Note to anyone who has already read Papercut: Sorry that this isn't the next chapter that I'm sure you were hoping for, but I really didn't like the way that I wrote it the first chapter. I tried re-writing it, but I fell into the same patterns that I was trying to avoid, so I just got a new song altogether; I really think that it works better with the story line anyway. Hopefully, the new chapter will be up soon, this fic is far from dead. I just don't have much time to write between homework and stage crew, so...yeah.

Note to anyone who has never read this before: You can ignore the above note (obviously, as you haven't read this and you know it). This is from Gaz's POV, and it is also a suicide fic. Anyone who is not ok with this can leave now...waiting for people not ok to leave...done stalling for now...

Italics are the voice in her head speaking, and anything in :::these thingies::: is an action, or something that Gaz perceives/is not included in her thinking.

Disclaimer: I don't own Invader Zim (Jhonen Vasquez does) and I don't own Boulevard of Broken Dreams (Green Day does). Any questions? No? Good.

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What a worthless day. I can't believe how stupid people are, and the way that they all ignore me. It's their fault I'm anti-social to begin with. If they hadn't given me all that crap years ago...well, maybe you deserved it. Shut up. I did not. I was never anything but nice to them. And naïve. And a little bit...immature, even for your age. People don't like that. Well, who the fuck asked you anyway? You did. Because I'm the only one who cares enough to answer you. That's not true. Well then, who does care? All of your nonexistent friends? I told you, shut UP!

/I walk a lonely road/
/The only one I that have ever known/
/Don't know were it goes/
/But its home and there I walk alone/

See, this is why I play my Gameslave 24/7. Because I don't want to have to listen to you. Because you know that I'm telling you the truth. No, because...it's the only way to shut me up besides...that? Yes. I don't like doing that. Sure you do. Why else would you do it? Admit it, you love the feeling of the cool metal blade against our skin, the feeling of blood running down our arms, and the feeling of—Stop it! No more, ever. I'm done with that.

/I walk this empty street/
/On the Blvd. of broken dreams/
/Where the city sleeps/
/And I'm the only one and I walk alone/

See Gaz, you're not done with that. I won't allow it. YOU won't allow it? It's MY body, I'M in charge here. It may be your body, dear, but I'm in charge of the mind. How do you think that you're in charge? You're just the spawn of my imagination... you're not really even there. I am here; that's the whole issue. And I'm in charge because you listen to me. You are my puppet, you do whatever I want you to. Some days, it just takes a little manipulation before you obey, that's all it is.

/My shadow's the only one that walks beside me/
/My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating/
/Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me/
/Till then I'll walk alone/

Get the fuck out of my head. I can't. You just don't want to; you like existing, and if you got out you'd cease to exist. You think I LIKE existing in this shitheap you call a mind? I would love to get out. So get out. I would, but you're too dependent. You'd collapse without someone to control you, someone who pretends to listen to you pathetic woes. Tell you what, I'll get out if you can name a single person who cares about you. OK, Dad cares. Then why is he always busy being at the lab? He can hardly stand to be in the same room as you, because you remind him of your mother. She didn't care about you either; why do you think that she killed herself days after you were born? :::Gaz begins crying:::

/Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ahhh/
/Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ahhh/

Dib, too, he spends all his free time out of the house and away from you. Don't tell me that you honestly think that he believes all that paranormal crap? It's just a cover. You're just the symptom of a disease; counseling would fix that. But you won't get help. You're too afraid to ask, and too withdrawn for anyone to notice. So that brings us back to the original topic of discussion, your..."release" I believe you called it. More insanity. Slightly different problem, same solution.

/I'm walking down the line/
/That divides me somewhere in my mind/
/On the border line of the edge/
/And were I walk alone/

So you think that all that I am is a product of your insanity, is that how it is? Yes, that's all you are. But I'm alive, so very alive. I'd even be willing to bet that I'm more alive than you are. Bullshit. You're a mere voice in my head. What if YOU were the voice, and it were MY body, what then, dear Gaz? Or, what if it were a Dr. Jekyll and Mister Hyde, and we both existed equally? What would you do then? Let's think on this for a moment, we can pretend that I'm Jekyll and you're Hyde, I'M the genius and YOU'RE the monster that everyone hates...oh wait, that's the truth, you ARE the monster that everyone hates.

