Pretense

By: Kasumi H.

-x-

In a world full of lies made by ourselves

(Are we being protected or destroyed?)

-x-

The door to her room was closed. Not that it came as a surprise. She had been expecting that, so she marched right in, not even bothering to knock. The sight that met her blue eyes, again, did not surprise her. Her initial reaction was to frown, but she ended up smiling for reasons she was not entirely sure.

"Fate-chan, it's morning!"

Her cheerful announcement was met with no response. The blonde on the bed slept on peacefully. An exasperated sigh escaped her lips as she made her way towards her best friend. Gently, she sat herself down at the edge of the bed.

"Sleepyhead," she teased softly.

Silence fell as she gazed at the sleeping expression of her best friend. Her eyes softened as thoughts of everything and nothing ran through her mind. She stayed like that for a while. It was the voice of her device that eventually snapped her out of her thoughts.

"Master, it is time."

It took a moment for her to collect herself. Her hand brushed over the crimson orb that hung around her neck, her way of silently thanking her partner in battle. Slowly, almost unwillingly, she stood up.

"Well, Fate-chan, time for me to go. Really, you need to get up soon."

Kissing her gently on the cheek, Combat Instructor Takamachi Nanoha turned and exited the room.

And so ended her daily morning routine. A routine that started ever since Fate returned from her last mission. A routine that started approximately half a year ago.

-x-

The sharp shrill of a whistle rang through the training grounds.

"All right, that's enough for today. Good job, everyone! Enjoy the remainder of the afternoon."

"Thank you, ma'am!"

The combat instructor nodded and smiled at the new recruits. She had decided to give them a small break today, choosing to end off early instead of taking them all the way into the evening. They still had much to learn, but they were definitely a talented bunch. Watching her students saunter off to their respective dorm rooms, she eventually found herself looking up at the sky. It was cloudy.

It was about to rain.

-x-

It started as a drizzle. Then it began to pour.

Both surprisingly and unsurprisingly, she found herself outside her best friend's room again, dripping wet from head to toe. No doubt the enforcer would fuss over her if she saw her. She smiled at the thought. Her hand reached for the doorknob when a voice called out her.

"Nanoha!"

She turned around. And she smiled again. A different smile from the one that appeared moments before. Something was off about it. It wasn't obvious, most people wouldn't notice. But for someone who had known her for over 10 years, the person standing in front did notice. Yet this person chose not to comment about it. They were both breaking inside. There was no need to cause further damage.

"Arf-san, how are you today?"

There was a brief pause before the Familiar answered, "Energetic as always! But look at you! You're completely wet. You're going to make a mess if you just walked in like that."

Nanoha laughed and scratched her cheek with her index finger in a sheepish manner.

"I don't think Fate-chan would mind?" she offered meekly.

For a moment, Arf didn't reply. She merely regarded the young woman in front of her. And then, finally, as if in resignation, she spoke.

"She probably wouldn't. But I would."

-x-

A game of pretend. That was what she was playing.

A game that became more difficult with each passing day.

A game that was slowly killing her.

A game that had no end in sight.

-x-

It shouldn't have come as a surprise. It was an accident waiting to happen.

"What were you thinking, Nanoha-chan!?"

Nanoha opened her mouth to reply, only to be cut off.

"No, what was I thinking? I knew I should've taken you off duty!"

The brunette in front of her started pacing back and forth. Nanoha watched silently on her hospital bed, slightly amused at the scene in front of her. Her best friend was overreacting. Which, if she really thought about it, didn't seem like the usual Hayate that she knew. But that was precisely it. She didn't think about it. She had stopped thinking about a lot of things since that incident.

"Hayate-chan, it was an accident. You're making a big deal out of nothing--"

"It is a big deal! You were out for three days! Three days! I thought you were going to become like--"

Hayate froze. Nanoha tensed. The incomplete sentence hung heavily above their heads.

A moment passed. Neither spoke. And then, Nanoha found herself doing something completely unexpected. She laughed. Because Fate often laughed sheepishly when caught in awkward situations.

