Author's Note: I do not own the rights to Harry Potter, of course, as it would no longer be FANfiction if that were the case. I also do not own the rights to "Close to You" by Burt Bacharach and Hal David. I apologize if any of the characters seem OOC, I've been struggling to make them behave. Hope you enjoy! Leave a review, please, and constructive criticism is always appreciated.
RSJLRSJL
"Why do birds, suddenly appear," Remus' husky voice sang as he and Lily lay on the roof of the Astronomy tower, lazily smoking and listening to her LP's. "Every time you are near? Just like me, they long to be, close to you." Remus let his eyes shut languidly as he relaxed and let the music wash over him. Lily smiled and joined in, singing along. "Why do stars fall down from the sky, every time you walk by? Just like me, they long to be, close to you." The two friends crooned, heads close together as they sang along to the sweet melody.
"On the day that you were born the angels got together, and decided to create a dream come true. So they sprinkled moon dust in your hair, of golden starlight in your eyes of blue! That is why, all the girls in town, follow you, all around. Just like me, they long to be, close to you." Both students smiled sweetly as they sang, eyes locked, foreheads nearly touching, legs entangled.
"What. The. Bloody. Buggering Hell is going on here?" came the seriously pissed off voice of Sirius Black, glowering with James Potter; Peter Pettigrew trailing behind. The two black haired boys had rivaling looks of fury.
It was too much for the stoned friends. They burst out laughing, voices rough from smoking, and their hilarity exasperated by the 'troublemakers' catching the 'do-gooders' in the act. Sirius couldn't help noticing the line of Remus' throat as he threw his head back, hair glinting gold in the wand light. James couldn't help noticing the top button of Lily's shirt undone in the careless quest for freedom and rebellion. Peter couldn't help noticing the illegal contraband being smoked out in the open, where anyone could see and throw them into Azkaban.
Lily and Remus started to calm down, only to look over and see the continued, identical glares of the black-haired, self proclaimed brothers of mischief, and the pale imitation of a glare from the blond tag-a-long. Their giggles resumed, as they fell against each other, inadvertently angering the jealous boys further with their casual touches.
Sirius and James glances at each other, forming a game plan wordlessly.
Sirius began, "I'm not even going to start on the impropriety of your actions, the flagrant disregard to not just the rules, but the law, but how, why, and in the name of Satan's seven sons, what the hell are you doing together?"
Remus and Lily looked at each other and laughed again. Sirius practically growled and Remus attempted to calm down to explain.
"Pads, you were, you were, and you, James, you were home. So, Lils and I, we got, got close like, you see? So, so, we're here now." Remus and Lily nodded like that explained everything perfectly.
James looked hurt and betrayed. Sirius looked murderous.
"How could you do it, Remus?" James asked. "Not just to me, but to Pads? I thought you were a mate, man. And a good person. I just…" James broke off and ran back inside, his voice sounding choked, and his eyes suspiciously watery. Remus and Lily looked at each other, confused.
Lily turned on the other boys, now getting mad because Remus was upset and somehow, not intending to, she had made James Potter cry.
"Whass the big deal? It's not like you all don't smoke too. Who cares if we do it together? It's not like we're sleeping together or anything!"
An awkward silence fell, Sirius looking sheepishly at Peter.
Remus looked aghast. "I would never!" Lily looked affronted. "No, not, I mean. Lily, you're a lovely woman and I would be honored, but one of my best mates is horribly in love with you and it wouldn't be right." He turned a glare on Sirius. "You know I'm not so low a scum to steal my mate's girl, or would be girl at any rate."
Sirius rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. "Well, what were we supposed to think! We come back from break early, hunt you down, and find you cuddled up with her on top of the Astronomy Tower all incoherent and improperly buttoned and touching all over. How were we supposed to know?"
Remus sighed, now thoroughly down from his momentary high. He stood, reaching one hand down to help Lily up. "Come on, Lils. We should go explain the mistake to James before he kills himself."
