"I'll be back in two months!" Aang said cheerfully, as he gave her a quick kiss.
"Is that a real two months or an Aang-two-months?" Katara asked, trying to keep her tone bright and light. She could be relaxed and supportive. She knew how important his time at the temples was to him.
"I'll be back in time to take you to the Peace Festival." Aang smiled and climbed up on Appa.
The Peace Festival was three months away, but whatever.
She breathed out. Aang just wasn't very good with time. Organisation wasn't a strong suit for him. She knew that. She accepted that. One of the acolytes would remind him, they were good at taking care of him. She frowned, trying to suppress unworthy thoughts. It was a good thing he had the acolytes. A good thing. She wasn't going to ruin it by being the nagging girlfriend...again.
Aang noticed her expression though. He jumped off Appa and landed neatly next to her. He stood on his toes, so they were eye-to-eye, saying "Don't worry sweetie. I'll be back. I won't let you down."
He meant it, she knew. Right at that moment, he had every intention of being back when he said he would. Still, she was 98% sure she was going to be let down...again.
-o-
Nearly 3 months later...
Katara read Aang's curly writing and felt her face contort in anger. She crumpled up the scroll, threw it in the snow and stomped on it. It was childish she knew, but there was so little recourse left for her. Stomping up and down on his stupid words seemed like the best course of action. She stomped until her breath was coming is short, sharp bursts, and the ink had smudged the snow, turning it black. She knelt over and picked up the letter, bent the water out of it and threw it in the fire.
She forced herself to breathe in and out. Slow deep breaths. She told herself was being immature...really immature. She was being ridiculous. This was just a minor disappointment...and it was okay. Really it was. She knew how much Aang loved spending time at the temples. She shouldn't begrudge him that. They'd been restoring the training arena and he'd lost track of time.
She wasn't going to have this fight with him again. She was going to put this behind her.
At least he'd remembered in time and hadn't left her stranded.
Honestly, she would have used one of the ships and waterbent her own way to Ba Sing Se for last year's Peace Festival, if she'd know Aang was going to forget her. It was their stupid anniversary...and she'd wanted to see all their friends... and he sent her a stupid letter... just like this stupid letter... but he'd only sent it two days before the festival and there had been no way she could have made it on time... and she'd never been so angry in all her life.
He was trying, at least, this time. She wasn't going to get all mad because he hadn't come himself. That was something the old Katara would do. Old Katara used to get all angry and passionate when her feelings were hurt or she was feeling neglected. Aang was always trying to help her let her feelings of anger go. For his sake, she'd tried.
She breathed in and out, slowly. She shouldn't be mad. Aang was the avatar. He had important duties. He had priorities... It shouldn't make her feel like she was unimportant.
She looked at the letter in the fire. She wished she hadn't burnt it all now. Those last lines were sweet. They were proof that he thought about her. That he wanted to see her.
Zuko and Toph are arriving by airship, so I asked if they can swing by the south pole and pick you up, so you don't have to miss out of this festival. See you there, sweetie.
-o-
Zuko and Toph arrived two days after she got the letter. The airship flew overhead and moored off the west cliff and she'd gone out to meet them. Gran Gran wanted to have a meal with her friends before they set off.
Katara heard Zuko's voice over the snowdrifts as she approached, coaxing Toph off the gangplank to no avail, while Toph clung to the last metal pole like it was a life-raft. Toph hated the idea of coming south. She couldn't see properly in the snow and ice and didn't like wearing big snow boots. She didn't want to step off the metal and be unable to see. She hated to cold and was moaning that she would freeze the minute she got out of range of the airship boilers.
"Stop being such a big baby Toph!" Zuko huffed.
"No, I can go no further Zuko. Just leave me here. Go on without me." She said as clung closer to the gangplank. "Oh sweet soothing metal, you are soo cold." she gasped as her hands touched the gangplank floor.
"Stop being so dramatic Toph." He sighed in reply. Toph snorted at being called dramatic by Zuko, considering he was more dramatic than an Ember Island Player's rendition of Oma and Shu in three acts.
"I'm not like Oma and Shu in three acts! You're the one who is kissing a gangplank right now" he snapped back.
"The gangplank understands me." She replied.
"How about you metal-bend a sled and I can push it with my bending? Then you don't have to leave the metal and I can get all my bags home easily?" a girl suggested from the top of the gangplank and she started throwing a large assortment of items over the side and into the snow. With a few waves of her arms, the snow underneath her bags had lifted them all into a neat formation.
She was a waterbender?
"That's a good idea Sarra." Zuko replied, as she descended down to attend her mountain of baggage. Katara instantly recognised her. She'd been one of Katara's students from the North. The first time Aang had gone on a solo trip to the Air Temples, Katara had come home to the South Pole to help rebuild. The town grew, as more benders from the North came to help in the efforts, among there number had been a few women. It had been Sarra who had approached her first. She was a talented healer. She wanted to learn other aspects of waterbending. Katara started teaching her. Pakku hadn't liked it, but he also hadn't said anything against it.
Katara'd trained four healers in Southern Style bending, but Sarra had been the quickest study. After a few months, Sarra said she wanted to see the world and had packed up a boat and set off. Now here she was, arriving on an airship with Zuko and Toph. Weird.
She was also the first one to see Katara. "Katara! Oh my god, it's been ages! You won't believe the adventures I've had!" She said and she pulled Katara into a big hug.
"No, I probably wont." Katara replied as she hugged her back.
