AS WITH ANY SAMWISE FANFICTION WE JOIN OUR CHARACTERS MID BATTLE
NINJA GIRLBOY: I'M A BOY BUT THAT WON'T STOP FANBOYS FROM MASTURBATING ABOUT ME ENDLESSLY
ALSO I HAVE THE MOST RETARDED ATTACK EVER
NARUTO: HOLY FUCK, ICEMIRRORS. THIS IS GOING TO TAKE AN ENTIRE SEASON TO BEAT
SASUKE: THESE ICE MIRRORS, ARE THESE NEEDLES MADE OF ICE? YES- WAIT NO NOT WATER
GIRLBOY: ZWEE ZWEE ZWEE ZWEE NEEDLES IN YOUR EYE ZWEE
NARUTO: HOLY CRAP, I AM GETTING MY ASS KICKED, BETTER DO THE SAME THING OVER AND OVER AGAIN
SAKURA: GOOD THING BEING THE BEST NATURAL CHAKRA USER IN THE GROUP ENABLES ME TO STAND IN THE SIDELINES AND NEVER LIFT A FUCKING FINGER! THOSE MIRRORS ARE MADE OF ICE, GOOD THING I COULDN'T GO OVER THERE AND, LIKE, PUNCH ONE! ICE IS PRETTY EASY TO BREAK IMHO I JUST NEED SALT!
SASUKE: I SEE NARUTO'S CLONES ARE PICKING UP DROPLETS OF WATER? SEEING AS THIS GUY IS MAKING MIRRORS OF ICE OUT OF THIN AIR, IT MAKES SENSE THAT HE HAS SOME SORT OF COMMAND OVER ICE? GOOD THING THIS IS JAPAN AND THEREFORE NOTHING IS EVER AS IT SEEMS
ZABUZA: LET'S STAND HERE AND TALK ABOUT SHIT, K?
KAKASHI: OK, BUT JUST FOR SHITS LET'S MAKE SURE THE VIEWERS ARE DRIVEN SICK OF OUR SHIT, BECAUSE GODDAMN IT'S SO AWESOME WHEN OTHERWISE FINE AIRTIME THAT COULD BE DEVOTED TO PUNCHING IS DEVOTED TO TALKING. THAT'S WHAT THE VIEWERS WANT.
HAKU: MY GENDER AMBIGUITY MAKES ME A COMPELLING CHARACTER? OR AM I JUST VAGUELY GAY:NEEDLES:
SASUKE: THESE NEEDLES... MADE OF WATER? NO
HAKU: OH HO HO YOU THINK YOU HAVE LEARNED MY POW-
SASUKE: MADE OF PISS, YES, THAT'S IT
HAKU: ...
NARUTO: ...
ZABUZA: ...
SAKURA: wait what happened? I was too busy being useless to pat atten-OW THAT GIANT SWORD REALLY HURTS
END OF EPISODE
SASUKE: YOU KNOW WHAT? FUCK THIS SHIT! I CAN CREATE FIREBALLS GOD FUCKING DAMMIT MOTHER SHIT ASS CUNT WHY DO I JUST NOT MELT THE ICE? BECAUSE I AM RETARDED
KAKASHI: I'M GOING TO STAND HERE, ON A BRIDGE, IN A FOG BANK, BECAUSE OUT OF ALL THE THINGS I COULD DO TO AVOID GETTING MY ASS KICKED, THIS IS ONE OF THEM. ABSOLUTELY.
ZABUZA: I HAVE AN AWESOME WEAPON, SO OF COURSE I'M ONLY GOING TO USE IT ON SPOILERS A FAT OLD MAN.
SAMWISE: JESUS SHIT SCRYED IS LESS RETARDED THAN THIS, IS IT POSSIBLE JAPAN HAS FORGOT TO MAKE AWESOME ACTION SEQUENCES? I AM SICK OF THE TALKING GET TO THE PUNCHING
RUMIKO TAKAHASHI: GENDER-BENDING MARTIAL ARTISTS WOULD HAVE MADE IT- OH WAIT HI HAKU NEVERMIND
HAKU: I CRY TEARS OF PAIN I AM SO EMO IT HURTS
SAMWISE: WHY THE FUCK DO YOU LOOK LIKE A GIRL? THE SAME AKWARD HOMOSEXUAL OVERTONES COULD BE ACCOMPLISHED WITHOUT, YOU KNOW, BEING RETARDED
HAKU: AHAHAHAHAHA MY ICE MIRROR TECHNIQUE IS INVINCIBLE!
SAMWISE: YEAH. EXCEPT FOR FIRE, BRICKS, HEAT, SUNLIGHT, AND SHIT LIKE THAT. WHICH IS WHY IT MAKES PERFECT SENSE TO USE IT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY, ON A BRIDGE CRAFTED OF BRICKS, AGAINST A PERSON CAPABLE OF CREATING FIRE.
HAKU: ... YEAH I GUESS I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT
COMMONER, LEVEL 1: I AM GOING TO THROW A BRICK AT HAKU'S RETARDED MIRRORS
HAKU: CRITICAL HIT xx MY MIRRORS, THEY ARE, LE BROKEN. AND MELTING.