She, Lilly Truscott, was afraid of falling.
It didn't seem to matter that she turned herself into a skater girl, falling off her board at the skate park. It didn't matter.
It didn't seem to matter that she made herself a mask, the quirky annoying mask, to hide her deep hurt when she was all alone at night.
It didn't seem to matter…
And that's what hurt her the most.
She had always been afraid of falling. She was afraid of falling in games. Every time her star character fell off the little cliffs it was jumping to and from, she cringes.
Her stomach turns icy when she feels herself fall after a skateboard trick. She wants to cry, but instead, she slips on her mask, making herself laugh along with her skater friends.
She hates the exercise her gym teacher made her do all alone in front of her classmates. She hates when she had to fall backwards, into the arms of someone she doesn't know. She hates that she has to put on her mask, hiding herself from everyone.
She hates falling.
"Lilly…I don't…you know, like you in that way."
She feels her stomach plunge down, down, down.
She feels her mask slipping as she nods perkily, smiling.
"It's okay." she says brightly, ignoring the hurt everywhere.
He nods too, his eyes confused, but gentle.
"It's okay." she repeats, shoving her mask to hide every ounce of the real Lilly.
"Well…uh, okay then. I'll see you later." he walks away, and doesn't look back.
She hates her life. She hates her mask. She hates how strong her hope had become about Oliver. She hates boys don't seem to take an interest in her. She hates how she gained weight. She hates that her mom split up with dad. She hates that her mom just lies around, doing nothing. She hates that Miley isn't around a lot. She hates that her big brother drinks a lot. She hates it all.
She hates falling most of all.
She peers over the balcony railing, amazed to see how far up she was. The hard concrete below looks soft in the moonlight. She giggles, her mask still on.
She hears her radio through the shut window, blaring out Hannah Montana. She sees her brother, walking unsteadily to the porch. She smells barbecue next door. She hears a girl screaming. She sees a slouched figure on a bench. She smells cigarette smoke. Everything is normal and scary at the same time.
She puts one foot on the railing, and lifts herself up on it. She stands unsteadily, and thinks.
She's afraid of falling.
She lets go of the gutter she had been holding.
She's afraid of falling.
She takes a shaky breathe, and steadies herself.
She's afraid of falling.
She takes one look at the shining stars around her,
She's afraid of fall-
and jumps.
She forms a small ball, ignoring the icy cold feeling in her stomach. She closes her eyes and actually, for a slight second, enjoys it. She smiles, and her mask slips off. She laughs as she watches her mask burst into pieces.
She isn't afraid of fall-
She hits the ground, and everything fades away.
Um…did I use too many she's, and whatnot? This is my first HM oneshot/fanfiction, so could you guys tell me what's wrong/cool/creepy about it? Pweeze? This is unusually dark, because I expected it to be kind of light, so…erm…
Oh, and I don't know if I used the right tenses or whatever, so if you guys spot anything weird with something, could you let me know? I might want to revise this, if I get in another angsty mood. Could you guys tell that she was committing suicide after Oliver (you could tell it was Oliver…right?) said he didn't like her, and how falling tied into that? Am I asking too many questions? Review, please!