Then she felt Toph's signature friendly punch on the side of her shoulder "It's been too long, Sugar Queen!" She couldn't help but notice how much taller Toph had gotten. She was only a little shorter than Katara now.
Zuko stood a little awkwardly to the side. He was taller too, but gaunt with it, like he hadn't been taking care of himself as well as he should be. There were dark circles under his eyes, and a tiredness in them that didn't vanish when he smiled at her. Katara wrapped her arms around him, and felt a twinge of concern. He was much thinner than he should be. She pushed her worry down. She knew it wasn't her place to fuss over him. He had Toph and his Uncle for that. Perhaps the thinness was just the result of rapidly growing. He'd evidently had another growth spurt since she'd last seen him. He could rest his chin easily on the very top of her head now.
Someone, either Toph or Sarra, coughed really loudly at that point. Katara turned around and saw that the sled was all pack up and they were ready to head off.
-o-
The trip home was quick. Unpacking Sarra's ridiculous amount of baggage into her hut took much longer. She'd brought souvenirs from everywhere she'd been travelling. Knick-knacks and carved animals from the earth kingdom, as well as some smooth and polished decorative stones from Ba Sing Se, shells and ceramics from the firenation, and inexplicably, a giant wooden tigerdillo statue.
"I can't believe you actually bought this stupid thing." Zuko said as he tried to man-handle it into an upright position for her.
"Ruan-Jian gave it to me." Sarra said and smiled. "It's to remind me of his virility and strength." Sarra said as she stroked the Tigerdillo's carved arm longingly.
"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwww. Gross. We're about to eat!" Toph said. Katara couldn't help but agree.
-o-
Lunch was going nicely, which was a huge improvement from the last two times Zuko had a meal with her GranGran. The first time GranGran had refused to call him by his name, and instead referred to him as hey you, or that one, over there, and Firebender Boy subjected him to much (not entirely undeserved) disapproval. He'd apologised profusely for manhandling her when he first met her and she seemed to soften towards him by the end of that arduously long and awkward meal.
The second time, GranGran felt bad about being so mean to him the first time, and made a Southern speciality: fermented and salted shark balls, as her way of apologising. She kept encouraging him to eat more, because he was too skinny etc, which Katara knew was GranGran's way of showing concern. Zuko, keen not to offend her again, ate a ridiculous amount of fermented and salted shark balls on her prompting, even though he hated the idea of eating animal testicles, had an extremely low tolerance for overly salted foods, and, as it turns out, was very allergic fermented and salted shark balls.
That had been a mess.
Today, GranGran had made a lovely smoked trout, and placed it on the table saying. "I think Firebenders should enjoy smoked food." Zuko smiled at her, in gratitude. Gran Gran regarded him, saying "Eat up as much as you can – you're so skinny!" Her tone was stern, but her eyes held a gentle twinkle.
Conversation flowed easily over lunch. Katara apologised on behalf of her Dad and Pakku. They were away for the summer fishing season, but she knew they would have loved to seem Zuko and Toph. She told them all about her life in the South, her rebuilding projects. She didn't want Zuko and Toph thinking she was just sitting around waiting for Aang. She was busy. She had lots to do. She was even thinking of adding canals.
Sarra talked a lot about her travels throughout the Earth Kingdom and the Fire Nation, and Katara seized on the chance to ask her what she had been doing arriving with Zuko and Toph in the airship. How did they even meet?
"Oh, Aang introduced us when he recommended me for the Clean Rivers Project." She said with a quizzical look at Katara. "You know, when you couldn't make it...Zuko needed a water-bender that was willing to work in the Fire Nation and I thought, Hey, I'm travelling the world, I could check out the Fire Nation, and put my hand up for it." She looked across at Zuko "I know I was only your second choice, but I think I did okay."
"You did great." He confirmed.
Katara felt a rush of astonished disappointment. Cleaning up the rivers had been her idea. She told Zuko, when he was still recovering from his lightning wound. They'd spent so much time together then, when they had been waiting for the rest of Team Avatar to arrive. She'd promised to come back and help him fix the river systems, after the war. Then one thing came up after another. She remembered Zuko writing to her a few times, but Aang needed her help so much...
Still, she thought Zuko would wait for her. She swallowed her disappointment, and it tasted like a metallic lump in her throat.
There was a small awkward silence, before Sarra continued brightly. "Anyway, after the main river was mostly clean. I took a break to travel the Fire Nation, and I met Ruan-Jian and we had a great couple of months." Sarra changed the subject to her relationship with Ruan-Jian and how they used to go surfing together, and she'd used her bending to make wicked waves. She'd decided to come back, because after so long away from the poles, she'd become homesick...
"Sounds like it worked out nicely then, you could drop Sarra off and pick Katara up at the same time." Gran Gran observed. "I'm glad Katara doesn't have to miss out on this festival." She added tartly. GranGran had been home when Katara had been left behind last year. She'd seen how upset Katara had been. GranGran had been a little frosty to Aang ever since.
"Oh, it's no bother." Zuko said quickly.
"Besides, between Sokka, Zuko and I, I don't think Katara's going to miss out on any more festivals, eh?" Toph said jokingly.
"What do you mean by that?" Katara couldn't help but ask, abruptly.
