Here comes the rain again,
Falling from the sky.
Drenched in my pain again,
Becoming who we are.
"How does he know me?" thought Dawn as she listened to her favorite song for about the millionth time today. She rolled over and glanced at the clock, not bothering to panic. Buffy would be in soon to yell at her for staying in bed so late. That's if she wasn't off sleeping with Spike or, fighting another vampire. "Maybe she's even sleeping with a vampire who's not Spike" Dawn began to ponder, but her thoughts were interrupted as her annoying sister barged into her room and shut her music off.
"Do you mind? It's called privacy and who gave you the…" I began.
"Excuse me? It's called being considerate and keeping the volume down. And besides, it's time for you to get up anyways." Buffy cut in.
"It's Saturday, you know, no school." I stated before Buffy rolled her eyes and told me to get dressed. Then she walked out of the room without bothering to close my door.
I sighed, got up and closed the door, then put my music back on. I opened my closet and selected an outfit. "Casual, yet classy." I thought. I began to put on the black tee shirt when some bright red marks caught my eye. I glanced at my arm, and the memory of last night came flooding back to haunt me. I sat down on the bed, remembering. I remembered that I wasn't real. I remembered how Buffy had died for me, when it should have been me. I remembered how they brought her back, Buffy being even more distant than before. Now Willow was off with Giles, learning to not skin people. And Tara was… I dug my nails into my arm. Tara was dead. She was the only one who knew, and now Tara was dead.
It had happened awhile ago; during the summer Buffy was gone. Dead. Tara had found out my secret. The one that no one was supposed to know. She had walked in on me. I tried to hide it, tell her that I slipped and accidentally cut my arm with a razor, but she knew. Tara wasn't stupid. She wasn't like the rest of them. She had suspected all along and she now had the proof. She cried out when she saw the crimson beads falling into the sink. I pressed Kleenex to my arm and tried to cover it up, but she had found out. At first she just looked distressed as she walked over and washed the cut out, then applied pressure to stop the bleeding. "Dawnie…" she had began. But I cut her off "Tara, please, I'm so sorry. It wont happen again." I could tell by the look in her eyes that she knew it was easier said than done. "Dawnie… I know your life is hard, but you can't hurt yourself, Dawnie please!" She began to cry quietly. The guilt that hit me was more than I could bear and I broke down crying. We sat there for a while. Both of us crying and not knowing what to say. Eventually she calmed down and then proceeded to comfort me. She told me that I had to stop, and I begged her not to tell the others. She told me that we'd make a promise to each other. I wouldn't cut, and she wouldn't tell. We shook on it, then hugged, and would have started crying again if it weren't for Xander, wanting to know what was going on. I hid my arm and Tara just said "girl stuff." He got a scared look in his eye and said "Then I will be waiting downstairs like a good chauffer." Tara and I trailed after him, both off us thinking of what had just happened and wondering if the other would hold true to their promise.
I never did cut again, until I walked into the room that day after school. And saw Tara lying there. Alone. No one was home, and I pulled out a pocketknife and made three long lines down my forearm. I tried to focus on the physical pain. I tried so hard. And by the time Buffy remembered me, I had cleaned up the blood and was crying in the corner. No one would know my secret now, because Tara was dead, and so was our promise. If I couldn't have Tara, then I could have this.