Reaffirmation

A Saiyuki fan fiction by Poison Butterfly

Disclaimer: I do not own Saiyuki.

Pairing: Sanzo/Goku

WARNING: The following story contains a scene of two males being sexually intimate with each other. However, the description is not graphic, so I believe that this warrents only a "lime" rating, and therefore only "R." According to this, it should be acceptable by ff . net without a problem.

Also, please do not be confused - this story IS posted on other websites under another name. This is the same author, only she decided to use her other ff . net account for this story.

Somehow, they always ended up like this.

It never seemed to fail, no matter who started or who would finish – they would always find one's back pressed into the other's chest as they slowly drifted off to sleep. That position was how they lay now – exhausted from their activities earlier in the evening.

Sanzo opened his eyes slowly as he felt the one beside him stir. Unlike him, the other did not wake up, only moving enough to change the position of his head. Chestnut hair tickled the end of the priest's nose. The contact caused him to inhale quickly, bringing the scent of his bed partner to his attention. His smell reminded Sanzo of the outdoors – of one who had been born outside and lived a great deal of their life there. Thinking back over what he knew of Goku's past, that assumption actually made sense. He found himself pulling the earth spirit closer, wanting to take in more of his lover's unique scent. A second sample brought the musk that surrounded their bodies to his attention. The reminder of their lovemaking brought a ghost of a smile to his face.

It never ceased to amaze him how Goku always had plenty of energy, and it extended to everything he did. Goku had not been Sanzo's first lover, but he had been by far the most vivacious. The earth spirit always sought to please his master, and this did not change while they were in bed. Sanzo knew that Goku always fought to gain his favor, but he never had had a lover so eager to please him before. He sometimes wondered if it had to do with the almost-childlike honesty that was a part of Goku's personality – there were very few people in the world that could claim that they had motives as pure as the earth spirit's.

It was because of this that Sanzo had held off on them having any sort of physical relationship for years. Despite being almost 500 years his senior, Sanzo had not thought that Goku was ready for that level of relationship when he himself was. It led him to relieve his sexual frustrations in other venues, and while at the time it had felt good, in the end he regretted them. He never got what he really wanted, and in the end he only felt worse.

Goku had been the one to approach him, not the other way around. It was how the priest had wanted it – when Goku believed he was ready for it then they both would be. However, he had not realized how different it would feel to be with the one you had wanted for so long until he actually had been. It was… indescribable. His care for his other lovers existed only on a physical level – his emotional attachment to them was nothing like it was with Goku. Opposites though they were, Goku a heretic punished by Heaven and himself a supposedly holy man, they completed one another. Sanzo had denied his attachment in an effort to stay true to his master's teachings, but he realized that in Goku's case it was impossible.

The earth spirit moved suddenly, catching Sanzo's attention. He was shivering, as if he had been caught out in the cold. Neither the covers, nor the close proximity of the boy's keeper, seemed to alleviate it. It was not a cold time of the year – in fact it was unseasonably warm for a spring evening such as this. Earlier in the evening Sanzo even had to open the window. Frowning, he made sure that they blankets were in place so that Goku wouldn't feel a draft. It didn't help.

The brunette shifted again, trying to find some sort of comfort, but none seemed to come.

"No…" he whispered. A hand went to cover his already-closed eyes – trying to block something from the sight in his dream. "No… please…" Body tensing, Goku curled into a fetal position. When Sanzo saw that this behavior did not go away, he allowed his hand to lightly touch the boy's shoulder. Goku used to constantly have nightmares after he had first found him, but over time they had become much less frequent. When the two of them had decided to pursue their relationship in a romantic manner, the dreams came in even rarer moments. And… when they had started to sleep together, Sanzo thought that the nightmares had disappeared forever. Goku had begun to get a better night's rest. He was much less prone to small bouts of depressed silences after waking, making him even more exuberant.

Sanzo didn't want to see that aspect of Goku vanish. While he did not admit it even to his own lover, it was Goku's demeanor that had been the main quality that had attracted him.

The hand touching the boy's shoulder slowly traveled down the length of the arm. Goku's trembling did not cease, which surprised Sanzo. Either Goku was in the deepest slumber he had ever been in (usually he would calm down when Sanzo touched him in his sleep), or this was a different kind of nightmare. The priest wondered what in the world could scare his charge so badly – he always seemed to dream of being in Mt. Gogyo. He knew that Goku's greatest fear was to be alone – the earth spirit couldn't stand it.