"Well, you know, we were at the Western Air Temple last week, and Sokka was visiting Aang as well. He was all Don't you dare forget my sister again baldy, and Zuko was all Really, I'll go down there and pick her up for you right now, you idiot, and I was all, Damnit twinkletoes, you such a dumbass." Toph said, doing separate silly voices for Sokka and Zuko, silly voices which he objected to. He elbowed her under the table while muttering something, but Katara couldn't make it out. She looked down and her trout, and pursed her lips.
They'd had to remind Aang.
Of course they had.
She felt Gran Gran's eyes upon her, and then the old woman reached under the table and wrapped her big wrinkly hand around Katara's. She gave her hand a quick squeeze, only for a fraction of a second, and then withdrew. "Tell me what's happening with Sokka? I have not seen my grandson in so long." GranGran interjected, moving the conversation away from Aang and his forgetfulness.
-o-
Zuko said it would probably take them a couple of days to reach Omashu, the location of this year's Peace Festival as he led them to the comfortable seats in the upper deck.
"How come your Dad's airship could make it from the capital to Ba Sing Se in less than a day, but we're still only half way to Omashu?" Toph queried.
Zuko shrugged and said "Maybe it's because his was powered by the comet...and homicidal rage."
"Ah yes. Homicidal rage helps" Toph nodded sagely.
"Look Toph, the crew are working as fast as they can. Why are you in such a rush? It's just Omashu."
" Yeah, but Uncle and I need time to find ladies and line up dates for you. It's the City of Love Zuko! "
"Monkey-feathers, not this again!" Zuko said, with an extravagant sigh and and pained look at the sky.
"It's been much more than a year! It's well pass time you stopped moping!" Toph said.
"Still, it's a huge no thanks to any dates you want to set me up on." Zuko said.
"Why?" Toph asked.
"Because I don't trust your taste in girls." Zuko snapped.
" Well I don't trust your ability to get dates for yourself." Toph snapped back. "Sarra was right under your nose for ages...and you suck at this...and now she's dating some dumbass surfie dude called Ruan-Jian...I mean that could have been your huge-ass virile wood in her room right now.
"Eeew Toph. Eww. No. Eeww." Zuko said, with some disgust at the phrase virile wood.
"What do you think Katara? Toph said, rounding on her. "Isn't it time for Zuko to get himself some action already?"
Katara thought that she was definitely missing something in this conversation.
"What happened to Mai?" She asked, honestly curious. Last she heard, Zuko and Mai were unhappily in an on-again-off-again type relationship. Toph inhaled sharply.
"Woah, you really are out of the loop sweetness." She said, bluntly.
"We broke up." Zuko explained simply, and looked away out at the sea.
"I didn't know. I'm sorry." Katara said sincerely.
"It's no big deal." He said, with a shrug.
"Zuko, her dad tried to kill you, and she was totally okay with that. It was a big deal." Toph said forcefully.
"What!?" Katara exclaimed in alarm. How had she not known this? "Are you okay?" She asked with concern.
"It's fine."Zuko said firmly, his mouth set in a thin line.
"No, it's not fine!" Toph replied. "See this is exactly why you need me or Uncle to choose your next girlfriend. You think it's fine when your girlfriend hates you and wants you to die."
It was hard to argue with that logic. Zuko tried anyway.
-o-
Katara watched the green fields below ascend into the sharp, jagged peaks of the mountains. They were close. They were probably flying over the Cave of Two Lovers right now. It made her feel agitated. She was bothered by the way Toph had said she was out of the loop last night.
Toph wasn't wrong. Not entirely. That was the annoying thing. She was out of the loop. She hadn't the faintest clue what was happening in her friends lives. They'd been through so much together, she thought they'd always be close, but now there seemed to be such a huge distance between her and everyone else. Zuko, who took lightning for her, who used to trust her so much, hadn't told her something important. It hurt more than she thought it would.
Katara had grown tired of constantly travelling, if she was honest. She'd opted to stay home more, in the South Pole, while Aang went off on his adventures. She thought it would be better. She could be a kinder and gentler girlfriend to him, if she didn't have to see him everyday. It was much easier to be kind and gentle when she didn't have to see him luxuriating in the attention of his stupid acolyte fangirls. It always upset her and made her jealous. Then Aang would make her feel like the worst person in the world for feeling angry. He'd lost his whole people. How could she begrudge him any connection to his people in light of that. However, not travelling with Aang had resulted in barely seeing her friends; barely seeing Sokka, and he was her family. Maybe she had been to harsh – maybe she should try travelling with Aang again.
She breathed deeply and tried to calm her thoughts. She still wanted to make it work with Aang. He was a sweet boy, really. He needed her, and Katara had always liked feeling needed. GranGran had said their destinies were intertwined. Aunt Wu had said she'd marry a powerful bender; no one was more powerful that the Avatar. They were destined together, after all. Aang told her he'd felt that way, since she, despite the improbability of finding him after 100 years , was the one to pull him from the iceberg.
It had to be fate.
-o-
Iroh, Sokka and Suki were already there when they landed. They went back to the lodgings Iroh had organised, which were spacious and tasteful. There was a small gathering of people, friends of Iroh's. He was having a little informal party before the Peace Celebrations officially started tomorrow. Some Katara knew, White Lotus members and Bumi, but most she didn't. They were all influential though. She watched as Sokka and Suki chatted animatedly with all these dignitaries. Iroh and Pakku had initiated Sokka into the White Lotus last year and Suki was also looking to become a member. She was head of the peace keeping force in the free colony of Two Rivers.
