MY EVERYTHING
Chapter One
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"What?"
She asked the busybody, who was walking around her and studying her as if she were an alien had just landed on Earth. One eye closed like a hunter aiming at his target, the busybody answered with a question of his own. "How did you do it?"
"How did I do what?" He was in questioning mode and vague as always when he had too much on his mind.
"Pull it off."
Rukia knew the routine and so walked in circle with him, playing his question-for-a-question game. She said, "Pull what off?"
"Our proposal."
That was some progress but still not enough details to get to the point, her rebuke was gentle. "Stop being juvenile and give me complete sentences to work on."
"How did you get him to let us have this project? Let's be honest with each other." Voice now low, he tried his charming smile. "I mean, even our CEO couldn't make him stay five minutes longer to persuade him."
"You just need to know one's weakness to get him where you want him to be," she replied smiling back, self-satisfactory as if she had the whole world at her feet. Of course she knew that wasn't the case and far from the truth. Her knees had nearly buckled under that man's intense gaze. He hadn't changed in these past years. No, he'd and seemed colder now. Feeling the chills from remembering the darkest months of her life, she attempted another victorious smile but failed. She affirmed lamely, "Because I know him?"
The dratted man waggled his brows, asking, "How well?"
"Don't know." She shrugged, studying the expanded file folder in her small hands. "We lived under the same roof for half of a year."
"You and him." He looked from her to the doorway. "You meant to say that guy and you Rukia Kuchiki in the same house?"
Arched a brow, she challenged. "Why are you so shocked? I'm not good enough for him? Because he's tall and I'm not?"
"Oh, boy, isn't somebody touchy this afternoon?" He smiled, hands raised offering peace. "No, my dear Miss Kuchiki. I meant to say you're such charming and he's… he's just plain cold. What did you see in him?"
The golden question of the century, she wanted to say but didn't dare to voice that thought. She shrugged not offering an answer. She was in deep enough waters with the busybody probing into her personal life.
"You left me for him?" Rukia and Renji turned around to the voice. Ichigo was at the door and looking at her, accusingly. "You left me because of another guy?" He repeated.
"How long have you been standing there?" Her temper rose, he was eavesdropping. Careless, she said evenly, looking at him straight in the eye. "Yes, I did. Want to file a complaint, Mr. Kurosaki?"
"Really?" The excited Renji asked, eyes not blinking. "Did you really mean that?"
Rukia gave him the look as if he were a bug that needed to be examined under a microscope. "No, not really. Why would I leave one crazy guy for an even crazier one?"
"Thank you."
"You're welcome." Her response was automatic until she realized whom she'd just responded to. "Why so courteous now, Mr. Kurosaki? I remember how curt you were when we were married."
"In answer to your question, Mrs. Kurosaki, I forgot my phone so I came back to retrieve it." His gaze didn't leave hers. "I came just in time to hear you're charming whereas I'm cold."
His scowl was still in place, he was definitely her lifelong headache. Wait a minute, did his lips twitch? That was new. And strange. Definitely. Had he just called her Mrs. Kurosaki? She'd always been Miss Kuchiki, except for the months their lives had tangled together.
"Mr. Kurosaki, I'm sorry to correct you but I must." She put on her best social smile. "My name is Rukia Kuchiki."
He returned in kind but seemed to be more genuine. "Mrs. Kurosaki, I'm sorry to correct you but I must. You're Rukia Kurosaki and I still have our marriage license as proof in case you want one."
Neither of them paid any attention to the attentive Renji eyeing them as they were busy battling through their blazing gaze. She didn't realize she'd formed two tight fists until the nails dug deep into her palms. She relaxed her hands. She felt the physical pain and was sure her palms were full of crescents. Nonetheless, the real and deeper pain would never see the light of day. No one would ever know that pain. Even she herself had never truly acknowledged it.
Until the very second he'd asked if she'd left him for another. His question and doubt proved how much trust he had in her and her truest and deepest feelings toward him. How had she felt then? What were her feelings that very moment?
What about him? Had he ever stayed up all night and waited for the sun to come up so he didn't have to face the darkness alone? Did he still tune in on her favorite radio station and listen to her favorite songs? How did he feel when they played I Will Remember You by chance?
And what would he say if the radio she had on in the background replayed Hello Stranger? Had he seen the movie he'd meant to take her to see before their divorce with someone else? More importantly, why did he still keep their marriage license? Hadn't she signed the divorce papers and given them back to him to do the same? Were they still married?
"Hello. Hello Rukia Kuchiki." Renji waved and waved again. "Hello Rukia Kurosaki."
Rukia saw a hand waving in front of her but her brain couldn't comprehend the sign. Instead, she took one step then another toward Ichigo, also walking. Toward her. And for the first time she let down her guard and allow him to see the real Rukia.
In a voice she couldn't recognize as her own, she spoke, "Why?"
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She heard herself ask again but wasn't sure she wanted to know the answer seeing the blank look on him.
Had she just made another mistake yet again? How many had she made from the moment he was back in her life? Why hadn't she lied and let his misperception of her and Renji stand? Why had she have to keep her principles and told the truth denying any romantic involvement with her friend? Hadn't she been hurt enough and her feelings long dead?
And why was she still standing there talking herself in circles all because of one guy? The one who had always acted like a reliable friend and protective brother rather than a husband supposed to act. She appreciated his reluctant friendship and tolerance of her crazy moods. She truly did. Still, couldn't he have been more open and shared his inner self with her after their wedding? He hadn't. Even worse, he'd distanced himself and alienated her from his life. What had she done wrong to change him from an attentive friend to a distant husband? Maybe she'd been young and clumsy in expressing her feelings and caring for him? Yes, they both had been young, too young to know how to act around each other as a married couple.
