Disclaimer: I own nothing. All characters and stories belong to NBC and Dick Wolf.
A/N: Post Rescue. Olivia's feelings on the aftermath of losing Calvin. The broken heart of my beloved Olivia Benson. Please review. Thanks. Love, Lawabidingchild.
Tears Spilled Over
Olivia stood breathless and unmoving, tears swimming in her eyes. She was even to the point where they were going to fall, and once that happened, her arm moved to catch them. Her body began to shake with fury and her mind began to race in confusion. She wouldn't let anyone see her like this, especially Elliot, who was standing right behind her at that very moment, watching her fall to pieces. Calvin had somehow slipped from her arms and into the custody of Child Services. The worst part about that was they could let Vivian do that to her child. Vivian is his biological mother, but she doesn't love him. If he died, she wouldn't care. Olivia was the one that deserved him.
And Olivia let those rants consume her head. She wouldn't turn around, wouldn't seek the comfort of anyone. She just wanted that little boy back with her. She wanted to help him become who he wants to be. She wants to save him. She wants to help him come back to the world and maybe stop picking fights at school. Vermont with elderly grandparents who might hate the boy is not as good as being in New York City with someone who loves him as much as Olivia did. He needed that love. Vivian nor anyone else could ever give that to him.
She found herself sinking to the floor, taking with her her composure and her sanity. Her body no longer obeyed her mind. She lost control of every single emotion that she could come up with. He body shook with heaving sobs and a retching breath. Her hands flung to her eyes as she sobbed harder and harder. Her body didn't move the way she wanted it to.
The worst part was that her partner was witnessing her mental breakdown.
All these emotions and feelings were new to Olivia. She never experienced a mother's love before, but now she got the chance to, and the system took it away.
Elliot watched her, his heart breaking with every single tear she shed. He was going to stop her from keeping Calvin, but once he realized that this was what Olivia wanted more than anything else in the entire world, he couldn't help but stand there and hate watching his partner fall apart. The events that unfolded out in front of them during that case didn't make it any easier on Olivia. The fact that Vivian said she was a bad influence on Calvin made Elliot hate her even more. He couldn't understand why someone would crush the dreams of another person just because that person tried to do the right thing. Sure Olivia arrested Vivian's girlfriend, but that was only because Vivian's girlfriend confessed to the murder of Walter Burlock. That was the only reason. The right thing was to arrest the one responsible. What happened after that was just a fluke.
Elliot still stared dumbfounded at his partner. She was looking at the ground, sobbing. He could hear her faint whisper of "I'm sorry. I'm sorry." echo through the silent precinct. Everyone turned to stare, until Elliot glared at each person until they gave up, looking for the right way to comfort her. He was also pretty sure that if anyone was staring at her, she was going to punch them in the nose. He just saved a few people.
When he finally got the courage, he moved to Olivia's side. "Liv," he whispered, "Everything's going to be okay."
"No it won't, El," she sobbed.
"Yes it will," he cooed.
"No it won't," she confirmed. "When you and Kathy were separated, at least you got visitation rights. I'll never get to see him again. I've been barred from any contact with Calvin."
Elliot, not being able to take any more of this infernal sobbing, pulled Olivia close to him and clung on until the tears subsided long enough for her to stand up and, God forbid, go home to an empty apartment.