Disclaimer: I own nothing. I don't own Jack (sigh), I don't own Norrington, I don't even own the title, exactly, having based it off an old country song. So, basically, I own nothing. Don't sue.
This is a somewhat random Pirates story; not that the story is randomly funny, just that it kind of randomly came to me. Though it is funny in spots, I think. Anyway…here it is; Jack's on the gallows, and Norrington put him there…but what does Norrington really think about letting Jack hang?
Norrington stood ramrod straight in his position on the steps of the fort, and silently wished that the shade lying so temptingly behind him would stretch just a little bit farther and offer him some relief from the heat. He briefly considered scratching the itch at the back of his wig, but kept his hands firmly clasped behind him. One had to maintain the proper dignity at an execution. And if far more eyes were on the condemned man than on the officer who brought him in, well, enough were on Norrington that decorum was required.
Norrington listened as That Pirate's list of crimes was read aloud. He noted absently that the list had grown since the last time he'd heard it. Not surprising, really. Norrington didn't give that a lot of thought though. Primarily, he was waiting. For the inevitable.
The list concluded, and the drum roll began. Norrington watched expectantly, alert for what he was sure was coming. The drum roll ended. Norrington frowned. It hadn't come. The hangman reached for the lever to drop the trapdoor and end the grisly business.
"Hold a moment!" Norrington called, surprising himself almost as much as the crowd. "I want…a word with the prisoner," he said, striding across the square and up the steps of the gallows two at a time. A look dismissed the hangman to a fair distance. Norrington leaned towards That Pirate and demanded in a low voice, "Well? Where is it?"
Captain Jack Sparrow looked at him quizzically. "Beg yer pardon, Commodore?"
"Where is it?" Norrington repeated.
"Ye misplaced somethin'," Jack concluded.
"I'm not missing anything, you are!"
"Me? I haven't lost anythin'." Jack shrugged. "An' even if I 'ave, not gonna make much difference in a minute. Speakin' o' which, you wanna get this over with? If you'd just pull that lever over there…"
Norrington shot a glance around to see if anyone was within earshot. He leaned in closer. "Your escape plan. Where is it?"
"Oh. That." Jack shrugged again. "'aven't got one. Now about that lever, if ye'd just pull—"
"Five times you've been up here. And five times you've escaped. When is it going to happen today?"
"It isn't," Jack said matter-of-factly. "Now are ye gonna pull that lever?"
"Where are Will and Elizabeth? Which of those soldiers are going to throw off their coats and turn into pirates? Where's Mr. Cotton's bloody parrot?"
"Will and Elizabeth are out of town visiting relatives, my crew is in Tortuga, and I assume the parrot is with them," Jack said patiently. "Now, do you want me to pull the lever?"
Norrington stared at him. "You seem very…unconcerned about this whole situation."
"And y'know why I seem unconcerned about this whole situation?" Jack said conspiratorially.
"Why?"
"'cause I'm unconcerned about this whole situation."
"You're about to be hanged, man!"
"Not at the rate yer going," Jack muttered.
"Why aren't you upset?"
"'cause you forgot one very important thing."
"You're Captain Jack Sparrow?"
"No." Jack paused. "Well, yes. But what I meant was, ye didn't catch my Pearl."
"So?"
"So she's still out there. Somewhere."
"Raiding settlements," Norrington said bitterly.
"Waiting for me," Jack said, a dreamy, distant light in his deep brown eyes. "An' even if I never go find her, 'cause I'm out there on Gallow's Point, well, the main thing is that she's out there. Somewhere. Waiting." There was a long moment's silence. Then Jack visibly snapped back to the present moment, back from whatever distant wave he'd been riding. "Now, are ye gonna pull that lever or no?"
Norrington considered the situation. It seemed that Captain Jack Sparrow had at last been caught, that he had no daring plan, that he was finally going to pay for his crimes and hang by the neck until dead.
In one swift movement, Norrington carefully and deliberately tripped over his own feet and sprawled on the platform of the gallows. Jack wasn't a fool, and within half a second a boot had descended to rest on Norrington's neck. Rather with more force than Norrington felt was strictly necessary.
"Well, well, well. This is an…interesting place we're in," Jack drawled. "If I stepped just right, I think I could snap yer neck, Commodore."
"Looks that way," Norrington acknowledged.
Meanwhile, the rest of the crowd had reacted, and, in characteristic fashion, the soldiers had leveled every rifle at Jack.
"I'd point those somewhere else, if ye want to keep yer commodore," Jack informed them.
"Lower your weapons!" Governor Swann shouted, apoplectic as ever. "Lower your weapons!"
As usual, the soldiers raised their weapons to rest them against their shoulders. The hangman, meanwhile, hoping Jack's attention was diverted, had crept closer and was reaching for the lever.
"Can't touch that," Jack warned, tapping his foot against Norrington's neck, which Norrington felt was wholly excessive.
The hangman stepped reluctantly back.
"Don't walk away, I need ye to untie me hands."
When the hangman didn't move, Jack started tapping his foot again, acquainting Norrington with the fact that there was dried mud on the bottom of Jack's boot. The dirt was beginning to crumble, and Norrington resisted the urge to cough.
"Do what he wants!" Governor Swann shouted.
You had to appreciate a man in authority who panicked and did whatever the pirate wanted as soon as a hostage situation developed, Norrington mused. Somewhere above him, Jack's hands were being untied.
As soon as his hands were free, Jack pulled the noose off and grabbed Norrington's pistol. Once he had that pointed at Norrington's chest, he finally moved his foot, to the relief of Norrington's neck. Norrington slowly got back to his feet.
"Well, this is interesting," Jack said cheerfully, as he strolled down from the gallows, boots clattering on the wooden steps.
"You have nowhere to go but back to the noose!" someone in the crowd shouted. Norrington hadn't seen who, but he'd bet money it was Gillette.
Jack rolled his eyes, as though annoyed at explaining the obvious. He explained anyway, walking towards the cliff as he did, pistol still in hand. "I came 'ere by boat. The boat's still out there, tucked away in a charming little cave in yer cliff face, there…just in case."
There was a collective sigh of irritation from the soldiers. Though they should be used to it by now.
Jack had reached the edge. "Gentlemen, I believe it's time I bid you adieu," he said with exaggerated formality.
"I'll have you next time, pirate," Norrington snapped, mindful of his reputation.
Jack grinned, and winked. "'course ye will, mate. 'course ye will. But right now I've a Pearl to find." He leaped to the top of the low wall on the cliff edge. "Gentlemen! Ladies! You will always remember this as the day that you almost caught…Captain Jack Sparrow." He held the dramatic pose for a moment, then gave a sloppy salute. "See ya 'round!" And then he went off the edge.
Norrington mused over that 'course ye will, mate' and its accompanying wink as he descended from the gallows and rejoined the Governor on the steps.
"I'm very sorry, James," Governor Swann said consolingly. "It was most unfortunate."
"Yes. Very unfortunate," Norrington agreed, feeling inordinately pleased with himself.
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