Tread Softly On My Dreams.
Part 1
By Arian.
Author's note - This is a story about Raine, from her point of view
(containing spoilers as usual). It is a sort of prequel to "Thoughts and
Memories" in that the two stories connect up, but you don't have to read
one to understand the other.
My thanks to Sarah, who went through this and picked out glaring errors
and such. I've not put up her full name, she doesn't want to be associated
wih me! *Grins*
(Thanks also to Amara Enid. Her 'fic "After the Rain" sort of inspired the
format of this story. What can I say? Think of it as the highest form of
flattery!)
This story, as are all stories I have or will write, was written for
"the greatest storyteller in the world" who /generously/ allowed me time off
from writing his story to write this one and helped me from time to time.
As always, your help was much appreciated!
Enough talk from me, read the story and let me know what you think!
Raine Loire walked slowly up the hill, enjoying the warmth of the sun on
her brown hair. It was a fine July morning and the sun had not yet reached
its full strength. She walked slowly, but steadily, breathing hard and
determined to reach her goal.
It would be quiet up there and that was what she craved. If she couldn't
hear /those/ two voices, then she would hear none. Not today.
Winhill was never a loud place, but the way people would insist on coming
to check on her, as if she couldn't do anything for herself, was beginning
to irritate Raine. She wanted to scream at some of them, "You wouldn't
help /him/ then, when he needed help, nor would you even help me look after
him! Why make a fuss now when I have only myself to take care of? I've
been taking care of myself for as long as I can remember." She didn't
want to say it. They had always meant well in their own misguided way and
they were not bad people. She didn't want to lose her temper, so here she
was. Climbing this hill again.
She had always loved it up here. This was where she came to think, to
dream or just simply where she could exist, without interruption or
distraction.
She finally reached the top and sat down, legs stretched out in front
of her. She had often come up here before Ellone had been a part of her
life but once she had Elle to take care of, she simply didn't have the
time. Not that she begrudged Ellone that. Not after all the poor girl had
been put through. Then /he/ had turned up. An enigma to Winhill, at least
until he was well enough to explain what had happened to him. Even then
there was the mystery of just how he had got there from Centra.
Raine leaned back on her hands and smiled. How Ellone had loved him! And
he had completely indulged her, answering questions and telling stories.
Not everyone would have been so comfortable with a six year old
monopolising every waking hour, but it had given Raine time to sit up here
again. He had started to use this place too. Somewhere to think and be
alone for a while. Funny how they should both be drawn up here, but it was
the most beautiful spot in the small village. You could look down on all
the tiny houses and the fields of flowers and see the beauty of it without
the mindless insignificance that Raine saw close up. Amazing really, how
very important people imagined themselves to be and how vain, that they
should think themselves special. Well, /she/ knew what was going on out
there. She knew the chaos Adel was causing and was not stupid enough to
think that little Winhill would play a part in bringing down a feared
Sorceress.
She sighed and pushed them all out of her mind. She had come here to
escape them for a while, not to let her thoughts dwell on them.
She twisted the silver ring on her finger and let herself smile again. He
had asked her to marry him up here. Funny how things turn out.
Laying on her back to rest, Raine realised she was still exhausted from
her long walk. /A pregnant woman shouldn't be hill walking/ they had told
her. What did they know? It was better for her to be up here than it was
to be cooped up at home. Up here she could believe anything but if she sat
at home she knew depression would gradually creep in, like a mist.
She stared up at the clouds, her large eyes reflecting the sky. She used
to make pictures and stories out of the shapes of the clouds. Now she saw
only faces, just as she had for months. Two faces eternally floated in
front of her, whatever she was doing. Every waking moment she would find
herself looking into a pair of brilliant green eyes, or soft brown eyes.
She thought she would go mad at first, but now there was a strange comfort
to it. There were times when she thought she could see a third face,
unknown and yet familiar. The features were blurred and indistinct but she
sometimes saw the eyes. Grey eyes that seemed leached of all colour. Such
determination in those eyes.
