Man of Steel, Girls of Frilly Dresses
Clark has started to concern me.
He's been less attentive at Justice League meetings. His mind tends to wander off, with this annoying absent-minded smile plastered across his face. He hums these pop tunes that… aren't exactly music to my ears. More worrisome, I don't recognize the tunes at all. They seem… foreign.
Somebody must have got to Clark. Was it Luthor? Brainiac? Darkseid?
Whatever the case, I must investigate this further.
I am currently in a lead-encrusted Batjet equipped with Diana's invisibility cloaking device. Throw in some WayneTech HSS technology, and even Superman won't be able to detect me.
It is time to pay the Fortress of Solitude a visit…
I submerge the Batjet under water, and use the secret underground entrance to The Fortress of Solitude. It is an entrance that only the founding members of the Justice League, and one Miss Lane, are aware of. Thankfully, I make it through that entrance, and leap out of the batjet, without attracting any attention.
No kryptonian dogs or troublesome robots stand in my way. Good. I only have an hour to spare with this investigation today since Bruce Wayne has a charity dinner to attend this evening.
As I stealthily sneak and creep through the halls of the Fortress of Solitude, I eventually overhear the voice of its mow famous regular occupant…
"Yes, it's my favorite part!" I hear Clark shout.
I feel strong gusts of wind coming forth from a nearby open doorway, likely caused by Superman gesturing theatrically with his arms. He must certainly be enjoying whatever it is that he's watching. Propaganda films? Programming designed to mind control him? Whatever it is, I will find out now.
Out of my belt, I retrieve a video camera. I then carefully place it next to the opening to the Viewing Room of the Fortress of Solitude, as I start to film both Superman and whatever it is that he's watching.
As I suspected, it doesn't take long for Superman to notice my presence. But in the time it did take him to notice me, I've captured the video footage that I need.
"… Wait, someone's here!" Superman shouts while turning around, and quickly ascending out of his crystalline coach to softly fly to the entranceway.
"Batman!" he exclaims in some shock and horror upon the sight of my cape and cowl.
"And what are you doing with that video camera?" he asks in an alarmed tone.
"I'm trying to determine whatever dark secret it is that has been affecting you lately." I answer, "You haven't been with it lately, Clark. Your behavior has been eccentric, strange."
"This coming from a guy that dresses up like a bat and fights clowns on a regular basis?" Clark asks in a teasing tone, while grinning slightly and raising an eyebrow.
"You know what I mean." I reiterate to him, "You've seen distracted lately, and what I've recorded will reveal why!"
"No, wait, Bruce, you can't!" Superman states, in an unusually frenzied tone of voice for him, as he grabs my shoulder with one hand.
"Oh and why's that?" I ask, while raising an eyebrow.
"Just hand that camera over now!" Superman replied, hoping that a sterner tone might prove more persuasive with me.
Really, Clark, you should know me better than that. I respond by simply pushing the camera near his face.
"Gaahhh… kryptonite!" Superman exclaims, while his eyes are mesmerized by the greenish glow, and his body recoils in discomfort.
My video camera is made almost entirely out of kryptonite. This is to ensure that Superman won't be able to destroy whatever it is I record on it.
"Now…" I begin in a confident tone, realizing that I have gained the upperhand here as Clark slowly backs away from me, "Will I need to watch what I just recorded, or are you going to show me yourself what it is that you were watching?"
Superman sighs, before finally relenting.
"I guess I can't hide it from you any longer…" he says, in a starkly somber tone, "Just… try to keep an open mind, Ok?"
Now that comment was truly eyebrow-raising.
"I'm a Detective." I state, "I always keep an open mind."
Given what I was about to see, maybe I shouldn't have said that…
My eyes are bombarded with a lightshow so garish it would disorient the Joker. The music is so sweetly saccharine that it threatens to give my ears diabetes.
" 'Make a little wish?' " I ask Clark, while looking at him sideways and quoting a line from this show's ending theme, "Really, Kent?"
