Sing With Me Ray

by ekagrey

Singing together is a big deal. Their duets are powerful and meaningful. If they don't watch themselves, those songs can bring the past into the present. This story takes place in episode 1x02 and is centered around Rayna and Deacon singing at the Bluebird.

1. Chapter 1

It has been a LONG time since I've written anything, but I've been pretty inspired by some great fanfic writers who I was lucky to recently discover. Kudos to you guys. Also R and D are forever together and happy in my mind. So I wanted to play with one of my favorite scenes from 1x02 and change up the story from there. Hope all who read enjoy. I own nothing.

"Sing with me Ray."

Chapter 1

They'd been on the phone for a few minutes. Talking about some potential changes to the set and then nothing in particular. The conversation could have easily waited until tomorrow. Deacon wasn't sure what prompted his sudden need to hear her voice. He wasn't sure why he hit the send button after bringing up her number or why he let the phone ring, but he did. Rayna didn't know why seeing his name flash across her screen made her heart skip a beat or why she stopped her dinner prep to answer the phone, but she did. As the safe conversation drifted to an end, neither wanted to hang up, so they lingered.

It had been about a week since their exchange on the pedestrian bridge but the words still lay heavy between them; steadily chiseling away at their carefully constructed veneer of platonic friendship.

"I always wondered why you never cut more of my songs."

"I don't know. It felt weird. Like maybe they were all about me or somethin'."

"They are. I guess."

"Sometimes I wish I could just do everything all over again."

"What would you change?"

"Nothing...everything."

"That makes two of us."

After a few seconds of pregnant quiet Deacon said "Sing with me Ray."

It was a soft, plaintive and breathy whisper. That tone and those words took Rayna back to a time when she was his and he was hers. When no part of one another was off limits and making music was the same as making love. How many times had she relived those moments in the dark hours of night? How long had her heart yearned to hear those words...sing with me...and for the freedom to respond openly, unabashedly, and fully.

Wanting it and dreaming of it were still very different from actually hearing it. He'd caught her off guard and for a second she wasn't sure that she had heard him right.

"What? Deacon I..."

He cut her off. The words were out, the desire openly acknowledged; there was no turning back. With his heart in his throat he plowed on.

"You know tonight's my regular slot at the Bluebird and I wanna sing with you." He paused for a second before continuing. "Just me and you. Stripped down, no flash, no big performance, just us and the music."

Her heart began to beat double time. The idea was appealing. So very appealing, but it was dangerous and couldn't have come at a worse time. Teddy's pre-election vetting into her relationship with Deacon had made it harder for her to ignore her hidden truth. She was still desperately and madly in love with a man who wasn't her husband. For years she and Deacon had been standing on the edge of a very steep and slippery slope. They had been able to balance but time and circumstance were eroding the ledge and it was getting harder to keep a secure foothold. Singing together tonight could be the very thing to send them into free fall. If that happened there were many other lives, two very important ones in particular, that would be thrown into chaos.

Over the years Rayna had been true to her wedding vows. She had loved and honored Teddy. She had been his partner in all aspects of life. Had been faithful to him with her body and her time, but her heart had always belonged to Deacon Claybourne. He was in her veins, entwined in her very soul. There had been so many times her heart had gone to war with her head. So many times she wanted to throw caution and history to the wind and fall into to his arms; consequence be damned. With a look or a phrase or an innocent touch, Deacon could send Rayna back in time; the years would melt away. It had been very hard recently to rein in her feelings...to keep a cool head...to not run to him and profess her love. The temptation had grown exponentially over the past several weeks. Her feelings had always been there but she was having trouble tamping them down. That day on the bridge, she's been so tired of it all and allowed them to surface in front of him. She'd felt disenchanted with the direction of her career, was frustrated with Juliette's presence in her life, and was annoyed and somewhat threatened by her interest in Deacon. They'd kept the conversation somewhat vague, but it had been honest. Since then she knew Deacon was watching, she could feel it. He knew her. That knowledge alone made her longing for him all the more strong.

Rayna couldn't exactly pinpoint why she was struggling to pull it together. Why it was so hard for her to manage her feelings concerning Deacon. She wasn't exactly sure what had fanned the flame or why she couldn't ignore it. Was it was the threat of losing him to Juliette's tour? Was it her increasing dissatisfaction with Teddy and the choices he was making for their family? Or was it that the dam she had built around her heart was simply buckling after years and years of pressure, loneliness, and longing. She didn't know but it was making life substantially harder. She had to put a lot of energy into maintaining appropriate boundaries, for her children if nothing else. Her girls loved their life. They loved their father. They were secure and settled and happy. There were so many things in this world that she wouldn't be able to protect them from, but saving them the pain of breaking apart their family was in her control.

Singing together the way Deacon was asking was such an intimate act. In some ways it was more intimate than any physical expression of love which was why they hadn't done it. He was not suggesting they sing one of the songs that has solidified her as a country music queen. Those songs were safe. Any song that would be sung tonight, should she agree to go, would be one of their early duets. One of their love letters set to music. Could she stand to feel those feelings, acknowledge them in his presence and then walk away, pretend it hadn't happened? Could he? What if they couldn't? What then? Would he quit as her bandleader? Would they never speak? Could she live without any part of him? She didn't think so. Could he live without any part of her?