/When would they return?/ She asked herself for the hundredth time. /What
were they doing? Were they alright?/ Now and again that final question would
creep in - /Were they alive? Would she even know if they were dead?/ No, she
had to believe that she would know, that she would feel them die in her
soul or something. They were alive and they would return to her. She told
herself that every day, repeating it like a prayer. They would come back
to her and for now she had her dreams, her memories. Even her most painful
memories were welcome, even in those memories she could hear those voices,
unimpeded by time or distance.
Raine closed her eyes and let her mind sink into the sea of memory.
***************
/Yes,/ she told herself, /this was the beginning. This was when it had
/really/ started./
***************
The small woman sat at the bar, reading a book. There was still time to
kill before she had to open the place, although it would probably remain
just as empty for most of the day. It was quiet outside, as it always was
here, but for a moment Raine thought she heard something. Something she
couldn't identify, but silence now ruled again and Raine fell back to her
book.
A few moments later, the still atmosphere of Winhill was shot to pieces
by the steady drumming of footsteps. Many feet marching to a set rhythm.
Placing the book carefully on the counter, so she wouldn't lose her page,
Raine stood and walked quickly to the door. Her hand hovered over the
handle as she heard gunfire and screams. The brutal sounds assaulted her
ears and she winced. Just what the hell was going on out there? Realising
it wasn't the smartest thing to do, but unable to stop herself, she closed
her hand on the door handle and prepared herself for what she might see.
She was never given the chance. The door was flung open and Raine was
catapulted backwards, landing awkwardly on her side. She heard people
trampling into her tiny bar and clambered quickly to her feet.
She recognised the light blue uniform of the five intruders almost
immediately. Esthar soldiers. Who wouldn't recognise them with those
silvery uniforms and strange bug-like helmets?
Suppressing the wave of fear, she stood her ground - waiting. She had
heard the stories, just like everyone else. Stories that told of these
mysterious foreigners that kidnapped or stole away small girls that were
potential successors to the sorceress who ruled in Esthar.
"You have children?" One soldier asked, while the others searched Raine's
house.
"No." Raine stared up into the bug-eyes, her gaze unflinching. The soldier
stood in silence as the others returned and shook their heads. Nothing for
them here. The soldier who had spoken before, the leader it seemed, said
something and the other four left, but Raine's sigh of relief was premature
and it turned into a gasp as the leader took her shoulder and more or less
threw her out into the square.
Most of Winhill was here, gathered in the square, some being questioned
by soldiers, others were hurt and being helped by friends who were doing
what they could with knife and bullet wounds.
"Where are the children?"
Raine turned to face that persistent bug-form that had pushed her out of
her home.
"The children of Winhill are in front of you." She answered, as scornfully
as she dared. "There are no others."
"These are all male. Is there not one female child in this miserable
dump?"
"None." Raine said firmly, hiding the knowledge in the back of her mind
that there was one small girl. Just one. Ellone, a puzzling four year old
who lived next door with her parents. The whole village knew her well and
as the only girl she was spoiled rotten. Had any of them said anything or
had Ellone already been found? Raine did not dare to glance towards the
house the child lived in to see if it had already been searched. Then once
more the choice was taken from her. From the direction of the house
belonging to Ellone's family came the sound of voices raised in argument.
The square quietened down to listen and she found that standing where she
was, she could hear the words clearly.
"There is a young girl living in this house. Where is she? We know she is
here and we will find her in the end."
"No one else lives here, just us. I swear we're the only people here."
Ellone's father, Raine guessed. She wished she knew their names but they
had kept very much to themselves, although Ellone ran freely round the
village. Unusual for people to be so set apart from others in a small place
like Winhill but perhaps they just hadn't been very sociable, she thought.
"Then why are there children's toys upstairs? Why are there dolls and
clothes for a little girl?"
"Our niece. She visits from Deling City. It all belongs to her." Ellone's
mother blurted out, her voice shaking with fear.
Raine heard silence for a long time and supposed that the house was being
searched thoroughly. /They better not find that girl./ She thought to
herself. /I don't know what I'll do if they find her./ She was scared, not
just for the girl but for what her reaction would be when Ellone was found,
as she must inevitably be. She would not stand here passively while they
carried the girl out of Winhill. She didn't know what she would do but it
terrified her.
