"Gabs, I'm going," Jack Quade said to his colleague, friend and housemate Gabrielle Jaeger as he set out for his date that night with another colleague – the very cute Amy Fielding. Amy had only been working at the ED of All Saints Western General for a few week, but Jack had been interested in her from day one.
Gabrielle had been cynical from day one. "You do know she's Frank's niece?" she asked him. Frank Campion was the Head of the ED and Jack's boss – and Amy was his favourite niece. His only niece, as Gabrielle loved to point out. Pursuing Frank's one-and-only adored niece would be as hazardous as pursuing his only daughter.
"No way," Jack said cheerfully. "Frank's daughter has Down's Syndrome. It would be far more hazardous than Amy. At least he knows Amy's capable of making her own decisions."
Says you, Gabrielle thought, but she chose not to pursue it. Things had been weird between her and Jack ever since she had kissed him at Dan and Erica's wedding. Jack was convinced that her only motive for kissing him was to make her ex Steve jealous – who, incidentally, had spent most of the reception with Amy. She knew she could never make understand that there had been a big part of her that had kissed him because she found him damn attractive.
So Gabrielle knew better at to provoke him over his romantic choices. Personally, she didn't see what he saw in Amy. She found the girl vacuous and lazy with a poor work ethic. But maybe she's a nice person, Gabrielle thought hopefully. Then she thought, yeah, right. She doubted Amy had much to recommend for her other than her looks. Which clearly was enough for Jack.
She sighed. She was trying to be happy for Jack. She knew he had gone through hell last year, with the man who had sexually abused him for two years as an adolescent reappearing in his life throughs sheer bad luck – Gabrielle had found that out when Jack had woken up screaming from nightmares more often then he slept through the night. It seemed her didn't sleep well in strange beds, and it had taken him a few weeks to get used to living in Gabrielle's home.
But he had gotten used to it, and now they were good friends. In fact, she couldn't remember having such a close intellectual and emotional connection with anyone – and she had to admit, that included her ex, Steve Taylor (another colleague of theirs; predictably, Steve and Jack couldn't stand each other). So she understood better than most why he had spent most of last year drinking himself into oblivion so the memories of being sexually abused weren't so sharp, and sleeping with dozens of different women to prove his heterosexuality – including one of the best temp nurses Gabrielle had ever had, Rachel Simms, who had quit after Jack had humiliated her by ignoring her the next day.
Yes, she understood better than most why he had done the things he had done. And so she knew she should be happy with him that he was dating again – or at least starting with a first date – but part of her was doubtful that Jack would enjoy himself. Amy was a fair bit younger than him, for starters. She knew Jack tended to date older women, or at least women his own age, and as well as being physically younger, Amy had struck Gabrielle as being quite immature for her age as well. Not wanting to shower that old man was pretty indicative of that to Gabrielle; only someone immature would balk at doing something that needed to be done because it was 'icky'.
And then there was the fact she was Frank's niece. If Jack took a step wrong, if he slighted Amy in any way, real or imagined, blown all out of proportion, he would have to answer to Frank. Frank might take into account that Jack dealt badly with relationships because he'd had so little healthy ones growing up; but then again, maybe he wouldn't. Maybe he would hang Jack out to dry if Amy was the slightest bit peeved over Jack's treatment of her. Well, then she could say I don't you so at least.
But she didn't say anything now. No point in getting Jack's back up when he was still a bit irritable over the kiss.
"How do I look?" he asked, and she smiled indulgently. Jack could be as insecure about any woman when it came to a date.
"You look fine," she said truthfully. He was a very good-looking man, there was no denying that. Tall, deceptively strong with aqua-grey eyes that changed colours depending on the light and his mood. Something she was sure that Amy was too shallow to notice something like that, let alone appreciate it.
And he had an excellent taste in clothes, too. He had a knack for knowing what suited him. Even when he was just pottering around at home in tracksuit pants and a t-shirt, he looked good. And now, in dress pants and a button-down shirt, he looked really good. Like he had at the wedding, except she had been really drunk at the wedding and now that she was sober, she appreciated a scrubbed-up Jack far more.
