For the purpose of this story, I've decided to incorporate the deleted scene from the Pilot episode of season one in which Nick and Catherine hook up in his car at a car wash. The scene was scratched from the show, but for a different take on how that would affect the current situation in season 12, I'm saying that it happened.
Spoilers through the current season. Rating for language and content.
To say that breakfast was awkward would be the understatement of the year. Everyone had taken up DB's offer to go out to eat, mostly because they felt that they had to. No one was completely satisfied with how they had started off with their new supervisor, and the fight that Nick and Catherine had been having immediately before had only been stopped because they had all received the text from DB. So they had all agreed to go, some more willing than the others. They all took separate cars so that they could go their separate ways after, which seemed like the best course of action given the high tension.
Through poor planning, Nick and Catherine ended up sitting directly across from one another, much to Catherine's annoyance. She had been about to explode even more on him after his sarcastic comment about knowing where the door was when she was interrupted by DB's message. She hated it when Nick did that. She was being serious and trying to have a real talk with him, and he was being a smart ass. That's what was making her so upset; that he didn't understand that things had gone wrong with the team and that they needed to change before something terrible happened.
"So Nick," DB said upon noticing the Texan and former supervisor were staring daggers at each other. "What makes you say you were a lousy baseball player?"
Nick looked over at him, frowning in confusion at the odd question. "Because I was," he answered lamely.
"No you weren't," DB argued.
Nick shook his head. "How would you know? You just met me, and never saw me play baseball."
"You were all state in high school, weren't you?" When Nick didn't reply, he added "And you couldn't have been that lousy if you played in college. I read that you were pretty damn good."
"Where did you read that?" Nick asked.
"Google," DB answered simply.
"You Googled me?"
DB nodded. "Of course I did. I was curious to see who I was going to be working with. I didn't want to come in knowing nothing about my co-workers. Although, I must say, I kind of wish I hadn't after some of the stuff that I read about you," he said, emphasizing that he was half-kidding with a chuckle.
That conversation died when the waitress brought out their food, giving them all an excuse to stop talking. They ate in relative silence, with Greg or Hodges occasionally laughing at one of DB's bad jokes to try and keep the tension to a minimum. That effort proved futile, however, when Catherine couldn't hold her tongue any longer.
"So Nick," she started innocently, "meet any girls in Hawaii?"
Nick rolled his eyes. "Nope, I was there for a seminar. Not much time to be messing around."
Catherine shrugged. "Never stopped you before. Weren't you on duty when you slept with that hooker? Or were you just on duty when she was murdered?"
Nick knew Catherine had a mean streak in her; he'd seen her use it on multiple people, mostly suspects. But she had never said anything like that to him before. She had never said anything like that that she knew would hurt him, and the fact that she just had made him want to do nothing more than get away from her before he said something he would regret.
"Thanks for breakfast DB," he said as he stood up.
"Nick," Sara said to try and make him stay, but Nick ignored her and walked away from the table and out of the diner.
Catherine was looking down at her plate as he walked out, and it wasn't until the door had completely closed behind him and he was out of sight that she got up and followed him out to the parking lot. She had to walk quickly in order to beat him to his car, standing in between him and the door.
"Don't," he said, meaning to sound stern but instead his voice came out weak.
"You know I didn't mean that," she said, sort of apologizing.
"Yes you did," Nick said, nodding. "That's the worst part of all of this. Ecklie thinks we're dysfunctional, he's always thought that. Everyone else has always thought that the way we do things is wrong, but never us. We've always known that we get the job done and we do it right, no matter what anyone else thinks. But now you think just like them. We can't change how we do things Catherine, you know that."
"Why can't we?" she asked, her anger at him from before returning. "Why can't we do things the right way instead pulling our guns in carnivals as we chase around serial killers by ourselves?"
"Will you stop bringing up LA?" Nick demanded. "This isn't about LA."
"Yes it is!" Catherine yelled at him. "That's the prime example of everything that's wrong with our team. We all messed up and did things we weren't supposed to, and I had to pay the price for it."
"This is all about you and the fact that you got demoted," he argued. "I'm sorry you did, but it-"
"You should be," Catherine said, cutting him off.
Nick scoffed. "Why? You think it's my fault?"
She nodded without hesitation. "I know it was. If you had just found Ray and brought him to me and let me send him back to Vegas, then none of this would have happened. You aided him Nick, you gave him that extra little push that he needed."
Nick shook his head. "Fine. Blame me, everyone always does. I don't care. I would do the exact same thing if I had to do it over."
"That's the problem," Catherine shot back. "That's your problem. You always empathize with the victims and sometimes even the bad guys and you let your heart get in the way of doing what actually is right, and then you convince yourself that what you did was right."
"Didn't we just have this conversation?" Nick asked, his voice heavy with sarcasm.
Catherine scoffed. "We've had this conversation a million times. I told you all of this after you got shot, and you didn't listen then." She shook her her slowly. "I can't do this anymore, this job is too much. Nineteen years is far too long to be putting up with this bullshit."
Nick nodded. "Fine, then quit. Quit your job because you're mad at me for not kissing your ass and giving in to your every wish like every other guy around you does."
