Part one.

Past.

People think I'm a hard faced bitch.

I may come across as that, but I can assure you, I'm not. I'm just misunderstood. Maybe I need to talk about my feelings to the others?

I don't really have many friends.

Well, would you be able to while you have to go everytime you hear a wolf howl?

I've used the "I'm scared of them" excuse one to many times. And when she hugs you to say hi and bye and you walk back. "No you can't touch me..I'm not well."

Trust me, it's better if I stick with the guys.

Don't get me wrong, Rachel is such a darling, and she talks to me all the time, although I think someone told her to make an effort. The Cullens also try to include me in their little talks. Stupid bloodsuckers, don't they understand how uncomfortable they make me feel?! Even Emily makes an effort, and I try, I really do. But everytime I look at her, I have to look away. Her scars remind me of Sam.

Why did this happen?

With my own flesh and blood?!

If he imprinted on someone else.. A stranger.. I think it would've been easier.

I still love him, and I know he loves me to. When I'm in my human form I usually think about what our lives would be like if we wasn't like this. We would've had our own house a few miles away from La Push. We would've had a dog called Patch. We would've been arranging our marriage, and more importantly, we would've been trying for a baby.

It would have been perfect.

Yes, would being the operative word.

Now I just have to face the fact that I will never be loved in more then a freaky pack way by Sam Uley.

I know I have to get over this, but I can't. Everytime I wake up, I think I'm getting over him. But then we go to Emily's for breakfast and I see him cuddling her while she prepares the eggs, and it brings back everything we had.

Ok, I'm a 23 year old girl still getting over my one true love.

If I can be truthful, I don't think I'll ever be able to get over him. I thought we was gonna last forever.

I still remember the last night we spent together even though he'd rather me forget it.

He came to mine after he had dinner and we laid in my bed, my head was on his chest and we were talking about the future. We were planning to go to Seattle for a vacation. After a while, I fell asleep in his arms. When I woke up in the morning he was gone. I got up and walked over to my dresser where he'd left me a note.

"To my Lee Lee,

Sorry I'm not there, I wasn't feeling too well so I went home.

Don't worry, I'll be fine.

Love you always,

Sam x"

That was the last I heard from him in what seemed like a lifetime. I thought I did something wrong.

I started asking my mom if she has seen him and she always replied no. When I asked my dad if had seen him, he could never look me in the eyes when he said no.

After another few days, I went for a walk at the beach, needed to clear my head.

That was when I saw him.

He had changed.

His usually long thick black hair was cut short, just before his jaw. He had no t-shirt on; his muscles were more defined, bigger. He was also taller. He always was taller than me, but now he looked as if he was 6"7 or 6"9.

I found myself walking closer to him; where I looked up to his eyes. They were darker and more alert. My eyes swept over his face. His nose was perfect. Sam always used complain that his nose was slightly crooked. His bottom lip was fuller then his top.

I remember having the sudden urge to kiss him. I walked closer; I was now in touching distance of the man I loved. My hand reached out to touch his arm but he flinched and jumped back.

That's when the tears I held back the past few days started to roll down my face.

"Sam...Is that you?" I managed to ask him.

"Leah" Was all he said back. His voice sounded deeper as well.

He nodded. I could tell he was pained by seeing me like this, and then he turned and walked away in the opposite direction.

I just wanted to be comforted by him, I wanted him to kiss me and tell me everything will be ok.

I tried to run after him to ask what I have done, but my legs felt like lead. Fresh tears poured down my face, I could tell people were staring at me.

Next thing I knew, I was sitting in the sand, my legs out front of me. My eyes felt dry and sore, as it tried to produce new tears. It was darker and colder. I remember wishing I brought a jacket. I got to my feet and started walking home in a daze.

I could hear my name being called.

"Leah? Where are you sis?! Emilys down!" Seth was yelling at the top of his voice.

Shit

I was meant to take Emily to Port Angeles tonight.

I followed Seth's voice and found him. When he saw me his eyes widened and his mouth dropped. His facial expression confirmed my suspicions of me looking like a right mess.

"Seth.. I.. I think its over.." My voice broke towards the end of the sentence.

He held his hand out, and I took it. We walked home in silence.

*****

When we're in wolf form, I sometimes see Seth think about what I looked like that night.

My chocolate brown was filled with grains of sand and my t-shirt and jeans were dirty and creased.

I usually give him a sharp look when he thinks of that. I don't want Sam or the other guys knowing how cut up I still am over it.

So yeah, you may still think I am a hard faced bitch. You're all entitled to your own opinions, but please, let me have me say.