Reviresco.
By Arian.
Author's note: OK, it's probably best if you read "Thoughts and Memories"
first because this is a sequel to it and if you haven't read T&M you won't
understand a lot of this. I will warn you now, there are spoilers. I'd also
better warn you that this is a very contrived plot line and just a lame
excuse for Arian to further her Laguna obsession. Um. Also some of the
characters are a bit out of character. And Squall is even more of a git
than usual.
Not a lot else I can say, except, please ignore the inconsistencies with
T&M and enjoy the story!
She sat beneath a tree, some distance from the other figure on the hill.
She knew that he would not want to see her, so she kept far enough away
that he'd never know she was there, but close enough to hear the story he
told.
She watched as he finished the tale and fell asleep. /Why am I here?/ She
thought. /Why now? I don't want to be like this./
She had become conscious a short time ago. The first thing her eyes had
rested upon was a young man walking down the hillside, talking to a girl
at his side. She couldn't see their faces and they had not seen her. She
had thought nothing more of it until now. Until hearing that story. Now
she knew who they were.
/I want to go back to how I was. I want to rest. I'm so tired. Bone-weary./
She smiled at the irony of it. /But I don't have bones anymore. Not when I'm
like this./
While she had been thinking, a dark-haired young lady had approached the
sleeping figure on the hillside and woken him.
/Ellone? Is that really Ellone? She's so grown up! So old! But her face is
still the same. Still the same round face she had before./
She edged a little closer as they walked away and she caught Laguna's last
words, on the edge of her hearing.
"Sleep well, Raine."
/I was until recently./ She thought sadly. /I wish I knew what had woken me
up. I wish this had never happened./ Her eyes fell on the beautiful white
flower Rinoa had made for her and Raine understood.
***************
Squall sat in his room, feebly trying to work while Rinoa talked to him.
It wasn't that he didn't like her company, but sometimes he wished she
could appreciate the value of silence.
To his relief, Rinoa was interrupted by a knock on the door, and when he
opened it he found Quistis, Irvine, Selphie and Zell, all pale faced.
/What's the matter with them? I don't think there was a party last night.
If there was Rinoa would've made me go. Quistis never drinks anyway, so it
can't be a hangover./
Squall invited them in and they lodged themselves around the room.
/Something must be wrong. Selphie hasn't said a word yet, and Zell isn't
shadow boxing. It must be really serious. Great, another problem, just what
I need. Why can't they all leave me alone?/
After considerable nudging and whispered comments from the others, Quistis
handed Squall a note and he noticed a slight tremor in her hand.
"This came for you this morning."
He opened the folded sheet of paper, expecting to find a declaration of
war or something worse, but when he read it, he laughed.
"This is it?"
"What does it say?" Rinoa peered over his shoulder and read the letter
out loud.
Squall,
Go back to Winhill. Bring Rinoa.
R.
He stared at the cryptic message for a while.
"So why are you guys so nervy? And who's "R"?" he asked and Quistis looked
at him in surprise.
"You don't know many people from Winhill, and there is one who's name
begins with R who kind of springs to mind."
"Raine?" Rinoa asked. "You think she wrote this? That's impossible."
/Raine's dead. We watched her die two weeks ago when we all stood round a
screen in Esthar. She has been dead for 17 years and I don't believe in
ghosts./
"You think this is ghost written and that's why all of you are out of
sorts."
Selphie handed him a white flower.
"This came with it. It's the same as the one's that were in Raine's bar
when we went to Winhill."
"Anyone could've sent this." Squall said flatly. "And how come you all
read my mail before I do?"
"I had to open it to see who it was for." Selphie shrugged. "And I just
kind of saw the rest of the writing. Then I told Irvine about it."
"Irvine told me." Zell put in.
"And then they all came knocking on my door." Quistis finished.
