"Yes! Please!" Beth's hand shot to Maggie's shoulder in a desperate attempt to encourage the idea Maggie had casually thrown out during conversation. They were seated at the base of the stairwell, Beth cradling Judith with one arm while Maggie sat beside her, an elbow on one knee and her other hand propping up her chin. The sudden lifting of Beth's spirits caused Maggie to sit up.
"I mean… things have been sort of quiet around here, you know? I know I could really go for a shower… and I'm sure Judith would love to finally experience some warm water." Beth looked down at Judith, removing her hand from Maggie's shoulder to brush the sleeping child's cheek. "If it is warm, anyway." She sighed, the small smile still on her lips as she looked over at her sister.
Seeing Beth happy, even if only for a brief moment and over something as small as the idea of hot water, delighted Maggie. They'd all fallen into a routine. Take watch. Ration out the day's food. Eat. Sleep. Repeat. Beth's main priority had become trading off with Carol when it came to watching over Judith, and when that was done she worked on meals for the prison's new arrivals. It was nonstop, but Beth fell into in naturally, as though she was made to take care of others. Still, the constant work weighed on her, and Maggie could see it in her slumped shoulders and slightly sunken eyes.
"I'll make it happen, then," Maggie said, her mouth widening in to a grin seeing Beth's eyes light up.
It took a bit of discussion before Rick gave the okay for Glenn and Maggie to venture to the showers. He was hesitant at the thought of them going alone, the memory of what happened to them when they went somewhere alone the last time springing to his mind. But he shook the past away, remembering that the most that could harm them inside their own walls were walkers, not homicidal maniacs. Having new additions to the prison gave Rick the numbers he needed to keep watch outside the prison, so he allowed the couple to go on the condition that Daryl accompany them.
It wasn't especially difficult finding the showers. The most clearing out they had to do was a few stragglers in the halls leading up to it. None on the inside.
"No real point in me being here, huh?" Daryl muttered, looking around the vacant shower room.
"What, no interest in a shower, Daryl?" Glenn quipped with a grin. "In the interest of the rest of the group, I really hope you reconsider. Being out there in the sun all day… you're kind of foul."
"Pff, better watch who you're callin' foul. You're just as dirty as me."
"Don't I know it. Let's get this water running!" Glenn grinned as Maggie reached for one of the shower knobs. She smiled back at him, seeing the same lightness in him as she'd gotten from Beth. She had to use both hands to get the knob to turn until it squeaked. Then nothing.
Daryl rolled his eyes and walked to exit the room. "I'm gonna head back, clear the path of those walkers for when you get that working." What were another couple hours of being dirty? Hell, he might as well have grown up filthy with all the time he spent chasing Merle and his friends around in the woods.
"We'll get it working!" Glenn called out as Daryl left. He looked back over at Maggie who was exasperatedly twisting both knobs now. She groaned, stepped back and kicked one of the pipes that ran up from the floor. Nothing. Glenn saw her frowning and quickly offered, "Maybe this one's just not working."
She gave him a half glare out of frustration and shrugged her shoulders. They both walked to the other showers and tried turning the knobs. Nothing.
"This is useless!" Maggie shouted, feeling like she could cry, which felt ridiculous. After everything they'd gone through over the last couple of months, she was upset over a shower? Pathetic. They settled into silence, Maggie sighing as Glenn scratched his head. Then they heard a faint rattling followed by louder banging. Then came the hissing from overhead.
"Oh my god it's working!" Maggie jumped slightly, bursting into a wide smile as water slowly began shooting from the showerhead. Glenn mirrored her expression and started to pull his shirt off.
"Hey wait!" Maggie snapped, quickly turning the showers off. She didn't know how long the hot water would last, or if there was even a chance of it getting colder, but she wanted to be safe. "Beth is coming first."
"What!" Glenn groaned, letting his shirt fall back down.
"I talked to her about it first," Maggie said quietly, her face softening. Glenn sighed and pulled her over to him, planting a kiss on her forehead. She looked up at him. "Maybe just get Beth and Carol? I don't think it'd be a great idea having all these new people wandering around the halls just yet."
