Portal Jockey

It all started in the Cave of Ordeals. We had decided to go down there after escaping the city in the air that belonged to the Oocca, in order to further my training and truly prepare myself for the upcoming battle. Actually that wasn't totally true. It was my idea, but Midna hated it, arguing the point the entire ride out there. It was dark and claustrophobic, we had to go kill Zant, on and on. Eventually I had to ask if all she ever did was whine, which shut her up pretty quickly, although I knew I'd probably be in boiling water for it any other time.

See, she was really exhausted after our run through the city in the sky. Maybe because the journey had been so long by that point, or maybe the sudden shift in altitudes just didn't agree with her. Whatever the reason, I knew I'd have to rely on myself throughout the Cave of Ordeals. It would give her a chance to rest, and me a chance to hone my skills. She would thank me in the long run.

Or so I thought. We were on level forty-two when it happened.

"Uh, Midna?" I asked, already preparing myself for the sharp rebuttal.

"What?" she asked, voice drained of all but one emotion: a seething hatred that rested just below the surface, ready to burst at even the slightest disturbance.

"I'm, uh, out of arrows," I said, flinching internally. Please don't kill me, please don't kill me, please don't—!

"So?" she asked flatly.

"So… warp me out?" I asked, wondering what was up with the slow service.

"Fine."

"Are you mad?"

"No."

"You are so."

"Am not."

"Are so—!"

"Do you want me to warp you out or not?" she snapped.

"Yes please," I answered, gulping nervously.

She transformed me and used her magic to break us into particles and take us out of the cave. It was really a pretty cool process to witness. Not to mention it made travel much easier. And as an added bonus it hasn't led us astray yet, unlike most everything else (I mean I got one clawshot already, but apparently I would need two, which really makes the struggle for the first one seem significantly less… worthwhile. I mean, come on. Do they just openly sell these things or something?)

We touched down on the outskirts of Kakariko Village and I stretched, hearing my spine pop in response. "Midna change me back so I can go buy those stupid arrows and we can get back to business as usual."

Silence.

"Midna?" I turned to my left, and to my surprise, found myself face to face with... me. "Eh?" I gasped, wide eyed. Was I looking in a mirror and not realizing it?

"Link, you're the most impatient, ungrateful—!" I heard my own voice echoing in my head suddenly cut off in surprise. The wolf that looked like me—exactly like me—looked at me in pure confusion.

"Midna?" I asked again, my voice squeaking unnaturally high. "Please tell me we're both looking in mirrors right now for some bizarre reason."

"...Oh my Farore."

"Midna..."

My voice splintered through my head at a sound level high enough to burst most eardrums. Dear Farore, what have we gotten ourselves into this time?

"Midna, please you need to calm down," I pleaded with the still-screaming imp.

Her scream finally cut off, probably due to lack of breath. "Oh my gods this is not happening," she muttered. I looked down at "my" hands, and then back at the wolf that looked like me. I think it was safe to assume at this point it was in fact happening.

"What happened?" I demanded, feeling my barely withheld shock start to flood forth. "How did you manage this?"

"Hey don't blame me, Mr. Warp-Me-Everywhere. Why don't you ride your stinking horse for once?" she snapped in reply.

"Because warping is a lot quicker, not to mention way easier!" I barked back. "Or at least it is most of the time!"

"For who?" she demanded. "Oh sure it's easy for you, but did you ever stop for a minute to think how much work it is for me?"

I fell silent, biting back the urge to continue the argument—this was no place for that, and she had a point. When did I ever thank her for warping us half way across the known continent? I don't think it had even occurred to me to say it.

"Okay, let's just calm down a minute," I said, using a gentle tone that I hoped would calm her down a bit. "Let's just think a minute."

"Think?" she yelled, sounding more than a little hysterical. "What's there to think about? You're in my body!"

I winced at this. Okay, so I really hadn't gone crazy. "How did this happen exactly?"

I could see my wolf-self trembling with… rage? Or was it fear? "I don't know! I guess I-I transferred the particles incorrectly."

"Has this ever happened to you before?" I asked, trying to back-track until we found a solution.

"No of course not! But I've never warped anyone but myself prior to meeting you," she confessed, my wolf-self breaking into a nervous kind of wolfish grin.

"Wait you've never done this before? How did you know you could do it at all?" I demanded, suddenly feeling very lucky to be alive this long.

"Well there was a slight risk, but nothing serious," she explained sheepishly. A wolf seeming sheepish, now I've seen it all. "Hey don't give me that look! I wouldn't have killed off the chosen hero on a whim! I knew it was safe!"

"Right and hitting cuccos is safe too," I muttered. I glanced down towards my feet. Well, Midna's feet. "How do I, uh, not float?" I asked uncertainly, observing my feet hovering in mid-air.

"You just, you know, go down," she said. It sounded so weird to hear her words in my voice.

"How?" I asked in frustration, trying to will myself downwards.

"It's really not that hard, Link," she said, rolling her eyes.

"Easy for you to say—I don't know how to work your body like you do!" I snapped.

"You better not try to work my body, pervert!" she cried angrily.

"Hey, whoa, just what are you getting at?" I demanded, feeling heat crossing my unfamiliar face.

"You know what I'm getting at—don't try anything funny while you're in my body!" she yelled, gritting her teeth in anger. I have to say, I look really ferocious when I growl like that, or maybe it was just Midna's specialty to the point where she made me look good doing it.

"Oh, like I would ever dream of that!" I rebutted. We stood—well, I floated—there for a long moment just glaring at each other, before I spoke up again. "Okay, this isn't helping. First thing's first, we need to get me out of my wolf form. So. How do you do that?"

The wolf—I guess I might as well get used to referring to my body as Midna for now, otherwise this might get confusing—plopped down in the dirt, sighing in defeat. "I don't know how to describe it; I just do it; there's nothing complicated about it, but it's impossible to explain."

"That helps," I muttered sarcastically. Maybe that was just a body trait; I couldn't recall ever being so sarcastic before.

A quick look around at least re-assured me that we had made it to our target destination—Kakariko Village—with only the body switching mishap. I guess that was something to be grateful for. I swung my feet helplessly in the air until I finally managed to touch down on the ground. Hu. That wasn't so tough. Maybe Midna was right; this wasn't so difficult after all.

I stumbled over to my body and leaned against my own leg, which was really weird and gave me a headache if I thought about it too much. "Link you have to transform me back," Midna said, yawning sharply. "If I can use your body to communicate, then at least we can get some shelter for the night."

"Yeah I know that, but it's easier said than done," I replied, slumping. "And I don't even know where to begin."

Midna started to whine uneasily, which only caused me to lose focus. She was miserable, and I couldn't do a thing about it. "Link what are we going to do?" she asked, unease plaguing her voice.

My stomach did an odd flip as a protective instinct overcame me. I had to help her—well, help both of us. "It'll be okay," I reassured. "We've been in worse situations than this."

She nodded in agreement. "Yeah, you're right." We both looked at each other and nodded, standing up and brushing off. I managed to clamber on top of her back and took a tight hold of my own (very soft, if I do say so myself) fur.

"Okay, let's ride!" I commanded, immensely enjoying riding instead of carrying for once. She started to take off, but her legs somehow got tangled up and she fell, getting a nice mouthful of dirt and throwing me several yards in the process.

"Ow," she muttered. "How do you walk with four legs, let alone run?"

I laughed nervously. "It's really not that hard, Midna."

She glared at me with her butt in the air and face still on the ground. This might take a while.

A/N: Hello there, hope you enjoyed that bit of fun! And hey, if you did, then feel free to leave a review! Bonus points to anyone who catches the title reference!