"There's no one else here, sir."
"You're sure? Adel was certain there would be one here."
"Yes sir."
Raine held her breath. Would they leave now?
"I still think there is someone here."
"We have to leave now, Captain. If we don't go soon then..."
"I know! But before we do, I'll make damn sure this hellhole doesn't
forget us. I'll teach them to try and lie to us, to try and hide what we
were looking for..."
That voice sent shivers down Raine's spine. She hated them. Soldiers who
thought they could do anything because they were soldiers.
The sound of rapid gunfire broke the stillness and Raine stood rigid in
shook. Unable to move, she watched mutely as the soldiers exited the house
and they marched away. The soldiers who had been in the square started to
follow, but the one Raine had spoken to held back.
"I saw the reactions on your face. I read what you were thinking. There
/is/ a girl here and if Adel thinks she is suitable, we'll come and get her
one day. We'll come back and /I/ won't forget that you lied. We'll be back
one day." He threatened.
Raine started visibly but the soldier had already vanished with the
others. Managing to unfreeze her limbs, she ran towards the house and burst
in the door.
Ellone's parents lay next to the table that stood in the centre of the
room. Kneeling next to them, uncaring that she sat in a pool of blood, she
checked for a pulse. Nothing. She hadn't expected that there would be.
Riddled with bullets, the man and woman lay curled up next to each other,
eyes staring open. Raine stared right back, hoping to find a clue as to
where Ellone was, but even in death they didn't give away the hiding place
of their daughter.
Raine carefully arranged their limbs and shut their eyes, as best as she
could, before searching for Ellone. Her luck was no better than the soldiers
and she found nothing. She was about to start looking outside when she
thought she heard something upstairs. Quietly creeping back up the stairs,
she heard the sound of a child, crying.
She /is/ here, Raine thought.
Following the sound to its source, the dark haired woman found a tiny door
in the wall of Ellone's bedroom. It completely blended in with the wall and
had she not had the sound to follow, she never would have found it.
"Ellone." She said softly, crouching next to the door. "Ellone, it's okay
to come out now. They've gone. It's just me here now, just Raine, OK?"
Raine saw the door open slightly and a huge brown eye peered through the
crack at her. After a quick glance about the room, the eye retreated and
the door was flung wide open. A slender four year old ran sobbing into
Raine's arms and Raine pulled her in close, whispering to her, grateful
that Ellone was safe.
"It's alright, they've all gone. You're safe now. I'll make it better."
/How?/ She asked herself. "Ellone, do you know what happened?" Raine asked
the question straight out, unsure how to talk to a child.
"I heard people coming in, they were shouting." She looked tearfully up at
Raine. "I hate it when people shout. It scares me, so I shut myself in here.
Then... Mommy..." She started to cry again and Raine hated herself for
asking the question. /So Ellone knows that her parents were dead. Poor
girl, this room is right above the main room downstairs. If she hadn't
heard the gunfire and realised what it meant, she would have seen it
through the cracks in the floorboards./
She gently stroked the head of dark hair that was buried in her shoulder
and wondered just what to do now. She had said she would make it better
but what could she do? An idea leapt out at her and she was amazed she
could have missed such a simple thought.
"Ellone, would you like to stay with me?" She held the small face away
from her with careful hands, looking for a response. The brown eyes widened
and started to cry again, half with relief.
Raine picked the girl up and let her cry. She certainly had cause to cry
as many tears as she wanted to. Gently rocking the child in her arms, she
made her way down the stairs, turning Ellone's face into her neck so that
she didn't have to look at the bloodied form of her parents anymore.
A few of the townspeople had come in and were preparing to remove the
bodies. They looked up as Raine approached, sympathy for Ellone written on
their faces, but they said nothing.
As she stepped into the sunshine, she saw Millie run towards her from her
house across the square.
"She's OK?" Millie asked anxiously, peering at Ellone. "She was in the
house the whole time?"
Raine nodded and felt Ellone's arms twist round her neck.