"Sure," Glenn responded, smiling softly. "They're still getting adjusted to the rest of the place; they don't have to know about this right now."
"You did it!" Beth probably would've shrieked with happiness if they all hadn't become so accustomed to keeping their voices down. She did, however, toss the other clothes she'd brought with her to the ground to throw her arms around Maggie. Maggie laughed and looked across the room in time to see Carol closing the door most of the way behind her.
"This is amazing," Carol laughed, looking around. Bright light filtered into the dusty room through the large windows above. "This is a miracle. Imagine that, thinking of this grungy place as a miracle."
Beth had already started stripping off her clothing as she replied, "Hot water is the miracle. It is hot, isn't it?" She just about tore the rest of her clothes off as Maggie stepped toward the shower. Carol followed suit more hesitantly than Beth, but she was just as excited to feel running water cascading over her.
Maggie reached to turn a knob slightly, letting the water slowly run down first to test the temperature before she turned it on completely. "Yes, we have hot water!"
Steam quickly rose around the three as they stood together quietly, letting the near-scorching water beating against their backs and faces be the only noise echoing throughout the room. Through the steam Maggie looked at her sister, thinking about how much she'd changed. She was no longer the little girl Maggie remembered being too nervous to even be in a bathing suit around other people besides Maggie.
It was probably these memories that caused Maggie's eyes to almost burst from her head as Beth sighed, "This is better than sex."
"Beth!" Maggie's mouth hung open, staring at her younger sister.
Carol stared at the two before bursting into laughter. Beth didn't look at Maggie but at Carol and smiled before giggling herself. Maggie shook her head in disbelief but a smile tugged at her mouth.
"Tell me right now!" Maggie demanded, pushing wet, matted hair from her eyes to get a better look at her sister.
"Well… I mean, I never…" Beth glanced from the floor up to Maggie then up at the ceiling. "…you know. But I'm not some total prude like you think I am."
"Clearly. But you better tell me!"
"Have you?"
"This isn't about me, Beth."
Carol smiled, listening to the sisters as she rubbed her hands over her face. If the conversation were to turn to Maggie's sex life, Carol didn't know whether she should mention the fact that her fiancé was positioned outside the door, making sure no walkers or other people interfered with their shower. She was sure he must have tuned right in to their conversation, though.
"Well I'm not tellin' you anything unless you tell me," Beth smirked, splashing water into Maggie's face. Maggie glared at her younger sister who stuck her tongue out in return.
"Do you want me to guess who it was?" Maggie raised an eyebrow, pondering. "I mean, there's really only one person it coulda been." She didn't want to mention Jimmy even though she knew that's who it must've been. Jimmy was always following Beth around, and on a few occasions Maggie had seen them wander down to the barn. That had been before everything started, though.
Beth stayed quiet for a minute before questioning, "Have you slept with Glenn?"
Maggie looked over at Carol who was grinning at this point. She remembered back when Carol and the others had basically caught her and Glenn up in the watchtower. She started to blush, averting her eyes, becoming more embarrassed now that they were in a comfortable environment with nothing better to do than relax and talk.
"You have!" Beth exclaimed, smiling. "Oh, God. But what if…" she trailed off, thinking of Judith for the first time since they'd arrived at the showers.
"I'm sure Glenn and Maggie are smart enough to know how to be careful, Beth," Carol interjected quickly, seeing Maggie's facial reaction. She wanted to keep the conversation as lighthearted as possible, so she started reminiscing.
"You know, Beth, Maggie and Glenn did go take watch with each other a couple times up in the tower. And they were up there for quite a while..." Carol laughed as she saw Maggie rolling her eyes, but she still smirked. Carol didn't know if the conversation was uncomfortable to the two sisters, but from what had been said so far, she didn't think that they were very open with one another about the topic of sex. She herself rarely ever spoke about it.
"What is it like? With Glenn?" Beth inquired, twisting a lock of wet hair in her hands.
