Thoughts of Souls

Disclaimer: I own nothing, except some books and shinny stuff. And you can't have those! But really Joss owns both Buffy and Angel. I just steal them and make them do what I want.

Pairing: If you have to ask you should just leave now.

Destitution: If anyone actually wants it, they can have it. Just let me know.

Rating: I don't know, G I guess, PG if anything.

Spoilers: everything just to be safe. But the timeline is BtVS s/7 AtS s/4

Summary: Buffy can't feel Angel anymore. She and Dawn head to LA to find out why.

Notes: This was inspired by a fic by DragonKatGal called Splitting of Souls. It is one of me favorite fics ever, and I love a lot of fics. It doesn't really fit with her fic, but still I dedicate this to her. This is my first posted fic, and any and all feedback would be loved and appreciated.

"It toke me a while but I finally figured something out. We are soulmates and always will be. Do you know how I thought of this? Do you want to? Well it all started when he lost his soul on my 17th birthday. You see I know now that I didn't realize he was different because he was still with me. His soul that is. Now no questions it will all make sense in time.

"Where was I? Oh yeah, so I didn't feel him leave cause he was in a sense still with me. His soul stayed by me always, because he knew I was dying without him, he tried to stay near me. But I didn't know that, and so I didn't know why I still felt Angel near when Angelus was here.

"But I felt it when I killed him. Because his soul was dragged to hell with his body. So that is why I broke down, because his soul wasn't there all the time to help me believe that everything was going to be ok, or to comfort me. For the next few months I tried to live without him, and without any of my friends to support me. But I'm weak and moved back home after three.

"Do you know something else I now know, the powers gave him back to me because I said goodbye. Now don't look at me like that, I'm not crazy! Really I'm telling you the truth! I showed that I would live without him if I had to and so they gave him back to me. They said it was a selfless act, or some such thing.

"All I knew at the time though was that I was whole again, and I missed that feeling more than anything else in the world. But that's really beside the point, so he comes back and I'm finally whole again. But then what does he do? He leaves me! For 'my own good', I mean really how does he know what's best for me? The only reason I didn't die then was because he was at least still alive, and I knew he would come back to me eventually. At least I hoped he would. So I stayed in Sunnyhell because of him, and I had boyfriends because of him. But I never moved on, never.

"The next time his soul was in jeopardy it was because someone slipped him a happy pill. I was informed the next day that he was chained up in his room, at which point I told Cordelia that it had probably worn off and he was fine. To which she replied," oh I know he's fine. But he will stay that way for an hour more, just so he knows not to get too happy again." I laughed when she said that.

"When I died would have been his turn to not feel my soul, except for the fact that I wasn't sucked into another dimension, I was just dead. So he didn't feel me leave, and I know he was scared because of that. He didn't know that I had stayed to be with him, I went to heaven first, but I couldn't stay away for long. So he didn't go through the same pain that I did. While I was in heave, The Powers That Be decided that I should know a few things.

"One being how Angel came back to me years ago, which is how I now know. Also they thought it would be nice if I could understand him better, so I 'got' to watch his whole life. And I mean WHOLE. I don't really mind though it helped me, and it was then that I saw his soul stay with me. Thinking about it now I realize that we both did that, he stayed when he lost his soul, and I was with him now. To put it simply if he were to loose his soul with prefect happiness I wouldn't really know. But if something else happened, say his soul was dragged to Hell, I would know.

"And now I don't feel his soul near me, and I don't know what to think. Is he in Hell? Or did something happen with his soul? I don't know, but I do know how I can find out. I'm going to LA."

I looked at her expecting an exclamation or something big, like yelling. But she just looked at me in understanding, and smiled, "So how long will it take to get there?"

My nervousness melted away to show fear and worry, but also love and appreciation. I gave me a small smile and said, "In about half an hour."

And we both settled in for the drive, but I knew that this trip was going to change everything for us. And I smiled.

If anyone wants more or this isn't making any sense review. And I might write more sooner. Kat