Title: When Everything Falls Apart
Author: sofia-lindsay
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Pairing: JJ/Emily
Disclaimer: As always, if I owned the characters, we'd be watching instead of reading. Oh, and Will would be erm, MIA.
Rating: R (language and sex)
Warning: Minor spoilers for the upcoming episodes.
Summary: "There was only you, Emily. It's always just been you."
AN: I will warn you there is mention of Emily/OFC and JJ/Will. It won't scar you for life, it's just mentioned. I think the JJ/Emily smut makes up for it.
AN2: Thanks to my beta, darkbardzero for putting up with me, especially on vacation.
Archiving: P&P, others ask.
Emily sighed as she rolled over to face her most recent lover. This was wrong, she was wrong. The bleach-blonde hair, the cold blue eyes and the body were not that of JJ's. Lying in a hotel bed with a nude stranger while still clothed. Not being able to allow the stranger to touch her and finding some willing girl who was a dead ringer for JJ in a bar, and fucking her senseless was just plain wrong, she mused to herself, but honestly, she could have cared less. No, she was much more concerned with trying to figure out where things had gone so terribly wrong.
She had flirted with JJ and was sure the younger woman had been flirting back. And why was it every time she looked up, the baby blue eyes were gazing back at her? The casual touches, the way JJ had seemed so possessive of her at the bar…wasn't that a sign for something?
She blamed herself. She had watched as JJ had stood by the detective, much like she would Reid, and she had known they had kept in touch since the case a year ago. Yet she had still pushed JJ towards him, thinking it would open up the opportunity for JJ to tell her she wanted to be with her. This case had affected both of them, and Emily was beginning to think they would finally confront their feelings. But when the blonde had ran to him and kissed him, Emily was sure JJ couldn't have hurt her worse if she had taken the Glock from her side and aimed it straight for her heart.
The brunette slowly untangled herself from the bed sheets and quickly found her keys. Walking from the room, she felt like a thief in the night, taking what she wanted and leaving with no explanation. Hailing a taxi, she sighed as she thought about walking into her own lonely hotel room. She was fairly confident could get by without running into her team, as she knew she probably reeked of sex and alcohol. Hotch and Rossi would be in their respective rooms asleep. Morgan was off with his detective. Reid would be asleep or reading. And JJ would be…in the arms of her detective.
Sighing, Emily clenched her fist unconsciously. JJ had hurt her, and she couldn't help but feel a little played by all of this. She didn't know what the blonde agent saw in the detective, but if it made JJ happy, who was she to step in.
For herself, she knew she could find other lovers. She'd still be able to find that person who could stop her heart with a smile. She could find someone to make her forget Jennifer Jareau.
Shaking her head, Emily knew only one of those was true.
Lying next to someone had never felt so wrong, JJ pondered to herself. His hands were too rough, not the gentle softness she was use to touching her arm. He was too possessive, even going as far as mentioning she should quit her job to move to New Orleans. His hair was too short, his eyes too light. His body was too hard, not the toned softness she longed to feel against her. She found it hard to have a conversation with him as they had nothing really in common. She had seen things, horrible things, which he had no idea about, and yet he still thought his job was more dangerous and important than hers. All in all, she couldn't stand him; he had just been a warm body to turn to.
Of course, she could have blamed it on the case. It had hit too close to home for her, especially when combined with being near Emily. She knew Emily preferred women, and could only imagine what this case had done to her. Yet instead of going to her friend to make sure she was okay, she had slept with a guy, all the while knowing she'd much rather be consoling the brunette. She would have sworn the brunette had been flirting with her for the past two years, so having the profiler push her towards Will had been unexpected. And it had hurt more than she cared to admit.
So what had she done? Ran to him, ranted about how things become real when spoken about and kissed him. She had projected her feelings for Emily onto the unsuspecting man. When she had turned around, Morgan and Reid were watching with a somewhat proud look, but Emily was gone. And JJ had known she had made a mistake. Possibly the biggest one of her life.
Somewhat hastily, she dressed and scribbled a note. This was the coward's way out, but she didn't care. Come tomorrow morning she'd be back in DC with her family of profilers. Re-reading what she had written, she briefly wondered when her communication skills had become so childish.
I'm sorry. I can't do this. This is goodbye. Don't try to contact me please.
It made her feel guilty leaving this way, but not as guilty as knowing she had hurt Emily. The brunette had been her comfort through many ordeals, each time JJ brushing them off as merely a friend. Now looking back, JJ realized the looks, the subtle touches and even the friendly outings were Emily's subtle way of trying to court her.