Lily let herself be pulled upright and looked questioningly at Remus. "He wouldn't really, would he? I mean, he doesn't really care about me, right? That's just another one of his pranks, right?"
Remus sighed. "You know how I was telling you before, you know." She nodded. "Like that, but for you."
Her mouth opened in shock and her eyes started to water. She blinked rapidly and asked in a small voice, "Really?" Remus nodded, and led her down the steps. She was still high and completely blown away by the thought that James had been serious in his pursuit of her all these years.
As they approached the dorm it sounded suspiciously as though someone were sobbing inside. They heard a crash, as though someone had thrown or punched something. Remus and Lily exchanged glances, his regretful for hurting a friend, and hers pain filled at the realization of how horrible she had treated someone who genuinely liked her. Remus gently pushed the door open and the two crept inside.
"James?" Lily whispered hesitantly. "You all right?"
There was an awful noise of someone in undeniable pain and bitterness. "What do you care? You're all happy with Remus now. What does it matter to you if I've been in love with you for bloody years when you have Mr. Perfect Prefect to share your life with?" James' voice broke as he tried not to sob.
Remus hung his head, pulling Lily all the way into the room, and turned the lights on. James lay face-down on his bed and didn't even glance towards them.
"It's all just a big misunderstanding, James. You know I'd never do that. Lily and I were just hanging out. That's all, I swear." Remus filled his voice with conviction and hoped James believed him.
James turned his head just a little, almost looking over his shoulder, but not quite. "But what was all that singing about, about loving someone and thinking they're all perfect and stuff? Why would you sing that to each other?"
Lily burst out, "But we weren't singing it about us! Remus and I were just up there smoking and talking about how much it sucks that we're both in love with such prats, and that song pretty much summed it up for us both and it's so pretty so we just started to sing it and that's all! I swear!"
James turned around a little, wide eyed at Lily's rambling explanation. Then he looked down, still depressed. "So you are in love with someone then…" He sounded close to tears again.
Lily growled in frustration. "Yes, you, you bloody arrogant, selfish prat! Who the hell else has every bloody bird in school following them around thinking the moon shines out of their arse?" Lily's eyes were fiery with passion, dazzling James.
Remus looked at the ground and rubbed his forehead, knowing that Lily had let it slip that he was in love with someone as well, someone else for whom the song fit, and now she had admitted she fancied James and dared him to figure out whom else fit the description. He was doomed. For all his crazy pranks, James Potter was a highly intelligent wizard.
James paused, blinked a few times, opened his mouth, closed it, then looked at Remus with dawning comprehension. He started to gasp, his jaw dropping, as the door slammed open. Sirius and Peter waltzed in, returning from retrieving a midnight snack from the kitchens. Sirius looked around in confusion while James continued to gape and Remus death glared him.
Sirius just looked back and forth, completely lost. James was in shock, Remus was pissed, and Lily was still stoned, but looked vaguely remorseful. Peter, meanwhile, had set up a generous feast of items from the kitchen, which Lily, upon spying, was promptly pounced on. Remus stopped his James-glaring at the scent of food, and, with an arch of an eyebrow, wandered over to pillage some food for himself. James turned his still gaping visage on Sirius, eyes wide with disbelief. Sirius looked somewhat horrified as well as bemused. He turned away cautiously and joined the others at the food. James followed, still staring from Remus to Sirius and back again. Remus gave him a final warning glare and James snapped out of it.
"Hey!" he shouted, "Lily, you said you're in love with me!" He sounded shocked and triumphant. Lily giggled and Sirius and Peter took their turns impersonating goldfish. Remus just rolled his eyes and continued stuffing his face. "But then why didn't you ever say yes?" James asked Lily, confused. "I mean, it's not like it's any secret that I like you."
Lily met Remus' eyes and she smiled sadly. He gave her a look of sympathy back, popping another piece of chocolate cake in his mouth. Lily shrugged slightly. "I always thought you were just joking, you know? Just another big prank."