Squall rolled his eyes. /Great! One long game of Chinese whispers. What
did I do to deserve this? It must've been terrible./
He started to tell them his letters were private and shouldn't go around
the whole of Garden before they got to him, when he felt himself moving
towards the door.
"Rinoa, what are you doing?"
"We're going to Winhill."
"Because of this? It's just a joke or something. Ghosts do not exist."
"Then think of this as a way to prove that theory." She said, quickly
dragging him out the door before he had time to think of a reply.
***************
"Rinoa, what the hell are we really doing here? If you avoid it again,
I'll take you back to the Sorceress Memorial and let them vacuum-pack you."
Squall threatened as they walked away from the Ragnarok towards Winhill.
"You wouldn't do that. If you remember, /you/ were the one who objected to
it before." She replied tartly.
"Rinoa!" he yelled in frustration. She sighed.
"Look, I just... have a feeling about this, OK? Call it intuition, if it
makes you happy."
Squall rolled his eyes and walked on to the tiny village. /Great, she
chooses today to be all sorceress-y and mysterious. Why me?/
He started to head to the bar, but Rinoa took his arm and dragged him
away.
"If she's here, you won't find her in there." She said, in answer to his
questioning look.
"How do /you/ know?"
"I have... an idea. A... theory about this, but I'm not sure, so I don't
want to say anything. Just take my word for it, Raine will be on that hill,
where we went last time we visited."
Squall was now completely confused, but followed Rinoa past the buildings
and up to the hilltop.
A figure sat curled up next to the plaque that bore Squall's mother's
name. She lifted her head as they approached and climbed to her feet.
Squall stopped in his tracks when he realised he could see the clouds in
the sky behind her. He blinked vaguely a few times, trying to make his eyes
work properly, but the figure remained transparent.
He turned to Rinoa who was staring straight ahead and he caught a trace
of sadness, and worry, in her eyes.
"Go and talk to her, Squall." She breathed quietly, still staring at the
dark-haired woman in front of her. "Talk to the mother you've never met."
He nodded faintly, but found his feet refused to move. /I'm Squall
Leonhart. I defeated Ultemecia, Adel and more monsters than I care to
count. I am not going to be petrified by a ghost. Especially not one that
is my mother.../
With a supreme effort of will, he forced himself forwards until he stood in
front of her.
It was undoubtedly Raine Loire that waited patiently before him. The same
dark hair and blue eyes he remembered from the Ellone-induced dreams, and
from the incident in Esthar recently, when he had watched her die while
standing in another room with 17 years between them.
/What can I say? What do I say to her? I never knew her. Never had the
chance. Now I have that chance and I don't have a clue what to do. Do I
tell her I wish things could've been different? That's lame. She must know
that already./
While Squall was still trying to formulate something intelligent to say,
Raine looked at him carefully, then spoke.
"You're confused, I'm sorry. You don't know what to say, do you? You can
relax a little about that. You can't say anything that would offend me. You
must have questions you want to ask me. I don't mind." Raine's eyes
flickered away from Squall as Rinoa came forward to stand at his side.
"Julia?" Raine whispered. "I know you aren't her but..."
"You knew my mother?" Rinoa asked quickly.
"She was your mother?" Raine gave a short laugh. "Yes, that explains the
likeness. I knew of her. I... saw a picture of her once."
"You said it's OK to ask questions, Raine... Mu -" Squall queried
awkwardly.
"It's OK. You just call me Raine, like Elle does. I didn't call you up
here to make you feel awkward." She said softly.
"That's what I wanted to ask. Why are we up here and why did you send that
letter?" Squall frowned. "And /how/... you're..."
"Can we talk about why in a minute? As for how I sent the letter..." Raine
shrugged. "I got one of the villagers to post it."
"They know you're here?"
"No. They didn't remember. They didn't even know what they were doing." She
replied sadly.
"Was it you we saw when we came to Winhill a while ago?" Rinoa put in, a
strangely intense look on her face.