Leaving the room, she walked directly to Emily's. Now that the guilt had finally kicked in full-force, the urge to make sure the older woman was okay became stronger. Knocking on the door, she looked at her watch. 3:22 Odds are Emily was asleep, but JJ couldn't help but knock a little bit louder.
Emily precariously walked up four flights of stairs to her room. The shots of tequila she had taken had finally taken their toll on her, but the stairwell was quiet, and it gave her time to think.
JJ wasn't stupid. She had to have realized the brunette was in love with her, or was at least flirting with her. Could she handle seeing the blonde on a daily basis or would it rip her heart apart each time? Try as she might, she could not see herself working with the press liaison knowing she was with someone else. Knowing JJ, of all people, had played her.
Rounding the corner, she froze when she saw the familiar blonde knocking on her door. Taking a deep breath, she fished her keys from her pocket and walked up behind JJ.
"What are you doing here?"
Emily's tone wasn't condescending, but it was laced with something JJ couldn't pinpoint, but quickly decided she didn't care for. "I came to check on you. I know this case must have hit you hard."
Emily scoffed, her usual composure tainted by the alcohol in her system. "Yeah well. Don't worry about my wellbeing and me; we'll be just fine without you. Shouldn't you be with your detective?"
"Emily, we need to talk. This case has affected both of us, in more ways than we'd care to admit."
JJ watched as the profiler fumbled to unlock her door, before walking in and falling face first on the bed.
"I don't care if you come in or not, but either way shut the door. And I swear to God, if you and what's-his-face have a room near me, you better keep it quiet."
Rolling her eyes, the younger woman closed the door and took a seat next to the brunette. "How much have you had to drink tonight?"
"Don't let it worry you, JJ."
"What is wrong with you? I've never known you to be such a bitch." JJ watched with concern as Emily found her way to her feet and began pacing the room. She was shocked when finally the profiler leveled her with a glare.
"You played me."
JJ recoiled at those three words. Taking a shaky breath, she quietly replied, "No I didn't."
She was unprepared for the sardonic laugh that came from the brunette. "Like hell you didn't! You're not stupid. You knew I had feelings for you! You made out with him right in front of me! God only knows what you did with him tonight!"
"For God's sake Emily! You pushed me towards him! I thought that was your way of telling me you didn't want me. As for tonight, where the hell have you been?"
"Whatever Jayj. I was out with a friend."
JJ's eyebrow raised on it's own accord, "And does she have a name?"
In any other situation, the look of intense concentration on Emily's face over such a simple question would have been funny. Now, JJ just found herself getting annoyed.
"You got drunk with a woman and you don't even know her name?"
"That's not all I did with her," Emily muttered under her breath, thinking sure JJ wouldn't hear her.
"WHAT?!"
JJ knew she had heard Emily correctly, but refused to believe the sentence. This was Emily Prentiss; she wouldn't go out to have random sex with someone when she didn't even know their name. Unfortunately, she had never been on the receiving end of one of Emily's drunken rants.
"You heard me."
"YOU JUST FUCKED A WOMAN AND YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HER NAME?"
"Geez, Jayj. How about toning down the screeching? It's hurting my ears. And don't start in on me, you fucked dickhead tonight, why the hell can't I have mind-blowing sex as well?"
Of all the nerve! JJ thought, furious and more than a little jealous that another woman had been with Emily that very night. Finding a pissed-off Emily very sexy, she was torn between jumping the other woman and getting in a low blow of her own.
"Yeah Emily, it was so mind-blowing you can't even remember her name! At least I can have mind-blowing sex and still know Will's!"
The words flew out of her mouth and she was helpless to stop them. JJ watched as Emily's eyes turned cold and her jaw tightened. When she spoke, her voice was emotionless.
"Or maybe I was too busy imagining it was you to care. Why don't you just leave? Go back to him or to your own room. I don't care. Just go anywhere but here. You've caused enough damage for one night."
"Em, I'm sor…" JJ began, just to be cut off.
"Jennifer. Go. Please leave."
Emily's plea might have been answered, if she had not used JJ's full name. No one called her Jennifer anymore, Will had even tried it and she had told him not to. But hearing Emily say it in a pleading voice, JJ knew she wouldn't leave without the older woman knowing how she felt.
"No. We need to talk and I'm not leaving here until we do."
"I don't want to talk. I want you to leave."
JJ rolled her eyes and took a step towards the older woman. "Well I do. And I'm not leaving until we do."
The two women were standing face-to-face now, arms crossed and jaws clenched, willing for the other to be the first to break. After several minutes, Emily finally broke the silence.