Catherine put her hands in the air defensively. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Before Nick could reply, she continued. "Don't you dare try and take away everything that I've worked so hard for by saying that I got all of it because I'm a woman, or a flirt, or whatever it is that you're implying."
"I'm not implying anything, I think it's pretty clear what kind of person you are."
"What kind of person is that? A slut? Go ahead Nicky, call me a slut. Call me a slut because I had feelings for you and was having a hellish time because of Eddie and needed an outlet, and you were sweet and listened and gave me what I needed. Go ahead and say it, I don't give a fuck because you're the real slut. You're the one who was using me for sex constantly and then resented me for it when I ended it."
"This is what this whole fucking thing is about?" Nick asked. "The fact that twelve years ago you used me as your sex toy? You're pissed about that?"
Catherine shook her head. "Not at all. It's gone unspoken all these years, and for good reason. I don't want to talk about it because it meant nothing to me, but you're trying to use it against me now."
"You brought it up!" Nick argued. "I didn't say shit about it, you did."
"You would have," Catherine accused. "Because you feel guilty about it, just like you feel guilty about Kristy and all those other whores that you fucked."
"You're the only whore that I've ever fucked," Nick said before he had even fully registered what he was about to say, never mind that he had actually said it.
Catherine was so shocked by what he had just said that she couldn't say or do anything. She was still trying to figure out if he had actually just said that when he quickly raised his hand, causing her to flinch excessively enough that she was now pressing herself up against the car. It wasn't until she saw him running his hand through his hair that she could even slightly relax, but her unease was still there upon seeing the look on his face when he saw her flinch.
"Catherine," he said gently. "I'm sorry, I-"
"Fuck you Nick," she said, cutting him off. She wanted to get away from him, but was rooted to the spot.
He sighed heavily. "You didn't think I was going to hit you, did you? Why did you flinch?" When she didn't answer, he said "I would never, ever hit you."
He took a step towards her, but she moved out of his way and started to walk towards her car. He reached out and grabbed her arm to stop her, only to have her hit his hand away and turn towards him angrily.
"Don't you dare touch me," she spat.
"I would never hit you Catherine, you know me better than that," he said pleadingly.
Catherine shook her head sadly. "No, I don't."
Catherine ignored the banging on her door for as long as she could. She knew it was Nick, and she knew that he was most likely drunk. She was mad that he not only showed up here drunk, but had obviously driven in that state. He did that on occasion when he was really upset, as he clearly was after the day's events. All Catherine wanted to do was crawl in to bed and sleep; not deal with Nick anymore. She didn't care what he had to say, she really didn't.
"Go away Nick," she yelled from her couch.
"No," he yelled back from the other side of the door. "Let me in Cath, we need to talk."
"We already did that," she said, standing and walking out of the living room, making her way to her room. "Go find yourself another whore."
Nick heard Catherine's footsteps disappear into the back of the house. He sighed in frustration as he turned around to leave, but knew his legs wouldn't carry him all the way back to his car, so he slowly slid down the door until he was sitting on the porch, his knees against his chest. He threaded his fingers through his hair and stared down at the concrete beneath his feet, wondering how in the hell he was going to make this okay.
He had no idea how much time had passed, but it must have been enough for Catherine to think that he was long gone because when she opened her front door, she was completely taken aback when Nick fell backwards, landing at her feet, looking up at her just as surprised as she was.
"I told you to leave," she said, one hand on the door and the other firmly on her hip.
"I don't listen," he said, mocking her words from earlier.
She sighed. "No, you don't. But please, get out of here Nick. I can't do this."
"Do what?" Nick asked innocently, still laying on the floor looking up at her.
She wanted to kick him, hit him with the door. Jump on him and punch him until she couldn't move another muscle. But she didn't. And she knew he knew she wanted to do all of those things, but he knew she wouldn't. That was another thing she hated about him; that he knew so much about her. They have been working together for so long that nothing comes as a surprise, and they see what one another is going to say or do three moves ahead. She was mad because she knew she would forgive him, and she knew everything with the team was going to work out. And he knew that too. She really did hate it when he was right.
Catherine couldn't bear those puppy dog eyes any longer. She turned and walked away, quickly headed for the bathroom where she could lock herself in, isolating herself away from Nick. But he was faster. He got up and ran by her before she made it halfway there. He stopped in front of her right before the hallway even started. She stopped dead in her tracks as she felt tears stinging her tired eyes. She refused to look at him, which was why he got away with putting his hands on her shoulders.
"I'm sorry," he said, his accent thick and emphasizing his sincerity. "I didn't mean what I said, just like you didn't mean what you said."
"Yes I did," Catherine argued. "I didn't mean it then but I do now."
Nick shook his head. "It doesn't work that way."
"Why not?" she asked. "Why do you always get to decide the way everyone else does things? Because it's the way you've always done them? How has that worked out for you Nicky?"
Nick couldn't suppress the smile tugging at his lips. "You're not that mad at me," he said, much to Catherine's annoyance.
"Yes, I really am."