Sokka and Suki were so delighted to see her. Sokka hugged her for a ridiculously long time and started to introduce her to everyone. They stuck by her during the party. They always tried to include her, and Sokka was especially delighted to tell her about everything he was working on. He kept trying to draw out her opinion. She'd missed him so much, but his boisterous attempts at conversation had the opposite affect that what he intended. They made her feel tired. She only really wanted to talk to him, but this wasn't the place to sit him down and catch up on everything, not while he was talking to King Bumi about his new invention. Still Katara noticed his look of hurt as she excused herself. She needed some air.
She went to the balcony and watched the sunset over the city. Two years ago she had watched the sunset over Ba Sing Se and thought to herself that the world would be so much different and better now. Then she had kissed Aang and tried her best to pretend it was what she really wanted. He had just saved the world. She knew he wanted her. Everyone said she'd come around eventually and no girl could resist the Avatar. But she couldn't help but wonder, now, looking out at the soft red glow, if she had chosen correctly.
The Avatar's Girl...like she was Aang's property, defined by her relationship with him, before being recognised for her own accomplishments. She'd never cared for the title, but never forced the issue either. She looked back at the party, at her friends. They'd missed her, she knew that. But their lives had kept turning without her – but it was like her world stopped without Aang; like she couldn't do anything without him.
-o-
"Hey Katara, walk this way with me will ya?" Toph said brightly, surprising Katara out of her reverie. Toph put an arm around her shoulders and started steering her back towards the party. Katara started to demur that she wanted to get some fresh air, when she noticed Lao and Poppy Bei Fong had also arrived at the party. Toph was making very certain that she kept Katara's body between herself and her parents as she steered them both towards the door. "Fresh air it is, sweetness. Let's go this way."They slipped out a side door and into the street. "You want some noodles? Let's go get noodles. My treat!" Toph said as she started walking determinedly away from the party. "Thanks for helping me escape the parents." She tossed over her shoulder, not even pretending her fascination with getting noodles was anything else.
"No problem, but why me?" Katara asked quizzically as she caught up with Toph's quick pace.
"You're still taller than me by a little bit." Toph answered with a wink.
"Well, if that's the only criteria - why not Sokka or Zuko? They're taller." Katara said.
"Yeah, but people would notice if they were missing." Toph said jokingly, but then paused when she could sense Katara's reaction. People would notice the boys, they were important after all. She felt a sharp twang of disappointment.
"Sweetness, I didn't mean it like that." Toph said, as close as she could come to an apology.
"I'm sure your parents will notice you've now absconded" Katara shot back, with more acid in her tone that she'd intended.
" Don't be like that." Toph said softly. "I'm not looking for a fight sweetness."
Katara felt something unclench in her. She wasn't looking for a fight either. Harsh and blunt as she was, Katara had missed Toph. and truth be told, she didn't really want to go back in to a room full of people who didn't notice her unless Aang was beside her. Toph could obviously feel her wavering.
"Let's just go get some noodles and hang out - just the two of us, okay. "She urged.
"Okay" Katara agreed.
-o-
They wandered into the central district and found a nice noodle place and sat down towards the back. Two years in a Fire Nation palace hadn't made Toph eat noodles more elegantly, that's for sure. She slurped loudly and with gusto.
"What are you thinking of doing after this festival is all over?" She asked between slurps.
"Probably back to the South Pole." Katara said. Toph didn't say anything to that, so Katara felt compelled to add "rebuilding, and putting in canals and stuff."
"Why?" Toph said without looking up from her noodles.
"It was my home. It needs rebuilding." Katara said slowly.
"I dunno, seemed like you were mostly finished, when we were down there." Toph said with a shrug. "Besides, there are so many other benders down there now. Sarra, even, could take over. Just tell her what you want built."
Katara made a face at the mention of Sarra, that Toph seemed able to sense.
"What? Why are you making a face? She's really good. Even Zuko was really impressed with her." Toph said with a sly little smile. Katara felt a definite frown form on her face. Just imagining Sarra cleaning rivers while Zuko stood behind saying things like wow, that's impressive in his raspy voice made Katara feel supremely and irrationally jealous.
Toph, heedless of this, continued; "Look anyway, I'm just saying that you don't have to go back to your boring snowglobe. I'm setting up a cross bending school and I could use a waterbender."
"Cross-bending?" Katara asked, curiosity snapping her out of her jealous fog.
"It was Iroh's idea. He says taking wisdom from different places helps you diversify and be a better bender and it gives you wisdom and shit...also it would also be good for peace and harmony and understanding each others' cultures and whatnot." Toph added, as if peace and whatnot was an optional extra on her noodles, like chilli flakes.
"Would that really work?" Katara asked, sceptical.
"Zuko says its true" Toph said with a shrug. "He says he copied some of your moves, but adjusted them for firebending and it worked a treat. Dunno if it made him more wise though." She shook her head and added "He's such a hot mess." It wasn't really a nice thing to say, and yet she said with a great deal of affection. "This is why he needs a girlfriend. We just want to find him someone nice who wont mind that he's a big ol' mess. But does he appreciate our efforts...nooo." Toph complained.
"Maybe lay off trying to find him a girlfriend, if he's so unappreciative." Katara suggested in what she thought was a helpful tone, even though she mostly said it in defence of Zuko. She wouldn't have wanted Toph meddling in her love-life either, if she were Zuko. "He's more than capable of finding a girlfriend on his own." Katara added. He'd been going out with Mai on his own after all, nobody forced him.