She tried to respond with a normal tone. "Deacon. I have the girls to feed and get to bed and you know Teddy would be less than thrilled."

"I'm not gonna pressure you Ray. I want you to come sing with me, but I'm not gonna ask you for more than you can give. Guess I've just been thinkin' a lot about things and if I could change one thing in my life it would be being able to really sing with you...I miss you."

There was dead silence on the phone. It was in that moment that he began to question his sanity. What was he doing? Why would he put her in this position? Why would he put himself in this position? He was already paying a daily penance. Their current balancing act was agonizing. Purgatory probably paled in comparison. Why was he trying to make it worse?

"You know Ray, don't worry about it. I shouldn't have said anything. Just got carried away thinkin' myself down memory lane and wishin' we'd been dealt a different hand. It wasn't fair to ask. I know you're busy with the girls and I don't want to rock the boat with Teddy. Don't wanna lose my biggest fan." He chuckled trying to lighten the mood. "I'll see you tomorrow. Tell the girls hey from me."

With that he hung up. Rayna stood her her kitchen, the phone still cradled between her ear and shoulder. She could hear the girls upstairs, could hear that the water on the stove was now boiling, but she couldn't move. What in the world had just happened? She was still dazed, pondering that very question when Teddy walked through the door.

"Hey babe." He walked over and kissed her on the cheek. His hand grazed down her back and rested appreciably on her backside. He gave her a gentle squeeze. "What's for dinner?"

The normal chaos of cooking, clearing the dishes, getting the girls to finish up their homework, and prodding them to get ready for bed made the rest of the evening fly by. All the while Deacon's words were never far from the forefront of her brain.

Her mental tug of war ended as she finished loading the dishwasher. She would go. Who did she think she'd been kidding? There was never any real question. On some level she'd known that she would go from the second he asked because he had asked. He hadn't asked her for anything in 13 years.

She walked to Teddy's office and stood leaning against the doorway. He was already at his desk apparently knee deep in work. He briefly glanced up, acknowledging her presence.

"Teddy. I think I may run over to the Bluebird this evening. You okay gettin' the girls in the bed? I won't be gone too long."

"The Bluebird? You want to go to the Bluebird tonight?"

Rayna figured that if she was going, she might as well be upfront with her husband. She wasn't one to sneak around and already knew this was not going to sit well. The bones of the past were still lying scattered and uncovered after being dug up during the pre-election vetting; the reopened wounds were raw. Teddy had never been a fan of Deacon Claybourne. To him Deacon was and always would be a threat. It didn't matter that she wore his ring on her finger, that she'd stood by his side for better or for worse (these past several years, especially the past few months could definitely be categorized as 'for worse'). It didn't matter that she came home to him each night, that she chose him to be the father of her eldest daughter, and that she willingly gave him another daughter several years after Maddie's birth. To Teddy, Deacon's presence in her life was threatening.

"Yeah. Deacon's playin' a set. I think his niece Scarlett is waitin' tables there now and he asked if I had time to swing by. I haven't seen her since she was a little girl and thought it would be a nice time to go."

"Deacon asked if you had time to 'swing by'?" He shook his head and shuffled papers on the desk. "You sure he means by the Bluebird and not his bed?" He looked up. There was a quick flash of jealousy in his eyes before he settled on anger.

"Teddy!"

"No Rayna. I'm so tired of this. So no, I'm not okay with listening out for our daughters so you can go spend more time with Deacon than you already do. My gosh! Isn't enough that he's in your band? He's everywhere! All the time! I've been here by your side for 13 years. I've given you the stability you wanted and tried my best to provide for you and support you. Can't I ever be enough?"

As exasperated as she was, Rayna tried her best to keep a level voice.

"Teddy. I've been standin' by your side just as long as you've been standin' by mine. I am grateful to you for the stability you've provided for our family, you know that. And I'm supportin' you now on this mayoral campaign even though I wholeheartedly believe that it's a terrible idea. Goin' tonight isn't a betrayal of you or choosin' him over you. I want to go hear good music. Deacon just happens to be playin' and invited me to come. I am not askin' your permission to go. I am going. I'll see you when I get home."

Okay so that wasn't entirely true, she acknowledged that much to herself as she turned to walk to her bedroom. Tonight had everything to do with her feelings for Deacon, but Teddy had dealt a low blow and hit where it hurt. If she was really being honest with herself it was annoying that he knew the truth...the good music was just an added bonus.

The decision was made and the damage done. She was past the point of no return. Tomorrow she would feel the pain from dancing too close the fire. She knew the rules and structure of relationship she'd had with Deacon for the past 13 years was about to be obliterated. She couldn't guess how they would handle it. She wasn't sure what the damage control would look like, but tonight she had no fight left.

Rayna quickly changed into a pair of jeans, boots, and a top. She threw a small braid in the front of her hair leaving the rest long. She took a brief look in the mirror. "This is as good as it's gonna get." Before she could think or begin to worry, she yelled up to the girls, gave a quick round of hugs and 'good nights' and grabbed her keys. She walked out the door and hurried to her vehicle without looking back. She was not going to feel guilty, she was not going overthink.