"No you're not," he replied. "Because you keep calling me Nicky."
She was really starting to get sick of him and his usual antics. "That doesn't mean I'm not mad at you," she said, finally looking at him in the eyes and shrugging his hands off her shoulders. "It actually makes this hurt more, because you're one of the only guys that I've ever completely trusted and thought respected me. All the others treated me like an object because I was a dancer, but you didn't. Even when we were sleeping together, you never acted like I was worthless. Until now."
She tried to walk by him, but he moved in front of her again. "You couldn't be more wrong," he responded. "You're the farthest thing there is from worthless, especially to me. Without you, I would definitely be dead by now. You've always taken care of me and have always cared what happens to me, which made me care what happens to me. As much as I argue with you and even though you hate me right now, there's no one I respect more than you. That's why I fight with you."
"That makes no sense," Catherine said, her tears threatening to fall.
"I fight with you because I care what you think and I care that you care. I'm not always going to agree with you, we both know that by now. But it's because I care enough to fight with you. I'm not just going to nod carelessly and do whatever you say because if I think you're wrong, I'm going to try and change your mind for your benefit just as much as for my own. I fight with you because I care about you and know you're willing to do the same for me."
"That's our problem," Catherine said. "We care too much and it gets us in trouble, whether it be with cases or personal lives. It always gets us into trouble."
Nick took another step towards her, getting closer to her but not too close. She moved a little as he did so that he was almost pinning her up against the wall. Almost, but not quite.
"I don't consider what we got ourselves into to be trouble at all," he replied. "I know it didn't mean anything more to you than just sex to relieve stress, but it did to me. I know you don't think highly of me, especially when it comes to women, but I cared about you, I still do just like I did then. Nothing can change that, no matter how much you want to. You're one of the only things in my past that I would never change."
Catherine swallowed the lump in her throat so she could respond. "I don't want it to change, I wish it hadn't."
"Why did it?" Nick asked, for what was actually the first time. When it ended, it had just kind of ended, mostly on Catherine's behalf. He never questioned it; it kind of just became their little secret that no one ever knew about and that they pretended never happened.
"It wouldn't have worked in the long run," Catherine said. "We worked together, things were getting too messy with Eddie. And I knew our friendship wasn't something I should be messing with because I was afraid it would be messed up. I don't really have a good answer Nicky."
She smiled when she saw him smile at her saying his nickname yet again. She looked down at the floor, knowing all too well what his dark brown eyes can do to her. It was mere seconds before she was looking back up at him after he brushed a stray piece of hair from her face, gently caressing her cheek. She looked into his eyes that she had been avoiding, and upon doing so immediately remembered why. She got lost in them and didn't care about why she had been mad at him in the first place.
"I'm sorry," Nick repeated. "I should have never said that to you because it's not true, not at all. I just...I'm stupid. And sorry."
Catherine nodded slightly. "I know. I am too."
Nick reached up and touched her cheek again before running his hand through her hair, gently pulling her forward until their lips met. Neither one of them hesitated, not even for a split second. Catherine instinctively wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him in closer. Nick dropped his hands from her hair down her back and onto her hips. She moved back slightly, pulling him with her, until he actually was pressing her up against the wall of the hallway.
The kiss intensified and deepened practically on its own, seeing as how this was the first time in a long time. Catherine slowly pressed her hips into his, making them as close to one another as possible. Nick's hands moved from her hips down to the back of her thighs, and without warning he picked her up so she could wrap her legs around his waist. He used his right hand to push against the wall and took a step back before turning and heading for Catherine's bedroom, still kissing her passionately. He didn't even have to open his eyes to know where he was going; it had been a long time since they had done this, but he still remembered exactly what to do and where to go as if it had all happened yesterday.
When Nick's knees hit the foot of the bed, Catherine was pulling his shirt up over his head. When he leaned forward and carefully put her down on the bed, she quickly removed her own shirt before pulling him on top of her by grabbing his belt, undoing it once his warm body was covering hers. To Catherine's surprise, her pants were gone before she got rid of Nick's, but she couldn't care less now because he was running his soft hands over her smooth legs, and their kiss had still not been broken. It wasn't until Catherine hooked her thumbs into Nick's boxers that he pulled back, just slightly enough so that they could look each other in the eyes, bodies still pressed together.
Nothing was said, not verbally at least. They had done this enough times, be it many years ago, to be able to read each others' expressions even in such a strong sense of lust. Nick didn't have to ask if this is what Catherine really wanted to do, and Catherine didn't need to question Nick's intentions. One look was enough for both of them, and after catching their breath enough to slow their racing hearts just enough, Catherine leaned up and captured his lips with hers once again.
Nothing was ever said; not during or even after. They both knew that sex wasn't going to fix everything, or even really anything. They were still going to fight at work, probably more now. They also both knew that this was in fact the last time this was going to happen, and although it was a sad thought, it was a comforting one at the same time because it was an unspoken sense of closure. Catherine knew Nick wasn't going to go and brag to Greg and Hodges, and Nick knew Catherine wasn't going to expect an engagement ring out of this. All they were getting was what was immediately felt, and that was all that they wanted.