"Please" Toph scoffed, in disbelief. " He's been single for ages now. Uncle says he's too good-looking to be single for as long as he has, so he must be fucking up in the-talking-to-women department...I mean I can't comment on that, I've got no idea what he looks like. What do you think?"
"What?" Katara asked, a little alarmed at this turn in conversation.
"Is Zuko too hot to be single?" Toph asked slowly, like she thought Katara was a little simple. Katara felt a blush creep traitorously up her cheeks. Thank goodness Toph couldn't see how red she'd gone. During their time in the beach house, especially when he was training shirtless, Katara had often thought about how handsome Zuko was, but she'd never told a soul. Besides, she'd put that crush well and truly behind her when she'd seen him kissing Mai.
"Why don't you tell me more about crossbending?" Katara asked casually, in an attempt to change the subject. Toph smiled a wide and cheeky smile, one that Katara knew well, but she began to explain her plans without further mischief. Katara listened with growing wonderment. Toph had really put lots of thought into this idea and it was a good idea – it certainly had potential. Katara remembered working with Toph to bend the sludge, how she could feel Toph's strength and force through her bending.
Still she couldn't shake the idea that this was Toph; the blind bandit, trickster, rule-breaker. Toph was lazy, couldn't take criticism and hated hard-work. She swore. She got into fights. Katara had always just imagined her lounging about Zuko's palace, not doing much. Now she had to rapidly adjust her view of this new Toph, who was responsibly planning on taking on this huge, ambitious project, who had detailed plans, who was currently talking about real estate?!
"….the land in the mountains has much more area, which would be good for my earthbenders, but it is still nestled near a volcano – so that will keep my firebenders calm. There's a stream nearby too for my happy-splashy waterbenders, so even though it's more expensive, I think it's the best place to set up. What do you think?" Toph asked.
"Toph you didn't even like setting up camp." Katara said slowly, trying to keep the condescension from her voice, but she thinks Toph heard anyway.
"That's why I'm asking you. This whole touchy-feely, organised thing isn't my style." Toph said, trying to make it sound light.
"Oh, so you want me to organise it for you? That's why you're asking me." Katara said, and inwardly hated the sound of her own voice – so brittle and disdainful. She actually thought it was an interesting idea. She didn't understand why was she being so hostile about this.
"No, I'm asking you because I think it would be good for you to get away from moping about Aang in the south pole." Toph fired back bluntly, evidently fed-up with Katara's attitude.
"What did you say!?" Katara hissed back, even though she'd heard Toph clearly.
"We all know about your problems with Aang, Katara!" Toph fired back angrily. "You never stand up to him, even when he's totally in the wrong. He takes you for granted and keeps fucking off and leaving you behind. You never see any of us any more, and when we do see you, you're so mopey...and sad...and bitter." Toph spat, indignant, before taking a deep breath. She seemed to deflate before Katara's eyes.
"It's not like you. You weren't like that before ….Why would you want to stay in the South, waiting for flaky-Aang, when you can come and live with me and we can have fun." Her tone took on an imploring, hopeful tone towards the end. She reached out for Katara's hand, but Katara snatched hers away and exhaled loudly.
"Are you feeling sorry for me?" Katara asked, icily.
"What? No! I just wanted you to..." Toph began, but Katara cut her off.
"You are! You pity me!" Katara accused, her voice almost shaking with anger. The thought that Toph, of all people, pitied her made her harsh and cruel. She stood up. "Look I don't need your help, or your pity or your stupid school." She snapped before storming away.
"Fine, enjoy your sad snowbox and pretending you're happy just hanging around waiting for Aang, or whatever. It's your life!" Toph yelled from behind her. But Katara kept walking, her head held high, never breaking her stride. She pretended she wasn't feeling wretched anguish on the inside, that Toph's brutal honesty didn't cut her to the bone, that she wouldn't have given anything for things to be different.
-o-
Katara stomped all the way down to the lower level of Omashu, where she fuming all the way. Where did Toph get off? Toph made her life sound so sad and pathetic. She made it sound like Katara was just some trophy girlfriend, hanging on Aang's arm, with no opinions or goals, while her boyfriend flounced about and neglected her; like her primary role was to support Aang and pack her own dreams away; like Katara was desperately unhappy in her relationship with Aang, but didn't know how to break up with him.
She's not wrong though, some traitorous voice inside her whispered. Katara pushed that voice down, deep down inside her. She buried it along with all her dissatisfaction about Aang.
He was still young and immature about so many things. He couldn't help that he was the last of his kind. He needed Katara to be his girlfriend and his mother, and she had so much love in her, she assumed it would be easy to do both.
But now, she wasn't even doing anything.
Maybe that's why she was so cross at Toph, so envious of Toph's ability to make plans for the future and to take on important projects. Katara had always wanted to make a difference in the world. She was going to make it a better place. She felt like the best way to do that would have been with Aang. It was why she hadn't fought the idea of being with him so much. It made her feel like destiny wasn't such a terrible thing, after all, then. Despite all her misgivings, she'd kissed him at the peace festival two years ago, and made her choice.
In the two years since their first proper kiss (Katara didn't count the ones Aang forced on her), she'd accomplished precious little for herself. The one project she'd been wanting to do, she'd given up – for Aang. He'd needed her for something or other that winter, and in the spring they were looking for airbenders and he always go so lonely when he thought about being the last of his kind. She'd missed her moment. Cleaning up the rivers of the world, that was happening without her now. To make matters worse, even Toph – immature, feisty, stubborn Toph – was doing amazing things.