Looking back now and seeing him in the flesh and blood stirred up well hidden emotions. Some none too well hidden, like her accelerating heartbeat at that moment. Seeing him again brought forth many memories, both happy and sad, kind and unkind. But most of all, he reminded her of all the long, lonely nights in her dorm, tuning in her favorite station and thinking of him and the might have been.
Time seemed to stop and she could see the two of them walking side by side, in comfortable silence although awkward. They might have been happy together if she'd been more mature, more confident as his wife and confronted him instead of staying on the sidelines, watching other girls taking her place by his side. Even so, she'd never suspected he'd cheated on her for she'd always believed he wasn't the kind of men who would cheat on their girlfriend or wife. However, she'd doubted his sincerity when he'd proposed but never blamed him, they gotten married for all the wrong reasons.
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"Rukia?"
Rukia heard someone calling from where she was, trying to uproot the stubborn weeds that invaded her grandma's calla lilies. That person called again. The voice was closer and she recognized it. It was her grandma's and she was back from her annual checkup. She stood up dusting her gloved hands then ran toward the back gate.
"Grandma, you're back!"
Her grandma, Heather Kuchiki opened her arms as she greeted her at the gate. Her grandma's arms tightened as they hugged. She knew her grandma wanted her to know she'd been missed although it was only two hours since she'd seen her last. Her grandma wanted to make up for the missing pieces in her life, which were her parents. They had been killed in a house fire when her older sister Hisana had been seventeen and she five. It'd been twelve years yet she could still remember the horrors of that humid night as if it happened just the day before. And she would never forget grandma's kindness and unconditional love for the orphaned sisters. Her grandma had just moved into their neighborhood but voluntarily took her and Hisana in when the social services had come to take them into system.
"Thank you and I love you, Grandma," she said hugging Grandma tighter.
Grandma sat her down and settled herself next to her on the wooden swing that Grandpa had made. "I know, my little Rukia." Grandma took both of her hands, eyes intense as if Grandma was memorizing her face. "I love you too and I want to see the day you fall in love then get married and have babies. But."
Even the sun was high in the sky and it was a very warm day, she shivered. Buts were never good news and judging from Grandma's sorrowful eyes, the annual checkup didn't bode well. She'd never liked buts, they gave her goose bumps. That night her mom had said she'd come back out after finding her dad but she'd had to promise to stay put outside. She'd kept her promise and stayed with her sister until the firefighters had arrived and put out the fire. But neither her mom nor dad had come out of that burning house—alive.
The first hateful but.
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The second hateful but had been Grandma's death. Grandma had promised to live to a hundred if she'd had something joyful to look forward to. Something like a wedding. Grandma had even appointed the bride and the bride groom. But Grandma hadn't kept that promise and died not long after the wedding.
Hadn't she broken her promise with Grandma as well? She'd promised Grandma to have a happy marriage and healthy babies with her chosen bridegroom? But how could she have done so when her marriage with Ichigo had based on deception and false promises? Hadn't she agreed to marry him to make Grandma happy in her last days whereas he'd done so to repay the debt he had owed Grandma? She still had no idea what that debt was. He'd only said the debt needed to be repaid for him to have a fulfilling life.
Neither of them had considered the seriousness of their rash decision nor had they understood everything that would have entailed a marriage. For them, making their families happy was a priority even if he'd always been closed mouth regarding his feelings.
Had she been better? No, she'd not been different from him, she'd hidden her feelings for him from him. Even from herself. Unfortunately, she hadn't been able to hide from her sister and her sister could never keep a secret from her brother. That was why she opted to enroll in an out of state university to be away from Ichigo. That was why her brother had blamed her failed marriage and misery on her young husband.
Husband.
Had she ever not remembered him as such? Thought of him as her husband even though she'd believed their marriage had ended upon her leaving? Apparently she hadn't and her keeping their wedding band was plain proof. She still missed him. Still had feelings for him.
She loved him still.
The sudden realization hit her. Hard. It explained why she hadn't been able to discard the gold ring. It explained why she kept seeing his rare, half formed smile in the back of her mind whenever she'd tried to imagine herself dating some guy. And it explained why she heard him say her name whenever a guy daring enough had asked her for a date. They might have been miles apart but he had never been far from her. He'd always been there—a constant by her side and in her mind during her most painful and loneliest moments.
So why hadn't she come back all these years and made him talk it out. She'd known he'd cared about her so he wouldn't have denied her something as simple as a conversation. Alone. Or would he? He'd seemed to avoid to be alone with her for long during their short married life, especially after Grandma had passed away. Once again she came back in full circle asking yet not knowing why things had happened the way they had. Why she'd left before talking things over with him. Why she'd played the victim and hidden away to lick her wounds when no one had ever done anything to her. Why she couldn't have been more honest with herself back then and acknowledged her true feelings instead of blaming everything on their youth and her immaturity.
"Why?" She asked herself.
"Why? Why I let you walk out of our marriage?" Face solemn, Ichigo asked, "Or should I ask why you left without giving me any reason?"
His voice different, almost sad. His eyes dropped as she shifted, trying to find a more relaxing but confident stance. She wanted him to see the new her, not the teenage girl who had run from her own confused feelings and his indifference towards them. He took interest in the opening of her shirt, where its top button lay open showing the only piece of jewelry on her.
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—DISCLAIMER—
I don't own BLEACH although I wish otherwise.
In the meantime, I'll make do with owning 572 and One and Never Had A Dream Come True series and hopefully more stories to come.