James looked horrified. "We would never! I would never!"
Remus shrugged. "You have to admit, James, it really isn't beyond the scope of some of our pranks. I tried explaining it to her and only made an impression tonight." Lily smiled at him gratefully and leaned over to squeeze his hand.
"Hey!" James yelled indignantly. "I though I was the one you're in love with!"
Lily's eyes flashed with anger. "Yeah, and he's the only one who bothered to tell me you weren't just taking the piss out of me! So I'd be a little more grateful if I were you!"
James shrank back in fear, eyes wide. "Yes, ma'am," he said softly and respectfully.
She humphed imperiously and grabbed James' hand. He looked so happy he was about to burst, and a small smile played on her lips.
Remus smiled somewhat enviously at his friends, though he was glad they'd finally gotten together. He looked to the side and his eyes caught Sirius' staring intently at him for a moment before flicking away. Remus felt his heart beat faster and he looked down, concentrating on his cake and trying desperately to keep his breathing even and his face unflushed. He hated how he felt so uncertain, so uncomfortable in his own skin, like he doesn't belong even inside himself. It made him stutter and stumble. He hated feeling so nervous in his own skin but he couldn't help it. One minute he would be calm and self-assured, and then Sirius would grin at him and suddenly it was like his brain was disconnected from his body. He would know all the witty things to say, but nothing would come out. It felt like he got stuck, Silencio'd by his own mind.
To him, his attraction to the disowned heir seemed perfectly obvious. He only ever walked into walls and stuttered when the boy was around. He even went so far as to ask Madam Pomfrey for her help with his heart palpitations. After checking that he was physically all right, she suggested it was a crush and asked who it happened around. He told her it was all the time, and she got this soft look on her face and gently asked if it was one of the Maurauders and if his parents had had The Talk with him yet. After hurriedly assuring her that a repeat Talk was unnecessary, he figured out what was going on in his own head. Since then he'd grown to accept his attraction to his mate, but the only person he'd told had been Lily. On the roof. Approximately two hours and thirteen minutes ago. And James already knew. Remus mentally sighed. He was a fool if he thought he'd manage to get out of school and over his crush before anyone found out.
He breathed deeply and forced himself to refocus on the group. It appeared James and Lily were now officially a couple, cuddling close and giving each other shy little glances every few seconds. It would have been sweet if it wasn't so nauseating. Peter was apparently trying to decide which form of tart was superior, and Sirius, Sirius was sitting eating quietly, watching him. Once Remus' eyes caught his, their gazes held for a minute and Sirius gave a small smile. The expression on his face was not one Remus was used to seeing on him. He seemed contemplative and a little bit sad.
Remus' heart ached for his friend, wishing he could figure out what was bothering the other boy and fix it, but he knew he couldn't bring it up without being laughed at for reading emotions into things. Remus couldn't help thinking about that look in Sirius' eyes, even as they flashed with mischief and Sirius began launching food at the happy couple, ensuing a food fight that would have been horrendous to clean up without magic.
Even as he participated in the fight and assisted in cleaning the food-splattered dorm Remus couldn't help wondering what could make Sirius so melancholy. As he lay down to sleep his head turned towards Sirius' bed as though the answer would pop up on a sign over the boy's bed. He ran back over the whole night in his head, trying to make sense of it all.
One thing stuck in his head. It hadn't, at the time, because he'd been stoned and everything was just hilarious, but now it seemed incongruous with his perception of the night. "How could you do this, not just to me, but to Pads?" What in Hades name did James mean by that?! How did his and Lily's supposed 'affair' have anything whatsoever to do with Sirius? Was he in love with Lily too? Is that why he'd seemed so upset?
Remus had thought at the time that he'd merely betrayed Padfoot's 'code of friendship' but James' statement didn't fit that. He didn't even dare let himself hope or think at all even in the depths of his mind that it could have something to do with positive feelings towards him. He refused to even let himself think such a thing could ever be possible, because then he'd start to want it, and it would never happen and he would be miserable for the rest of his life! Satisfied with having not thought of that possibility Remus tried to figure out what else it could be.