Superman's response to that is nervous laughter. As disturbing as that is, at least it's less disturbing than watching him tap his foot and bob his head to this foreign pop song.
"So…" I continue on, "You apparently have a fondness for little girls in pretty dresses. Am I going to have to report you to Gordon?"
"Hey now, it's not like that!" he quickly protests, while holding out his hands in a defensive stature, "Besides, it's no worse than you and your Robins…"
"What was that?" I asked, as I glare menacingly at him.
"Nothing you need to concern yourself with." he dismissively replies, "And nor do you need to worry about me watching these shows. It's just something for me to relax to after a hard day's work as Superman."
"And what does Miss Lane think of all of this?" I ask.
"Um… she doesn't know about it." Clark replies sheepishly, making me sigh.
"But really, Bruce, this is great, wholesome, and even inspirational entertainment!" Clark states with such earnest honesty.
I know Clark well enough to know he can't lie this good. So he must truly believe what he's saying.
"How is it inspirational?" I ask.
"These shows are about young people – future generations, Bruce! – and they're like us superheroes!" Clark begins saying with considerable zeal and dramatic hand motions, "Like us, they remove their normal daily attire to take on the bold flashy attire of the hero. They also gain great superpowers! With those superpowers, they fight against the forces of darkness, and defend their families, cities, and loved ones! Why, it would be a dream for me to have a daughter like Nanoha Takamachi. Don't you see how similar she is to superheroes like you and I, Bruce?"
I stare blankly and coldly at Kent over those words. He deserves no better.
"Oh, right…" he said, while rubbing the back of his head, "I sort of forgot."
"Not all of us real life heroes have flashy, colorful costumes or have need of super powers, Clark." I state to him.
"True, but there's different characters in this show that I think you would love!" Clark exclaims at me as though he was a car salesman making a desperate pitch to save his career.
"Really, Bruce, just give this show a try, and I'm sure you'll see for yourself why I like it." Clark says, while laying one hand on my shoulder.
"I can see why you like it." I reply, "Still, if you're becoming obsessed with these frivolous pursuits, then…"
"They're not frivolous." Clark firmly interjects, "And if you disagree with that, then we should make a friendly wager to settle our disagreement."
"What wager are you proposing?" I ask.
"You agree to watch every episode of this show, Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha." he replies.
"Clark, I don't have time for such non…"
"Please, hear me out here, Bruce." he asserts, "If you end up not liking the show, then I'll pay you back for lost time by agreeing to spend a full week in Gotham City patrolling it for criminals and the insane!"
"That's a rather generous offer." I reply.
"It shows how confident I am in this show." Clark responds.
"And on the unlikely chance that I end up liking this show?" I ask.
"Then you have to promise to discard that kryptonite camera you have, and never reveal to anybody else that I watch this show." Clark states.
"Very well." I reply, "You putting your neck on the line for a piece of animated entertainment is… intriguing enough to me to agree to your wager. But know this, Clark, if I end up not liking this show, I'll be giving Jimmy Olsen this video camera for Christmas."
"D-Don't worry." Superman replies, "You'll like it, I assure you! In fact, there's one particular character in it that I just know you'll love."
-a
-b
One week later, on the WatchTower…
It's been a busy week for the Justice League. It's been hard for me to find time to watch my favorite shows. Hhhmm… that reminds me. I wonder if Bruce made good on our wager? I should go ask him about that!
"Batman!" I shout out to him from across a crowded cafeteria, where dozens of Justice League members are currently dining at.
Batman instantly turns around at the sound of my voice, but naturally waits for me to get to him. That's Bruce for you, he really believes in economy of motion.
"What do you want to talk about?" he asks me after I've walked over to him.
"Did you watch Nanoha after?" I whisper into one of the ears of his cowl.
"Yes." he replies, "But let's talk about it in private."
