April 4th
It's cold outside; strangely in fact, for the time of year. But that's not what is bothering me, the fact that I'm walking the quarter mile at 8:30 pm to run a personal errand for my mother is the problem. To make it worse I'm doing it at Paddy Conlon's house. Not that I have anything personal about the old man, but isn't the point of AA that you don't have to run homemade lasagna over for times like this. I am unfortunately the loophole, being that I am not an alcoholic so I am not part of the group, I help set up and take down that is all. So here I stand at 8:45 on my Friday night because Paddy's house was "Only on the other side of the mount". I really hope it's not to late to be ringing the doorbell how early do sixty year olds go to bed anyway. "Coming, hold your horses. Oh! Abbie, to what do I owe this pleasure sweetheart." "My mom made you lasagna for you and your son umm" "Tommy" "Yea, Tommy" He opens the door all the way so I assume I'm stuck going in at least for a little. It's not bad actually defiantly a single mans house, but not uninviting. "Tommy come and meet Abbie, her mom runs my meetings." Oh boy, now I get to meet the wonder-son I was hoping to get away without this. "Old man, I already told you I don' give two shits bout you or your stupid fuck'n meetings." "Tommy she brought us a lasagna don't be rude." Well this isn't awkward at all. "Really Paddy it's okay he doesn't have to.." "Hi, I'm Tommy. There you happy ya old nag?" Well this is unexpected, wonder-son is kinda hot, like fucking hot. "Uh, hey. I'm Abbie it's nice to meet you." Dear lord I would do bad things with this man, "So are you sober too? Praising Jesus and living the right way with my Saintly Father here." "No, I just help with the meeting I'm not sober, I've never had problems with alcohol. I believe it's just a matter of knowing your own limit." This is not going to end well. "Ahh gotcha, so you are one of dem Jesus freaks then, keeping yourself away from booze and lusty situations." "Actually I do try not to mix my drinking with my sexual relations but it has nothing to do with Jesus." Wonder-son is really quite the tool. "Oh yea why bother then?" "Most of the men I know would rather there partner be lucid when they are together, they aren't trying to cover up poor sexual talent with booze." Oh shit maybe I should have left that alone, "Who do you think your talk'n to little girl, you want sexual talent I'll…" "Tommy, control yourself for god sake. Abbie dear tell you mother thank you for the lasagna have a good night." "Yea, night Paddy." God am I glad to be walking away from this messed up family.
That was a work out well worth waiting for. I'm glad I decided to after the meeting instead of just staying home, laziness is not next to sexiness after all. "Ey' you, uhh, Abbie." Who in the hell is that, oh fuck me. "Hi there, it's Tommy right" 'Don't act like you don't you dunno who I am. You know damn well little girl." This is going well already, "Look Tommy obviously we got off on the wrong foot the other night and I really am.." "Yea what kinda gal are you anyway? Trashing on a guys prowess before you know a damn thing bout him or his libido." I don't think I'm winning this one. "I realize what I said was out of line, I am sorry." "Yea I'm sure you are, everyone's real sorry." Up close it's really hard to ignore how striking wonder-son really is. Eye's with more stories than they're willing to tell, a chaw chiseled out of what I'm sure have been years of scowling, and that mouth. Every word he is saying I'm taking in but only as much as I'm watching them roll off of the tip of his tongue out of that set of lips. "Hello, earth to broad, do you honestly believe my father is any better than he was fourteen years ago? People don't change like that, he never has and never will." "Well I mean how bad could he really have been." Geez, this guy has a serious sore spot. "What! He hasn't even told all his new Jesus loving, ever excepting, pure as the re-driven snow, friends the truth about himself. Ha not surprised at all. If ya'll knew, naw fuck it, I'll tell you right now." This ought to be exciting. "Look Tommy, Paddy's personal life is his business." "Yea it's mine too, so you can't even tell me I have no right to tell ya." "Okay, if it'll make you feel better Riordan, by the way are you gonna tell me why you go by Riordan." "No, that's none of you goddamned business. But Paddy that story I'll tell you happily. When I was a kid Paddy drank a lot, and when Paddy drank he got violent. So violent in fact that he put my mom in the hospital, more than once. Him and Brendan, I'm sure you've heard of him.." "Yea he sounds pretty cool." "Brendan is no better than Paddy a waste of time. Anyway, him and Brendan weren't close, not like him and me. I was his machine, he had me training almost more than doing my school shit. But that much I'm sure you knew." Nodding, Paddy loves to brag about his wonder-son, "Yea, well'd he tell ya what would happen if I lost huh? No, yea I lost he drank, more than normal and more drinking meant bigger fights, bigger fights meant bigger bruises. My ma never stood a chance when he got going. Fourteen years I watched him get to messed up and take it all out on her face," Why is he telling me all of this, I don't even know him.
"Tommy I'm sorry that happened to you but Paddy, he's dif.." "Yea different I've been told, thanks. After I turned fourteen I was going undefeated, I thought everything should be going okay, but naw, course not with good ol' Paddy. It was never enough. One night I tell him to fuck off, say I'm done with it all. He comes after me, Brendan tried to get in the way, Paddy knocked him out. My mom step up told him to back off, he punched her straight in the jaw, no mercy. I snapped jumped on him, put him in a joke hold till he passed out. That was the night we made the plan, me, my mom, and Brendan were gonna leave, take off for the west coast." I can see my house but part of me wants to cut up a few streets just to get a little more story, I'm sure he wouldn't notice. "Day we were suppose to leave Brendan was no where to be found. I headed to his girls house, Tess, and there he was. Asking for me to understand saying he was in love, like that made it okay for him to break his word. But either way, that's that. Decent, sober Paddy, picture of recovery, is really a monster. How do you feel bout him now little girl." The first time it was hot, the second I dealt with it, but I swear if he calls me "Little girl" one more time he is getting hit. "Everyone fucks up Tommy, you just have to learn to move on and forgive. I mean he is doing you a big favor, training you for this thing. You should consider your karma in all this. I can grantee you don't want it getting any worse so maybe you should throw a little give in with all your take." "What da hell are you talking about li.." "Come to the meeting next Sunday, all he wants is for you to see him trying. Just come." He looks like he could eat my soul right now, why am I standing here waiting for him to lose it. "Yea, right do him a favor, ha. You're a laugh girlie you really are." "Alright well this is me Tommy, thanks for walking me home I guess. I hope I see you Sunday." What now, he is just staring at me. Am I supposed to do something I mean he just told me some pretty personal stuff. "Eh, maybe well don't get to thinking anything, I didn't intend on walking you to your door step." He is super affectionate huh, glad he isn't my problem. "G'bye Tommy."