It had to be Lily. There was nothing else that fit. Remus' heart melted at the thought of what else had happened that night. Padfoot must be devastated! To not only be in love with the same girl as your best mate, but to have her get with him right in front of you?…
Mind made up, Remus slid out of his bed noiselessly and padded softly over to Sirius' bed. Knocking gently at one of the bedposts, he called out softly, "Pads? You okay?"
A strong, aristocratic hand separated the curtains and a puzzled looking Sirius Black cocked an eyebrow at him. "Why wouldn't I be?"
Remus slid in and sat perched on the edge of his bed. He didn't look very devastated. He had a book propped up against his knee and his wand was dimly lit. There was no trace of tears on his face, or agitated hair from running hands through it too often. It looked like Sirius had just been having a quiet night waiting to fall asleep.
Sirius looked wary and a little unsettled at Remus' visible assessment of him. He shifted a little, uncomfortable with the scrutiny. His one eyebrow rose higher as Remus met his gaze and held it for an uncomfortable amount of time.
"How long have we been friends, Pads?" Remus' voice was low and sincere.
Sirius was just confused and hoping things weren't the horrible mess he was starting to suspect they might be. "Uh, since first year. Why?"
Remus was very stern, but sympathetic. "There's no need to lie to me, Sirius. Did you really think I wouldn't notice your reaction to what happened earlier? I know you too well. Did you really think this was something you could hide from me?"
Sirius started to panic. His eyes grew wide and horrified. His mouth gaped open, but he stopped breathing. His hands started to twitch as though he didn't know what to do with them. Remus was a bit taken aback by this display. Yes, he expected Sirius to be shocked by him figuring out his crush on Lily, but not to this extreme.
Voice full of remorse, he put one hand on Sirius' shoulder. "I had no idea you felt quite so strongly, Pads. I'm so sorry." Sirius seemed to collapse in on himself at the touch. He bowed his head and covered his face with his hands.
His voice was bitter. "Sorry. You're sorry. Or course." Sirius shook his head in despair. He laughed a horrible, pain filled chuckle as he curled in on himself.
Remus felt terrible. He leaned forward and drew his dear friend against him to try to offer some comfort, but Sirius just stiffened against him. So Remus ran one hand over his friend's back, trying to soothe him. "Oh Pads," Remus sighed. Ignoring his own heartache at his friend's love of another, he tried to do what was best for Sirius. "You know nothing can ever come of it. You'd be better off to just try to get over it." Sirius let out a heartbroken sob, his shoulders shaking. "You just need to realize it's not meant to be, and one day you'll find a nice girl who'll love you very much and you'll be truly happy then."
Sirius only sobbed harder and, hyperventilating a little, knocked Remus' hand off his shoulder and jumped off the bed, eyes wild. "I…I can't. Have to…" and he ran off.
Remus sat, shocked, for a moment. He never would have guessed that Sirius felt so strongly about Lily. It was like he was in love with her! Heart bitter at that thought, he knew that he wasn't the one to comfort Sirius. He moved quietly through the room and over to James' bed.
Shaking James' shoulder gently, Remus woke him up. A tufted head popped up and a bleary eyed James flailed his arms around a bit. "Whazzat?"
"Prongs," Remus whispered. "Prongs, you've got to get up. Sirius is really upset about tonight. I tried to talk to him but he took off. You need to take the map and go talk to him."
James rubbed his face and shook his head, attempting to open his eyes. "'ere's t'e'map? An' cloak. Nee' cloak." Remus helped him get himself together, found Padfoot on the map in a corner of the Shrieking Shack, and sent James off on his way.
RSJLRSJL
James awoke to find himself dressed, covered in the cloak, and halfway to the Shrieking Shack with a vague sense that he needed to find Padfoot there and help him. As he blearily stumbled up the steps of the shack he heard sobbing. Merlin, what happened? Remus. That's right. Remus had told him that he's talked to Sirius and Sirius got upset.