Bruce and I then leave the cafeteria, and discuss things in the currently unoccupied Justice League training room.
"So what did you think of it?" I asked, once I had determined that the coast was clear.
"I have to admit, you were right." he answered, in an unusually sheepish tone for him.
"See, it's just like what I said!" I exclaimed triumphantly, "I knew you'd like the show just like I did."
"You were wrong about one thing, though." Batman replied in a slightly cross tone.
"What's that?" I asked.
"There are two characters in that show that I found very… admirable." Bruce answered, "You probably thought I'd be fond of the character Fate Testarossa. And so I am. She is a good character, with a good head on her shoulders. But the character that I most admired is Chrono. Now he would make the perfect Robin…"
"Well, the main thing is that you liked the show!" I said cheerfully, while placing one hand down on Bruce's shoulder in a friendly gesture, "I trust that you'll let this be our little secret then, right?"
"I don't like to break agreements made in good faith." Batman replied, "So yes, your magical girl secret is safe. In fact, it's given me a good idea."
"What idea might that be?" I ask.
And then, while stunning me with a very atypical cracking of a smile, Bruce answered with a simple, "You'll see. There's a little gift that should be arriving at Clark Kent's apartment soon."
Unsurprisingly, Bruce wasn't joking. When I arrived back at my apartment, I noticed a gift-wrapped DVD attached to a letter sealed with a bat symbol.
"Forgive the latest, but here's a belated birthday gift" was the short note on the letter.
Well, it's good to see that Bruce hadn't forgotten my birthday like I thought he had.
Now, it's time to unwrap this gift.
As I tore the gift wrapping off in a blistering flash, I soon saw what was underneath. Hey… it's three Blu-Ray volumes for a brand new magical girl show!
"Niiice!" I exclaimed in joy, "The girls on this cover sure have great character designs. They look like picture-perfect magical girls. And the name of this is… Puella Magi Madoka Magica. Well, it sure looks and sounds great. I'll start watching it now!"
-a
-b
Meanwhile, at the Batcave…
"Master Bruce, there's a certain concern of mine that… though trifling, I'd like to share with you…" Alfred says, while sweeping up behind me, as I sit at the batcomputer going over recent Gotham City crime reports.
"Yes, Alfred?" I asked.
"It's the gift you gave to your reporter friend, Mr. Kent" Alfred answered.
"What about it?" I asked.
"I hope you won't take offense to this, but curiosity admittedly got the best of this old cat, and I watched some of that show myself…" Alfred replied.
"And what did you think of it, Alfred?" I asked.
"I think, Master Bruce, that it's hardly an appropriate gift for someone of Superman's sensibilities." Alfred replied.
"I beg to differ." I replied, admittedly while grinning slightly, "It's the perfect gift for somebody of Superman's sensibilities. It'll show his idealistic heart that there's a darker side to the colorful, heroic worlds that he puts such faith in. And that knowledge should guard him against falling prey to that darker side himself."
Alfred sighed to that.
"If you say so, Master Bruce…" he said, finishing our conversation.
-a
-b
Two days later, during an important Justice League Meeting at the WatchTower…
"That's… certainly an interesting new look you have there, Supes…" stated the Flash, while the seven founding members were all sitting around a circular conference table.
"Yeah, but that bearskin hat with the small white plume doesn't go with his costume at all!" chimed in Green Lantern.
"And what's up with the new cape, dude, seriously?" The Flash asked, "Are you trying to rip off Captain Marvel, or something? Besides, you can't wear a white cape with golden trim on top of a blue, red, and yellow costume. It just doesn't match, Supes!"
"It doesn't matter if it matches." Superman said soberly, "It's all about paying respect to fallen comrades."
"Fallen comrades?!" Wonder Woman utters in alarm.
"Hey, Bats, what are you snickering about?" The Flash says.
"I will never forget them…." Superman says, to himself yet out loud, while he places one hand over his heart and a single tear comes out of his right eye.
The End.