She felt a twinge of jealousy towards Amy, why she was sure wouldn't appreciate the effort Jack had put in. She figured Amy was the entitled type who figured it was only what she deserved. Jack deserved way better than her.
She longed to say something to that effect, but all she said was, "Have fun."
Jack grinned. "I'm sure I will," he said.
Jack was bored out of his brain. Amy was the most vapid woman he had had the misfortune of spending one-on-one time with in as long as he could remember. The only enjoyment he'd gotten out of the night was seeing her when he'd first picked her up, dressed in a short red skirt and a spangly silver top. But after an hour or so he was beginning to think that it was a little tacky, and the clothes Gabrielle wore when they went out to dinner together – sundresses or tailored pants with button-down blouses – were much more stylish. She was a woman who knew what suited her, fashion be damned, and he liked that in a person.
All through dinner, Amy had talked about herself – her childhood, her nursing, her friends, her ex-boyfriends. Jack was well aware that whatever woman dated him was facing the prospect of being the last in a long line of his conquests, but he wasn't exactly pleased with being the latest in a long line of Amy Fielding's boyfriends.
That, and he was bored out of his brain. Amy... was... so... boring. Especially compared to Gabrielle, who always had something interesting to say, who knew him so well that she could make him think and laugh with a short sentence or turn of phrase. Gabrielle, who had such a strong sense of responsibility and authority that it was hard to believe she was just a few years older than Amy, that she was actually younger than him, when she was actually more like the older women he preferred to date.
"I was super-pleased that you asked me out," Amy's voice interrupted his thoughts. "I thought you were seeing someone."
"Huh?" Jack hadn't been on a date in years, not since he had broken up with Deanna. He had found one-night stands easier. So where Amy got that he was seeing someone, Jack had no idea.
"That blond who comes to see you, like, every week."
It took Jack a second to realise what Amy was talking about. "That would be my sister," he said, trying not to sound irritable, because she knew he had a sister. At least, he had mentioned it a few times, not only tonight but before, and everyone knew his sister, so even if she hadn't met Rebecca personally, a little common sense – or a little less self-absorption – and she would have realised who Rebecca was.
That was as much as Jack could take. He was bored out of his brain and realised that Amy had absolutely nothing to recommend for her other than her obvious good looks... and those obvious good looks didn't seem to measure up as well as Jack had thought they did when compared with Gabrielle's – well, everything. It occurred to him that he could be at home, watching a DVD with Gabrielle – no doubt she had Buffy going – but instead he was bored out of his brain with a vacuous young woman who could think of nothing beyond herself.
He sped up dinner as quickly as he could, paid for the single round of drinks that she was clearly expecting – at least he had the excuse of needing to drive to get out of a second round – and then drove her home. "I had a good time," he said, lying through his teeth.
"Me too," Amy said. "Do you want to come in for a coffee?" she asked, and the look on her face told Jack that she was confident of his response.
"Thanks, but I really need to get home. Good night's sleep and everything."
"You sure? It won't take long?" she said in a tone that said she believed the opposite.
"No, I really have to go home," Jack insisted. "But – this was nice – and we should do this again sometime." He forced the words out of his mouth. No matter how bored he might have been and no matter how eager he was to get home to someone he actually enjoyed spending time with, he didn't have the heart to be outright rude to Amy. Besides, she was Frank's niece.
"Yeah," Amy agreed, and she leaned in to kiss Jack with a strength and ferocity that belied her small build. She pushed her mouth hard against his and slid her hand down to his crotch in what she had always found worked a treat with men but turned Jack off like she was flicking a switch.
He pushed her away violently. He had always been turned off by forward women, and particularly hated being touched like this. "No, thanks," he said.
