DAMMIT, I HATE MABLE!
I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!
...III...
ANNOUNCEMENT!
I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!
SUMMARY:
On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!
The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! Xilbris is the publisher, also available at Amazon, Inkitt and BarnesandNoble.
...responses...
Gamelover41592: I'll take care of it now
RasenganFin: Sorry, couldn't find the message that explained it in more detail and I couldn't remember.
The Howling Behemoth: huh, good idea. Thanks
...
All the residents of Gravity Falls had gathered at the townhall to see their new mayor, at first it seemed like Tyler Cutebiker would be in charge...but then he slipped on an icy patch and got decapitated...and now a completely unknown by the name of Stanley Lenderman was in office.
At first he just did some weird things...like make polygamy legal, lower the age of consent to 12 and any lumberjack girls who marry will be allowed to chop the 'golden forest'(called the Wendip initiative)
Both Dipper and Wendy blush at this...
And to encourage inter-class relationships any rich girl that marries a poor boy will have their family's wealth tripled-
"Works for me!" Shouts Preston Northwest as the Dipifica initiative was passed...much to Pacifica and Dipper's embarrassment.
Then things...got dark.
All 'cute' pigs will be euthanized.
All colorful sweaters are banned
All 'crazy' girls will be publicly flogged.
All braces are now outlawed and will be ripped from mouths
Everyone just gaped in horror at these new laws...especially Mable. Dipper summoned up his courage and pipped up, "uh, sir? All these laws seem hostile toward my sister Mable-
"OH! Don't get me started on Mable!" Shouts the ordinary looking man onstage.
"Okay." Said Stan with a grunt.
"She's the worst part of this whole thing!" Continues the man as the room is filled with song while he groans-
(music starts)
Oh, dammit, I hate Mable!
The room gasps
That's right, I said it.
(No!)
Shouts everyone.
I do, I hate Mable.
(Why?)
Asks a shocked Dipper.
Because I just don't get it
How a spoiled little brat who thinks Param is a llama
Is constantly escaping some much needed karma
Oh, dammit, I hate Mable!
She's suffocating to the absurd,
but Oh, no, the 'great' Mable
That little turd
She has no Sense about when her loved one's are in danger
They would do best to exchange her for a thumb.
The bitch doesn't care that her poor friend's black eye is now numb!
He sings while pointing to a now bewildered Wendy-
Several of Mable's friends jump up to defend her in chorus form-
How can you say that? How can you say that?
(It's easy, your all thinking it. She's a hypocritical, little prick)
Don't be a penis, her comedy is a genius
(Oh, come on, you only like her when Dipper sucks her dick!)
Dipper and Mable vomit...
Candy walks up and begins to sing in a bishonen way-
But the love they have for each other is brilliant, I know it.
Such platonic love is worthy of great poets
The man rolls his eyes...
A labler wouldn't be able to do them justice as they bring joy to our lives...
(Uh, huh. And what will happen when their forty and enabler/co-dependent 'love' is STILL preventing them from living their own lives?)
Candy frowned on that confused...
"Uh...let me think about that..."
Admitted Candy awkwardly.
The man just shakes his head
You should hate Mable
Everyone gasps
(Well, I don't, I try to congratulate Mable)
Said Candy stubbornly.
with a person who'd throw you under the bus for a pig could you truly call her a friend?
Mocks the man.
Sheesh, what's put you around the bend?
Asks Pacifica astounded.
It was around the time she was dumb enough to split up the group inside a creepy bunker!
Admits the man.
A chorus of friends once more jump to her defense-
How can you say that? How can you say that?
She's loyal, courageous and cares about us all!
You wish she would praise you, we know she'd daze you.
(I just want to punch her in the BAAAALLLLLSSSS!)
Mable whimpers as she covers her groin.
Candy steps up to the man.
"You can't deny all the good she's done: piggy play time, cat-pictures, knitting circle kung-fu-
And that's another thing I hate about Mable!
Shouts the man as he tosses Candy away.
Is all that twits who gush about Mable
And how they prattle on even when she's had NO accomplishments without Dipper's help
Well la-di-da-di-da
And once they start the gushing
There's no stopping them and then it's
Blah-blah-blah-blah-blah Mable
And she walks in it's
Dum-de-dum-ta-da Mable!
She's holding court and she say's:
He begins in a mocking/baby-voice.
"I'm such a great matchmaker even though my dating record is a joke!
And forget about me helping my brother Dipper find love because even though he saves my life I think he's such a joke!"
And they're all "ooh" and she's all "stop"
And they're all "cute" and I'm all "*retch*!"
And you know that Dipper will still be babysitting her when she's EIGHTY!
He suddenly flings his podium to the ground
And oh, oh, oh!
He smashes his podium enraged and stomps it to bit's.
Oh, I hate MABLE!
Everyone sighs exasperated.
(I think by now, we sort of Know you hate Mable)
YOUR DAME RIGHT!
The way she's skeptical of all things supernatural even after two seasons.
The way she refuses to learn any lessons no matter the reasons
The way everything HAS to revolve around her even though she doesn't do shit
An ungrateful little bitch who I just can't tolerate
The poster child for why No one should ever procreate
Let me make a shorter list And I will give it to you straight
Every little thing about Mable
Is what I hate!
Against their better judgement, the chorus begins again-
(Hates, he hates)
(He clearly surely, really, truly)
(Hates Mable!)
Don't hate!
Shouts Mable.
CRACK!
And gets a chair to her face for her troubles...
…III...
TO BE CONTINUED?
AN: The song is a parody of 'God I hate Shakespeare' by 'something Rotten'
AN: I know it says "in-progress" but really I just don't like boxing myself into a corner. For now this is more of a one-shot that I might continue one day...but probably won't.
But, hey. Feel free to use whatever elements you want from this, if you want! Or maybe give me ideas?
Love me, flame me, review me