"Fine. I'll leave."
It only took a split second for Emily's words to penetrate JJ's brain. Years of training kicked in as Emily turned to go, and JJ easily caught her arm and pushed her onto the bed, straddling her in a purely defensive stance. Of course, the fact that particular non-FBI taught position consisted of Emily's hands pinned by her head, with JJ's knee in between her legs did not go unnoticed by either women.
"JJ, get the fuck off of me. I want to… oh god…"
In Emily's struggles to get free, JJ's knee had inadvertently moved against the apex of Emily's legs. The women froze upon realizing their position, and Emily gasped when JJ's eyes targeted her lips and she realized the usual baby blue eyes were much, much darker.
"No… Jayj, we can't. You're with him. Don't do this to me please."
"Shut up, Emily. I'm not with him. If you don't want me on top of you, throw me off. We both know you could if you wanted to. Otherwise, I'm doing this."
The older woman was helpless to stop JJ's descent, and quickly let JJ have control over the kiss. The little voice in her head that told her this was a bad idea was drowned out by the blood flow relocating further south in her body.
JJ slipped her tongue into Emily's mouth, and did her best not to frown. Emily tasted like lime and already had the just fucked look, a silent reminder of both of their earlier activities. Pulling back from the kiss, she sat back up and crossed her arms.
"Wha…?"
"You fucked her!"
"You fucked him!" Emily countered, completely confused at the turn of events.
Without a second though, JJ grabbed the brunette's hand and yanked her towards the bathroom.
"Jennifer, what the hell are you doing?" Emily's shock was apparent when JJ ripped her button-up open, not taking time to deal with the buttons.
"Shower…now. There's no way I'm talking to you, while you still smell of her!"
"OH! Like you didn't just fuck him? Really JJ, couldn't you find someone better?" Emily knew what she said was only in anger, but there was two years of constrained frustration, combined with betrayal and hurt. Some things needed to be said.
"Oh, like your cheap imitation? Seriously Emily, did it actually work for you? Thinking I was there? Could you close your eyes and pretend it was me?"
"Shut up Jennifer! Just shut the fuck up! Why don't you run back to your boy toy and lie to him some more? Fuck him a few more times to forget about me, perhaps? Ruin more lives in the process, and break more hearts."
Emily was more than ready for JJ's slap, grabbing her wrist and quickly using her training to put JJ face-first against the hotel wall. While deep down she knew she'd never physically harm the younger woman, years of experience told her exactly what to say to hurt JJ the most, and she used it to her full advantage.
"That's all he is, isn't he? A distraction. You've played me too long. You either want me, or want him. But you're not getting both of us. Now get the hell out of my room until you decide."
JJ struggled against the stronger woman, torn between the emotions she was feeling. The anger, hurt, betrayal and love towards Emily was overwhelming her, and she didn't know whether to fuck the older woman senseless, or knock the hell out of her.
"Get the fuck off of me Emily. I told you it was over with him. Just get out and leave me the hell alone."
"What the fuck? JJ, it's my room. You get the hell out." Emily pulled away from the younger woman and leaned against the opposing wall.
A moment of silence fell between the two as they realized how childish this fight really was. Weren't they both adults? Professionals, at that. JJ slowly turned to face the brunette, the anger still flashing in her eyes underlined by the unshed tears.
"There was only you, Emily. It's always been you. That's why I left him. But you fucked another woman pretending it was me. I don't even want to touch you right now." She replied softly, the anger still in her voice, but this time tinged with something else.
Emily smirked as she advanced on the blonde, "You can kiss me and try to dominate me, but you can't touch me? What a convenience for you. I don't want to kiss you, but I'm pretty sure I can fuck you senseless."
JJ gulped and took a step back until she was trapped between a predatory profiler and the wall. "Em…no. Not like this…you're angry."
"Yes, yes I am. You played me. Then you get angry with me for turning to someone else. Call the kettle black, much JJ?" Emily's rough voice, combined with the predatory gleam in her eyes, sent a shiver down the blonde's spine.
"Will doesn't look like you." JJ felt the need to point out; somewhere in her arousal-fogged brain it sounding like a valid argument. She gasped when Emily's thigh was forced between her own, and her head fell back against the off-white wall.
"No, and I bet before the night is over, I'll prove he's nothing like me in other areas too." Emily's mouth was next to the blonde's ear, one hand teasing her breast through the soft t-shirt and her thigh grinding against JJ.
"Em, please…"
JJ didn't know what she was begging for; she didn't even know what she wanted at that exact moment. All she knew was that from the look in the dark eyes, Emily was determined to have her and she wasn't about to argue.