Amy pouted slightly, then realised that pouting wasn't going to achieve anything. "Fine," she said, wondering what the hell was his problem that he wasn't all over her. Well, she would be telling everyone that things ended with a goodnight kiss at her instigation, because there was no way she was giving into Jack Quade so easily. A far better story to tell than the truth.
Amy got out of the car, and Jack sighed with relief when she walked up the drive. He watched her go in and started up the engine the second she shut the door behind her. Time to put an end to this night, he thought, and turned the car around, heading for home.
"You're home early," Gabrielle commented when Jack got in soon after, not sounding the least bit surprised. "Date not go as well as you thought?" Jack made a face, and Gabrielle laughed. "That well, huh?"
"That well," Jack said sourly. He headed straight for the kitchen. He needed something to get the taste of Amy out of his mouth. "I'm getting a beer – after a triple shot of vodka. You want one?"
"The beer or the vodka?" Gabrielle asked. "Just how badly did it go?" she asked when Jack gave her a pained look, secretly pleased that things had gone so badly. "I'll have whatever you're having, then. Sounds like it's an interesting story."
Jack made his way into the kitchen and poured two drinks – vodka on the rocks for him, and one diluted with lemonade for Gabrielle. Whatever she said about having what he was having, she was total Cadbury, and he would rather not have a repeat of the wedding.
"It's not funny," Jack said crankily ten minutes later when Gabrielle was trying to repress the smirk on her face. "I was bored out of my brain."
"I could have told you that days ago," she said. "Amy has absolutely nothing to recommend for her other than her looks. She's lazy, unprofessional, vacuous. If it wasn't for Frank, I doubt she would have gotten a job anywhere – or at least not a job that she kept. And the funny thing is, I think he's trying to hook her up with Bart." Gabrielle never thought she would see the day when Bart showed better judgement than Jack, but true enough, Bart had taken a dislike to Amy from day one for the same reason Gabrielle had.
Jack smiled ruefully. Gabrielle had told him that. Several times. "I suppose this is where you get to say I told you so."
Gabrielle smiled indulgently. "It's only fun saying I told you so if the other person is too proud to admit you were right all along."
"Sorry. I'll remember to be more proud next time."
"It's no biggie. I don't recall it being much fun telling Steve that I told him so, either. And I never had fun with Steve like this, either," she admitted.
"I'm flattered, I guess," Jack said. He never knew how to take comments like that. He was very fond of Gabrielle – and let's face it, you couldn't live with someone who wasn't exactly hard on the eye and not notice it – and he knew they had something special that wasn't convoluted by a history of drinking and betrayal like her relationship with Steve was, but he wasn't sure what they were beyond just friends. He liked knowing that she had fun with him – fun that she'd never had with Steve – but he wasn't sure what that meant exactly. Did he mean more to her than Steve did, at least in some capacity? Or was it simply a matter of convenience – he was there, in her living room, he wasn't as complicated as Steve?
He wasn't as complicated as Steve. Now, there was an irony.
But ironies aside, he was confused. He liked Gabrielle but sometimes had no idea where he stood with her. Like when she kissed him at the wedding reception. Had it all been about Steve – or had some of it been based on real attraction she had for him?
Well, it wasn't like he was going to get a straight answer out of her anyway. He suspected Gabrielle was more confused about things then he was. Best to leave that can of worms unopened. Especially since the vodka was hitting his blood and giving him that lovely buzz that came from being tipsy. No point in ruining the moment by bringing up Steve.
He realised she had been watching a DVD – Buffy, of course. No, Angel. He was embarrassed to admit that he could tell the difference now. He supposed he shouldn't be surprised; it was common for people to pick up skills and habits from the people they lived with. Gabrielle herself was slowly but surely learning how to man his four-thousand-dollar coffee machine. Jack wasn't sure it was a fair trade in talents. "Keep watching if you want," he said casually, not wanting to admit that he wouldn't mind watching Angel himself. "What episode's this?" he asked when Gabrielle hit the play button on the DVD remote.
"Quartet. Otherwise known at the one where Gunn and Fred get together."
Jack made a face. "Now you ruined it for me," he complained.