The Bluebird was packed. Deacon couldn't help but keep one eye on the door. Rayna hadn't shown up yet but he was the closing act of the evening. He'd let her off the hook at the end of the conversation though she hadn't said no. There was still a chance she would turn up. He had spent the early part of the night vacillating between hoping she would come and hoping she wouldn't. Nothing had changed, but in a way everything had changed. That day on the bridge he'd seen a crack in her carefully constructed veneer. Since then more and more tiny cracks kept showing up.

Deacon knew Rayna inside and out: every little tick, every little turn of the head, every little sigh. He knew the hidden meanings behind the subtle changes of her voice and was quick to decipher the minuscule variations of her gaze. Once fluent in Rayna, always fluent in Rayna. The same could be said in reverse. No matter how many boundaries they had established or how much distance they put between each other, that intimate knowledge hadn't changed. So knowing he as well as he did, it hadn't been hard for Deacon to pick up very early on that Rayna was not as happy in her marriage as she wanted to believe. He could see her struggling to be true to herself while living up to her new role and all the expectations that came with it. He had to give it to her, she hadn't given up, but that was Rayna. Strength and determination were some of her greatest attributes but they were coupled with stubbornness and down right bullheadedness. She didn't like to be wrong and she liked to admit when she was even less. Once she set her mind to something she was determined to see it through come hell or high water. But that day on the bridge...that tiny glimpse into her soul...maybe she was tired of fighting...maybe she wanted out...maybe this was the beginning of a game changer. He just couldn't get the possibility out of his head.

Deacon ran his hands through his hair and strapped on his guitar. He was at war with himself. Part of him didn't want to turn her life upside down, but part of him wanted to not only turn it upside down but inside out. There were so many reasons to leave her alone. She had children first and foremost, she had a husband, she had a reputation and a career to protect. He had a longstanding history of disappointing her, of failing her, of breaking her heart, but he had been sober for 13 years. He was not hesitant to acknowledge to himself that his longstanding sobriety was in large part was due to Rayna. Each day he woke up determined to prove to both of them that he was a better version of himself than the man she left behind; he was ready if and when she decided to come home.

Deacon had worked hard to get to this point and was now confident in the fact that he could be the man that she deserved; the man she knew he could be way back when. They had missed so much, been in pain for so long. Couldn't now be the time to fix what he'd allowed alcohol to break? The ball was in her court and it was terrifying. This night had the potential to redefine their relationship for the rest of their lives. Things would have to change one way or another. This middle ground wasn't working anymore. "Come to me Ray, come sing with me. Come show me that you're mine. Stay home Ray...if you come there's no turning back."

"Welcome to the Bluebird stage, our good friend Deacon Claybourne everybody!"

Applause filled the room, he stepped onto the small platform and faced the crowd. The energy was expectant and palpable. The guitar thrummed beneath his fingers. He sensed the guys behind him waiting for the cue to begin. His pick hit the strings and music filled the air.

Deacon saw her as soon as she slipped inside and sat down. The set was almost over but there she was. She looked like Rayna, all beauty and grace, but he could detect a slight hint of vulnerability. It was because of him. Because of her feelings for him. His heart swelled with love and an overwhelming need to share the microphone with her, to be the only man in her world (if just for a moment). He met her eyes and gave a small nod. The song ended. "Yeah! How about these guys huh?" He adjusted the mike and pulled up a second stool next to his.

"Um...I got a little surprise. I got a friend out there tonight in the audience. A really special and talented friend and I'd like to ask her to come up here and do a number with us. Please put your hands together for Ms. Rayna Jaymes."

Applause thundered in her ears. She was aware of heads turning and bodies shifting. Rayna gave the crowd a smile and made her way to Deacon's side. Still smiling she met his eyes and gave him brief hug before sitting down beside him.

They started off with a little banter. It eased her nerves. His too.

"Oh my goodness. It's great to be at the Bluebird." Smiled plastered on her face. To the outside observer she was relaxed and enjoying the experience of playing to a small crowd.

Deacon whispered the song in her ear. She smiled and nodded. Inside her stomach dropped and her head spun. This song?! This is the one he wanted to sing?! Of course it would be. It was one of their most personal collaborations; an open love letter. It was a song about conquering, claiming, loving, and longing; how when two became one, that new one could never fully be separated into two again. "Game face Rayna...game face."

Deacon introduced the song stating,

"This is actually a song that we first performed right here...what's it been? About 20 years ago?"

"Game face, play along."

"Oh no. I would have been...I was in preschool 20 years ago."

He chuckled. "Well we're going to play it for you right now."

The opening chords of No One Will Ever Love You filled the room.

"No one will ever love you. Like... I... do." The last notes hung heavy in the air. Rayna and Deacon were unaware of the misty eyes and murmured whispers of approval from the crowd. They barely registered the beginnings of the applause. They only had eyes for each other. All too soon the rest of the world crept back in and popped the bubble. Eye contact broke. They each smiled out into the audience. Rayna felt Deacon's hand find hers. She held on to it as if her life depended on it.

Singing together been everything they were both desperately longing for and dreading at the same time. Line crossed. Ledge crumbled. Bandaid ripped off. Their jagged hearts lay broken and bare for one another to see. It was gory, bloody, and breathtakingly beautiful. How could so much love exist between two people? How were they still standing? How had they managed to bury it and play at being just friends? How could they ever go back?