Maggie felt extremely awkward but looking at her sister she realized they were having maybe the most normal sort of conversation they'd had in a long time. Normal was something very different now than it was in the old world. She sighed and tried to let go of her reluctance to speak freely with her younger sister.
"It's… I mean, it's great." Maggie smiled. Beth and Carol were looking at her, waiting to hear something else. "What can I say… um… oh! The very first time," she laughed, thinking about their encounter at the pharmacy. "We went on a run to the pharmacy."
"You did it at the pharmacy?"
"I mean, hey, it just happened. I had just finished grabbing some antibiotics or bandages or something, and turned around and… there he was. Holding a box of condoms."
"Glenn doesn't strike me as the sort of guy to be so forward!" Carol snickered, wondering what he must be thinking from outside the door.
"Oh, no, he wasn't. I don't know what he was doing - - I don't think HE knew what he was doing. Just grabbed 'em by mistake, I guess. But he looked so cute all confused and scared maybe? He was choking his words out, couldn't get 'em out right and I just, I don't know. I wanted to play with him a bit." Maggie suddenly laughed loudly, thinking of Glenn's facial expression. "I said something like, 'What's wrong with me?' and he had no idea what to say. I don't know if he'd ever been with someone before, I never asked. But from the way he looked at me and couldn't really speak, I don't think he'd ever had someone come onto him so strongly before. I had mostly just wanted to mess with him but… I mean, you know. He's cute."
Maggie didn't know what else to say, but she was questioned immediately.
"Was it good?"
"Glenn seems like an energetic guy…" Carol was finding it very difficult to keep from laughing through the whole discussion.
Maggie sighed wistfully, looking up at the ceiling while trying to find the right words. "It was… fast." She giggled. "But great. That's why I mean I don't know if he'd been with anyone else, but it doesn't matter. What mattered was he certainly didn't object when I kissed him. He practically ripped his clothes off."
The laughter had grown louder, floating more easily out of the room towards their guard. Glenn was rubbing his forehead, his eyes shut tightly. He did not need to be hearing this conversation. He did not want them to be having this conversation. He wished the showers would've stayed broken. He wished the shower idea had never come up. He wished a lot of things. Mostly that he hadn't been such a dork when Maggie first propositioned him.
"But… where? On the floor?" Beth looked horrified when Maggie shrugged. "But it's so dirty!"
"Beth, if it's not dirty you're not doing it right," Carol chimed in which caused Maggie to burst into hysterics. The conversation was so absurd.
"Like a barn is so much better, Miss Prude," Maggie finally replied, smirking at her suddenly flushed sibling. Now she knew she'd been right the whole time. "I can't believe you went there of all places! Daddy coulda caught you in a heartbeat. God almighty, I don't wanna know what woulda happened. Him seeing his baby girl in the throws of - -"
"Well… I don't know!" Beth sputtered, her cheeks completely red by this point. It seemed like they'd been under the hot water forever, which probably contributed to the color of her face. "We came close enough one time… Patricia found us in the barn and I had to beg her not to say anything. Jimmy just about threw up outta fear Daddy was gonna skewer him with a pitchfork."
"Hey, man, Rick needs you."
Glenn's eyes shot open only to be met with Daryl. "Oh thank God you're here," Glenn mumbled.
"Think it's hot enough in there for them? Good Lord…" Daryl questioned, eying the steam coming from the room.
"Well I'm definitely burning up out here. See ya." Daryl's face contorted into one of confusion as he watched Glenn dart away.
What the hell is up with him?
Daryl glanced around the relatively dark hallway, listening for anything out of the ordinary, but only heard laughter. "Glad they're having a good time." He cringed thinking about what he'd just said then slumped down to the floor, his back against the wall. He shook his head, trying to think about other things. He breathed in deeply, closing his eyes.
I really do need a shower. He couldn't remember the last time he'd felt clean.
He yawned and opened his eyes, looking down both ways of the hall. The only noise he heard was the murmuring coming from the women he was looking after. Daryl wondered if they knew he was there, but he figured they must since Glenn had been outside before. He tilted his head towards the opening of the door and felt the warmth against his face. He wished they'd hurry up and finish so he could snag a quick shower before heading back out to take watch.