Gabrielle smirked. "And you said you weren't the least bit interested," she teased. She remembered how her box sets had seemed out of the order she had left them in, and she wondered now if Jack had been watching them in secret.
Jack scowled at her, caught out, and Gabrielle laughed. Jack was always adorable when he was caught out indulging in something exceedingly bright intellectual snobs shouldn't be indulging in – like Angel. "Fine, it's kind of interesting – for a crap TV show," he conceded. "But I think they're crap together. He's too obvious and macho. I wanted her to get together with Wesley."
Gabrielle couldn't stop from grinning at this. She had turned Jack into a hard-core fan, complete with opinion about on-screen relationships. And it didn't surprise her that Jack would be more a Wesley/Fred shipper than a Gunn/Fred one. The obvious, macho hero versus the more introverted, intellectual one. "You're such a softie," she said.
"Don't tell anyone."
"So... what's the appeal, then?" Gabrielle asked.
"You won't tell anyone else?" Jack asked, looking sheepish at being caught out acting like such a fan over popular culture. Gabrielle nodded. "I just think they're good together. Gunn's too macho and me-Tarzan-you-Jane. Wesley gets her beyond just attraction. There's this connection that's – intellectual – and emotional. That's way cooler than just physical attraction. It's why I was so bored with Amy. It's not enough just to be cute."
Gabrielle sat back, floored. She knew the vodka had hit her blood and made her a bit tipsy, but she also knew it wasn't the vodka that sent a shiver down her spine. How in God's name did Jack manage to stay single when he had the whole package – looks, intelligence and insight and sensitivity? How in God's name did he manage to stubbornly cling to his belief that she had no feelings for him whatsoever – at least, not beyond friendship? "That's very profound coming from someone who worked his way through half the female population of the hospital," she teased.
"You know why," Jack said quietly, and Gabrielle looked immediately contrite. She knew how touchy he could be about what had happened to him. Not wanting to spoil the moment, Jack brushed it aside. "I guess that's part of the problem," he said. "You've spoilt me, you know. I never had someone who I was so comfortable with about it. Amy wouldn't have bothered me so much before – " by this, Gabrielle knew he meant before he had been forced to deal with what had happened to him, " – but tonight..." Jack shrugged. "It was like I saw this relationship where I could talk to her about it and I thought, well, what's the point?"
"That's kind of mature," Gabrielle said. "I guess it's the same with Steve and I. I mean, about you spoiling me. When I was younger, when we first got together, it was enough that he was older and more sophisticated than me – not that it took much to be more sophisticated than this sixteen-year-old farmgirl – and even when he got back, it was enough that we had this history. But this thing you and I have – I want more out of a relationship now. I want someone who's my friend and who makes me think and laugh."
"And you don't have that with Steve?"
"No. I thought I did, but – I've been thinking lately, and I can't think of a time where we just had fun and talked. I was so young and I hero-worshipped him and that made think we had something special when actually, it was just me being young and hero-worshipping him. I mean, we have a history and we'll always have a connection because of that, and once upon a time, that was enough – "
"But it's not anymore," Jack finished. It was the same for him. Sleeping around and being in relationships had been fine for years, but since he had become good friends with Gabrielle, he wanted something more out of a relationship. And Gabrielle got that; she wanted more than what had been enough when she had been younger; more than simple hero-worship.
"Yeah." She smiled at him. It was nice to have someone who understood her the way Jack was; who could finish her sentences because he knew what she was thinking, because he thought it too.
"I guess I'm flattered that I'm part of that," Jack mused. As soon as the words were out of his mouth he realised just how flattered he was, and he wondered if Gabrielle's words meant that she was over Steve.
"You're more then just a part of that, Jack, and you know it. Before you, I didn't have a guy in my life that I really trusted – well, other than my dad or brother."
"Just what a guy wants to hear," Jack said dryly. Comparisons to male relatives had been used as break-up lines since the dawn of time.