After one final hand squeeze Deacon thanked the crowd. "Ms. Rayna Jaymes. How about that? You guys have been a great crowd. Thanks so much for comin' out. Hope to see you all here next week. Goodnight everybody."

Rayna smiled and gave a small wave. Deacon caught her eye. She nodded. She would wait for him outside. As he turned to pack up the guitar he pressed the keys to his truck into the palm of her hand.

They sat in silence on opposite sides of the vehicle. Both starring into space, afraid to look at the other.

Singing that song brought it all back in full force; the intensity and depth of their love. For roughly three minutes Rayna had been able to remember and bask in their shared passion for one another. The music and the memories of times gone by, momentarily freed from their prison, danced across her consciousness. She'd been able to forget the reality of their forced separation; the miserable outcome of their lowest low.

It had been clear from the look in Deacon's eyes that the song affected him in the same way. But it was over before it barely began. All that was left now was pain. Raw, excruciating pain; the same kind she'd felt when she made herself walk away from him all those years ago. The regret and anger at the 'could have beens' and 'should have beens' was overwhelming. Rayna thought earlier that she had been prepared for this pain. She certainly knew it was coming. Somehow she thought the dull burning ache that she'd lived with for years would lessen the intensity, or at least increase her tolerance, but this was white hot. What made it worse was that she knew she was not the only one feeling it.

Deacon wasn't exactly sure how a man was supposed to go on living with a broken soul. How could a body function without a heart? He had pondered these same questions right after she'd left and then again at various times off and on for years. He remembered coming out of rehab feeling like a ghost, wandering around aimlessly, desperately missing his other half. He remembered learning she was married. His chest had seized and he literally felt like he was dying. He'd felt betrayed, rejected. He remembered finding out she was pregnant that first time. His still fractured heart had shattered again and he almost couldn't see straight for the jealousy. That baby should have been his. It hurt the second time too. Another child that didn't belong to him. For a good while regret, anger, and sadness were his constant companions.

Over time he'd done a decent job of stitching odd parts together to make it through. He'd stayed sober. He was gainfully employed. He learned to love her daughters and actually enjoyed playing the role of 'Uncle' Deacon. It still hurt to know that they were a piece of Rayna and a man other than himself, but there was no denying that they were great kids. He'd gradually been able to be around Rayna on a regular basis without feeling like dying. When she'd asked him to play lead guitar all those years ago, they'd established a new normal with one another. It was only a fraction of what it used to be and there were times when they felt the strain, but it was something which was preferable to nothing. Most importantly, he'd been able to watch her go home to another man without hitting the bottle. After surviving all of that he thought he'd be a little stronger at the end of tonight. Singing that song had been a slice of heaven on earth. They'd been the Deacon and Rayna they were meant to be; partners, lovers, soulmates. But like all wonderful things it ended too soon. At its conclusion they were once again nothing more than "good old friends;" a songstress and her bandleader. The pain was visceral.

"I wish we hadn't done that song." It was Rayna who broke the silence.

Tears gathered in her eyes. Deacon could hear them in her voice. He took a deep breath. He sensed more than saw her getting ready to open the door to leave. He couldn't let her go. Whatever spirit had possessed him to ask her to sing in the first place was now telling him that she could not get out of the truck. He couldn't watch her walk away again, couldn't stand to see her run away from her feelings. Their smoldering emotions had been given a breath of oxygen and the caught flame. Now, in the truck, the flame had grown to a full out blaze, raging like a wild fire. Too big to snuff, too hot to not feel. She couldn't walk away again. Not tonight. He'd asked her to come and she had. He'd asked her to sing and she did. She was here now. Rayna was Deacon's home, his comfort, his safe place. She was the thing that made his crazy life make sense. The time for keeping quiet and watching her walk was over.

"Rayna." He breathed her name and for the second time that day used the tone reserved only for her. His voice made her heart skip again but this time she heard his heartache and regret. It tore at her very soul.

Tears started streaming down her face in earnest. A sob caught in her throat, hands clasped tightly in her lap. She sat rigid in the seat; a bird on the verge of flight.

He reached out for her and lay his hand over her clasped ones, thumb brushing her knuckles.

"Rayna." It was louder this time. A little more strength behind the name forcing her to look up. The sob broke free.

Bodies moved before brains. Her hands burst out from under his, she turned, throwing her arms around his neck. Her head found its familiar resting place under his jaw to the side of his chin. She buried her face against his neck.

He somehow performed an acrobatic move, scooping her up and turning her while pulling her onto his lap. They were cramped behind the steering wheel. Her legs half thrown over the middle console. It was uncomfortable. The side of her right hip bone dug painfully into his left. Her back pressed tightly into the handle of the door. His arm was pinned between her lower back and that same door. It wouldn't be long before it fell asleep. Nothing had ever felt more right to either of them. They clung together, like two adjoining puzzle pieces finally locked into place.

Rayna nuzzled her face deeper into Deacon's neck. The intensity of her sobs made it hard to draw a deep breath, but she couldn't let go. Her arms stayed locked around him. She pulled herself as close as she possibly could but it wasn't close enough. Melting into him wouldn't be close enough. Deacon buried his face in her hair, breathing her in. The silky waves caressed his face. He could feel her heart beating against his own, could feel her tears dampening his neck and the collar of his shirt.