/Read between the lines of what's/
/Fucked up and every things all right/
/Check my vital signs to know I'm still alive/
/And I walk alone/

But anyway, back to the original topic of our little discussion. Where, I wonder, did you hide the razor this time? I told you, I'm done doing that and so I got rid of the razor. It amuses me so much, the way you continue to lie to me, as though I weren't part of your mind and that I couldn't access your memory at any time that I choose to. Give in; shut me up for a bit, just like you always do. One day, maybe you won't, and I'll get free reign of the mind and body for a change. And by the way, there should be one in Dib's room.

/I walk alone/
/I walk alone/
/I walk alone/
/I walk a.../

Even if it is there, I won't use it. :::Even saying this, I know that it's not true and I move toward Dib's room, hoping that she won't start on me again. She never does, not once I'm doing what she tells me to.:::

/My shadows the only one that walks beside me/
/My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating/
/Sometimes I wish someone out there will find/
/Till then I'll walk alone/

One of these days, I'd like to be truly alone; I'd like to be free from her control :::you'll never be "free" from me::: and not do these things to myself...why does Dib have a safe in his room? Who cares, it'll be over there, on the little stand by his bed...I'll bet he does too. Just like you, only you're more worthless than he is. At least HE has something to do with his time.

/Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ahhh/
/Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ahhh/

:::Despite this, Gaz is still focusing on the safe.::: 14...38...26...click Got it! There's. Too. Much. Crap. In. The. Way. :::As Gaz struggles to move the dirty t-shirts out of the way, viewers get a little time warp to enjoy. --We see Dib walking nervously down a dark alley, wondering to himself for the thousand and second time just why he came here. "You got the dough, kid?" Comes a raspy voice accompanied by a puff of cigar smoke. "Ye-yeah, I've got it." "All $300 of it? Cuz you my bitch if you don't, and I know a lot of fag's who'd love a kid like you." Dib takes out an envelope with 15 $20 bills in it, and hands it to the dirty guy in the shadows. He takes it out and begins counting it. Satisfied, he starts to walk away, when Dib calls to him. "Hey, what about your end of the bargain?" "What about it, kid? You're too young." "B-but we had a deal!" The man chuckles to himself. "Keep your shirt on kid, although I guess I wouldn't mind if you didn't, you're pretty enough...here," he says, tossing Dib a small box.--:::

/I walk this empty street/
/On the Blvd. of broken dreams/
/Where the city sleeps/
/And I'm the only one and I walk a../

:::--Dib runs through the back door clutching the small box, almost knocking Gaz over in the process. "Where the hell are you going in such a hurry?" "I've finally got it Gaz. The means to protect myself and my family from the alien menace." "Yeah, whatever. Now move, you're blocking my light--.:::
A gun? Why the hell does Dib have a gun? Probably for Zim...What if she's right, we're a Jekyll and Hyde, and the only way to kill the monster is to also kill the man...er, woman. Even if not, this hurts so much, seeing the way my life is and knowing that it's only a matter of time until she takes control and forces me to do something more damaging than hurt myself.

/My shadows the only one that walks beside me/
/My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating/
/Sometimes I wish someone out there will find/
/Till then I'll walk away!/

There's really only one way to get away from you. NOOOO! You can't do this to us! Watch me do this. What's the matter? A little blood running down our body has never bothered you before. This is different...This is our life you're throwing away. Not throwing away, saving from your sickness. :::Gaz lifts the gun to her temple, then, after a moment of hesitation, pulls the trigger and falls to the floor.:::

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Much better than the original, ja? J/K, nein spreche Deutsche. Sólomente Español. Not that many of you understood that anyway...but go review. Gehen Sie und Rezension. Vaya y revision ahora mismo.