Goofy gets the girl
Extreme Mickey was tearing through Disneyland under the control of the great frozen head of sir Walter Disney. Thew beast was one hundred and seven feet tall when staring straight up at him and wore giant clog shoes made of baked ham and the souls of small African children who had never since been baptized thus leaving them open to demonic possession. The creature's arms were made of waving skeletal limbs and each were tipped with wide white gloved hands and seven foot long metallic claws. Its eyes were as red as the blood of a sacrificed goat and festering fetid breath like sour milk and anguished tears poured from both its mouth and nostrils.
Before the abominable behemoth stood a trio of heroes. Goofy the goof dog humanoid, Donald the duck, and Sora the retarded magic kid who has swords made from keys.
"Garsh fellas, I don't think we're in Epcot anymore," said Goofy as he threw a can of baked beans at the monster's shoes thinking that would help somehow. "And I don't think we're going to win this fight."
"Don't make me rape your sweet mouth hole, dogman," Sora whispered back while swinging his key-chain sword around like a five year old child at a bad convention center vying for a spot in the photo-shoot amongst all the other older fatter more deformed cosplayers and their mothers.
"Both of you need to shut the hell up. I'm trying to summon der Führer," growled Donald through his bizarre duck language that nobody could bother to understand or give two shits about what he was saying.
A summon circle surrounded him and so did a bright light and many circular orbs of sparkling lights as well as the spell was cast. In a flash of brilliant glitter and magical particles Hitler appeared. But he was not ordinary Hitler. He was the fantastical Super Esper Aeon Guardian Force Eidolon Hitler.
He had in addition to his wondrous mustache and fetish uniform that gals so love, seventeen wings made of gold spread out in all directions, a crown of thorns and rabbit teeth, many many belt buckles and leather straps, thigh high stiletto heel boots, silver bling chains, flowing purple hair with forty five earrings and the lip ring he got from his sexy girlfriend who wasn't going to let him borrow it at first but he begged and she was tired that night she she said fuck it and let him take it but told him not to get it dirty.
And then he attacked.
With the power of EUGENICS!
And Extreme Mickey was blinded by his own genetic worthlessness for a few chaotic minutes until he remembered he was EXTREME FUCKIN' MICKEY and the greatest creation the world had ever known under the direction of the one true leader of the human race. And he swiped down with his massive claws and turned the duckman into a fine bloody paste. Thus his summon power faded and ultra cool stupid jetpackless Hitler dispersed into a rain of a bazillion Matza balls which the children ran out and danced in.
"Oh shit son!" exclaimed Goofy at at that very moment upon foreseeing their imminent doom and crapped his shorts so hard the street beneath his feet broke open and unleashed a flurry of winged gremlins from deep within the earth's core. The winged gremlins hovered around Extreme Mickey catching his attention and drawing it away from the remaining two heroes. Which was a good thing. So Extreme Mickey was waving his scary arms around at all the gremlins as they flew into his face and shit.
Goofy and Sora ran behind a bus for safety just then, but then Goofy began to fondle Sora because it had been so long since he had gotten any. And Sora started crying and feeling very uncomfortable.
"I just want to touch you were it feels good! It won't hurt!" shouted Goofy.
"No, you're a bad dogman and I hate you. You remind me of my uncle Willy because that's what he said and then after it was over he never ever returned my calls," sobbed Sora.
"Goddammit. Fine," said Goofy and ran back out from the bus and into a crowd of old ladies.
Meanwhile a few blocks away Cloud was taking a dump.
Back to the story.
"Just eat them you pathetic pile of parts and decayed dreams from my youth!" screeched king Disney from within the chest cavity cockpit of his monstrous herald.
Extreme Mickey started to catch and jam the flying creatures into his gaping maw. He found them quite delicious much like tender pork loin and began consuming forcefully until there were no more. Then he roared loudly as his hunger had been set into motion. So he began stepping toward the groups of tiny flesh and blood filled humans on the streets below.
"On no. Not the people! He's going to eat them," said Goofy seeing what was in store for everyone. "And then he's going to eat me! OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDD!" he screamed dramatically and yet with little enthusiasm. Like a bad actor in a horrible movie. About Trollls. Even though they were really Goblins.
But luckily Sora got over his fear of pedophiles and ran to save Goofy before he was crushed under foot by the bloated financial disaster. He pushed Goofy out of the way and struck with his key blade sword, slicing the beast in twade. And candy popped out. Along with the enraged head of the true Führer Mr. Disney himself.
"YOU WHORES! YOU ANIMAL WHORES! WITH YOUR MUSIC AND YOUR TOLERANCE OF LEFT WING COMMUNIST BABY KILLERS!" he screamed at the top of his vocal cords which was strange because he was only a head and there were no lungs to pump air through them. Oh well. Who cares. He was mad.
So Goofy and Sora looked down at the fallen villain and then Sora said something dramatic that I choose not to write and stepped on the head and crushed it like a loud squealing grape. Full of brains.
And then Goofy looked at Sora and Sora looked up at Goofy. And in that moment a feeling of true emotional happiness and oneness with each other's souls filled both of them. And Goofy and Sora kissed. And then Goofy took Sora back behind the bus and stuck it in his pooper and Sora found out he liked it. And they were happy and lived in Goofy's mother's basement and spend all day online bitching out and laughing at the shitty mic raping twelve year olds on Halo. And they wanted to get married but that was illegal so they just said fuck it and went back to their delicious sin and Goofy stuck it in Sora's pooper every night and sometimes Sora got to stuck it in Goofy's mouth and swirl it around all nice while watching Golden Girls. Because they were bored.
But little did they know that Mr. Disney's head could just regenerate itself and went on another killing spree in Haloweentown and took over the body of Jack Skellington and forced him to whore out his likeness at Hot Topic so he could make enough money to buy a robot body and then he came back to Goofy's mother's house and broke down the bedroom door where Goofy and Sora were putting it in each others pooper's and he said,
"AWAY WITH THEE VILE SCUM!" and shot his lasers at them and killed them by slicing through both their heads. And then he took pictures of the dead bodies and put them on ED in the gallery.
And then he ruled the earth with an iron fist and everyone was happy because they were already being ruled by him all along they just didn't know it.
THE END