He was overwhelmed by the rush of conflicting emotions at having her in his arms. There was joy. The joy of physically holding her. The joy of having her receive and respond to him. There was anguish. Seeing her in pain was crushing. It brought back memories of times before when he had disappointed her, hurt her, and caused her worry and tears. Remembering all the years spent apart hurt. There was hope. The hope of possibility, of a different story. There was fear and uncertainty. What did this mean? What if she didn't have any more than this to give? He tightened his hold. He couldn't think of anything else to do other than hold on to her as if his very life depended on it.

After a few minutes Rayna once again broke the silence. Her words tumbled out in a frantic and breathless rush. "I love you," she cried into his neck. "I love you so much it hurts. I can't remember a time not loving you. Deacon...I've tried so hard...so hard to move on and let you move on but I can't. I thought I was doing the right thing...by both of us...but...Deacon..."

Her sobs choked out the rest.

Deacon's heart swelled. He'd had no real doubt that she loved him; that she was still in love with him, but to hear her actually say the words...It was more beautiful than he could ever have imagined. Her sobbing continued. He couldn't fix this problem for her, for them. He wanted to offer comfort and assurances but what could be possibly say? He nuzzled her and whispered, "Breathe Ray."

"I can't...I can't...do this anymore..."

"I know baby." He pulled his arm from behind her back, hands traveling to untangle her arms from around his neck. He took her by the shoulders and gave her a small push, angling her body away from him slightly so she could pull more oxygen into her lungs.

"Breathe Ray. It's okay. Breathe." Their foreheads were touching. He cupped the side of her face with one hand, thumbing at the tears tracing down her cheeks. She nuzzled her cheek into his palm and drew in several deep, ragged breaths. The extra oxygen helped regain some of her equilibrium. Once she could breathe a little easier she found the courage to raise her head to look at him. There were unshed tears in his eyes.

"What are we gonna do?" she whispered. As much as she desperately wanted an answer, she knew there wasn't one. "I'm not a cheater Deacon. I can't do that to my girls. I owe Teddy more than that...You and I deserve more than that." The sobs began to well again.

"Shhh. Baby. It's okay." He pressed a light kiss to her forehead. He knew the situation was just about anything other than okay, but he was at a loss. It kinda felt like he was failing her all over again.

"It's not okay."

"I know. I know Ray. And I don't have an answer...You comin' tonight was the best thing that's ever happened to me short of fallin' in love with you. I love you baby. I love you so much. You're my everything. I didn't do right by you before, I didn't deserve you..."

She cut him off with a quick shake of the head. "It's not about deservin' Deacon. You've always been good enough. It wasn't about that..."

"I just failed you so bad last time. I failed myself. Failed us. It still eats me up, every day. It hurts every day."

Rayna was suddenly exhausted. She couldn't think. The building of anticipation and eruption of emotion left her feeling like she needed to crawl into her bed and sleep for days. She leaned her face back into the groove between his shoulder and neck. Her body limp, hands resting loosely in her lap. It felt so good to be this close to him, to feel his stubble against her face, his body under hers, his heart beating solid and steady. She was enveloped in his scent; it was uniquely him and she had missed it. More than anything it been beyond wonderful to tell him exactly how she felt, how she'd been feeling for years. She loved him. It was her truth and it was out. Rayna wanted this moment to last forever but the parking lot had long since cleared. It was getting late.

"I have to go home." It was a little more than a whisper.

"I know," he whispered back.

"I don't know what to do Deacon."

"I don't either Ray. I wish I did, but I don't. You've got more at stake in this than me. I've got me. You've got your girls and the life that you've built. I'm not puttin' it all on you, but baby, it's gonna have to be your call. It's just..." he paused.

"Just?" She knew what was coming. Dread curled in her stomach.

"Just that I'm not sure we can pretend that this didn't happen if that's what you choose to do. I can't look at you and love you from a distance and that be it. I've been doin' that for all these years and I just don't think I can do it anymore. We'd have to go our separate ways; let each other go. Not because I want to but because I'd have to. My heart can only take so much...your heart can only take so much."

"I know." Just when she thought all her tears had been spent fresh ones stung her eyes.

"I'm ready to be that man for you Ray, if you're ready to have me. The man who I was always meant to be...I know how to love you now. I didn't then. I loved you, but not more than I loved the bottle. That's changed. I get it now. I understand myself better. I know how to love you. How to be your man."

"Deacon."

"Think about it. You have time. I'm here. I'll be here."

There was nothing else she could say. She nodded into his neck. He ran his fingers through her hair, cupping the back of her head, holding her to him. They sat that way for a few more minutes, bodies still, flush against one another. It took every ounce of strength Rayna had to pull away, to raise herself up. It took all of his willpower to untangle himself from her, to let her go. She used the steering wheel and his shoulder to get the leverage she needed to push back into the passenger seat.

Deacon's lap was suddenly empty. Cool air rushed in, all of Rayna's warmth and pressure gone. The only evidence of her being there at all were the goosebumps that formed on his skin. He watched her open the door. As she started to slide out he grabbed her hand. She turned back to face him.

"Hey," he said softly. "I love you Rayna. Whatever you decide, I'll honor it and support you as best I can."

She smiled through the tears, fingers entwining with his. "I love you Deacon."