"You know I didn't mean it like that!" she said, wondering how Jack could possibly think that women only thought of him like a brother. "I just meant it's so nice to have a guy friend. I always imagined that my relationship with my first boyfriend would start like that."
"Really? I thought that girls fantasies about Brad Pitt locking eyes with them across a crowded room and it being love at first sight," Jack said dryly.
Gabrielle laughed. Jack was so behind the times. "Zac Efron," she corrected.
"Whatever."
"And – no. At least not for me."
"About what?" Jack asked. He had been distracted from the conversation by the thought that Fred and Gunn were a really crap couple.
"About locking eyes with a hunky man across a crowded room and it being love at first sight. I had that with Steve – or at least, I thought I had it – and trust me, it's not all it's cracked up to be."
"Really?" Jack asked, hoping she would confide more without him being prompted. He didn't like Steve, hadn't liked him from the moment he had laid eyes on the guy, and loved to hear anything negative about him – but didn't want to admit it and be seen as juvenile.
"I didn't know him. I never really knew him – I've gotten to know him better since he sobered up than I ever did when he were dating. It makes me think how much we hide from people we're trying to impress enough to get them to date us – the lengths people go to in order to appear better than they are, that they wouldn't do if they only wanted to be friends."
"Amen," Jack said, thinking about Amy. His bad for being impressed with her prettiness and perky personality, he supposed. If he had ever bothered to spend half an hour engaged in a real conversation with her – well, he would have discovered that there was no having a real conversation with Amy.
Not like he could have a real conversation with Gabrielle.
Gabrielle laughed ruefully at that. "No offense, Jack, but you're not exactly known as someone who looks for personality and intellect in women," she pointed out. "Tonight was case in point."
He smiled sheepishly at that; no point in trying to deny it. "I do know what you mean, though," he said. "My relationships have always failed because there was something – " he paused for a second, searching for the right words. "Illusionary in what attracted me to them."
Gabrielle had to laugh at that. "Most people say 'superficial' Jack," she said.
"No, superficial isn't the word I'd use. I mean – my relationship with Terri Sullivan. There's nothing superficial about her. The woman's as honest and genuine as - well, you are, in different ways. And Amy's the same, in her own way. She never claimed to be Marie Curie. But I saw what I wanted to see and if I'd bothered to get to know them beforehand, I could have saved myself a lot of hassle."
Gabrielle nodded. That actually made sense. Illusionary, she thought. She liked it. She wondered what would have happened had she actually gotten to know Steve before she had become so infatuated with his maturity and sophisticated. Alleged maturity and sophistication, she reminded herself. Maybe she and Steve could have been good friends from the beginning, and she could have saved herself so much heartache.
She wondered what it would be like to get involved with someone she knew well – someone she knew as well as she knew Steve know – someone she knew as well as she knew Jack. She thought about what it would be like to be with someone she knew – she trusted – she had fun with...
The realisation that she knew Jack well – perhaps better than she had ever known anyone, save her brother and father, and they hardly counted – came as a jolt to her. And then with a second jolt she realised that she had been jealous of Jack's date with Amy, not because she had worried that his infatuation with a silly young woman might take away from the time they spent together as friends, but because the idea of him seeing anyone romantically had her seeing the green-eyed monster.
"Gabs? You OK?" Jack asked, noticing that Gabrielle was looking – well, kind of like Einstein must have looked like when he had realised the theory of relativity.
"Fine," she said, collecting herself in time to stop herself from blurting out something she would regret. Really, how ridiculous, and what was Jack supposed to say - Gee, thanks, I'm flattered, but I don't think of you that way. Especially when she had compared him to her freaking brother and father. Yeah, that would go down real well.
He looked at her, curious now. "You look like you had a sudden brainwave," he said.
Trust Jack to be perceptive just when she wanted him not to be. She had never been able to get much past him – it was something she actually usually liked about him. Just not now. "It's nothing," she said.
"If it's nothing then you won't mind sharing," he said reasonably.
