Not as filled with crack as my first KhunYoung crackshot The Humping Question. But it's bordering the line. XD I added some Taecyeon/Jaebum love. Again, I do not own 2PM or any of the members of 2PM. This was written in 2009 when Jay was still a part of 2PM. Just a humorous one-shot.

RATED: M

PAIRING(s): Nichkhun/Wooyoung, Taecyeon/Jaebum

NOTE: Written purely because I wanted to write something smutty and cracky.

Twinkle, Twinkle... Little... Staaar...?
Crackshot

by Solo's Cry (soloscry)

He had to admit the alcohol yesterday must have given him a harder blow than he'd previously thought.

Yes. Taecyoen thought, his eyebrows furrowing. Let's totally blame this on the alcohol.

Staring at himself in the mirror, Taecyeon wondered where his love for wide brown eyes and curvy figures was hiding. Certainly the obsession couldn't have gone far. Not when he spent nearly five hours the other day drooling at the super models at the photo shoot next door.

Looking down at himself, Taecyeon tapped the front of his pants with a frown, "What's wrong with you, buddy?"

With a loud sigh of exasperation, he continued to rub his wet hair with his flimsy towel, "In my early twenties and already I'm having problems." (The fact that it's actually 'a' problem that revolves around a short spunky tushy originating from good ol' Seattle is totally beside the point.)

Feeling grouchy, he grabbed his tank top and slid it on roughly over his wet torso, "I'm not gay, dammit…" Looking around for the hamper, he threw the towel violently into the chute, "Fuck you, Bummie!"

(Yes, we all know you want to do some bum, Taec.)

Taecyeon whipped around to stare at the shower tiles behind him, "Who said that?!"

(Oops, did I think that too loud?)

He grabbed his pounding head and groaned, "Worst morning ever."

Mmm. Morning.

Chansung blinked lazily at the living room ceiling, the sunlight streaming through the open curtains burning the top of his head.

He yawned and rolled over, his arm swinging out of habit to pull Wooyoung's warm body against his. But with a loud clack of his arm hitting the wooden floor next to him, Chansung strained his sleepy eyes to see where Wooyoung had rolled off to (the last time Wooyoung rolled around, he managed to trip both Jaebum and Junho the following morning).

"Woodong-ah?" Chansung's whine echoed eerily in the empty living room. Pouting he sat up and stretched, "Where'd you go?"

Nichkhun apparently wasn't joking when he'd said he was going to 'correct' Chansung and Wooyoung's sleeping habits.

Chansung suddenly felt the corners of his mouth twitch downward.

Probably off doing each other or something...

Chansung blinked.

With his mind slowly clearing up at the thought, he couldn't hide the mischievous glint passing through his eyes.

Maknaes are evil.

Jaebum peeked at Junho's sleeping body from inside his cluttered bunk.

The man was sprawled over his bed like a ten-year-old, his blankets thrown wildly to the floor.

The Rain look-a-like.

Jaebum trailed his eyes down Junho's body with a raise of a thin eyebrow. That's a dude's body. A dude's. So… why am I staring at it?

Despite being rather modest about his physique, Junho was an owner of a rather toned and muscular body. It was nothing to sneeze at, all man and cute as a button.

Jaebum pulled himself out of bed and glared at Junho's sleeping face, "So what if you're hot? Everyone's hot. We're the Hottest Time of the Day. Get it, biotch?" Kicking Junho's bed with a pout, he turned to leave the room.

"It's 3 in the morning, can't your jealousy wait another couple of hours?"

His back bristling, Jaebum turned around and threw a pillow at Junho's smiling face, "Shut up, fatty!"

Junho caught the pillow and rolled over, "Whatever pipsqueak."

Jaebum's left eye ticked.

The only warning Junho got was a rather thunderous battle cry before his clothes were ripped off and he was toppled to the floor.

"Mmm…" Wooyoung closed his eyes, his back arching languidly against the bed as his hands reached down to touch the back of Nichkhun's head, "… ah…"

The wet heat surrounding his hard member made him break out in cold sweat. Wooyoung pushed his cheek against Nichkhun's pillow, "Nichkhun-sshi… please…"

Nichkhun trailed his tongue back up to the blunt tip of Wooyoung's length and gave it a final kiss before dragging his tongue up along Wooyoung's navel.