Rayna gave him one more longing look and crawled out of the cab. She was lightheaded and her legs felt like jelly on the short walk to her car. She wanted nothing more than to run back to him, to throw herself in his arms. Since she couldn't do that sitting behind her steering wheel and sobbing felt like a good option, but she knew that Deacon was waiting for her to leave before he did. She turned the engine on and put the car in drive.

The house was dark and quiet when Rayna walked into the kitchen. She padded softly up the stairs and checked on the girls, laying a kiss on each of their heads. They were so beautiful and so innocent. The last thing she wanted to do was cause them any pain. They didn't know that she was unhappy in her marriage, they didn't know she was in love and had always been in love with their 'Uncle' Deacon. They didn't know that she had built a life with only half of her heart. She loved them fully and completely. They were the biggest blessing in her life. She could keep on keeping on for them, keep the facade, but for how long? The cracks in her marriage were starting to show. Not to the outside observer, not yet to the girls, but she could see them, could feel the change. So could Teddy. He was distant, insecure, and angry. She had been equally indifferent, dismissive, and annoyed. Was this the kind of marriage she wanted the girls to think that they deserved when they grew up? Was this what she wanted to teach them about love? She knew the answer was no, but she felt stuck, unable to move forward because of a decision that she had made long ago.

Rayna had two children. Two beautiful daughters. Daphne, her youngest was Teddy's. Maddie, her oldest was Deacon's. She and Teddy had guarded that secret with their lives. Her father and sister knew, but they strongly disapproved of Deacon (to put it lightly) so they had been more than supportive of her deception. Rayna had ultimately kept the secret not only to protect her child, but to protect Deacon. The baby's safety and security had been her first concern, but Deacon's overall welfare was a close second. When she found out she was pregnant, he had been actively drinking. He was unreliable, aggressive when drunk, and had major blackouts. Heck, he hadn't realized he could potentially be the baby's father because he couldn't remember making love to her or asking her to marry him. It was true that he was always remorseful later...so very remorseful, but she couldn't in good conscious bring a child into that negative cycle. When he went off to rehab for the fifth time he'd been so fragile and was nowhere ready to be a father. He was fighting for his life and it was a battle he could potentially lose. It was so scary. Her chest seized and spots danced before her eyes every time she allowed herself to acknowledge that reality. On top of that she knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Deacon wouldn't have been able to live with himself if he repeated his father's mistakes with his own child. And he would have.

As much as it had hurt, Rayna had known she couldn't raise her baby with the man she loved. It had killed her, tore her soul to shreds, but, she'd reminded herself again and again, it wasn't about her, it wasn't about Deacon, it was about the child growing inside of her. So, with her back pressed against a wall, Rayna did what she felt she'd had to do. She'd taken the choice to be a father away from Deacon. Teddy had come into her life at the right place and at the right time. She'd been grateful. He had supported her, loved her, and willingly accepted her child, knowing that it might not be his. She had been so scared that Deacon wasn't going to stay sober. He had, but she'd had no way of knowing that he would. When Maddie was born and her paternity was finally determined, it had not in any way diminished Teddy's love for her. Rayna had once again been grateful. She's known that Maddie would be loved and safe. She would have a father that she could count on. While Rayna's heart broke for Deacon and all that he was losing, she told herself that it was truly better this way. There was no way he would survive knowing he had a child and not being her father. Keeping that secret from Deacon was one of the hardest things she'd ever done.

Now it was too late to change the past. Rayna's heart and her head still went to war at times, the guilt never dissipated completely. There had been many times over the years that she longed to tell him: in a shared quiet moment, when he looked at her a certain way, when he smiled and played with the girls. But now, as she looked at her sleeping daughter, she could say with all honesty that at this point she didn't want change things. While it would be beyond wonderful for Deacon to know that he had a child, that they shared a daughter, it would undoubtedly cause more harm than good. Maddie's security in who she was would be destroyed. Her faith in the certainty of her world and her trust in her parents would be gone. As for Deacon, it wasn't like he didn't already know and love Maddie. Rayna knew that this was little consolation compared to being a parent, but the web had long since been spun. In addition to that there was too much uncertainty. Could he handle the truth? Would he drink? Would he run? He appeared strong and she believed him when he said he was ready to be her man, but this could break even the strongest of men. Then there was Teddy. He was Maddie's father in every way except one. He would always be her father and she couldn't picture Teddy and Deacon finding a happy medium. The whole thing was almost too scary and overwhelming to think about. Rayna prayed that if she did allow herself to follow her heart and took a chance with Deacon, that she could still protect her child...both of her children from any and all pain. If Maddie's paternity came to light, Daphne would not escape completely unscathed. With one final glance at her babies, she gently closed the door. She didn't have to have an answer or a plan tonight.

Rayna left the girls and headed down to her bedroom. Teddy's bedside lamp was on. He was awake and waiting. Upon seeing this she halfway prepared for an argument and was surprised when she didn't get one.

"How was your night?" he asked putting down a stack of papers. There were several folders on his lap, more documents and plans for the campaign.

"Good. I'm tired though. Time got away from me."

He looked at her expectantly. It felt like he was looking for something, some tell, but she wasn't sure what he wanted.

"Well..." she pointed towards the bathroom. "I'm gonna get ready for bed." She started walking.