Being half asleep and barely conscious, James forgot to only step on the right side of the fourth step to the top, and at the resounding creak the sobbing stopped abruptly.
"Leave me alone, Remus!" Sirius shouted out, voice cracking a bit in the middle. "I can't talk to you right now." His voice sounded muffled.
James pushed the door open to see Sirius hunched over on the tattered, dusty bed with his head in his hands. "It's not Remus, Pads. It's just me." James pulled the cloak off, the static electricity making his already disheveled hair stand up even more in odd spiky tufts.
Sirius looked up a second, misery in his eyes, and then sank down as though deflating. "Oh. Guess he wasn't too bothered by my leaving then," he spat out bitterly. He shook his head and leaned back against the headboard, legs bent in front of him, not caring to remove his big black boots from the bedcover. He stared down angrily at his shoes as though he could burn a hole in them with the power of his mind.
James was worried. Sirius was tempestuous, yes, but he seemed really hurt this time. He gently asked, "What happened, Pads? Remus woke me up from an excellent dream and told me I had to go after you because he tried to talk to you about tonight but you wouldn't listen to him, so it had to be me."
Sirius laughed bitterly. "Yes, because it would be too bloody inconvenient for him to come and face me himself." He covered his face with his hand again and a choked sob came out.
James' eyes grew wide. He hadn't seen Sirius this upset even when his parents disowned him. "Merlin, Sirius, what did he do to you?"
Sirius laughed that bitter, hollow laugh again. "Do? He didn't do anything. No, it was more his polite, fucking sympathetic suggestion that I just bugger off and get over him that ripped my fucking heart out. And he said it with such fucking pity in his voice, like he felt bad for me." Sirius shook his head. "I just couldn't take it anymore so I buggered off."
James shook his head, brow furrowed with confusion. "Wait, wait, wait a second. So, you love Moony too?" Sirius nodded miserably. "But, then why the hell would he push you away? It should have been like Lily and me. Why would he tell you to get over him when he's just as much in love with you?"
Sirius' head snapped up and his eyes grew wide. "What?" he whispered, as though barely daring to hope.
James nodded. "Yeah, apparently he and Lily were on the roof talking about how they both loved us and that's why they thought that song would fit."
Sirius just looked shell-shocked. James stroked his chin thoughtfully. "What, exactly, did Remus say to you?"
Sirius thought back. "Uh, that he realized how I felt from how I acted tonight, and did I really think I could keep it from him, and that he was sorry but that the best thing would be to just get over him. Go find a girl to make sodding babies with." Sirius' voice was bitter again recalling those hurtful words.
James was not about to lose hope though. "At any point did he actually say 'get over me' or 'I know you're in love with me'? Or was it just vague stuff like 'I know how you feel' 'get over it'?"
Sirius leaned his head back, trying desperately to recall. "I…I'm not sure."
James looked triumphant. "See! Earlier tonight Remus knew I figured out how he felt about you and obviously didn't want me to tell you, but he never denied his feelings for you!" James left out that this was communicated through a series of looks, knowing that would only make matters worse.
James leapt to his feet and held his hand out to pull Sirius up. "Come on! I think you need to have a long, in depth conversation with Mr. Moony without any hedging around." Sirius, still shocked, let James lead him back to the dorms.
RSJLRSJL
Remus was pacing. He didn't normally pace, but he was very worried about how things with Sirius and James were going. He hoped things didn't turn into a brawl between the friends so close they were practically brothers.
Poor Sirius. He must be so devastated. He obviously felt so deeply for Lily, but Lily had chosen James. Remus knew too well how it felt to be overlooked by the object of your affections, having dealt with Sirius going out on countless dates throughout the years. Remus hoped the other two boys could stay friends after it all came to light.
He spun around and faced the door as he heard it start to slowly click open. James poked his head around the door and gestured for Remus to come out, gesturing toward the still sleeping Peter.