Wooyoung squirmed, his knees falling apart naturally to let Nichkhun slide in between them, "Isn't… isn't it too early to be doing this…?" His eyes were glazed when he looked at the man on top of him, "Isn't it?"

Nichkhun shook his head, leaning down to nip lovingly at Wooyoung's collarbone, "No… it's the best time to be doing this…" He pulled Wooyoung's hand down to cup his own hardness through his pants, "See?"

Wooyoung blushed at how close Nichkhun's bare upper body was to his own clothed one. Wooyoung always slept fully clothed while Nichkhun opt to stay topless.

Somehow when he woke up this morning, Wooyoung found himself (once again) in Nichkhun's bed without his knowledge. The older man had a knack for carrying Wooyoung into his room whenever he felt like it. Today, Wooyoung woke up bottomless. And apparently, he was really really enjoying it.

Wooyoung's blush deepened when Nichkhun spread his legs further apart, exposing him enough for him to suddenly feel warm already slick fingers ghost along his entrance. Feeling nervous, he tentatively leaned up and captured Nichkhun's lips with his own. He discovered a while ago that kissing Nichkhun made it easier to forget what was happening… down there.

Taking the hint, Nichkhun slowly prepared Wooyoung, swallowing the younger man's moans and letting his own groans slip down Wooyoung's throat. Every time his lover trembled, he felt himself grow even harder.

Feeling the warm fingers slip away, Wooyoung closed his eyes in preparation for the much hotter, much thicker replacement.

Nichkhun managed position himself against the puckered opening without losing his sanity (it's insane that Wooyoung lets him do this) and was about to take the plunge when someone maliciously began pounding on the door.

Wooyoung's eyes snapped open and Nichkhun sighed.

Damn.

Both pouting, Nichkhun leaned down and gave Wooyoung a quick chaste kiss before whispering, "We'll continue this after our schedule." He threw a thick blanket over Wooyoung's body to cover it.

Wooyoung's cheeks heated again, "Yeah." He watched Nichkhun stand up and tuck himself back into his pants.

Wooyoung turned to glare at the door when it swung open to reveal an extremely happy Chansung.

The maknae grinned and hollered cheerfully, "Good morning, guys! Hope I didn't interrupt!"

Nichkhun rolled his eyes and left the room to use the bathroom.

Gripping the blanket, Wooyoung glared at Chansung, "You asshole."

Chansung blinked innocently, "What?" The unnatural sparkle in the younger man's eyes told a different story.

Wooyoung growled cutely and was rewarded with another evil chuckle.

Junsu tapped his foot impatiently from outside the bathroom door, "Hurry up! We all need to use the bathroom too, ya know!"

A muffled reply from inside made him twitch.

What was up with his fellow members these days? They were all so… off.

Nichkhun was acting too normal. Wooyoung was constantly blushing. Chansung was always off laughing somewhere by himself. Taecyeon kept growling. Jaebum is skiddish. And Junho… well, Junho kept rubbing his arms like someone was mentally undressing him 24/7.

Junsu puffed up his cheeks and ignored the line forming behind him for the bathroom.

With all this stress hanging out around… he suddenly had a huge craving for rice cakes… and maybe a pair of plastic pants would be nice too...

(Look who's off now, smart stuff ~_~'.)

Junho screamed, his hands frantically swatting at Jaebum's forehead. The shorter man was currently latched to Junho's shoulder by the teeth, "Get off! Get off!"

Jaebum chuckled through his teeth and bit down harder.

"AH!"

Taecyeon appeared at the door, his eyes wide, "What the hell is going on here?!" Without waiting for a reply, Taecyeon grabbed Jaebum and peeled the man off Junho's back, "Get a hold of yourself, Jay! My God!"

Junho heaved a loud sigh of relief and rubbed his shoulder, "You better not have cooties or something!"

Jaebum bared his teeth playfully.

Taecyeon kept a firm hold on Jaebum's squirming body as Junho marched out of the room.