Until she found herself being embraced by Hayate. The shorter girl knew what she was trying to do. Who she was thinking of. But something didn't feel right.

"Stop…stop doing this to yourself, Nanoha-chan."

"What…?"

"…You're crying."

-x-

There was a limit to how many lies she could tell herself.

There was a limit to how many lies she could make up and believe as though they were truths.

There was a limit to how much she could pretend that everything was okay when nothing was.

And she had reached that limit.

-x-

Enforcer Fate T. Harlaown was last on a mission 5 months and 15 days ago.

5 months and 15 days ago, an officer was caught in an accident when trying to apprehend a wanted criminal who held a child hostage. While the child was successfully rescued and criminal arrested, the accident that took place had left the officer with severe injuries.

That officer fell into a comatose state. And she has yet to wake up.

-x­-

Her clear blue eyes were dull and distant as she sat by Fate's bed. She stared blankly at the blonde's slumbering expression. A tired smile appeared on her lips.

"You always had problems getting up early in the morning, ne, Fate-chan?"

The tired smile faded as she went on.

"But it's not morning anymore. And you're still asleep. You never took naps. You said it messes up your rhythm." Her voice began to crack. "…I thought…I thought if I only visited you in the mornings, I could pretend that…you are merely asleep…"

A sob broke free. Tears fell.

"But I can't do it anymore. I don't know why I was here yesterday in the afternoon. When I saw you, I couldn't take it anymore. Fate-chan…"

The pain was unbearable.

"Open your eyes… Please… Fate-chan…"

She knew her plea – her wish – would go unanswered. But she couldn't help but hope. Hope that maybe, just maybe, it would be granted. That things would return to normal, that things will be all right again.

-x-

"The more you hope, the harder you fall."

Nanoha frowned at her best friend.

"You're supposed to be cheering me up, Fate-chan."

The blonde smiled. "I am."

Fate took Nanoha's hands in her own. "You won't fall. And even in the unlikely case that you do, I'll be there to catch you. So it's okay to hope. Always."

-x-

Nanoha's entire body shook at the memory. "Fate-chan… you liar."

She had hoped. And she had fallen. With no one to catch her. With nothing to break her fall.

Her wish went unanswered. Fate's eyes remained closed.

-x-

The sound of the door opening alerted her of another presence entering the room. Her tears have long dried, but she didn't turn around.

"There you are."

Nanoha didn't need to move from her position to know who had spoken.

"You shouldn't leave your room without notifying anyone, you know. We'll worry about you."

"I'm sorry." A pause. "But it's not like I'll be anywhere else."

Silence fell. Hayate didn't know how to reply.

-x-

With the limit reached, her world of pretense cracked.

It shattered before anyone could do anything about it.

With no barriers protecting her from the harsh reality, she found herself drowning.

She withstood for 5 months and 15 days, breaking only bit by bit, day by day.

Some thought it was formidable that she even lasted this long.

A foolish thought.

There was nothing formidable, nothing glorifying about any of this.

-x-

"Let's go, Nanoha-chan. You should be resting."

Hayate did not know whether to be relieved or horrified when the Ace of Aces nodded obediently. She had been expecting some sort of resistance; to hear words of protest. Yet she received none. Ignoring the fear that built up – the fear that Nanoha was broken beyond repair – she helped her injured friend stand from her chair.

And so they moved towards the door in silence. In pain. In sadness. In confusion.

A slight finger movement was made.

But neither noticed.

--Pretense END--


Author's Notes: So, uh, hi. You have reached the end of this story. If you're looking for a happy fluffy ending, I am afraid there is none. However, I do believe it should be clear as to who's finger movement I was referring to at the end. As to why they didn't notice… I leave that to your speculations.

This fic is unbeta-ed, so if you notice any errors, do point it out and I'll get to it as quickly as I can.

Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed it.

Reviews are highly appreciated!

~Kasumi