She thought about blustering him out, and realised the futility of it. "Fine," she said, deciding to make light of it. "I was just thinking that it's nice to be friends like we are. If I had gotten to know Steve the way I know you, I would never have gotten involved with him and I could have saved myself all that heartache."
Jack nodded sagely. "True," he said. "But then you never would have come here, and we would never have become friends. So see how things worked out?"
She started to point out the obvious – that her heart not being broken was worth much more than a single friendship – but found herself pausing. Hypothetically, if she had the choice, would she trade Jack's friendship to have never experienced the pain Steve put her through? Once upon a time, she would have said yes in a heartbeat – but now that pain seemed so in-the-distance, and Jack's friendship was here and now, and one of the most fulfilling relationships that she had had. She blushed to realise that she had thought of what she and Jack had as a relationship.
"What now?" Jack asked. It always amused him to see her blush; she was terrible at hiding what she was thinking – at least outside of a professional situation, where she was remarkable at manipulating people into doing what she wanted – and she was especially terrible when she was thinking about something romantic. It was what he liked about her; she had no pretensions. There was no bullshit, no lying about her. He decided that wanted the next woman he dated to be someone like Gabrielle.
It struck him with a jolt that he had better than someone like Gabrielle sitting not a meter away from him. He had Gabrielle herself.
"Nothing," Gabrielle said, blushing ever harder. No way could she throw Jack off this one. "Just – " she said, floundering for a convenient lie.
"That we've both had everlasting trouble dating people we didn't know, and here we are, both with our best friend less than a meter across from us?" he asked. He searched her face, and thought he found the answer he was looking for in her flushed face and darting eyes. She could hide her feelings no better than a child. It was charming.
"Yeah," she admitted. She thought about when she had kissed him in a drunken stupor at the wedding. It had been a mistake, and yet, it hadn't felt like nearly as big a mistake as it ought to have. Had their bodies known something, even when drunk, that they hadn't been able to acknowledge when sober? "Jack, d'you think –?" she started to ask.
"I do," he said, and he leaned in to kiss her. It was a brief kiss, their lips brushing momentarily, and he pulled away quickly. "How did that compare to the wedding?" he asked, that familiar cheeky smirk on his face.
"I don't know," she admitted. "Maybe we need to try again. Longer, this time."
He laughed at that. "I didn't realise country girls were so bold," he said.
"Only with boys we really like," she said. "And they don't even have to be country boys."
Jack kissed her again, and she held her breath, wanting to let him set the pace – she hadn't exactly given him much room to manoeuvre when she had kissed him at the wedding. Her patience was rewarded when he ran his tongue over her lips than into her mouth, searching out hers, their tongues tangling. She brought her hands up to the back of his head, running her fingers through his hair. Strange that, for all the times she had run her fingers through his hair, it had never felt so richly textured as this. "Jack," she whispered his name.
He pulled away slightly, so slightly that she could feel the heat and pressure of his breath on her skin. She clenched her fingers in his hair, wanting to pull him close against her so he could kiss her again. She wanted to give him the space he wanted. "Better than the wedding?" he asked.
"Yeah," she admitted.
"Just 'yeah'?" he asked. He nuzzled her neck gently and brushed his fingers against her bare skin. He knew exactly what he was doing, and was thoroughly enjoying himself. He loved feeling her respond to his touch, and it was all he could do not to mash his mouth against hers and devour her. An instinct to take things slow and enjoy the moment rose up against him, an instinct that he was all-but-unfamiliar with. It had been far too long since he had wanted a woman for herself – because she made him laugh and feel good about himself and because she was sexy as all hell and not just a convenient warm body – and it was all he could do to restrain himself.
He only hoped that she felt more about him than just a 'yeah'.
"It was the best kiss in my entire life," Gabrielle said with perfect honesty. "Happy?" If only he'd stopped teasing her and goddamn kiss her.
"Very," Jack said, and went to kiss her again. The best kiss of her life. He figured he could return the sentiment.
But still, he wanted to make sure.