Sanzo lightly took the hand Goku was using to cover his eyes into his own grasp and lowered both of them to the boy's chest. Leaning in slightly, the blonde pressed his lips into the nape of Goku's neck.

In that moment the tremors seemed to almost completely stop, and Sanzo realized that Goku had woken up.

"Sanzo?" he said weakly, seemingly unsure of his surroundings.

"What?" he kept his voice carefully measured, only showing a fraction of the concern he really felt. Any more and it wouldn't have been like him. Goku shifted so that he was now on his back, the whole time letting Sanzo keep hold of his hand. His head finally tilted so that they could look into each other's faces. The blonde felt his eyes widen slightly when he realized how pale Goku's face was.

"You're here…"

Sanzo's eyebrows rose in amusement. "This is our bed and it's the middle of the night," he stated reasonably. "Of course I'm here, baka."

When Sanzo heard no objection to his insult, he began to get suspicious. Goku just stared back at him, almost through him – like he was trying to focus on something else.

"You weren't there," Goku whispered. "I tried to find you but you weren't there. No one I asked knew who you were – and when I found Gojyo and Hakkai they said they didn't know what I was talking about." His eyes clenched shut. "They said I must have only imagined you, and to stop chasing someone who wasn't real."

Sanzo had the sudden urge to go find their other companions and beat the crap out of them. He knew that the ones who informed Goku had only been imaginary, but that wasn't the point.

"I couldn't find you," he repeated. "It didn't make sense. You were the one who set me free… if you weren't real I'd still be there..." Goku shuddered at the thought of his former confinement. "I would rather have never left than wander around forever and not be able to find you."

The statement was unusually profound for the boy, and the emotion behind it was veiled with pain. It took a moment for Sanzo to regain composure from within his mind before he trusted himself to say anything.

"Don't be ridiculous," he scoffed. "If I'm not real, then who is holding your hand?"

Goku looked at their hands incredulously, as if he hadn't noticed them before that moment. Sanzo knew that he didn't often show such obvious forms of affection, but it didn't mean he was inept. Loosing the grip on Goku's hand, he intertwined their fingers together.

"I…" The earth spirit never had a chance to finish his statement. Sanzo had heard enough. Shifting so that he had more room to work with, the priest partially covered Goku's body with his own. He only paused for a brief second, their faces only inches apart. Sanzo was about to move, but in that moment it was Goku who took the initiative. Raising his head, could feel the earth spirit put all of his emotion into a passionate kiss. It was as if he was trying to express his gratitude in a single act. Sanzo returned it, trying to equal the ardor that was being bestowed on him. A challenge, for sure, to try to match the energy of a lover whose alter ego was known as the Great Sage Equal to Heaven. Not that the high and mighty Genjo Sanzo would ever back down from such a challenge. He smirked as the kissed ended. There were ways of dominating someone even if they were physically stronger, and over his relationships he had figured out several tricks. The priest was not going to let the mere fact that he was only human put a hindrance on his bedroom activities.

He let Goku kiss him again, deciding that this time tonight they would go a bit slower. They were still tired from their first round, and he felt that Goku needed a slower pace at the moment, no matter how much energy he might have on reserve. The earth spirit didn't object – he only pushed their lips more firmly together. Sanzo moved himself so that he was on all fours, his lover spread beneath him in an attractive display. He had to resist foregoing his plan and taking advantage of his current position. Goku's tongue crept out of his mouth and touched the priest's lips, passing them across their length, asking permission for him to enter. Sanzo, on the other hand, liked the feeling of Goku's tongue where it was at the moment, and refused the request. Instead he made sure his left hand was secure while his right began it's exploration of Goku's body.

The blonde had to admit that it would be easier to explore if he was the one lying on the bed but that just wasn't going to happen this time around. He had the incredible urge to see his charge writhe in pleasure. Faintly brushing the brunette's collar bone, he traced the trail down from shoulder to upper chest. Goku's breath hitched, and when Sanzo saw how much he had enjoyed it, the touch was then repeated, only in reverse. Running the pads of his fingers down Goku's upper arm, he stopped when he reached the earth spirit's elbow. The ceased action plus Sanzo's stubbornness caused Goku to nip at his lover's lip demandingly, and this time his request was obliged.

Wanting to smirk but unable to, the priest simply decided to take a different course. Changing his focus of balance, Sanzo freed his left hand to brush Goku's side. Almost starting, Sanzo could feel his lover begin to fight back.