Rayna hoped that Teddy would be asleep by the time she finished her nightly routine, but he was still awake. She crawled into the bed and rolled onto her side, facing away from him. She could tell he was still waiting for something...he was rarely ever up this late and she hadn't left him on the best of terms, but she was so tired. She didn't have the energy to care. It had taken every ounce of strength she had to get home and get herself into this bed. She had nothing left to give. "Night Teddy."

She heard him turn off the light and was in the process of coaxing her weary mind to settle into what she hoped would be a dreamless sleep when she felt him move beside her. His hand crept over her torso and inched up, cupping her breast. She felt him push himself against her backside, thrusting his hips gently against the swell of hers. Any trace of sleep disappeared. Rayna's body went rigid, adrenaline raced through her veins. Teddy felt it and pulled back. She thought he would stop but he came again, this time pushing against her harder, pulling her to him. "Teddy." He stopped and huffed irritatedly. He had been insistent on having sex before, but never to the point of force, never when she wasn't willing to respond. Recently they had not been sleeping together at all. They hadn't been in a place where either wanted to. Tonight he had been upset with her when she left, so what changed? It was as if he knew his advances would send her into a panic. Was this his plan all along? Was he setting her up?

"I knew it," he growled, rolling away and turning on the light. Rayna shot up. He turned to her with anger and accusation in his eyes. "Don't you dare try to deny it Rayna. I know you slept with him. There's no innocent just doing anything with Deacon. How dare you do this to me! To our daughters!" He had reached the point of yelling. He threw back the covers and stood up.

Rayna stared at him in utter disbelief. She wasn't quite sure how to respond. She was initially offended and bristled in defense. They hadn't done anything. How dare he speak to her this way. How dare he try to coerce her into having sex with him when he knew she didn't want to, when he apparently didn't really want to. Guilt crept in quickly on the heels of her indignation. She hadn't cheated on him physically but she had been cheating emotionally. Not just tonight; every night since they'd been married. He'd known that and had appeared to accept it. It was the price he paid for "winning." Except there were no winners. Teddy had spent the past 13 years competing against Rayna's love for Deacon which was harder than competing with the man himself. Rayna had been lonely. Deacon had been lonely. Teddy had been lonely.

"I did not sleep with him."

"How can you sit there and lie to my face?! Do you think I didn't know what you were going to do the minute you walked out of this house? Do you think I'm an idiot?"

"I didn't sleep with him Teddy. I did not cheat on you. I've never cheated on you and I resent the implication."

"Do you honestly expect me to believe that Rayna? Don't forget I know you."

"Yeah. You do know me. You know I have been faithful, even when I haven't wanted to be. I won't insult you by pretending otherwise. It would have been easy to sleep with Deacon tonight, or any other night if I'd wanted to, but I didn't. And yeah. I love Deacon. You know that. You've always known that. But I chose you. And I have been true to that choice. Like it or not."

"You've always let me know I come second. No matter what. I've been the man you could depend on," he pointed to his chest. I've been the man whose kept this family going while you've been off on tour. Me, not Deacon. My gosh Rayna, when's enough enough?"

She looked at him. He was angry but he was hurt. They always came back to this place. More often than not over the past several years. It had gone on too long. She sighed.

"I don't want to do this anymore...I can't do this anymore. It's not fair."

"Can't do what Rayna?" he sneered. "Lie?!" His volume and pitch continued to rise.

"I want a divorce Teddy." She said it quietly, matter of factly.

He stared at her stunned, mouth open, but no words coming out. It was obviously the last thing he had expected from her tonight. He'd been prepared to go seven rounds. The knockout hit caught him completely unaware.

Rayna hadn't even known this was coming. She hadn't planned on it. Didn't even know it had been percolating in the back of her brain but now the words were out. She'd spoken her truth and she was not going to back down.

Before he could speak she continued. "I'm not happy. You're not happy. We were once, but not now. What we've been doing isn't working anymore. It hasn't worked for a long time." He tried to interrupt her but she plowed on. "Things with the girls will stay the same. You're still their father and we're still a family. We will figure that out. I want their lives to go on as normal as possible. But as far as you and me, we just can't do this. Not anymore."

Teddy's face scrunched into a frown. "You don't just get to make that call Rayna." There was venom in his tone. "I've put too much in this family and in this relationship. No. We're not getting a divorce."

"Teddy...you just tried to have sex with me. Not make love, have sex. For what? It certainly wasn't because you loved me. You wanted to lay claim on me. To take something that you thought someone else wanted. To hurt Deacon. To prove your point to me. That's not a marriage. Do you even really love me anymore? Or do you love the idea of me and us and what I can do for you?"

"That's not a fair question. I can't believe you. After all this time...NO. I'm not going to give you a divorce. You don't just get to walk away when it suits you. All you care about is yourself. I've given you everything. Now it's my turn. I'm running for mayor Rayna. You're going to stand by my side. No divorce."

She was angry. She wanted to yell and scream and stomp her feet. She wanted to storm out of the room, but that wasn't going to get them anywhere. She had to be rational and reasonable. She took a deep breath and said a quick prayer to remain calm. "Teddy. I loved you when I married you and I have love for you now. I will forever be grateful for what you did for me when we decided to get married and I appreciate you all you've done since. You're a great father and have been a good provider, but I'm not going to stay in this; it's toxic. That's not fair to either of us. And yes, before you say it, this has to do with Deacon, but it also has to do with you and me and our girls. We owe it to them to end this before things gets worse. There's no fixin' it and there's no coverin' it up. We can keep it civil and healthy. We can do that for our family."

