Life is Quick
One day, Blurr realised that no one liked him, so he decided he would leave and join the Decepticons. Even Bumblebee didn't like him. And that was Bumblebee. The Autobots were obviously jealous of his fastness or perhaps they were getting annoyed at him putting reds in the white washing. Of course Blurr can't mess up the laundry at the Decepticons' place because evil guys don't wear white even though robots don't wear clothes. Blurr was really sad that no one liked him, but just before he left he checked his Facebook and saw that Michael Jackson had died. Now he was really sad, especially since a million people had had to tell him in their statuses and all the shops on the high street were playing MJ songs on loop and he'd really never thought that much of him before. He appreciated what he'd done for the music industry, but he couldn't get over the fact that he was probably a pedo and his face was really creepy.
So Blurr ran real fast to where the Decepticons' base was. He ran so fast that he went faster than the Flash, but the Flash didn't like that because he was the fastest man alive even though Blurr was a robot. So he beat Blurr up with his manly Flash fists and then raped him with his manly 18 inch Flash dick.
Then the Flash ran away at the speed of speed and left Blurr lying in the road all beaten up and raped.
"Oh no," said Blurr. "What a bother."
Blurr lay there for a while, watching the clouds float by until who should stumble upon him? Well it was Starscream. Blurr knew that Starscream was a mean whore, so he told him to fuck off. Starscream got angry and kicked Blurr in the face. Blurr told Starscream that he was being rude and asked him what he wanted. And Starscream wanted to go shoe shopping because Megatron would never take him out anymore.
"He says I'm embarrassing," Starscream said. He looked very sad.
"You are," said Blurr. Starscream kicked him in the face again.
"Megatron never takes me out or buys me anything or makes love to me anymore. He just calls me a failure and hits me with his cannon. Do you think he's starting to lose interest in me?" Starscream asked, licking his own eyebrow.
"You're a whore," said Blurr. Then they went to Oxford Street to go shoe shopping.
They went to all the best shops on Oxford Street, but none of them had any shoes in their size. This made them angry, so Starscream blew up Top Shop and Bershka, even though they were his favourite shops. As the pained screams and cries of burning humans filtered merrily through the air, Starscream paused and pondered for a moment, his scarlet optics fixed upon a pigeon shitting on a statue.
"None of these shoes fit us…" Starscream muttered.
"That's because we're giant alien robots," Blurr said.
"Shut up," Starscream said. "We must find a shoe that fits me, or Megatron won't marry me!"
"What?" asked Blurr.
So they skipped back down Oxford Street. Then they went to Forbidden Planet and bought some Revenge of the Fallen toys. But they were shit, so they threw them at some cars and caused a horrible traffic accident. They both laughed.
"Oh, how we are getting along!" Blurr exclaimed as a woman who had lost her leg was taken into an ambulance on a stretcher. "We should do this more often!"
"I concur," said Starscream. He threw a disgusting Revenge of the Fallen Sideswipe at the ambulance and watched it crash into a corner shop. "Come on, I want to find some shoes," he said. So they got up, and kept walking.
Blurr was realizing that he was quite good at being evil. It was fun.
They walked down Shaftsbury Avenue until they came to a building with lots of glittery lights. A sign on top of it said "Priscilla: Queen of the Desert" and on top of that was…
"A giant shoe!" Starscream exclaimed. He wrenched the giant shoe from the sign, making the sign fall down onto the pavement and crush lots of people. Blurr laughed.
Starscream put on the glittery white shoe and found that it fitted perfectly! "It fits!" he said. "Now Megatron will have to marry me!"
"Excellent," said Blurr, thinking that Starscream was rather insane.
Starscream rang Megatron and asked if they could get married now because he had found a shoe that fitted him.
"NO!!!!!!!" said Megatron gloriously. "I AM IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE ELSE!!!!!!"
Starscream started to cry. "But who?" he asked.
"SPIKE WITWICKY!!!!!!" said Megatron gloriously. He gloriously hung up the glorious phone.
Starscream was still crying so he needed a fag to calm down. He took out a box of cigarettes and a lighter, and Blurr seemed shocked!
"Whatever are you doing?" he asked.
"Having a fag," said Starscream.
"But that is bad for you!" said Blurr. "You will robot cancer!"
"Would you like one?" asked Starscream. "You can't be a Decepticon if you don't smoke."
"Oh no," said Blurr. "What a bother."
So Blurr took the cigarette in his trembling naïve hand. The first toke made him cough and caused his throat to burn a little. But he soon got used to it and he liked the calming feeling it gave him very much.
"I think I am peer pressured into smoking!" said Blurr. "Now I must get some more!"
So Starscream gave Blurr some more cigarettes and then they went back to the Decepticon base. Starscream was still sad that Megatron had left him for a stupid human. But, Megatron still wanted him for sex, and Starscream knew that was all he was good for, and his thighs were rather wonderful, so he forgave Megatron.
…For now.
However, Megatron didn't like Blurr because he knew that Blurr liked putting reds in the white wash. So he sent him back to the Autobot base. Blurr was very sad, as Starscream was his only friend. He even had less friends than Bumblebee. At least Prowl and his spiky hands took notice of Bumblebee. No one took notice of Blurr.
So Blurr went into the corner of the Autobot base and lit up another cigarette.