"No." Squall felt something, an understanding, pass between the two women
and he watched as Rinoa walked away a short distance and sat on the grass.
"What's the matter with her?" he asked, looking with wide eyes at his
mother. "I don't understand."
Raine reached out a hand, unable to help herself, but Squall drew back
before she could touch his face.
"I'm sorry." She sighed. "I shouldn't have done that. But you just looked
so much like /him/. And I... ahh, my son, I'm confused too."
"Why didn't you call Laguna? He'd love to see you again. He'd do anything
you asked."
Raine looked at her son carefully.
"He wouldn't." She said, after a while. "You think about it, and you'll
realise that he just couldn't see me again. Not like this." She beckoned to
Squall and they walked over to Rinoa.
"You asked why, well, this is your answer. I... awoke?... a short time ago.
The first thing I saw was you two walking away. A few days later, Laguna
and Elle turned up. Laguna recited what must have pretty much been your
life story, Squall, and then they left, without ever seeing me. I made sure
of that. The main point is that I don't want to be like this. This isn't
for me. I'm no tragic figure to wander like this. Tragic is not what I want
to be and it's not something I've ever been good at. I want to "rest in
peace" or whatever. Help me." She finished, smiling as she drew in a breath
she didn't need. Yes, there was a lot about this existence that amused her.
"I don't have much else I can tell you, except that I can't leave this
hilltop." She sighed in frustration.
"Why did you... wake up?" Squall asked.
"I don't know... I have an idea now, though. Rinoa can explain it better
than me." She cast a glance to the girl, still sat with her head in her
arms. After a moment, the mass of dark hair lifted and Squall saw that she
had been crying.
"I'm so sorry. So very sorry. I didn't know... I shouldn't... Oh I'm
sorry."
"Rinoa, what's wrong? Whatever you've done, we can fix it." He knelt
beside her.
Rinoa's horrified eyes looked up at him. "The rose, Squall. The rose I
made. It woke Raine up. I don't know how exactly but somehow everything I
was thinking all got mixed up."
"It doesn't matter. It's just a flower, right? We can crush it or burn or
something, can't we?" He asked, knowing the answer was not going to be that
simple.
"I made it eternal, remember?" She shook her head fiercely. "I shouldn't
have done anything! Sorcery is not to be messed around with!"
"You were trying to help me. You meant well." He tried to console her,
knowing how awful he was at that kind of thing. "Let's get back to the
Ragnarok. We'll decide what to do from there."
Rinoa nodded and wiped her eyes. Raine, who had been watching them
silently, spoke up. "I can't leave here."
"You can. I'm sure if we take the flower, then you can come, too. It must
be the flower you're..." Rinoa struggled for a word, "Connected to."
Raine nodded acceptance, and Rinoa walked to the plaque and picked up the
perfect rose she had created.
***************
"How did you know it should be white?" Raine asked after staring at the
flower, where it sat on the tabletop.
"It just seemed... right. To tell the truth, I didn't think about it much
while I made it. I just had a picture in my mind and I made it real." Rinoa
shook her head. "I don't know how it works, but Edea will be able to help
us."
She looked out of the windows at the clouds racing past as they tore
through the sky. They were headed to the old orphanage, to see Edea. She
lived with Cid in Garden now, but after a quick phone call ("Matron... We've
got a bit of a problem..."), she had agreed to meet them elsewhere. Squall
did not want to inflict the bustling atmosphere of Garden on Raine, or
perhaps he didn't want to inflict Raine's presence on Garden. He still
wasn't comfortable with her.
"I don't understand a lot of things. Why did Squall grow up in an
orphanage? And Elle? Laguna left a lot out in the story he told me."
Rinoa hesitated and opened her mouth to speak, but Raine shook her head
and sighed.
"No. It doesn't matter anymore. I just say it so that you know how
confused I get, every so often. This is like standing in the middle of a
play, having to make up your lines without knowing what the people before
you have said. But then, a lot of life is like that." She laughed. "Death
too, it would seem. But no, I have no curiosity anymore. I don't need the
answers I once craved." She smiled impishly at Rinoa for a moment.
