I was inspired to do this because of something Ryu wrote on his page from Trowa's POV. He helped me write this as well. It starts off as 3 X 4 but is a 4 X 9 story. There will be 3 X 4 moments throughout.
Enjoy!
You Sang To Me
By: Ryu-and-Lali
Prologue
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Falling in love was never hard for me.
Growing up, I had been bitter. I had disassociated myself from my family for years due to my own petty reasons, and I had missed out on the love of a parent, and the love that can only be shared with an older sibling. Having had twenty nine of them, that took effort. By the time I had begun to face reality, and Rashid had knocked some sense into me, my family ties had been severed drastically, even within my own home. Although I had tried to make things right, I never felt confident that I had made that achievement. Perhaps I have my loneliness through the years to blame for the ease of becoming attached?
Unintentionally, without realizing, I had fallen in love, twice, for two individuals, in the course of a single year. For one of them, it had been a shock, for both of us I assume. I had never seen myself in that distinction before and yet, for a short time, it felt right, for the both of us. Our lives were chaos, and we the light in each other's lives, even if only for a brief time. I did find, however, that dating my best friend was difficult. I couldn't help but think 'this is a mistake' that even though we both seemed happy, it was an illusion. After the break up, it was near impossible to be around him, for I was still in love with him. I ached for him. I regretted the decision, and yet at the very same time knew it had been for the best, that I had to let him go. I came to the conclusion that I would always be in love with him, just now it would be in a different way, and that it would work better for the two of us. It was not that we were not compatible, or that we had wronged the other, not at all… it was more getting past the fact that we were friends prior to a relationship that did not seem possible. Both Trowa and I feared ruining the friendship if anything wrong should happen between us. We were on edge, fearful that one wrong move would cause us to hate one another. Those few weeks though, were the some of the best of my life… and I will cherish them until the day I die.
At the time of our brief relationship, Trowa was acclimating to a life without war, just as Heero was trying to acclimate to being more human, as a civilian would be, and not an emotionless killing machine. Whereas Heero had Relena at his side gently easing him into normalcy, Trowa only had Catherine Bloom, who simply left Trowa to his own devices. Although I had returned to my old life on L4, I had all too soon found myself bored, lonely… it had not taken me long to seek him out. I had not initially intended to pursue him romantically, but things had simply fallen into place before either of us had realized it. I remember spending a few nights with him, and those nights were anything but restful, for him, they were filled with nightmares and flashbacks to when he was a child. All I could do was simply hold his sleeping form as I lay next to him under the sheets.
When I look back on it, I feel that I was in the relationship for the wrong reasons. I believe that I was trying to make up for what I had done to him during the war, when I thought that I had killed him. Trowa had been willing to risk his life, as well as the chance that the remaining four of our team would be losing one important member, just to help me, just to snap me out of my emotional breakdown. Trowa had been all too willing to lay his life on the line, and I had never felt that I had deserved such devotion. He went without his memories for who knows how long and, granted, although it was I who had been able to remind him at last of who he was, I still feel as though I should have been punished for what I had done. Or at the very least, I felt that Trowa should loath my entire existence after what I had done.
I was simply not that lucky, or one could argue that I had all the luck in the world.
I knew that the relationship was over just as quickly as the relationship had begun. Trowa and I had been in Berlin, on business. On that particular day, we were having a small meal with tea in a little café. I had felt something was off upon waking that morning. I had always been sensitive to the world around me, although I will have to admit, I could not have predicted that which did occur.
I had watched the woman step through the door. A tall pretty thing, hair as blonde as my own. She had walked past us rapidly, and Trowa did not take notice but I had. She was a nervous woman, I had thought at the time. She had sat at the table behind me, and I had lost sight of her. I nearly forgot about her after a while.
After some time, Trowa had looked up at me, to question about something about the menu. He met my gaze only briefly, before apparently locking eyes with the woman behind me from earlier. He had stopped mid-sentence. It felt like he was looking through me. It hurt, I admit. I knew. I just knew…
Trowa held a special place in his heart for this girl, a void I had been unable to fill since our relationship had begun. He had never talked about her, not intentionally… but like most of us pilots, he too spoke of his horrors and happiness in his sleep. I knew that this must be the girl he had called out for in his sleep on occasion, and who was I to try and compete with that?
I knew that look he gave her. I myself had given that look countess times, but not to Trowa... It is not one that is easy to hide, for it is drawn from one's deepest desires. I know Trowa saw it anytime the girl I longed for stepped into the room, and I know he chose to ignore it, for we both knew that nothing would ever happen us two. But in this situation, I simply knew that I had to finally let him go… let him find his happiness, and not force him into my own selfishness.
I had interrupted his question about the menu, shortly after he had found his voice once more.
"I am breaking up with you." I had murmured quietly.
I had not given it a moment's thought, not even a twenty-four hour incubation period. It had simply worked its way out of my mouth before I could even process the situation fully.
He had snapped his gaze from the blonde girl behind me, to look directly into my eyes. Even looking back, I cannot judge the look that had been on his face. Had he been angry? Hurt? Grateful? Somehow, I fully believe it had been all of the above.
"It's not fair to keep you for myself when I am not what your heart truly desires. Trowa…she, even though you have yet to speak with her, is what your heart desires. You know that I know these things. You must trust me." I had stood, and walked around the table, stopping beside him.
He stared at me with a strained look, and it was so very hard to not go back on my quick decision. I simply leaned forward, and kissed him full on the lips, not caring who saw us.
"I love you, Trowa, and my greatest desire is to see that you are truly happy. May we forever remain friends…"
I had raced out of the café before he had even had a chance to speak. Kissing him had been wrong, a bad way to end the relationship, but I had to be sure he knew that things did not fall into place because he had done me wrong. Trowa could never hurt me… not even if his life depended on it. He does not have it in him to do so, and therefore it was I who had had to deliver that blow.
I had stopped just down the street, leaning against the edifice, trying to catch my breath. Perhaps I never should have left him; perhaps I should have seen how that situation would have played out. He did not return to the hotel room that night, nor the night after that one. I cannot say I blame him. I found out a few weeks later that he had spoken with the girl after all, and had decided to stay with her. I sometimes wonder how awkward of a conversation they had had, as she would have had to have seen that final kiss between us.
It was a few months before I could be in the same room with him. I knew it had hurt him when I left, but it had hurt me more than anyone else could possibly conceive to leave him there with her. But as with all things that wound us, I did heal and I may have someone else entirely to thank for this healed heart.
But alas, this is not about Trowa and myself, no, not by a long shot. This… this is about someone else very close to my heart, extremely close to my heart. Do not get me wrong, Trowa did and still does, hold a special place in my heart, but not in the same way that she does.
Her raven hair, her olive skin, her violet eyes… her smile, her voice... her name.
Lucrezia.
This is for her… for you. Especially since you will be the only eyes to ever read this passage and there for, this is for your eyes only.
I was never expecting that phone call, the one that jarred me awake at two in the morning. I never expected the weeping that greeted my ear instead of your usually cheerful voice. I never expected to hear you say that you did not love him, a man that your heart had belonged to for so long that God himself could not tear the two you apart. And yet, for some inexplicable reason, your heart gave out on the hope that he would someday love you the same way in return, and give you the life that you have so long yearned for.
I believe in the phrase 'things happen for a reason'. I have reason to believe that you were sent to me. Lucrezia, you could have gone to any one of our friends and yet you chose me. You chose me to pick up the broken pieces of your heart, to piece them back together one by one and I obliged…
And for that, I am eternally grateful.