I wonder if he came, it sounded like he was going come but I have a feeling he is not someone I should take on his tone of voice. "Abbie! Hey, Abbie over here." "Hey Paddy what's wrong." I don't see him with Paddy guess he dipped out. "Nothing is wrong, Tommy came! He mumbled something about you and karma then got in the car. I just wanted to say thank you." "Oh, well your welcome but he's not here because of me Paddy. Uhh, were is he?" This guy must be the worlds largest ninja. "He is in the corner over there, hiding. He said he is here to listen and watch. He doesn't want to speak or be spoken to." Sounds about right, "Have a good meeting Paddy." Sweats again, he never wears real clothes. "You came." "Yep." Okay then. "What changed you mind?" "Don't need the risk." Wow someone is in a great mood. "How's your training going?" "Wha.. Look girlie," beats little girl I guess, "we aren't friends. That talk da other day wasn't me makin nice, I was proving a point. So go bother some who wants you around k'." "God, your such a douche bag." I am never talking to that jag off again.
Okay three seconds then you're out of there. We shouldn't even be doing this there is no good ending. Walking into Coldts and out of the cold is a shock to my nerves in more ways than one. The smell, not like the health club which smells clean with just a hint of human odor underneath the intense smell of yoga mats and cleaning product, but pure sweat. This isn't a gym that is here to gather clients, these men are serious trainers. Now which one is the one I'm looking for? There he is, off in the corner, no surprise. God look at him, he is like a force of nature going at that poor mannequin. His shoulders are imposing and inviting all at once, it's the look on his face that tells you they're there for use and not for show. He isn't built like that for anyone's benefit but his own. "Hey lady, if you just gonna stand there and watch you need to leave, this isn't lady porns' r' us." "Uh, um, I'm sorry I'll go." I don't see Tommy anymore where'd he go? "Abbie, what are you doing here." Crap. "Hi, Tommy. I was just, erm, uhhh, you know hanging out." What is that look in his eye, now I know I shouldn't be here, "Don't move." "Why?" "Just don't" Something is up with him, god I hope he isn't going to flip out on me, he wasn't supposed to know I came. It was suppose to be clean in and out. "Come on girlie."
He's not saying anything. We've been walking nearly twenty minutes and he hasn't said a word. "What exactly is going on Tommy, where are we going." "Paddy's." "Why are we going to Paddy's." No response, as long as he isn't taking me there to get me inside then give me the what for. Though I have a sneaking suspicion that's not what he has in mind. "Come on." "Why are we going inside Tommy, what is going on." His eye's say it all; don't play dumb little girl, they're practically screaming it at me. I have never been more excited or afraid in my life than walking up these stairs. Why isn't he saying anything, why wont act like a normal person for just one second. "Sweet Jesus you sleep in a glorified closet." The room is no where near large enough for him, nor is the bed sitting just to the left of us. "Shut up." "Excuse me." "I don't want to talk to you anymore." "You weren't saying anything in the first place." His lips are grazing the nape of my neck, while his hands are spread out across my back. He is pulling me closer as he kisses his way up my neck towards my ear, not leaving an inch untouched. I move so that I am now facing him directly, as I try to kiss him he pushes me back. His eyes are cold, nearly empty, suddenly the fear is back.
He has grabbed my hoodie and is unzipping the front, he leaves it for me to remove while he takes of his shirts. I don't get a chance to enjoy the view though because now I am on my back under him. His lips are on my neck again moving like clock work up to my ear lobe, he nips it a little, then down to my collar bone where his bite is less gentle. My pants are off before I realize what is happening. I didn't even see him remove his but he is in me before I have a chance to adjust.
Moving quickly and with a purpose, grunting and growling, I'm having sex with an animal not a person. God it hurts, I can't even enjoy it. "Tommy slow down, or at least ease up, your hurting me." A lower meaner growl that's all I can hear, but he has sort of slowed. It actually feels good now, great even. His right hand in on my thigh holding it up and close to him, grasping to hard, I'm going to bruise for sure. His left is in my hair holding my head where he wants it as he continues his attack on my neck. I'm surprised by how good it all feels, but I feel sickened at the same time by the lack of connection. He has shifted me, placed me more directly under him, I can feel all of him now, working in then back out. He really wasn't wrong to defend his prowess; even through everything that's wrong with this, it all feels amazing. I can feel the pressure building as I'm digging my nails deeper into the flesh of his shoulders. Just a little longer and I'll cum despite it all, now he is shuttering on top of me. Letting out a deep harsh groan he finishes with me right on the edge. He had to have known I was close, it's not like I was hiding it.
He just rolled off. No words not even a look in the eyes, just off. I'm fighting tears as I put my cloths back on and walk out. I see Paddy pulling around the corner so I'm trying to hurry, even though it hurts. Even though I can barley see through my tears. I'm going home, and I'm never coming back here again.