"I saw a picture of Julia, once. Wanna hear about it?"
"Sure." Rinoa shrugged, curious about a story that involved her own mother,
however briefly, and intrigued by the way the small woman in front of her
leapt from subject to subject.
"You know some of the story, that Laguna managed to throw himself off a
cliff and recovered in Winhill? Well, he was getting really edgy about
something that he'd had with him when we brought him in. Me, being the
curious wretch that I am, despite everything he said, fished around while
he was out and I found a picture of Julia. You wouldn't believe how mad I
got at myself for being jealous." She chuckled to herself. "I can't believe
I was so dumb!"
Rinoa smiled. "What did Laguna say, when he found out?"
"Oh, he never did. I was too stubborn to say a word about it. Always was
too stubborn for my own good. But I did ask him about Julia. About why he
hadn't gone back to see her."
"Tell me about it."
"You really want to hear? I'm not boring you yet?"
Rinoa shook her head. "No, I like talking /and/ listening but I only get to
do the talking part around Squall. If I listened, well..."
"He isn't very talkative, is he? What was I talking about? Oh... I
remember. Asking Laguna about Julia. He was really mad at me after I did
that. Well, not mad. I don't think he's ever been mad at anyone, but he was
definitely upset."
"Why? Didn't he think you'd ask, sooner or later?"
"No, it wasn't that. It was my timing. He'd just asked me to marry him."
Raine chuckled again and Rinoa burst out laughing.
"I could see Squall doing something similar. If I asked him something
important, he'd probably ask for the card rules for the area, or if it was
me or Selphie that had Leviathan junctioned! Something work related anyway.
What happened next?" Rinoa asked, returning to the story.
"Laguna, the poor love, didn't know what to do and tried to avoid
answering the question." She sighed. "It was a stupid question anyway. I
didn't need an answer, not really. It never mattered. But stubborn, curious,
delusional little Raine wanted answers to everything under the sun, and she
got her answer eventually." She closed her eyes in pain and Rinoa reached
hesitantly across the table.
"Raine? Are you alright?"
Raine's eye's snapped open before Rinoa's hand reached her own.
"No. You can't. I can touch people... but not objects, and people cannot
touch me."
"I don't want you to be upset." Rinoa held her hand out, offering it to
Raine, palm up.
"No, Rinoa. If you knew what it felt like... Just believe me, it's enough
to give you nightmares."
"How do you know all this?" The girl asked.
"It's innate. It's to do with what I am." She shook her head in
despair. "It's pulling me apart. My personality isn't even all here. Not
all at once. It's as if everything that I am is a mist and I can only
snatch at so many parts of me at a time. Never all of me at once."
"Well, that explains the mood swings." Rinoa smiled. "Don't worry. We'll
help you."
***************
Squall landed the Ragnarok and sat thinking for a moment. He was still
very unsure about his situation. Raine undoubtedly existed in some form - he
didn't have a problem with that - but it seemed that she didn't want to. He
finally got to meet his mother and she didn't want to stay with him.
/Maybe she hates me./ Squall thought, gloomily. /I wouldn't blame her if
she did./
He shook his head, quickly trying to banish that feeling of self-pity. He
knew that she loved him, it just hurt that despite that she wouldn't stay.
/She won't remain here for me, but perhaps there are others she will stay
for./ The line of thought was painful, but he allowed it to continue.
/Laguna and Sis. If she won't stay for them then nothing can make her stay.
We have to get to Esthar -/
"Squall!" What /are/ you doing? Edea's waiting for us!" Rinoa yelled up
from below.
"Whatever..." he muttered, stirring himself. /I'm fed up with knowing
Raine in snatches from other people's memories. I want to know her /myself./
I have to make sure that I get that chance./