard, short hair, wide shoes, male, and white. Then I ran through the whole tutorial I only need to do it once, I figured as I had done in all but the first time I did the tutorial. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah, every NPC (non-player character) driveled. When I got to the mage, I got exited. Finally, my favorite part of the tutorial. The mage gave me the runes needed to cast my first spell as if I haven't done this first spell over a hundred times so far. I rush through the spell, but at the last moment, I feel a cosmic force take away my runes, one air rune, one mind rune. At the same time, an orb of white light gathered around my outstretched hands. Then the orb flew away and ht a chicken, effectively killing it. I dropped my runes, asked the mage for more, dropped them, asked for more In the end, after I had picked all of the runes up, I had 25 of each. Not a bad start for my new account, whose name is now sakinnnnn23. I had effectively scammed the witch out of her Fruit of the Looms. Then I asked her to be teleported to the mainland. She willingly went along with that.
When I got over the initial shock of the teleport, I decided I liked it. It was like swimming in an Eternal Pool. I was riding on a wave of pulsating light like I was bodyboarding on air, albeit air that glowed. Then, the sensation was whipped away, and I found myself falling. From this height I could see almost all of the non-member's world. Directly beneath me was the "spawn point" of newbies and those that have just died.
Eeeeeeeeeeek! I cried, as, growing ever larger, a guy in almost full Guthix with a dragon whip appeared. I fell right over him, obscuring him from view. I looked up at the experience bar. I had lost three of my measly four health points.
Keep it up and I'll be dead meat! I thought. Then I had a bright idea. I would log in as my former character, Ajbusman. When I pressed "Log Out" with my finger, the screen went blank. Then I saw it. The two burning goblets, the iron longsword, the burnt stones that spelled "RuneScape," and most importantly, a plaque that asked me if I was an existing user or a new user. I poked the hard metal. It abruptly changed and asked me in white lettering what my password and username were. I gulped. There was no keyboard.
I took a hunch and tried saying my username and password. But because my password is just a string of numbers, it didn't work. Then I had an idea. I poked "Start," then "All Programs," then "Accessories," then "Accesibility," then "On-screen Keyboard." A smallish keyboard popped into view. I entered my password and pressed "Log In." Nothing happened. I pressed again, harder this time. Yellow letters started typing themselves across the middle of the screen.
Oh no, not this again!
But I was mistaken. The yellow letters said "Invalid username or password."