"You don't just get to make this call Rayna."

"No. I don't Teddy. We need to make the call. Together. I'm telling you I want a divorce and we need to figure out how we're going to handle it."

"No Rayna. No. And there's no way I'm letting Deacon around my daughters. No way."

"Teddy. We're not goin' there right now. I just told you that you and I will sit down and figure out how to handle this in a way that best works for our family. I promised you the day Maddie was born that she was your daughter and I intend to honor that. Tellin' her any different now would be devastating to her and I'm not willin' to do that. I will live with the burden of my secrets. But I am serious about this divorce. I'm not backin' down. I'm not gonna forget about it in the morning. I will give you time to think and calm down and we can revisit this conversation tomorrow."

The fight wasn't over, but it was shelved for the night. Teddy, seeing that no amount of yelling was going to change anything in the immediate future, left for the guest room. Rayna lay back down. She wasn't sure if she would get any sleep tonight but she was beyond. Beyond tired, beyond frustrated, beyond heart sick. She was beyond done with this day.

Deacon watched Rayna start her car and pull out of the parking lot. He felt a piece of his heart break away and go with her. It physically hurt to separate; to watch her leave the cocoon of his truck and walk to her vehicle. Watching her drive away was even worse. His fingers gripped the wheel, knuckles turning white. It had been hard not to run and grab her, to beg her to stay, to smother her with kisses, to hold her close. It was hard now not to chase her down. The past few hours had been a blur of music and emotion. They almost didn't seem real.

After her tail lights disappeared Deacon had a brief moment of panic. This had been too good to be true. He'd dreamed of this for so long...maybe this was a dream. Maybe he had imagined it all. Maybe she hadn't ever been there. The faint but distinct scent of her perfume lingering on his clothes gave him a reality check. She had been here. His body very much remembered being melded into hers. He could still feel the ghosting of her weight and heat. It was almost as if her body had imprinted itself onto his nerve endings. She had burned into his mind as well. He would never forget her profession of love. Those words and the emotion behind them would be with him as long as he lived. It had been real.

Deacon didn't rush to get home. He had nothing to rush home for. His house was empty and dark, but maybe, just maybe it wouldn't be that way forever. Maybe his life was about to change in a major way. He was afraid to put too much hope into that possibility but it was hard to not think about it. Rayna loved him; she loved him...was in love with him...had never stopped loving him. She wanted him; all of him. She missed him. She had been lonely. She had regrets. She had dreams of the future...a future together. She also had Teddy. Deacon couldn't see him ever willingly stepping aside to make way for him and Rayna to be together. Teddy hated him. Deacon had seen that very clearly from day one. Teddy was jealous and had no tolerance for Deacon in Rayna's life in any capacity. That jealousy and resentment had only seemed to grow over the years with the addition of children and her success. The two men could hardly be in the same room without Teddy making small territorial moves that claimed Rayna as his own. It irritated Deacon beyond all measure and did nothing to assuage his feelings of jealously. Tension would build, sometimes almost to the point of being unbearable. It made everyone around them uncomfortable, especially Rayna. She walked on eggshells every single time. Nope, Teddy would not make anything easy. To further complicate matters Rayna also had two preteen children. Deacon couldn't imagine that they would be thrilled about losing their family unit. They might resent him. Teddy might poison them against him. They might become angry and bitter with their mama. She didn't deserve that.

He shook his head. So much of this was out of his control. He couldn't allow himself to fall down the rabbit hole of what if's and could be's. It was too much. Deacon pulled up to his house. He grabbed his guitar and walked inside. He didn't even bother turning on the lights, just walked straight to the bedroom. He needed sleep. This merry go round of thought was dangerous. He couldn't change anything. Rayna had the deciding vote in this situation. He was ultimately powerless and chewing it over too much wasn't helpful. That would lead to stress. Too much stress led to the desire to drink. The cravings came every now and again, hitting him strong, like a bear waking up from a long hibernation. He was used tamping them down. If they became too strong he'd go to a meeting or talk to his sponsor. It was too late for any of that tonight so he was going to sleep. Backsliding, falling off the wagon; it wasn't an option. He was that man he claimed to be. He hadn't lied to Rayna. He knew how to love her and he was ready. He was strong enough to take what life offered without alcohol. He could make good decisions, had been making good decisions. He was that man.

Deacon lay down in his bed. While he didn't want to think about the complications of the situation, he was more than willing to revisit the pleasurable aspects. He let himself relive the physical sensation of having Rayna's body near his. He allowed himself to wander farther. He kissed and caressed her in his mind. Heard her soft moans, felt her body respond to his advances. Felt her give as she received. No matter how many years had passed since he last held her that way, the memories hadn't faded with time. The startling clarity of those memories had initially caused pain. He'd ached for her. The ache was intensified by the knowledge that she was no longer his, that they'd never be together that way again. But tonight, he was grateful for his memories and their clarity. Tonight they held potential promise of things yet to come. Deacon sighed. It looked like it was going to take a while to get to sleep. Rayna's presence was a ghost in his bed, but for once he was okay with that.