Remus followed James down to the Common Room where Sirius stood, pacing in front of the fire. There was no visible bruising or bloodshed on him, which was reassuring, but the disheveled look was very unlike him. His normally impeccable hair was unruly, as though hands had run through it once too often. There was an odd look in his eyes as he turned to stare straight at Remus. There was confusion and pain, and underneath, barely peeking out, it looked like hope.
Remus stepped forward a little, still staring into Sirius' eyes. Neither noticed James going back upstairs to go back to sleep. Sirius raised his hand a little, reaching towards his approaching friend. Remus was confused by the emotions pouring off his friend.
"Pads? What happened when you talked to James? You told him, didn't you? Explained things to him?" Sirius took hold of Remus' hand and just held it, his face showing a bit of wonderment. Remus was starting to get worried. "Sirius? Talk to me. Did James cast something at you? Are you hexed?" Remus' voice was thin with panic as he grabbed Sirius' shoulders, as though he could assess his friend's health by touch alone.
Sirius smiled and put his hands on Remus' shoulders as well. He let his hands soak in the warmth of the werewolf as he pulled him a bit closer and leaned over to whisper in his ear. "What in the world are you talking about, Remus?" His voice was low and sultry. "Why would James want to hurt me? What have you been talking about all night?"
Remus tried to hide his shiver at Sirius' warm breath blowing across his neck, that sultry voice doing wicked things to him, but with his hands on his shoulders, Sirius could feel it just fine. He smiled wider.
"Um," Remus stuttered. "You, you're in lo-love with Lily."
Sirius pulled away, throwing his head back and barking out his laughter. His eyes started watering, he was laughing so hard, and he fell back into a convenient armchair. "I most certainly am not, you daft wolf!" he said, wiping the tears from his face and reaching out to tug Remus down onto his lap. "I'm in love with you."
Remus sat there in shock, eyes wide and mouth gaping open. "But you…I…and you…it just…Huh?" Remus was thoroughly flabbergasted.
Sirius chuckled. "Way to finish a sentence there, Moony." He cupped Remus' head and pulled him in close so he could look into his eyes. Also, he was then conveniently close enough to kiss. "I. Am. In. Love. With. You. Remus John Lupin." He moved one hand to push a strand of hair away from Remus' face. His voice was uncharacteristically soft. "And I think you're in love with me too."
Remus just gulped. His eyes flashed toward the door. His mind was panicked. Everything he's ever fantasized about was coming true. It was too much. It couldn't be real. It must be a dream, or a hex, or a potion, or a joke. That's it! There was no way Sirius could actually love him. He'd just figured out how Remus felt and wanted to torment him a bit.
It was one of the unfortunate downsides to being friends with a group of energetic teenage boys. Any weakness will be discovered and thereby used to torment you needlessly until you get past whatever said weakness is. (Unless it's turning into a man-eating furry monster once a month. Then aforementioned boys will declare it brilliant and find a way to join you in creating mayhem.)
Remus made an odd, choked noise, and with a burst of inhuman strength (literally) he ripped himself away from the exceedingly startled Sirius and tore out of the room like it was on fire, packed with a horde of flesh-eating zombies.
Sirius just blinked. "What the fucking hell was that?" He cursed, then sprinted up the stairs to the dorm. He knocked into half a dozen things, not caring at all for his roommates' slumber, found the map, and tore back out of the room, a cloud of clothes and parchment slowly settling to the ground once again, long after he'd gone.
RSJLRSJL
In a corridor on the seventh floor, a young, black-haired boy paced back and forth in front of a blank wall, muttering to himself. "I need Remus Lupin. I need Remus Lupin. I need Remus Lupin." Every so often he'd look expectantly at the wall, see no change, and sigh in disappointment.
Then, the wall seemed to hesitate, quite a feat for a mass of stones, then a door appeared. Sirius raced for it, as though fearing it would disappear again, which it kindly waited for him to enter before doing.