Zuko, Toph, Sokka, Suki – they were all occupied by things larger than themselves. She loved them, but she felt angry at them for this. Then she felt angry at herself, because she knew her jealousy wasn't fair to them. It probably wasn't fair to Aang either. It wasn't his fault that taking care of him wasn't enough for her any more. She tried to do the breathing exercises he taught her. She tried to let her anger go – but all of those air temple teachings weren't helping one little bit.
The sun had set, the festival stalls were getting into full swing – but Katara found she didn't currently care for the jubilant mood. She especially didn't care for the lovey-dovey decorations everywhere. Omashu had really taken to celebrating the tragic lovers for which it was named, and had assumed the name of the "City of Love." Oma's statue would grant you luck in love. Shu's view, on the upper ramparts, was a popular place for proposals. Omashu had become a desirable honeymoon destination, and just looking at all the happy canoodling couples, gosh they were everywhere, was irritating her greatly. She started taking back streets and walking further into the quieter part of the city. Happy music, lovers dancing and giggling together, juggling acts and soft lighting didn't mix with her current foul mood.
She was so preoccupied, she didn't even hear the thud of feet landing behind her or the quick approach of footsteps until she saw a shadow reaching towards her. She whirled, forming an ice-dagger already. There was a man, all clad in nondescript dark clothes, directly behind her, one arm about to tap her on the shoulder. He retracted it quickly upon seeing her icy weapons.
"Hey, hey, hey – It's just me!" The Zuko said, holding his hands up in front of his chest in supplication.
"Oh Zuko" Katara said with relief, instantly recognising his voice. She dropped her bending water back into her flask. "You scared me."
"Sorry. I called out to you a couple of times. Didn't you hear?" He said, as he took of his face covering. Katara shook her head, and then glanced down.
"What is the deal with the ninja outfit?" She asked, confused.
Zuko looked down, and Katara swore he was blushing in the low light. "It's how I relax." he answered simply. She raised an eyebrow in response to this. "Whenever I have a really stressful day, I just like to..I don't know, leave firelording behind and escape the palace for a little bit." He explained, a little hesitantly.
"How often do you escape?" Katara couldn't help but ask, with a slight smile. It was just such a weird hobby. Katara could think of a dozen different, easier ways to relax that didn't involve getting clad all in black and running about on rooftops. But then that was Zuko for you; he never picked the easy option. Maybe he just liked dressing like a ninja.
"Most nights" he said with a little shrug.
"What were you escaping tonight?" Katara asked as she fell instep beside him.
" Uncle's match-making attempts...he's always so subtle." He said sarcastically, but with a fond little eye-roll. "What about you – why are you wandering in the lower ramparts?" He asked, trying to sound casual, but he was fishing for her to talk about the fight. Katara could see right through that. He'd always been a terrible liar.
"Toph told you, didn't she?" She asked, not beating around the bush, because of course Toph would.
"She wasn't happy when she came back, that's for sure." Zuko said, with another shrug.
"So, you've come to tell me that I was a total jerk to her and need to apologise?" Katara asked, sounding cross. So what if he had? It was the conclusion she, herself, had come to.
"Nope." He said. She looked at him quizzically. "I'm like Kyoshi island during the war– I'm neutral. Not taking sides." He said, as he turned to follow her down another alley. They started making their way back. Katara knew how this worked. One of their group would storm off, everyone else would gossip, someone would be sent out to get the person and calm them down. Evidently, this calming someone was meant to be Zuko. Katara couldn't help but smile a little at the irony of it. He used to be the one who was the most likely to fly off the handle.
They walked in a companionable silence for a few moments. "Did you want to talk about it?" Zuko asked, after a beat. Strangely, Katara felt like she could talk to him, despite all the time and distance between them. She remembered the days in the beach house, how much she'd opened up to him then. She'd told him things she'd never told anyone, not even Sokka. She'd always felt like Zuko understood.
"Do you think I'm just wasting my time in the South Pole?" She asked, diving straight in. There was a pause, she could tell he was weighing his words.
"Eerr – the South Pole looked great." He said hesitantly after a moment.
"Zuko, that's not an answer." Katara replied, crossing her arms.
"It would be nice if we got to see you more often." He replied, turning to look at her "We all worry about you."
"Oh, is everybody feeling sorry for me now?" Katara snorted angrily.
"We just like spending time with you! We just like seeing you happy - is that so bad?" Zuko fired back quickly. He ran his hands through his hair and muttered something that sounded like "Sokka said you needed more time," but Katara couldn't be exactly sure. The wretched look on his face as he said it made her regret her hostility.
"Sorry." Katara said gently "I'm just in a bit of a foul mood right now." She wasn't angry at him. She didn't want to have a second fight with a close friend today.
"Nah, like I get it... When I was banished, I hated the idea of people feeling sorry for me and I used to lash out at everyone..."Zuko trailed off with a shrug.
"Are you comparing the living South Pole to years of unfair, bleak banishment?" Katara asked, a little indignant.
"Eeerr...no." Zuko said, looking slightly alarmed. "Just we've all noticed you haven't been..." he looked around, as if searching for the right words... "You seem sad." He concluded.