It was like some odd display – Sanzo caressed Goku in slow, sensual motions while Goku explored the inside of Sanzo. Opposite though the actions were, both hinged on the other to figure out exactly what they wanted to do next. Nails pressed into Goku's skin, but so that it was flush with his body and not at an angle. Inwardly smiling, Sanzo rolled the finger tips so that nail was replaced with pad again. Finding that his hand was close to Goku's nipple, he casually passed a finger over it, causing the brunette to moan softly.

"You like that?" the priest asked smugly. Goku answered the question by running one of his hands down Sanzo's leg.

It seemed that Goku wanted to play too. Sanzo could deal with that. Having won in a way already by distracting his lover of his dream, Sanzo set out to prove to Goku just how real he was.

-------

The air was growing hot again. Sanzo didn't remember who had pushed the sheet back or when – all he knew was that he couldn't do anything else to escape this heat now. He could feel it come off of Goku's body as he continued to stay close. His own skin was growing warm on its own accord as well, but he thought that that had more to do with the fact that the earth spirit would not leave his hips alone. Goku had caught on to Sanzo's game, and if the priest was going to tease him by going slow, then he was going to something somewhat similar.

His hands were wandering from his thighs back up to his hips, and then back to his ass. Frequently a hand would come around the front to caress his stomach – pretending that it was about to go lower and then going back up at the last possible second. Sanzo kept his moans to a quieter volume, but he knew that every single one was picked up by Goku's sensitive ears.

In retaliation, the blonde had left a trail of lovebites down his partner's neck. They had been made dark enough to stand out even against the earth spirit's bronzed skin, and Sanzo knew that he'd have to make extra sure the next day that he covered them all. Smirking, the priest continued to tend to his current point of interest on his lover's neck. Biting the crook of the boy's neck, he added another mark to add to the collection that had been forming. Crying out yet again, the earth spirit stretched his neck in response, asking Sanzo to continue.

The noises Goku made were something Sanzo could never get enough of. No matter what he may be doing at the time, hearing Goku would only encourage him to keep going. But… it was unique to hear them with one's mouth pressed into the neck of the person making the noise in question. Not only could he hear them now, but he could feel them.

"Sanzo…"

Grinning somewhat wickedly, the blonde's mouth traveled up to kiss Goku on the side of his face in front of his ear. "If I'm not real," he whispered, "then who is making you louder than you can make yourself?"

The statement was enough to shake Goku out of his lust-induced daze for a split second. "You've heard me?" he asked, slightly embarrassed.

"Several times."

"But…" it was getting hard for Goku to speak with Sanzo's attention shifted to licking his ear. "…I thought I had found places where no one would-"

Something clicked in the earth spirit's mind. "…you never stopped me…"

Sanzo smirked. "Why would I want to?" Goku's blush in response to that was one of the darkest the priest had ever seen. "What did you want when you went off like that?"

The confusion faded away from Goku's eyes. "I thought you knew ." Very suddenly, Sanzo realized that Goku had decided to stop his teasing. The priest tried to keep his mind from going blank – trying to hear what his lover was saying.

"I didn't want to hold myself," he said simply. With that, he squeezed, immediately erasing from Sanzo's mind what he was going to say next.

"I tried to…" Goku paused in mid-thought and turned even redder. Sanzo didn't realize that that shade was possible. Flickering between awareness and nothingness as Goku continued to fondle him slowly, he was able to choke out a single word.

"What?" he demanded, wanting his lover to finish the sentence.

"I tried to imagine that I was touching you."

The longer Goku continued to rub him, Sanzo knew that his control over the situation would change. He was in charge here, this time.

"Is that all?" Sanzo whispered questionably. "Did you ever imagine me doing this to you?" He decided to take a different route than Goku had, and started by running a finger over the top of his lover. If he had thought the brunette's body had been hot before, it had to be before Sanzo's fingers had caressed the extra hypersensitive skin. Mind too blank to come up with an adequate adjective to describe it, the priest simply decided to not worry about words of at the moment. It was impossible to describe these feelings, anyways. Taking his thumb, he ran it underneath the earth spirit. Sanzo could feel Goku's legs separate slightly beneath him as his body tinged in pleasure. The grip of the hand that actually held him also grew firmer, and Sanzo found himself emitting a low moan.

Wrapping his fingers around his lover securely, the priest took a moment for Goku to make himself aware of the new situation. The brunette had gasped, encouraging Sanzo to continue.