He was quite disappointed upon entering the room, however, for inside there was no Moony. In fact, there was a great lack of anything at all, except for a small window. Sighing, he walked over to the window and looked in.
There sat his Moony, on a plush armchair by a fire, curled into a ball, crying. Sirius' heart melted. He pressed one hand to the glass, wishing he could be in there to comfort his beloved. He listened closer as he realized Remus was muttering to himself.
"Don't know what I was thinking. So stupid. I actually for a moment believed him. Should have remembered what my da always said. 'If it looks too good to be true, it is.' No one's ever going to love me. How could I let myself forget that for even a moment? It's never going to happen, so I just need to get over it." He took a deep breath and sat up. He wiped the tears from his face and tried to form his resolve, straightening his back and sitting tall. "I'll just go back to the dorm and tell Sirius that he doesn't need to act like he likes me anymore. I get the picture and will try to get over him as soon as possible. Hopefully things won't be very awkward between us." He stood up. "Now I just need Sirius."
Just about the last thing Remus would have expected to happen was a door appearing in the middle of the wall and a startled Sirius Black come tumbling through it. But it did.
Remus stared at him in shock, then, shaking his head at the oddity of both the room and Sirius Black, he took in a deep breath and started on his speech. "Look, Sirius, I know you figured me out and just wanted to have a little fun at my expense. It's ok. You don't need to worry. I'll get over you soon enough and everything will go back to normal." Remus looked almost painfully uncomfortable.
Sirius just stared at him. Then, speaking slowly and clearly, said, "Something is wrong in your brain." He moved closer to Remus, slowly, so as not to scare off the skittish boy, and gently wrapped his hands around Remus' upper arms. "There's no joke. I'm not making fun of you. I really do love you. And you better not get over me any time soon, as I plan on spending at least the next hundred years with you."
Remus' eyes were wide and shell-shocked. "A hundred years."
Sirius nodded. "At least."
"This isn't a joke." There was only a hunt of question to it now. Sirius counted it a success.
"No joke at all."
Remus' eyes started to fill, and he blinked rapidly to keep the tears at bay. "It's not a joke, or a prank, or a hex?" His small, hopeful voice cut Sirius' heart like a knife.
His voice was gentle. "No, love. It's real." He wrapped his arms around the shaking werewolf and pulled him close. Remus flung his arms around him and clung for his life. He tried to choke back the sobs, but the warm hand on his back and the soothing voice in his ear telling him it was all ok broke him, and he collapsed into sobbing, hiccupping tears. Sirius held him the whole time, until his sobs subsided, the shaking ceased, and he was calm once more.
Sirius slid his hand up to tangle in Remus' hair as he pulled back just enough to look the other boy in the eye. They both leaned in simultaneously, and their lips brushed for the first, hesitant time. They pulled back a little, then, not being rejected, dove back in for a hungry, bruising kiss that rocked them both off their feet. Somehow they ended up on the floor, Remus on top of Sirius. Neither was quite sure how they got there. All they could remember was the delicious slide of lips and tongues twining about until neither knew whose body was whose.
Remus shifted and suddenly there was a whole new set of friction. Pulling his mouth off of Sirius', Remus arched his back, threw his head back, and moaned. Sirius watched his eyelids flutter and decided it was the sexiest thing in the world and he would dedicate the rest of his life to making Remus look and sound just like that.
Sirius shuddered, shivers running down his spine, as Remus looked down into his eyes, a feral expression on his face.
Remus felt exhilarated. For the first time in his life, he let go, knowing Sirius would be there to catch him. He gave in to the emotions running rampant through his body. He didn't have to be afraid or awkward. Here was no criticism. Here was love. He could tell by the look in Sirius' eyes that nothing he did in this moment could jeopardize the love of the man beneath him. He could start howling and gnawing on his own arm and the wonderful boy would probably just turn into a dog and join in.