"They're all in desperate need of a haircut." That was Maggie.
"I don't know, I kind of like Glenn's hair like it is now. Pushed back. He looks like a grown up." Beth.
"He definitely isn't a kid anymore." Carol. "Maggie's turned him into quite a man." She laughed.
Daryl's heart beat more quickly and he shook his head.
What the fuck? Stop.
He felt panicked for some reason but didn't know why. It wasn't like he was looking. And what else did he have to do? He was guarding them from danger. They shouldn't be in there gossiping, just taking a quick shower so someone else could use it. His reasoning didn't keep him from listening to them.
"Remember when Momma used to do our hair on Sundays before church?" Beth asked quietly.
Maggie walked over and started braiding a small lock of her sister's hair. "Yeah. I miss it."
"I used to love doing Sophia's hair." Carol was pushing water around on the floor with her foot as she spoke. "Used to give her little curls. She looked just like a doll."
They were silent for a few moments, nothing but the sound of water.
"If anyone needs a haircut it's Daryl," Maggie tried to lighten the conversation, pushing her hair around in an attempt to make hers look like his. "I mean, really, his hair's almost as long as mine."
"I like it."
"You like everything, Beth. What do you think, Carol?" Maggie smiled from beneath the mess of hair covering her eyes.
"I think you look lovely," she laughed.
Daryl smiled slightly, hearing Carol laugh.
"I think I'm with you, Beth, on Daryl's hair," she continued. "It suits him."
What does that mean?
"He looks like a bad boy," Beth giggled, feeling silly over her choice of words. "I mean, he is, I guess? He's really quiet, huh?" Beth looked over at Carol.
Carol saw that Beth expected an answer from her and looked to Maggie, but Maggie was awaiting an answer as well. "He's… reserved."
Daryl was continuously pulling thread after thread from the hole in his jeans right above his knee but he was too focused on what they were saying to notice.
Maggie followed up with, "Do you think Daryl's ever slept with anyone?"
"Of course he has! He has to have," Beth stated. "He just seems like that kind of person."
Daryl's hands were over his eyes, not unlike how Glenn had been earlier. Were they really going to talk about this? He almost wanted to kick open the door and tell them to get the hell out. Something was keeping him from snapping at them, though. He was waiting to hear what Carol had to say.
"Who knows what anyone has done?" Carol offered quietly.
Daryl sighed, glad that she didn't think any less of him based on Beth's thought.
"But I think you're wrong about his hair. I find it sexy," Carol said coyly, before laughing.
Daryl sat up, his palms pressed firmly against the floor. He felt extremely flustered suddenly. The heart pounding was back again, but he didn't know why. Probably because he was worried he was going to be caught listening in on such a stupid conversation.
"Ohh, sexy huh? I can agree with that, I guess," Maggie smirked. "Have you guys ever…?"
Carol's mouth dropped open. "No! Daryl and me?"
He could literally hear his heart beating and his mind was racing. So many different emotions were running through his head and that irritated him.
"He does seem like he likes you the best," Beth responded.
"Are you kidding? Daryl likes me just as much as any of the rest of us."
Carol sounded unsure and that made Daryl a little insecure. Sure, Carol was easy enough to talk to… didn't she think he was someone to confide in? Like Maggie? Or Beth? He was more of a friend to Carol than Beth, wasn't he? He was starting to get pissed off the more he thought about it. They'd been together since before Atlanta. Helped search tirelessly for her little girl! Tried to comfort her when… And she thought he didn't like her any better than the rest of them?
Daryl had slumped back against the wall and it brought to mind the last time he'd been alone in a hallway. His mind had been a mess then like it was now, just… with more anger. He had thought about Carol being gone. For good. That he hadn't been able to find her and be with her just like he'd failed at finding and saving Sophia. What a pathetic, worthless friend he'd been. The rage had built up inside him threatening to spill out so he was going to take it out on the next walker he saw and then… he'd found her.
"Are you kidding? I guess you haven't seen the way he looks at you," Beth kept the conversation going. She sounded like a normal gossipy teenager again.