With their arms crisscrossed, the priest started to slowly move his fingers up and down. Goku was quick to follow suit – doing his best to match the rhythm that had been set.

"Sanzo…" Goku moaned, his voice reaching a tone that the blonde knew his lover only used in the bedroom. He loved hearing his name said like that. Goku was the only person he knew of that could take a holy name such as his and say it so erotically that it made him hard just hearing it. He could feel how rigid he was under the brunette's touch as the tension in his lower body continued to build.

Sanzo wanted to close his eyes and let his mind focus on the physical touch, but he was too busy watching Goku respond to his every stroke. His lover had grown sweaty again, and from the moonlight of the window it really did make his skin look like it was bronze. His chest rose and fell quickly to match his irregular breathing. Gasps became more frequent, and Sanzo realized that many of them were his own. Even though, like Goku, he had had situations where the only relief he had been able to find was with his own hand, it felt so different when another person did the exact same thing to him that he had done so many times before. Goku's fingers were smaller than his, and were covered with more calluses. And… his body shuddered… even while his lover was trying to match the pace; there was still an air of the unknown around them as he was being pleasured. Sanzo couldn't exactly predict where the fingers would go next, and the surprise added an alluring twist to their exchange.

Sanzo saw Goku shift ever so slightly as the brunette's other hand came to join the first. However, instead of actually joining the other, it bypassed the one already occupied. Cupping the blonde with his new hand, Goku massaged his master with slow, circular motions.

Sanzo growled. In this position he couldn't use both hands at once. Despite being on the bottom, Goku had taken the advantage.

Sanzo wanted to curse his lover, but found that his vocal cords had become useless when it came to coherent speech. Any noise he did manage to make just encouraged the earth spirit on. Trying to find some sort of way to retaliate, the priest quickened the pace – silently demanding his partner to try to match him. A glimmer of rebelliousness shown in Goku's eyes, and Sanzo could tell that he had accepted the challenge.

Leaning in, Sanzo traced the outline of Goku's ear with the tip of his tongue. If he couldn't use both of his hands, then he'd just use other parts of his body. Hearing the brunette groan as he leaned into the touch, he took that as a sign to concentrate on that one area. He saw Goku's eyes slide shut out of the corner of his own eye, and felt the fingers surrounding him pick up their pace. He was getting close now, and he could feel that Goku was too.

The two battled like that for a few moments – moments that stretched into eternity as their minds reeled from the erotic waves concentrating in their lower bodies. Goku had now abandoned speech as well, but did not hold back any of his cries or moans as his master continued to fondle him. Sanzo knew that this was something his lover had wanted, and he had to admit that he enjoyed giving it to him. But still… he should have not been surprised at how the brunette would be unable to sit still and do nothing while he was being pleasured.

He smirked. Neither one of them had ever been able to play the "perfect" submissive role.

Feeling the muscles in his body constrict, the priest cried out as he found himself pouring out into Goku's hand. His limbs exhausted from the exchange, he was tempted to just collapse and not get up again. However, he noticed that his lover still needed to find relief himself, and slid his fingers wildly around Goku – wanting to feel all of the brunette's hardness before he was able to find relief as well.

Gasping, Goku's back arched as he was also able to find his release. It felt warm against Sanzo's hand, and he brought it to his mouth to lick it off. Goku wore a bit of a smug look on his face and did likewise.

"Che," Sanzo muttered to himself as he laid himself back down on the mattress. "Copycat."

"I thought I was a monkey," Goku grinned. Sanzo just rolled his eyes, choosing to remain silent.

Nothing seemed to move inside or outside of the room for a brief moment. The priest looked down, and saw his charge's fingers resting softly against the creases of muscle of his upper chest. Goku didn't say anything for a few minutes, surprising Sanzo. Had the situation been any different, he might have thought that the earth spirit was trying to fall asleep, but something seemed to remain on his mind.

Taking his free hand, he lightly covered his lover's fingers with his own. "What is it?" he whispered. "Do you still doubt?"

Caught off guard, Goku looked up into Sanzo's eyes. "No, I…" he paused.

"What?"

A soft smile returned to the earth spirit's lips. "Thanks."

Sanzo could feel a smile of his own tugging at the corners of his lips. Hand leaving the one that still touched his chest, he drew Goku close. He felt the hand on his chest move to rest on his lower back. No more words were spoken the rest of the night. There was no longer any need to.

::Fin::

Comments and criticisms appreciated. Thank you for reading.

-Poison Butterfly