Ironhide was walking round the base doing his rounds and preaching about robot Catholicism. He walked onto Blurr in the corner and was very old man angry to see that he was smoking.
"WHAT'RE YA DOOOOIN' BLARR?" Ironhide asked.
"Smoking away my troubles," Blurr replied. He tossed his cigarette butt away and took a swig from a bottle of Jack Daniel's that appeared from his misery.
"BUHT IT'S BAAYYDDD FOR YA!" said Ironhide. "YOU'LL GEHT ROBUTT CANCERRR."
"I don't care if I do! You wouldn't even notice if I died!" Blurr cried, tears glistening from the corners of his sorrowful blue optics. He drowned himself in another swig of JD. The funny feeling it gave him in his head made him feel a bit better.
Then Ironhide got really angry and cursed him and said Robot Jesus would smite him and damn him to Robot Hell for AAAAALLLLLL ETERNITY!!! Where he would rust in pits of chlorine-filled water.
"I don't care!" shouted Blurr. Then he ran even faster than before towards the Decepticon base and his only friend. The Flash was tired from raping Blurr earlier, so he sent Quicksilver out to deal with the problem. But Quicksilver didn't rape Blurr because Blurr isn't his sister. So Blurr kept running and running until he was running in the 90s and reached the Decepticon base.
He found Starscream, his only friend, lying coyly on Megatron's large berth. The silver mech was slumbering after a long, hard shag, and Starscream was leaning on his elbow, his legs splayed in an inviting fashion. A beautiful feather boa was wrapped carelessly around his neck, and a cigarette was glowing from between his delicate fingers. He took a toke, and gently breathed out a series of smoke rings. His optics turned heatedly to Blurr and he smirked, as if he knew all the hidden secrets of the universe.
"Why hello there," said Starscream.
"You're a whore," said Blurr. "But I need a whore. I will pay you."
"Okay," said Starscream. And then they went to Starscream's room and had a special hug that rabbits do. Afterwards, Starscream was particularly happy because it was the first time he had ever topped. He said he would write it in his robot diary. Blurr went to sleep.
The next morning, Blurr woke up feeling very ill.
"Oh no, I should not have drinked," said Blurr sadly. But he doesn't know that it was much worse than that.
Blurr stayed in the Decepticon base for four months, and he began to notice that his stomach was getting fatter, like Bumblebee's! That wasn't good, so he started smoking two boxes a day because he'd heard that cigarettes make you slimmer.
Starscream was very worried about his friend Blurr, so he took him to a Medical Doctor known only as The Ratchet who lived in the Decepticon base now for no reason.
Ratchet was very sad when he gave the news to Blurr…
Blurr was… ROBOPREGNANT!!!!!!
"Oh no," said Blurr. "What a bother." Blurr was very sad so he smoked 10 cigarettes at once and drank a whole bottle of Bell's. He went to Starscream and said "Help me Starscream I'm robopregnant and you're the father/mother/whore! I think I will get a robot abortion."
But then… AHYNHAIDE appeared in a cloud of smoke with a robot Bible. "DO NAHT KILL ROBOT LAIFE BAI ROBOT ABORSHUN VATICAN TWO!!!!!!" said Ironhide.
But then Blurr had a miscarriage on the floor, so it was all okay. And then ctrl alt delete favourited this fic and stole my idea.
So Blurr went back to Medical Doctor The Ratchet to explain that he'd had a miscarriage.
And then Medical Doctor The Ratchet said, "Oh, I looked into your x-rays more and found out that you have… a robot tumour."
"Oh no," said Blurr. "What a bother."
And then Blurr got robot cancer and Starscream was very sad, so he turned into a reptilian. On Blurr's deathbed in robot hospital, he proclaimed that he would avenge Blurr's death by using his reptilian powers to travel back in time and create a dinosaur army to defeat Megatron.
"But how will that avenge me?" Blurr asked.
"Megatron called me fat," Starscream said, before disappearing through a swirling reptilian vortex. Then Blurr died.
Hare Krishna Hare Krishna
Krishna Krishna Hare Hare
Hare Rama Hare Rama
Rama Rama Hare Hare
Hare Krishna Hare Krishna
Krishna Krishna Hare Hare
Hare Rama Hare Rama
Rama Rama Hare Hare
Hare Krishna Hare Krishna
Krishna Krishna Hare Hare
Hare Rama Hare Rama
Rama Rama Hare Hare
Hare Krishna Hare Krishna
Krishna Krishna Hare Hare
Hare Rama Hare Rama
Rama Rama Hare Hare
Hare Krishna Hare Krishna
Krishna Krishna Hare Hare
Hare Rama Hare Rama
Rama Rama Hare Hare
Hare Krishna Hare Krishna
Krishna Krishna Hare Hare
Hare Rama Hare Rama
Rama Rama Hare Hare
Hare Krishna Hare Krishna
Krishna Krishna Hare Hare
Hare Rama Hare Rama
Rama Rama Hare Hare
Hare Krishna Hare Krishna
Krishna Krishna Hare Hare
Hare Rama Hare Rama
Rama Rama Hare Hare
Hare Krishna Hare Krishna
Krishna Krishna Hare Hare
Hare Rama Hare Rama
Rama Rama Hare Hare
No one came to Blurr's funeral.
The End.