After two-and-a-half years of deliberation and procrastination, the time was finally ripe, and Super Fisting Bros., an idea conceived during one of many late-night Smash sessions in 2014, has come to fruition at last. I must give thanks to Alex, Bean, and Dean for their help in crafting this beautiful tale.
Super Fisting Bros. Episode 01: Lucy and the King of Pop (Star)
Chapter 1: Lucina Gets Hammered
Lucina was never one for crowds or wild parties, or, really, any of the fun, frivolous activities common to those of her age group. Being forced to grow up far too quickly under the threat of a death god and his undead legion tends to have such an effect. In Lucina's ruinous timeline, there had been no time for games or romance or silly antics so typical of teenagers. There was only the reality of battle, of death, and of fear so chilling that even now she sometimes woke with her heart pounding and all her senses on high alert. But the time was now, not then, and Lucina would not stay young forever. So Princess Peach told her before she was loaded up into a bright pink sedan and spirited away to the loud and dazzling world of pop concerts.
In Lucina's homeworld, cars simply did not exist. Long distances were traversed via horseback, carriage, or, for the bold, pegasus- or wyvern-back. Cars, she found, were much more efficient than carriages, as they were powered from within and required no animals, thus lending them greater speed and longevity of travel. It was always a treat to ride with Peach and observe all the different shapes and sizes and colors of the other cars on the road. Tonight, the arena's parking lot was full of the things, much to Peach's annoyance.
"This place is packed!" Peach remarked. "I bet if you hadn't taken so long to get ready we might've gotten a good spot!"
Lucina, accustomed to her friend's teasing jabs, only smiled. "Perhaps, though I seem to recall someone rushing back home to retrieve her wallet?"
Peach finally found an empty space at the far end of the parking lot. Managing to leave the lot from that spot after the concert would be hell, but leaving was not nearly as important as arriving in the first place. By the time Lucina and Peach crossed the lot, flashed their tickets, and survived the scrutiny of security, the concert was well underway. Peach cursed, but Lucina did not feel any great loss.
"Come on," said Peach, "Tammy is probably waiting for us somewhere."
Tammy, their absurdly pale and physically-fit friend, was indeed waiting for them. Upon spotting the pair of princesses picking their way through the crowd, she strode towards them with all the purpose of a mother on her way to correct her naughty children.
"Peach! Lucina! You're late," she said. "I was worried sick about you! I thought something might have happened on your way here."
"Nope! You worry too much, Tammy," said Peach. "Lucy and I just got held up is all!"
Lucina nodded her agreement, and was then led by her friends into the crowd. The behavior of the people all around her was bizarre, to say the least. Many were girls her age, some in their teen years, and all were screaming and bouncing and swaying along to the music, drinks in hand. There were concerts of sorts in her homeworld, of course, but they were nothing like this. Who was the woman on stage? Was her strength and influence so great that the crowd felt compelled to revere her so? The letters that blazed gold above the stage might provide a clue.
F-E-R-G-I-E.
Who was that?
"Hey, Lucy!" It was Peach's voice that pulled Lucina out of her thoughts. "We're going to get drinks, okay? You stay here and guard our spot!"
Lucina nodded, and she was left alone amidst the horde of singing, drinking, dancing girls. A particularly upbeat song began to boom from the stage, and the crowd screamed its delight at the (presumably) familiar tune. An unusual flash of movement to her right caught her eye, but when she turned to face the source she found she'd been much too slow in making an escape. A rotund, birdlike man was gleefully swinging a giant mallet to the music with the kind of wild abandon only the inebriated can achieve. Lucina had only seconds to ponder how the man had managed the get the mallet past security before the hefty wooden thing connected with her head.
When Lucina came to, she was lying on a gurney near the security checkpoint. She gave a small start when she noticed a pair of huge eyes staring at her over the edge of the gurney. And what a stunning pair of eyes they were, with irises a deep, radiant blue not unlike that of the hairs that grew wild from her loins.