"What's everyone saying?" Katara asked, honestly curious. Had her friends been doing nothing but getting together and gossiping about her behind her back? It made her feel uncomfortable. Why didn't they tell her their concerns to her face? Though she saw them all so infrequently, and it wasn't the sort of thing you could write in a letter. Toph, at least, had tried to tell her to her face, and look at how that had worked out, Katara thought to herself with chagrin, and something similar to shame.
"Sokka said you didn't sound happy in your letters and that you hadn't seemed quite yourself in a while. You seemed a bit lonely to him. He wanted you to go live with him for a while in Two Rivers, or he was going to go down and spend the winter in the South Pole and try cheer you up with his inventiveness and bad puns." Katara smiled to herself at that. "He didn't think the way Toph confronted you was cool. He said that you'd get all stubborn and defensive if confronted." Zuko added.
"Ah" Katara said with a nod, Sokka knew her well.
"Suki wants you to do some time with the Kyoshi warriors to clear your head. You know Toph's plan." Zuko finished with another shrug. Katara had the mad urge to ask him what his idea to cheer her up had been, but she didn't. It felt too personal somehow. His answer would mean too much to her. She didn't want to examine why. She thought she had put those silly childish feelings behind her. It had been a long time since she had indulged in thinking about all the ways Zuko could have made her happy.
"Aang doesn't always make me unhappy." She said instead, feeling like she had to speak in Aang's defence. All their friends were acting like she was completely miserable with him and that wasn't entirely right. Sometimes they'd had fun together.
"Well, that's a stirring endorsement." Zuko said sarcastically, clearly unimpressed.
"I just don't understand why are you all so down on me and Aang, all of a sudden." Katara retorted, crossing her arms angrily.
"We're not trying to be down on Aang!" Zuko said crossly. "Look, we like Aang – he's our friend too." there was a moment's pause, during which Zuko pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed loudly, before saying "We just can see that you are both unhappy together and it's...it's not very good." He finished lamely, clearly out of his depth in this conversation.
"What makes you think Aang's unhappy?" Katara asked quickly, arching her brows.
"Maybe talk to Suki – This is not my area." Zuko answered, trying to back out of the conversation at record speed.
"Zuko" Katara said in a low warning tone.
"No, seriously, I'm not giving anyone love advice." Zuko said firmly with an emphatic pass of his hand. Katara thought it was a little late for that, given their conversation so far.
"Zuko" she continued in that same warning tone. She wasn't going to let this drop. The others thought Aang was unhappy too!? Why? She was the perfect girlfriend to him!
"Come on Katara - My last girlfriend let her dad try to kill me. I clearly have no idea what happens in healthy relationships." Zuko said with a self-depreciating sort of shrug. He'd shrugged so much in this conversation and it was starting to bother her, like he was used to dismissing his own words frequently. It was like he was used to shrugging things off and pretending they didn't bother him; that he didn't mean what he was saying.
It gave her pause. It made her feel a surge of furious protectiveness towards him. Zuko tried to make a joke of it, but Katara could tell what Mai had done hurt him deeply. If Mai had been in front of her right then, Katara wasn't sure what she'd do. Probably something violent. Something that involved slapping the gloomy girl senseless and shouting "You do not treat people like that!"
She still remembered that morning – the morning of his coronation. She'd gone to see him, to see if he needed any help. He was still recovering from being shot with lightning after all, and she'd been concerned. She knew he'd be too proud to ask though. She'd come across him and Mai, together. She'd walked away silently, wiping the stinging feeling from her eyes, and thinking Mai had better be good to him. Look at how that'd turned out. She didn't realise that she had clenched her fists in anger, just thinking about it, until she felt a warm hand on her shoulder.
Something in his touch relaxed her, even as he was saying"Okay, okay – I'll tell you." He was clearly misinterpreting the source of her anger and was worried it was about to be directed at him. "Suki says that the way Aang's been avoiding you is a sign of...mixed feelings." he said, as diplomatically as possible. He winced, as if he was fully expecting her to be furious again and to take her anger out on him, the same way she had yelled at Toph, and he was bracing himself for impact. But he'd told her all the same. Zuko didn't avoid a truth just because it wasn't palatable. Katara liked that about him.
"I guess that's fair. I've been having some mixed feelings myself." She said softly, as she looked away. She could hardly pretend that the unreasonable way she'd been acting, the huge fight with Toph about Aang and now this extended mope were indicative of anything else. Still it was odd to think that the others thought Aang was also unhappy. After all she'd given up for Aang, he still wasn't content to settle down with her. Then again, settling down had never been the Air Nomad way.
She fell instep with Zuko as they made their way back to Iroh's place. Their route took them around the outskirts of the festivities. Zuko took out his severe top-knot and brushed his hair down over his scar with his fingers, but his efforts at disguise didn't really seem necessary. Nobody noticed the two of them. They didn't stand out in this crowd. She could hear the music and laughter wafting up from the bright streets, full of all manner of amusements and fun. The festival didn't even officially start until tomorrow and already everybody was celebrating in full swing. Food vendors shouted about their wares. Games had been set up everywhere. A group of people had started dancing in front of a lively band. Urgh, there were so many cute couples! Did every single happy couple have to chose this moment to frollick in front of her?
They passed a fortune teller, shouting about how she could tell the future of your relationship with just one look at each lover's palm. She didn't have a dignified set up like Aunt Wu. She told everyone they got happy endings, judging from peoples' reactions to her predictions. She was doing a cracking trade. Everyone wanted a happy ending, after all.
"Can I tell you something?" Katara asked, plainly. Zuko nodded and waited.
