EVASIVE MANEUVERS
Chakotay bounded onto the bridge and didn't give the crew two seconds before he demanded, "Report! How many now, Mr. Kim?"
Kim worked frantically at his station. "About twenty of them, Commander."
"About? Ensign Kim, I didn't ask for an estimate, I need to know exactly what we're dealing with!"
"Yes, Sir," he replied as he made further calculations. "Scanners show twenty-three, Sir. Shall I sound a red alert?"
"Yes, all hands to battle stations! Lieutenant Paris, initiate evasive maneuvers."
"Yes, Sir!" Tom replied, "Initiating pattern gamma twelve."
"Tuvok, erect force fields! What's our tactical status?"
"Aye aye, Sir, force fields in place. All stations show battle ready. Commander, shall I raise shields?"
Chakotay checked his panel again and rubbed his forehead. "With twenty-three of them I don't know what good it will do, but go ahead. Adjust shield harmonics for maximum effectiveness." Chakotay stepped to Tuvok's station and quietly said, "Tuvok, with twenty-three of them I don't think we stand a chance, so you had better prepare the escape pods."
Tuvok's expression was grim. "Aye aye, Commander."
As Voyager's bridge began to rumble, Chakotay tired to rush back to his seat, holding onto the railing to keep his footing.
"Commander, shields are failing," Tuvok reported, his voice revealing an uncharacteristic tone of desperation."
Kim frantically held onto his panel, his voice faltering as he said, "Evasive maneuvers ineffective, inertial dampeners offline, force fields collapsing… brace for impact, INCOMING!"
Janeway barged onto the bridge. "What the hell is going on here, who called a red alert and why are you all hiding under your stations? Kim, the turbolift doors were stuck, I had to pry them open with my bare hands and I think I broke a nail, dammit! Get someone up from engineering on the double to fix them and see what you can do about the environmental controls, it's hot as hell in here and the carpets needs to be cleaned too and I want to see all the sensors working at peak efficiency in ten minutes, no make that five, and, Mr. Paris, you need a haircut and have you finished charting our course for the next six months yet? I want to see that on my desk no later than 1800 and won't someone please get Neelix to do something about finding a way to make better fruit salad because I like the kind with the little marshmallows in it and I am sick and tired of leola roots, leola stew, leola chowder, leola goulash, leola hash… I want every last one of the damn things beamed into deep space! Tuvok, why are you just standing there? Go get a tricorder and check all the relays, I think there's something wrong on deck three and the doors to my quarters gave me a shock, so have Vorik look into that and, while he's there, have him fix my sonic shower and see if he can rearrange the furniture so I don't trip over that ugly turquoise chair all the time and tell him to get my replicator to stop burning everything! Chakotay, why haven't you finished the crew evaluations yet? There's only 150 of them and I told you to get it done more than an hour ago, how much time do you need and where's that cargo manifest I asked you for and why aren't the fuel consumption reports on my desk and where the hell did you put my tennis racquet and I want to see you in my ready room now!" She grabbed Chakotay's ear as she dragged him with her. "Commander, I said NOW and can you please explain to me why nobody around here can get anything done, do I have to do everything myself and isn't there some way you can…" Janeway's diatribe was cut off as the doors to her ready room swooshed shut.
Harry staggered to the center of the bridge and collapsed into the big chair. "Gods but I hate it when Janeway's had twenty-three cups of coffee!"
"Twenty-four," Tuvok grimly corrected as he looked up from his scanner and put a phaser to his head.
THE END
07/16/08