A/N: Wow, this writing/publishing thing is pretty addictive! I'd forgotten how much fun these characters are... ;)

Ok, so before I even start this story, here's the scoop: it is NOT meant to be taken seriously. It's a preposterous idea that popped into my head after watching series 4&5 and listening to the soundtrack of one of my favourite musicals. After that, I couldn't get the image of Jess singing out of my head, so I just went with it. So yes, I know that this would NEVER happen in the Primeval world, and no, I really don't care. :p That said, I am going to try and keep the characters as realistic as possible. So for those of you hoping for a Becker singing scene, I'll apologize now for the lack of one. I will promise a few surprises along the way, and hopefully a lot of laughs for my silly little story...

********** No One Mourns the Wicked **********

"Ok," Matt shouted as he angrily stormed towards the ADD. "Whose idea was THIS?"

Jess and Connor both turned to him, completely perplexed. They'd never seen him this furious over anything that wasn't security-related, so it had to be big. He was waving around a piece of paper, and his eyes threatened to burn it to smithereens with one fiery glance.

"What's going on?" Abby asked as she and Becker raced in from the other entrance. They'd heard Matt from the hallway and bolted in as fast as they could.

"Future-boy is a tad miffed about something," Connor offered.

Becker shot him a light, sideways glare. "Thank you, Captain Obvious."

Matt was now standing directly in front of Jess – actually more like towering over her seated figure – as he tossed the paper off to the side. "It was your idea, wasn't it?" he queried, however his tone wasn't so much asking but more accusing.

Jess paled visibly, and both Abby and Becker moved to help. "I have no idea what you're talking about," she replied honestly.

"This has to be one of your schemes. You're the only one foolish enough to think that something like this would actually be a good idea!"

At his tone of voice, and the sight of tears in Jess' eyes out of his peripheral, Becker stepped between them. "That's enough!" he said firmly. "Back off, Matt."

"Or else what?"

"Or else you'll have the rest of us to deal with," Abby offered before Becker could reply. She was standing at Matt's left, crouching just a bit as if waiting for him to lash out at her. Becker held Matt's gaze, as if daring him to try something. Jess tried to get herself composed, trying to determine what it was that she had done to offend their team leader. Connor, meanwhile, picked up the piece of paper that Matt had tossed to the floor in his rage.

"I know this was HER idea," Matt ranted. "She's always the upbeat one, trying to inject cheer into every single day, no matter how awful it is. Well guess what, Jess: life isn't a musical, and the idea of us putting one on is just ludicrous!"

"What are you on about?" Becker asked, as Abby and Jess both scrunched their foreheads together in consternation.

" 'Start practicing your 'do-re-mi's and get your dancing shoes ready. The ARC is putting on the smash musical 'Wicked',' " Connor read off of the flyer in his hand. Looking up, he realized that three people were now looking at him as if he had 3 heads. He turned it towards them so they could see he wasn't making it up.

"Not to place blame here, Jess, but this does seem to be something that you'd try to plan," Abby said quietly, glancing at her usually bubbly friend.

"I agree, but this wasn't me," Jess insisted.

"Stop lying!" Matt roared.

"Stop shouting at her!" Becker threw back, his fists clenching at his sides.

"Matt, I swear, this wasn't my idea. I've had some pretty hare-brained plans, but this is not one of them," Jess said, rising from her seat, and trying to help Abby separate the two alpha males.

"She's right," a voice said from the main entryway. Jess, Connor and Abby shifted their gazes to see their boss, James Lester stalking into the hub. Becker and Matt refused to break eye contact in their staring contest. "It wasn't Miss Parker's idea at all," Lester finished.

Jess breathed a soft sigh of relief as Connor posed the question that they were all now thinking. "Then whose idea was it?"

"Mine," came a soft yet confident female voice from behind Lester. He moved out of the way so they could see Lady Emily Merchant striding in.

At the sound of her voice, Matt swiveled to look at her, while Becker unconsciously shifted to stand closer to Jess. "Your idea?!" Matt asked, incredulously.

"Yes, my idea," she said calmly. "It's time we all experienced a little bit of normalcy around here."

"No offense, Em, but life around here isn't exactly normal to begin with and I'm pretty sure that putting on a musical is either," Abby stated.

Connor looked at her and raised his eyebrows. "I think I just relinquished the 'Captain Obvious' title." He chanced a glance at Becker to see that the man had a tiny smirk on his face.

"I'm well aware of life around here Abby, despite not having been here all that long," Emily replied. "But I've had enough of all of the negativity from everyone here, not just you lot. It's been fairly low-key lately, and I think it's high time that we all tried something a little different."

"Couldn't we just go grab a pint at the pub after work one day?" Connor offered.

"We could, but we already do that. I'm talking about something that's never been done here before."

"And you think a musical was the way to go?" Matt asked, still disbelieving.

Before anyone else could say anything, Lester jumped back into the conversation. "Lady Merchant's idea has my full support. I think it's high time that some of you got your…aggression…out in a non-violent way," he said, shooting particular looks at Matt, Abby and the Captain.

"No one's being forced to do anything," Emily said. "It's strictly a voluntary basis, but I've been talking to a number of people who seem keen to get involved."

"What exactly would this entail, Em?" Jess asked softly, coming out from behind Becker. He moved to stand behind her, making sure that his arm stayed in contact with her.

"Well, obviously, we'll need performers and stagehands, along with some help directing, creating sets and costumes, as well as some special effects."

"What's this story about, anyway?" Abby asked.

"It's the story of the witches of Oz," Connor answered. "Before Dorothy dropped in, that is." Once more, everyone's attention was on him, and he scrambled to explain. "I read the book a while ago, and it was pretty good."

"And I just saw the live show with Jess last week," Emily continued. "We left straight from work last Friday."

"That explains why you were dressed up so lovely that day," Becker said to Jess.

"Are you saying that I don't dress nicely on other days?" Jess asked him, giving him a crooked smile. Before Becker could try and stammer out an answer, Lester took control again.

"Auditions for the performers will be happening at the end of next week. Since Miss Merchant appears to have the most training and expertise out of everyone, she will not only be the musical director, but also one of the leads. We're looking for anyone with musical talent onstage, but will require a good amount of help behind the scenes, especially in the months leading up to this."

"Where exactly is this going to take place?" Becker asked.

"In the canteen. We shall build a stage there," Lester answered, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"And what about monitoring the anomalies?" Abby asked. "I know it's been calm around here lately, but there's always a chance…"

"Out of those not participating in the show itself, we will have a team ready to deploy if an incursion happens. They will still be able to enjoy the show from the audience, and we will keep the portable ADD in the canteen during the performance as well." Lester turned to look at Matt. "Now, Mr. Anderson, have you calmed that temper of yours, or should I allow Captain Becker to act on some of those more violent thoughts I know he was having towards you a few minutes ago?"

Matt stormed out in a huff as Connor snickered and Becker let loose a full smirk. Abby and Jess shared a grin.

"A musical at the ARC," Connor stated as the atmosphere cooled down. "Could be fun."

"At least we already have the winged monkeys covered," Abby joked.