"When we were travelling up to the North Pole, I went to a fortune teller. She said it was my destiny to be with a powerful bender, then for the rest of that day everyone kept saying how Aang was such a powerful bender, so I always felt like being with him was my fate." Katara confessed. It was another thing she'd never told anyone else. She worried they would be like Sokka – and laugh at her for being so superstitious.
"Oh?" Zuko said. He didn't laugh, but he also didn't seem to know what else to say. The silence hung between them. Katara decided to fill it with her real question.
"Does this sound stupid, to put so much faith in something a fortune-teller said?" She asked quietly.
"I don't know." Zuko replied. "I don't know if I believe in fate and destiny the way I used to. It's so changeable, depending on who you ask. It's like Uncle says, destiny is in the eye of the beholder." He finished, satisfied that he'd sounded sage. Katara stifled a smile. Zuko's ability to misquote his Uncle was endless. Jokes, provebs and phrases always came out mangled when he tried to say them again later.
"That's beauty, Zuko." She corrected.
"What?" he asked.
"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. That's the phrase."
"Look, whatever – you know what I mean." he huffed, a little frustrated. "Many people can look at the same thing and come away with a different idea, maybe it's like that with fortune-tellers. They look at the bones, or your hand or your tea leaves, or I don't know - your birthday and whatnot, and then spout what they think it means."
"What are you saying? That I could try my luck with another fortune-teller and keep going till I find a future a like." Katara joked.
"Just seems like you may as well." Zuko said. "If you are going to shape your whole life around what some random person says they see in your future, may as well choose a future you like."
She couldn't argue with that logic.
-o-
She didn't like the look of the palm-reader. She didn't want to hear about fake happy endings. There was an ancient-looking woman who was reading tea-leaves down a little side-street near Iroh's place. She caught Katara's eye instantly. Something in her warm, kind eyes reminded Katara of her Gran-Gran. She would do.
"Can I do a reading for the happy couple?" the old woman asked cheerfully as they approached. Katara and Zuko sprang a little further apart from each other. Easy mistake to make, they had been walking rather close together.
"We aren't together." They both said quickly, at the same time. The old woman nodded, an amused smile on her lips.
"So two separate readings, then?" She asked pleasantly.
"No, just a reading for me thanks." Katara said, stepping forward.
"I'll wait for you over there." Zuko said with a nod towards the street corner.
"Waiting a long time, eh dearie?" The woman said pleasantly. Zuko made a worried face.
"Why? How long will this take?" Katara asked quickly, as the woman led her into the tent.
"As long as you need." The woman replied. Katara cast a backwards glance at Zuko, before she took a step after the old woman.
The old woman sat on some cushions near the back and poured out two cups of tea and handed one to Katara. The smell that wafted out of her cup was a sweet and heady mix. She hadn't ever smelt anything like it before. The woman instructed her to swirl it three times before drinking it in one gulp and Katara did so.
The drink was still whirling inside her as it tumbled own her throat. She could feel the oddest sensation churning sensation in her stomach. She clutched her knees to steady herself. What was in this tea?
"We can learn many things from the tea but what we learn depends on our questions. What would you like to know dearie?" the woman asked kindly.
"I don't really have a question. Just tell me what to do - I'm stuck." Katara confessed, completely honestly. Her eyes widened in surprise at her own honesty. Stuck was exactly right. It was how she felt. She'd never put it into words so succinctly before.
The old woman's face was curious. She tilted her head to the side and asked "Why are you stuck dearie?"
"2 years ago, I chose a boy because I thought I had to; I thought it was destiny... but it's not like how I thought it would be. I feel like I'm stuck in a life I don't want and it's making me into a person I don't like. I feel like a shadow of the person I used to be." She leaned back, a little aghast. She had just confessed her deepest worry to a veritable stranger. Katara thought of the girl she'd been, such a fire-cracker. So much passion and energy, desperately trying to fight every injustice she came across. How did that girl get so far away? How had an airbender clipped her wings so thoroughly. It felt like nothing in the world could have stopped her from blurting out "Did I make the right choice? Is Aang right for me?" She asked with dismay. She'd finally said it out loud.
"You'll be able to tell me. Look deep into your cup and tell me what you see." The old woman urged gently. Katara looked down, but found she couldn't focus. Her tea cup was blurring in front of her. She looked back up and saw the whole world was spinning and tilting wildly. She lurched forward towards the old woman. The old woman's face swam before her as her vision failed.
"What's happening?" Katara asked, scared.
"It's alright dearie, don't be afraid." She said gently, "Try to remember that sometimes the road not taken can make all the difference." Katara looked at her in confusion, and clasped her teacup tighter. She was trying to anchor herself to something real and solid, to help her fight the dizzy feeling that was overtaking her, but the feeling was overwhelming. She couldn't help feeling like her whole world was slipping away. She felt like she was falling through her teacup into a vast and empty space.
Then there was darkness.
-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-
Small authors notes:
So Katara is a tiny human expresso in this chapter - so bitter. but this is just because she has to live in Bryke's smelly canon. However one aspect of Bryke's smelly canon I completely reject is just everyone faffing off and leaving poor Zuko to 'fix' the Fire Nation all on his own. Kid is a 16/17 year old drama llama who has suffered sever childhood trauma - he's not even old enough to have his driver's license in Aus, why on earth is he abandoned and left in charge of a country. So Uncle and Toph still live with him - because that's my head canon and I'm sticking to it.