His heart felt fit to burst. He'd never really let himself believe he could be loved, not for who he truly is. The fact that not only had he earned loyal friends who stuck by him through thick and thin, hairy or human, but that he had earned the unconditional love of the most gorgeous, intelligent, talented, crazy wizard he'd ever met, just blew his mind.
He leaned down and resumed his explorations of Sirius' mouth. He felt every nerve ending electrify and his skin became hypersensitive, like it did before his monthly change, but in a pleasant way. Sirius re-tangled his hand in the tawny hair and kissed back with a fierce passion, making sure Remus had no doubts about the depth of his feelings.
The air around them grew hot, and their clothing seemed progressively unnecessary and unwanted. Hands strayed to new, unexplored territory, and hips started to shift and grind with increasing impatience. Air became unimportant in their thirst for each other.
Remus pulled back for a second, his face serious. Sirius froze, thinking perhaps he had overstepped his bounds somehow. He suddenly realized his hand was frozen groping Remus' delicious arse from deep inside his back pocket.
"Wait, Sirius. Maybe we should take things slow. We shouldn't just rush into a physical relationship so fast. We should talk first." Sirius could feel Remus' throbbing cock rubbing up against his own, with only the thin material of their trousers in the way, Remus' legs straddling his own. Remus' one hand was gripping the base of Sirius neck, the other burrowed under his shirt, stroking his naked flesh. Sirius' mouth gaped open in disbelief, shock, and horror, but he tried to reign in his disappointment. He would do anything for this boy, even wait when every fiber of his being screamed out to him to finish expressing his love in the most physical way possible.
"If, if that's what you want," Sirius began, starting to remove his hands from their compromising positions, until he saw the telltale glint in the other boy's eyes.
"You git!" he cried. Remus burst into laughter as Sirius lightly slapped his ass, and the rolled them so that he was on top. "You will pay for that, Monsieur Lupin!" Remus' happy laughter warmed Sirius' heart as he sought his revenge with tickles before slowly and sweetly making love to the boy who had stolen his heart so long ago.
RSJLRSJL
Afterwards, they lay together, Sirius' head in Remus' lap. Remus slowly stroked one hand through the jet-black waves, eyes half closed. Sirius' eyes were closed, but Remus could tell he was still awake as his hand stroked against Remus' free hand. Both were just luxuriating in the freedom to touch each other. Sirius sleepily opened his eyes and looked up at Remus.
"Moony?" His voice was soft and sweet. "What was that song you were singing before?"
Remus smiled down at him. "The one that got you all upset, you mean?" Sirius nodded. "It's by a muggle band called The Carpenters."
Sirius' eyes got wide. "They carve wood too?"
Remus chuckled. "Um, not that I know of."
Sirius' brow furrowed in confusion. "But why would they name themselves that if they aren't carpenters? Did they used to be carpenters and then switched to singing?"
"Um. Maybe."
"I mean, one of them at least had to have worked with wood, otherwise how would they get the idea for the name?"
"True. Perhaps at some time in their distant past they were a band of wood working women."
Sirius grinned. "Now THAT'S a great name. So, this song by the muggle Wood Working Women,"
"'Close to You,'" Remus interrupted.
"'Close to You'" Sirius amended, then his voice got shy and he looked down at their intertwined hands. "Would you sing it to me?"
Remus smiled at the soft request and shifted up a bit to get more comfortable. Then he began in a soft tenor, "'Why do birds, suddenly appear, every time, you are near,'" he looked down. "'Just like me, they long to be, close to you.'" He stroked his hand through Sirius' hair again. Sirius smiled and shifted, cuddling against the singing werewolf.
"'Why do stars, fall down from the sky, every time, you walk by? Just like me, they long to be, close to you.'"
Sirius looked up, straight into Remus' eyes and spoke earnestly, "I became a star, to be near my moon, so you'll never have to long for me. I'll always be right beside you."
Remus smiled down at him and his heart felt fit to burst. Finally, he could be at peace. He had found his mate. The star to fit his moon.