"What'll happen to her now? Where -"
"I'm looking after her now." She cut Millie off mid-sentence. Millie
stared at her friend, amazed.
"Raine, you can't possibly manage her. You're only -"
"It doesn't matter if you think I'm too young to handle this. I /am/ going
to take care of Ellone." Raine said firmly, walking into the pub and
closing the door behind her. Carrying Ellone upstairs, she sat down and
sighed. The soldiers had practically wrecked the place.
"It's going to be alright, Elle. I'm here and I won't let anything hurt
you again. I promise." She said softly.
***************
It had been awkward at first. Raine had absolutely no experience of how to
look after a child and although Ellone had kept her from making too many
mistakes, it had taken a while for them to adjust to each other.
For two years they had lived together in peace, until the next
disturbance of their tranquil world.
***************
Raine stood at the bar, serving the handful of locals that didn't have
anything better to do. She had already put Ellone to bed and with any luck
the girl was asleep, although you never quite knew with Elle. She could be
a strange child at times.
She looked up as two more figures entered her bar. She recognized one as
Joe, the guy who ran the shop at the far end of town. The other was one of
the soldiers who had been stationed in Winhill since the attack.
She was serving their drinks in silence, lost in her own thoughts, when
some of their conversation seeped through to her.
"Poor sod." The soldier commented. "Wonder what happened to him? He looked
worse than if someone had dumped him on the main line to Timber for a
few days."
"He sure was a hell of a mess. It's probably a mercy." Joe replied
indifferently.
"He's better off dead. If he ain't, he soon will be."
Raine looked up in shock.
"What did you say?"
"We're just talking about a body on the beach. Don't worry, we'll bury it
tomorrow before Ellone has a chance to -"
"No." She cut in. "You said he would soon be dead. Don't you /know/ if he
was dead?"
"Well, we didn't check..." the soldier said awkwardly.
"I don't believe you! I really don't believe I'm hearing this! You just
left a man to die!"
"Raine, if you'd seen him, the state he was in...you'd have left him too.
There's nothing we can do." Said Joe, without a trace of regret.
"No. I wouldn't leave anyone who needed my help. Even if it was pointless.
If you think I would, you insult me and I don't think you'd want to do
that." The bar fell silent as she raised her voice. "Where is he, Joe?" She
glared at him and when he said nothing she turned to the soldier.
"On the beach." The man shrugged.
Raine nodded to him and walked round the bar, picking up her coat from a
hook and wrapping it round herself.
Joe caught her arm.
"Where are you going?"
"You know where I'm going. I'm going to do what you should've done
yourself."
"You can't. It's wrong, Raine. He's an outsider and you know the damage
they can do! You, of all people, the one who found Ellone and looks after
her, should know -"
Raine's hand flew towards his face and the sharp sound of the slap cut him
off, mid-sentence.
"Get out." She hissed, between her teeth. "I won't have it, do you hear?
I'll not listen to you tell me it's right to let someone die because you
are too stupid to look outside this town. It was /Esthar/ that attacked. One
country out of many. The rest of the world is not evil. Now get out."
Joe looked stunned, the red mark on his face glowing. He opened his mouth
to talk again but he saw Raine glare at him and he slunk out without a word.
Raine stalked out into the night, seething. /Stupid old fool!/ She thought
as she walked. /Why could no one in this town get over the attack? If Ellone
has moved on, then there is no reason why they can't./
Yet Raine knew that it was unfair to make such a criticism when she
herself was so badly scarred. The nightmares were only part of it,
terrifying though they were. She would hear the screams and the gunfire
and then she would see those bodies again, lying in a crumpled heap. The
other impression that day had left was her hatred of soldiers. She despised
them all. The only thing they could do was destroy, she had seen that for
herself. Was there /one/ of them that knew about compassion? That wouldn't
kill for the hell of it? She shook her head in disgust. No wonder there
were so many skirmishes at the moment. Too many soldiers with time on their
hands.
She finally reached the small cove and ran to the form at the waters edge.
Kneeling, she checked the man's neck for a pulse. He was alive, but
unconscious. His clothes were soaked and torn, and his skin was bruised. She
brushed the tangled hair out of his face and laid a hand on his forehead. It
was cold, clammy and far too pale.