Emily pulled away, eliciting a whimper of protest from the younger woman. "Here's your one chance JJ. Walk out that door, and we'll never discuss this again. You go your way; I go mine. If you stay, this isn't a one-time thing. You kick him out of the picture, you tell him why you're not with him, and the first person that mentions a three-some, I get to knock the hell out of."
JJ looked from the dark-haired woman to the door, silencing contemplating her options. Shaking her head, she wordlessly walked to the door, locked it and turned to face Emily. Ever so slowly, she pulled her shirt over her head, kicking her shoes off in the process and then moving to unbutton her jeans. Before her mind could register what was happening, her soon-to-be lover had her once again pinned against the wall, this time with lips and teeth against her sensitive neck.
Emily could taste the sweat in the hollow of JJ's throat, a subtle reminder of the blonde's earlier activities. She was sure if she explored other areas, more reminders would become apparent. Pulling back, she turned her back to the blonde and walked towards the bathroom. A confused, aroused and slightly irritated JJ soon followed.
"Emily, what the hell is wrong with you?"
The brunette had the shower running and was stripping; an observation that didn't go unnoticed by JJ. Turning in a blur, she lashed out. "I'm not about to fuck you or kiss my way down your body, knowing I'm tasting where he was. Hell, I'd probably taste more of him than you! Now get in the shower."
"Oh, don't forget you slept with your drinking buddy. Even trade don't you think?" JJ retorted, allowing her jeans to fall to the floor and stepping out of them.
"No. I don't. She didn't… Just get in the damn shower!" Emily let her words trail off, not ready to let JJ in on the secret that in her conquests she couldn't bring herself to let the other women she slept with touch her.
"She didn't what?" JJ asked while roughly dragging her nails down Emily's back and ass. Pulling the profiler into the shower, she pushed her against the wall before sliding a hand between her legs. "God Em, you are soaked. How long…"
Catching JJ's eyes, Emily took a deep breath as slender fingers teased the wetness, "I didn't…she didn't…I couldn't let her. It's you. Only you."
Blue eyes widened as the realization sunk in, and JJ's wilder instincts took over. Knowing she was the only one to touch Emily like this, that the nameless woman hadn't been where she had, caused the need to claim Emily as her own to rise up from deep inside her. Without warning, she slid two fingers into the brunette while digging the nails of her other hand into the soft flesh of her hip.
Emily cried out at the slight pain from sudden onslaught, but looking at JJ through the steam of the shower, the sting quickly turned to pleasure. Briefly she wondered when she had lost control, but her quickly shutting down brain told her this was about more than just claiming one another. Still, she couldn't help but lean forward and capture the soft skin of JJ's neck between her lips as she came; effectively leaving a mark she knew would be visible to others.
"Emily, no marking. We have to see the others in a few hours." JJ warned, although she was secretly looking forward to seeing her lover blush when she explained to the rest of the team why she and Will were no longer together, but she still managed to have a hickey.
"Jennifer, you talk too much…" Emily murmured still reeling from her orgasm but sliding her hand along the toned, wet stomach and through blonde curls. Slowly, she kissed her way down JJ's neck, stopping to suck and nip at tight nipples, before kneeling down and tonguing the blonde's bellybutton as she slid a teasing finger into the blonde.
"Oh god…" JJ moaned, tangling her hand in the dark tresses and trying to push the head farther down her body. Emily resisted, content with worshipping the blonde's stomach, but did add another finger as JJ's internal muscles clenched around her.
"Em, oh god baby. Please. Fuck me…oh Emily!!" Tugging on the fisted hair, she pleaded, "Please Emily, come up here. Kiss me please."
Emily tried to resist the pleas knowing if she kissed JJ this time, it was really her JJ was coming for, not some nameless lover in the blonde's mind. She even knew she'd fall even more in love with the younger woman, if that was even possible, and a heartbreak situation would be more likely to occur. She was almost successful too, until JJ yanked one last time and begged.
"Emily, sweetheart please. I need you to kiss me. Please. I need to know this is real."
As Emily rose to her feet and pulled the blonde in for a soul-searching kiss, JJ couldn't stop the tears from falling. Intertwining both hands in Emily's thick hair, she pulled the other agent to her in a bone-crushing embrace as she lost herself in strong yet soft arms.
"Jayj, honey, are you okay?" Emily's concerned voice broke through the JJ's daze and she pulled the brunette even tighter. "Jennifer, I'm not going anywhere. Sweetie, what's wrong?"