Title: The DEATH of Death
Author: G'Vola
Archive: Yes please!
Disclaimer: See end of story for full disclaimer, other wise, I don't own, I don't get paid, I don't get sued.
Rating: PG-13, at worst.
Warnings: I suppose I should say slightly morbid humor and possible confusion, but this is mostly supposed to be funny. Oh, and the capitol letters are just how one of the characters talks. If you know Discworld you know what I mean.
The bar was poorly lit and smokey, a no-questions-asked sort of establishment currently filled with former soldiers and lowlifes. A young man, just out of boyhood, sat hunched over the bar, his rope of hair swinging softly behind him. A tall and slightly ominous figure, clad in deep black, entered the bar and walked quickly to the youth at the bar.
DUO MAXWELL? He asked in a voice like funeral bells, that seemed to burn itself into the mind without bothering to go by the ears.
"Tha's me. Who wants to know?" The young man asked.
AREN'T YOU A LITTLE YOUNG TO BE HERE? The figure asked as he took a seat next to Duo.
"What's age got to do with anything, I've already been through enough crap for three life-times." The youth responded, picking up his glass and taking a long swallow of the contents.
YES. The other man answered. Duo glanced up at him for a moment, really only noting the gaunt look and black clothing of his drinking companion.
"So, any particular reason you're in here?" he asked, beginning a conversation for the first time that evening.
I HAVE BUSINESS IN THE AREA.
"Ah, just taking a break. Same here, well sorta. Ya know, I really wish I could take a break."
OH?
"Yeah, being Shinigami is, unfortunately, a full time job."
SHINIGAMI?
"The God of Death, you know, tall, dressed in black, caries a scythe?" Duo asked, grinning at the person seated next to him. This was not his first drink that night, and he was aware on some level of the effect on his senses.
I KNOW HIM. HE RIDES A HORSE.
"A horse?"
NAMED BINKY.
"Death on a horse named Binky? Now there's something I've never heard before, but I guess it could be true. I mean, who's to say how Death gets around. And he does get around."
YES. IT'S A TIRING JOB.
"But you know what? I'm really sick of him. I mean, like with Heero. He and I are just starting to really enjoy our time together and the old Grim Reaper has to go and take him from me. Just like the church, just like it."
HEERO YUY? AVERAGE HEIGHT, JAPANESE HERITAGE, USED TO RUN ONE OF THOSE GIANT MACHINES?
"The Gundams? Yeah, that'd be Heero, you knew him?"
YES. I MET HIM TWICE.
"Well I'll be damned, not that I'm not already, pleased to meet ya. What did you say your name was?"
UNIMPORTANT RIGHT NOW. I'LL TELL YOU IN A FEW MINUTES.
Duo was too smashed to really care what the person next to him was saying, as long as they listened, "Well, he finally got himself killed. Took a bullet for that twerp of a girl Relena, not that I can really blame him, I mean it was his job, but you'd think that he'd at least think about me before he went and did something like that, ya know?"
BELIEVE ME, HE DID.
"Whatever, you're getting kinda creepy, you know that? I guess you do, why else would you be sitting here and listening to me."
ACUTALLY, YOU'LL UNDERSTAND WHY I'M HERE IN A FEW SECONDS.
Moments after the man spoke the sound of a commotion and gunshots from the street reached the interior of the bar. With a shudder and a jerk the door opened and the fight came inside. [1]
Duo stood, drawing his gun with a shaking hand and taking aim at one of the entering brawlers. Several more shots rang out before some one threw something causing a bright flash and a deafening bang. Duo was thrown backwards and lost awareness for a long moment.
When he came too he felt a cold, bony, hand on his arm, gently helping him to stand. He looked up to see his bar companion standing next to him in a black cowl. He looked around him, disoriented momentarily from the explosion of what must have been a grenade. His senses didn't seem at all muddled by the alcohol now, actually they seemed clearer then they ever had been before. "Thanks man, I was a little worried there for a minute."
ABOUT WHAT?
"Well that I might die, you know? Not something I'm looking forward to."
I'D SAY YOU WERE LOOKING BACK AT IT.
"What?" He asked in confusion, before looking where one white, skeletal hand was pointing. There he could make out what had once been his body, now a bloody mess on the bar room floor.
ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE MYSELF, I BELIEVE I'M CALLED SHINIGAMI IN THIS AREA, BUT MOST JUST CALL ME DEATH.
"Death, huh? What took you so long, I thought that you would have picked me up sooner." Duo demanded as the bar seemed to fade into an extremely washed out back ground.
IT WASN'T YOUR TIME. TECHINICALLY NEITHER IS THIS, BUT I'M AFRAID YOUR FRIEND CAN BE RATHER STUBBORN.
Death stepped aside to reveal a pale, translucent even, figure that bore a striking resemblance to "Heero?"
The figure nodded grimly, before smirking, "Sorry, but I couldn't handle haunting you for the rest of your unnaturally long and miserable life."
"Aw, gee, I'm touched." Duo responded sarcastically, not entirely sure how he felt about Heero making a deal with Death to end his life prematurely.
BELIEVE ME, IT'S BETTER THIS WAY. YOU TOO HAVE A NICE AFTER LIFE SET UP FOR YOU.
"An afterlife?"
YES, FOLLOWED BY REINCARNATION IF I'M NOT MISTAKEN. NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, BEING DEATH IS A TWENTY FOUR HOUR JOB.
The hooded figure snapped his fingers and a white horse rode onto the astral plane, standing at attention next to the real Grim Reaper. With one last glance over his bony shoulder the figure rode off and was promptly gone.
"So it's not true what you said?"
"About what?"
"About never lying, about being Shinigami."
"Oh, that's just Gramps having his fun. It's all in the family.[2]" The braided ghost winked at his late lover. "Now, I do believe we have an eternity to spend together?"
"Yes, that was the impression I got too..."
And they, well not exactly lived, more not-lived happily ever after for the rest of eternity.
[1] This is contrary to the popular laws of physics that dictate a fight will start in the bar and work it's way outside.
[2] It has been proven that some genetics are not inherited biologically, rather through, for lack of a better term, the soul. The foremost example of this would be Susan Sto-Helit, the actual granddaughter of Death in the books. Who's to say Duo isn't a distant descendant?
Disclaimer: I am not a Japanese animator or a British author, so there is no way that I could own Gundam Wing or the Discworld, but I am a fanfiction writer and will exert my rights as such. Author's Note: I just finished Terry Pratchett's "Thief of Time" and I decided that it was high time Death met Shinigami. I'm actually quite surprised that this hasn't been done before (to my knowledge). There will probably be other stories in this vein if this one is well received.
Oh, to the people reading 'Workaholics Anon.' My internet is down, (I uploaded this at school), and I'll have to get back to you as soon as I can with the epilog. The sequel won't be coming until summer because I have *another* vacation coming up, this one a month long. Can anyone believe that I just want to stay home and write? Ah, the bane of families... I'll stop griping now, please review!!