The short man struggled for a few more seconds before turning to look at Taecyeon's face, "Dude, you can totally let me go now." He pushed at Taecyeon's arms and chest, "Ah, I can't breath, Taec."

Taecyeon stared. He wasn't holding Jaebum that tightly. He looked at the leader questioningly, "Are you serious?"

"Yeah. Let me go."

Taecyeon felt his chest tighten. Could holding Jaebum down be this freakin' easy?

Feeling suddenly unsafe where he was, Jaebum started to wiggle harder, "Stop being weird, man!"

Taecyeon thought hard for another moment before declaring a shuffle with the leader was worth the pain he will endure later and threw the smaller man onto Junho's bed before pinning him down.

Jaebum's eyes widened at the wild look in Taecyeon's eyes, "Wha-what are you doing?" He could feel the heat in Taecyeon's pants when the bigger man held him down, "Oh my God, what is that?! What is that?!"

Taecyeon didn't answer, he crushed Jaebum's lips with his own, his hands moving to push the leader's shirt up.

Feeling extremely turned on for some odd reason, Jaebum moaned when Taecyeon tweaked his nipple. He forcibly pulled his face away, turning his head to the side. He panted, "At least... close the door or something!"

At the corner of Taecyeon's eyes, he saw a rather annoyed Junsu come up to the door and slam it shut for them.

Taecyeon pushed his groin up against Jaebum's and whispered, "There. All better." He ground his hips and was rewarded with a cute whimper, "Happy?"

Jaebum grasped Taecyeon's hips, wetting his lips, "Maybe... in a little bit..." He let out a soft gasp when he was rewarded with more friction.

There was so much gay sex going on in their dorm that Junho had to stop and wonder if it was somehow a part of the contract. Was it in the fine print or something?

Chansung joined Junho on the sofa and sighed, "I'm lonely."

Junho nodded before pulling out his laptop and typing in EBay, "Well, let's see how the bids are for the sex tapes..."

Wooyoung popped up out of nowhere, "Are you really selling them?! Are you crazy?!"

Chansung waved off Wooyoung's distress, "Don't worry, everyone is saying they are just look-a-likes."

Nichkhun sunk down onto the sofa next to Junho and peered at the reviews. He frowned, "...?" He pulled the laptop off Junho's lap, "This has to be a look-a-like, Nichkhun can't be that big?!" He looked chastised.

They could suddenly hear Junsu laughing from the bathroom.

Junho pulled the laptop back and pursed his lips, "That's not the worrying factor here."

Chansung tipped his head to look at the screen, "The bid stopped at 556,000 US Dollars?"

Wooyoung moved to sit on Nichkhun's lap so he could see the screen, "Are there any reviews about me?"

Junho looked up, "Didn't I tell you? Nichkhun made me delete everything that had you in it."

Wooyoung gaped, "What?!"

Nichkhun held his chin up proudly, "Yep, even down to your pinky toes."

Wooyoung sighed, "Awww, I kind of want to know how I match up against everyone else!"

"You could watch porn."

Nichkhun slapped his hands over Wooyoung's ears and glared at Chansung, "Shut up." He pulled Wooyoung closer to his chest, "All you need to know, baby, is that you are my twinkle twinkle little star."

They started when Junsu's sharp laugh echoed from the bathroom again.

Junho rolled his eyes and pointed at the screen again, "Anyways, the real worry here... is that I think the highest bidder is JYP."

The laugh in the bathroom turned into a choke and there was silence. Even the heavy thumping sound in Jaebum's room abruptly halted in anticipation.

"And he left a review..." Junho scrolled down, "As a part of the contract, you must split the profits with the company. But all in all, great show! Rating A++++++!"

They all turned to look at Nichkhun.

Jaebum's head popped out of his room, "So how much do we get to keep?"

Junho shrugged, "A pretty good portion. Why?"

Jaebum grinned, his arm shooting out to proudly show off the tape in his hand, "Courtesy of yours truly and your neighborhood beast man!"

Chansung quickly snatched it, "I wanna make the description page for this one!"

End of Twinkle Twinkle Little... Star?