/He must've lost a lot of blood./ She thought, her mind working overtime
on what she would have to do now.
A sudden flash of something caught Raine's eye. Something round his neck.
Dog-tags. /Great, just what I need, a soldier. Galbadian by the look of it./
She rolled her eyes, but took off her coat and covered him with it. That
would have to do until she got back. She had to get someone to help her,
there was no way she could lift him on her own.
Raine ran back to the square. Who should she call? The doctor? That
wouldn't do any good. The doctor was of the same mind as Joe and would be
loath to help her save an outsider.
Making a decision, she knocked on Millie's door.
"Raine? What's the matter?" Millie asked as Raine grabbed her arm and
dragged her through the square. "Is it Ellone?"
"No, Elle's fine. I need you to help me with something." Raine explained
what had happened as she led Millie to the cove.
Raine could never remember afterwards how they had got him back to the
square, or how they had carried him up the stairs of what was, technically,
Ellone's house. The whole episode blended into a surreal dream. She had
enlisted the help of others who were willing to aid someone who was not
from Winhill and they had pooled their medical knowledge, setting the
broken bones as best as they could. The larger cuts had been sewn up and
as they changed the bedclothes around him, Raine sat in the corner with the
shredded uniform in her hands. She searched the pockets methodically, taking
out anything that had survived to keep it safe. He might want these few
bits when he woke up.
She watched in silence as the others left, having done what they could.
Millie paused at the door, then she turned back to Raine.
"Do you want me to stay?"
"No. I'll be fine. You should try and get some sleep." Raine knew why they
had left. They knew her knowledge of healing surpassed their own and they
knew that just as she wouldn't give up a life, she wouldn't share this
burden with anyone, either.
"I'll take Ellone home with me. You'll need her out of your way for a few
days." Millie offered kindly.
Raine nodded and moved her chair to the bedside. As she heard Millie shut
the front door, she inspected her patient. It probably would have been
quicker for them to identify the unbroken bones and then set the rest. What
on earth had he done to get himself in this state? It was nothing short of
a miracle that his lungs hadn't been punctured by the numerous broken ribs
he'd sustained.
She looked critically at his face. It was still too pale. She hoped
fervently he wasn't bleeding inside. She didn't have the knowledge or the
equipment to deal with that.
/How old is he?/ She thought curiously. In his twenties, she guessed but
it was hard to tell, the mess he was in.
Raine sighed reflectively. /A soldier. Well, it doesn't matter what he is,
I had to help./ She /couldn't/ hate this one, not when he was hurt, even
though it twisted up her ideals and prejudices. It felt like someone had
switched on a blender in her brain and everything melded together, making
no sense at all.
/Wait until he's better,/ a voice in her head told her. /Then maybe you can
hate them all again. Maybe you can put your mind back to how it was, once
he doesn't look so helpless./
***************
It was a day before Raine's patient was conscious. She had sat there
for a full hour, answering his questions patiently and then asking a few of
her own.
His name was Laguna Loire and he had fallen down a cliff on Centra, he had
informed her seriously. She had almost laughed in his face at that
statement, until he had explained it.
Ellone had visited Laguna most days and, thankfully, he didn't seem to
mind. Elle was overjoyed with her new friend and this spared Raine of some
of her chatter.
Raine visited every day until Laguna was back on his feet, some six months
later.
She had always been civil and polite, but her voice never really crossed
the barrier into friendly. She wouldn't let herself. Her mind wasn't ready
to deal with the change of principles that would involve, but deep down she
knew it would have to one day. It was getting too difficult for her to be
detached. Why did he have to be so damned /nice/ to her? Still her mind
shied away.
/One day,/ she told herself, /one day I'll be able to change. I'll be
strong enough to change. But not yet./
***************
/When was it?/ Raine searched her memories. /When was it he noticed my
state of mind? My barriers?/ She would never know that. Perhaps he had
always known they were there. When had they started to break down? She
remembered that day - the day she had finally won the battle with her
psyche. The day the nightmares went away.