Carol smiled. She knew she'd caught Daryl watching her as she cared for Judith and while she was changing the sheets of her cell's cot, and she'd seen how quickly he disappeared afterward.
"Yes," she replied, still smiling. "Still, I don't know. Yeah, we're friends, just like we're all friends. He's got the whole group to watch over and I understand that. Sure I… wish we could spend more time together but… you know." Carol felt relieved finally telling someone these confusing bits of emotions she had felt over the last couple months.
Maggie smiled softly, "You know he cares about you."
"Of course I do," Carol answered back, mirroring Maggie's expression. "I think it's time we go back."
At the sound of the water being turned off, Daryl sprung to his feet, wobbling a little.
Shit shit shit.
What was he supposed to do? They were coming out and he didn't know if they knew he'd been there the whole time. They couldn't have known or else they wouldn't have been talking about him. Or maybe they did know and they were just screwing with him. Should he stay? Or leave? If he left they'd think no one was guarding them, but if he stayed he worried they'd think… he was watching them? He was pacing now and the fact that he was feeling so frantic was making him angry.
Control your goddamn emotions. Jesus.
The door swung open before he had more time to think and he almost jumped out of his skin it startled him so much. What a wuss.
Beth saw Daryl a couple steps down the hall and just sort of looked at him. "Hey," she called out. He didn't look up at her but pretended to be messing with his crossbow and threw her a casual wave in response.
Maggie was following after Beth, a towel draped over her shoulder, her dirty clothes balled up in her arms. Daryl's eyes flicked up to hers and she smirked, causing him to look away immediately. She was right.
"Come on, Beth. We gotta let Glenn know it's someone else's turn."
They started walking down the hall and Daryl wondered why Carol hadn't come out. Probably still changing. He figured he might as well hang around until she came out, just to make sure she got back through the halls safely. He paced a bit more, stood around wringing his hands anxiously, hoping she'd hurry up so they could get back and he could focus on something else, something important. But she didn't come. He was getting upset because waiting for her meant thinking about her and thinking about her meant his stupid heart was beating faster for some goddamn reason. He figured he better hurry her up himself.
He inched towards the door like he was scared. Terrified of a door? He shook his head and moved more quickly but slowed as he neared the edge. He didn't know what to expect. Was she still dressing? What if he saw her? Would she flip out on him for coming in?
Christ, just stop thinking already.
He peeked around the corner and into the shower and to his relief Carol was totally dressed. No way for her to be angry at him now. But she was just sitting on one of the benches. What was she doing?
"Carol?" he called out, knocking quietly on the door at the same time.
She looked up and over at him before smiling. "Hey."
"You alright? I was just makin' sure because Maggie and Beth went back already. Wanted to see what was taking so long." He halfheartedly smirked and slowly moved closer to her. When she didn't rise by the time he'd gotten to the bench he just shifted in place awkwardly, looking around. "Shower works okay, huh?"
"Yeah," Carol replied. "Got really hot. Just needed to sit for a second, was all. Sorry for keeping you."
She stood up and brushed her hands against her pants before looking up to him. She smiled and he felt his heart speed up again. He smiled for a second and wondered what she was thinking or feeling right then but he was too afraid to ask. Talking had never been his strong suit. Then again, no one ever wanted to talk to him, so what was the point? His family had made it clear they didn't care about him and the only talking he and Merle ever did was Merle insulting him and him doing nothing. Even their last conversation had been disastrous. He'd tried to open up to his brother and it didn't make a damn bit of difference. He wished he'd said something different to Merle, something that would make him care, something that would make him open up to Daryl so things might've been different…
…but talking with Carol was different. She actually listened, actually cared. She said what she was thinking even when it was something difficult like telling Daryl to get a grip and that he was a part of the group. She wanted him to be there.
Why was this so difficult for him?
His thoughts were going a mile a minute and he didn't realize he'd zoned out until Carol lightly touched his forearm. "Are you alright?"
