Brittany smiles. Santana scowls. Brittany is my friend. Santana wants to kick me. Brittany brought stray puppies scraps after lunch each day. Santana bought stray puppies, skinned them, and then wore them as formal wear. Brittany believes in unicorns and magic. Santana believes in crushing those beliefs with a mallet. Brittany is Snow White. Santana is the Wicked Queen.
Which is why I'm so utterly freaking confused to find them kissing in the Glee room. Just, in their Cheerio's uniforms, kissing like it's totally normal and everything's FINE and me and my perfect prada sweater and Mercedes and her neon raybans aren't RIGHT THERE with our jaws on the ground.
"Hi Kurtie!" Brittany looks up and grins at me. Santana sends me a glare that would wilt flowers...but she's scared. There's one whole second where Santana Lopez' face runs from complete fear to relief that "at least it's the other gay kid" to her usual bitchiness. I don't think I've ever seen so many emotions on her face.
"Kurt. Mercedes." Santana says coldly. She looks us up and down, glaring, but thinking. "If you so much as utter a peep to anyone, I'll make your lives living hell..." she sees Mercedes go for her phone in her pocket. "PUT THAT PHONE DOWN MERCEDES!" Cedes drops her phone with a clatter, the unsent text on the screen forgotten. I catch the words 'Y'all never will believe', before I turn my attention back to the kissing girls, and think about how most boys would give up a day at The Red Door Spa to see this. Well, actually, they'd probably do something more along the lines of fighting and grunting.
"Kurtie, you can't tell a soul. It's a secret for now."
"And forever."
"But Saaaaaaaan!" whines Brittany. Her face drops, and it's obvious she'd like nothing more than to be able to hold Santana's hand in the hallways and kiss her before she goes to class. It's heartwrenching. Santana turns to me, moving Brittany off her lap.
"You--you wouldn't have wanted anyone to out you before you were ready. Kurt, please. Don't do that to us. Please, I just…if not for me, then for Brittany, just…"
...DID SANTANA LOPEZ JUST SYMPATHIZE WITH ME AND SAY PLEASE?!?! DID HER BITCH SWITCH JUST TURN OFF?! OH MY GOD. THIS IS UNPRECEDENTED. THIS IS LIKE IF I WERE TO KISS A GIRL. THIS IS LIKE IF JUSTIN BEIBER'S VOICE DROPPED. THIS IS…
My train of thought stops as something in her eyes softens as she looks at Brittany, who is complimenting Mercedes sunglasses, and saying something about cupcakes for secret keeping powers. She catches me and it dissapears like Britney Spears career. Well, she's probably just washed up, but whatever.
"I won't tell a soul, Santana. I promise. Personally, I think you ought to, but I won't do it for you." What can I say, I simply gotta speak, my mouth's a runner. Oh, Barbara Streisand. Mercedes hears this and turns around. She puts her hand on her jean clad hip. I know that move. She's either making a deal or shit is about to hit the fan.
"But you better start being a little nicer to us or we might forget we promised not to tell about y'all and your lesbian love escapades, got it?" It was a deal move.
"She'll be much nicer. I'm trying to get her to be nicer, but it doesn't always work." This does not surprise me in the slightest, and from the look I share with Cedes, it doesn't surprise her either. "We gotta go. I just came back to grab my oscar de la renta jacket and then we're going for smoothies." …okay, fine, it's a knockoff. But it's really good and was well priced so I got it. Don't judge me.
"I love smoothies!" squeals Brittany. "Oh, can we come!? It'll be like a double date except there's only one couple and one bff's!"
"I don't want to go with them, Brit." Santana folds her arms and glares. Gee, whatever happened to being nice? I guess her bitch switch is back on.
"Saaaaaaaaan!"
"Hey Santana..." singsongs Cedes, "If you don't come with us, it's not nice and it'll make Brittany sad. If you make Brittany sad and aren't nice, we might forget about keeping you two a secret." It's said in a sarcastic tone but, call me straight if I'm wrong, there's a little intent there, too.
And that's how Mercedes, Brittany, Santana and I ended up going out for smoothies every day after Glee. Don't worry, I'm still in shock too.