He snapped back to reality and met her gaze. She looked perplexed but amused. She'd caught him tuning everyone out before just like she'd caught him staring at her. He didn't think she was stupid enough to believe he'd just been zoning out in her general direction. Thinking about all this made him embarrassed all over again.
"I don't… my head's not right.. right now. Let's head back," he mumbled, fighting to form a coherent sentence.
He started to turn away from her towards the door but her hand caught his. He stopped but didn't look at her, instead focusing on the floor.
"Daryl?"
He couldn't look at her. He felt humiliated, like she could hear everything he was and had been thinking the whole time. If he just ignored her maybe she'd stop trying to talk to him and they could go back so he could clear his head.
"Can you look at me already?" she sounded aggravated, and that's what caused him to look her way.
He met her eyes for a second before flicking away. What was he so afraid of? He'd never really been able to look her in the eye for an extended amount of time. Rick, Glenn, Maggie… no problem. Carol? She forced him to talk to her, and even though he did, little by little, he felt more and more self-conscious around her. Like she knew too much about him even though he barely offered that much up about himself.
She quietly cut through his thoughts, saying, "I never… thanked you, you know?"
He shook his head, eyes glancing up to hers momentarily.
"You've done so much for me and you'll never know how much I appreciate it… appreciate you. You've become part of the group, you've helped keep us alive." She searched his face for any emotion as she continued. "I don't really know what I'm trying to say. I just wanted you to know people care about you. I care about you."
He looked at the ground, not knowing how to respond. He felt like they'd had this conversation, or some variation of it, before. He smiled sheepishly, nodding his head.
"I'm just sorry…" Her words caused him to finally look at her. "I'm so sorry for everything you've gone through. Everything you've done, you've done for others. You've never done anything for yourself. You've helped us so much and… I feel like I haven't - - like I can't do anything for you." Her lips pursed and she shrugged.
"Carol," he finally spoke, which caught her off guard. He rubbed the back of his head, struggling to not sound like an idiot. "I don't.. I mean. I don't know." Well that was a failure.
"It's fine, I just wanted to tell you that," she responded, her mouth slightly upturned. She was genuinely smiling at him like she always did and he just didn't understand it. He didn't understand what she got out of talking to him, but he knew he didn't want her to stop.
They'd started moving towards the door but he slowed to a stop, intent on trying to say what he wanted to say. She just stared at him in her nonjudgmental, caring, loving way, and it scared the shit out of him.
"I…" he started, closing his eyes and taking in a breath. He let it out, looking at her. "I just… want you safe, you know?"
Carol's smile widened which automatically caused Daryl to react similarly. She'd reached for his hand like she had several times in the past. Each time had been brief, but this time he clasped her hand loosely, keeping it in his, just staring at their hands together. He didn't know what was happening but his own words just kept repeating in his head.
He watched her face as he let go of her hand and saw her expression fall slightly. This caused him to immediately bring his hand up to cup the side of her face, his fingers brushing against her wet hair. She jerked back slightly, looking at him. He turned to set his crossbow on the ground, his other hand moving to her shoulder, and when he rose he pulled her into a hug.
"You do help me," he murmured nervously into her shoulder, trying to ignore how stupid he felt and how she probably wanted him to get off her. But she didn't move, she just stood against him, hands clutching his collar.
After what seemed like forever he pulled back to catch her grinning. "You hugged me, you know?"
He was embarrassed but tried not to show it. "Pff, you got a problem with it?"
"No, just wondering if that means you're gonna take me up on that offer I made…" she laughed, watching him roll his eyes. She was beaming and that overjoyed him. He just wanted to keep her safe and… happy.
While she was still smirking and before he could wimp out he tugged her over to him and quickly pressed his mouth to hers. He thought he might pass out, but held onto her to keep himself steady, one hand holding her face close to his and the other resting on her waist. For a minute he thought she was going to shove him away, but then her hands found their way to his face, then up to his hair. He couldn't think about anything but his booming heartbeat and the pressure of her lips against his.
Carol slowly ran her fingers through his hair before pulling away to comment teasingly, "Your hair's gotten long."
"Someone said it was sexy."