"You're awake!"
The eyes belonged to a round birdman garbed in red robes suggestive of royalty. Lucina knew that she recognized him, and she knew she had an awful headache, but any sense of clarity pertaining to her situation was not swift in returning to her.
"Hello," she said to the birdman. "What… What happened to me?"
"Ah, well..." The birdman shuffled his feet sheepishly. "My favorite song came on, and I started dancing with my hammer, and… Well, I didn't see you in the way! Bopped ya right in the head!"
Ah, that was right. Lucina sat up and tenderly touched the sore bump on her head where the bird's hammer had bashed it. Sleeping on her right side would not be terribly comfortable for a good while, she supposed. She didn't feel particularly dizzy or disoriented, so she threw her legs over the side of the gurney, meaning to stand, but the birdman moved to stop her.
"Er, miss! Don't get up just yet!" he said. "I'm just supposed to keep an eye on ya till the medics get back! I don't wanna be responsible for any more bumps on your head than I have to be!"
The silence while they waited was horrendously awkward. The birdman constantly looked her way, and then averted his eyes whenever she caught him doing so. There was a longing in those great blue eyes of his, a wistfulness of sorts – though Lucina was not inclined to believe that a penguin man would harbor a desire of any kind for her. Perhaps she reminded him of someone.
"My name is Lucina," she said, breaking the silence between them. "I'm a princess from the Halidom of Ylisse."
"From where? Elise? Never heard of it!" The birdman puffed out his chest to a fantastic degree. "I'm King Dedede, the great king of Planet Popstar!"
"You are the king of Planet Popstar?" Lucina cocked her head. "Well, that certainly is impressive, Dedede. I've never met anyone, erm… quite like you."
Though she meant it in reference to his species and his round, fluffy build, the king seemed to dig far deeper into the words than he should have.
"Is that so?" Dedede leaned on the gurney, eyes hooded in an attempt at seduction. "Well, I can't say I've ever met anyone like you, either. It's not every day a guy can find a Fergie fan with looks as good as yours!"
He was flirting, Lucina realized, and she'd made him do it, though unintentionally. The thought was absurd – a penguin man showing interest in her, a human woman, but reality, as Lucina often found, was much more fluid than the rigid social constraints men chose to live by. She forgot to reply to Dedede on account of being in such a fluster, but she was rescued from her plight by the arrival of a medic, with Peach and Tammy not far behind.
"Oh my gosh, Lucy!" cried Peach. "Are you okay? What happened?"
Lucina explained the hammer incident, and Tammy, ever the motherly friend, was appalled. The fitness nut whirled on King Dedede and jabbed an accusatory finger at him.
"How dare you bring that thing in here and swing it around like some kind of barbarian!" she yelled. "You could have killed someone! You should be ashamed!"
Dedede turned to Tammy with absolutely none of the longing tenderness left in his eyes. They were wide with indignation as he puffed himself up to an impressively intimidating size.
"Oh, shut your trap! Who are you, anyway? My momma? Ha! I'll have you know you're speaking to King Dedede, ruler of Planet Popstar!"
"I don't care if you're the king of the universe, you put Lucina in danger!"
Lucina and Peach, meanwhile, were gaping at each other, each unsure of how to break up the petty and useless squabble. It was Lucina who finally acted by stepping off the gurney and placing herself between the warring parties, a hand on the shoulder of each. Both Tammy and Dedede accepted Lucina's interference, ceasing their shouting in favor of silent fuming.
"No more fighting," Lucina said. "It was an accident. I'm not badly hurt, so all is well. I've suffered much worse injuries in my life, so this is no big deal."
Everyone accepted this answer. The medic asked Lucina some follow-up questions to ensure that she did not display any concerning signs of head trauma, and, once he was certain that she did not, gave her a little red mushroom to eat and allowed her to go. Lucina sent Peach and Tammy on ahead so that she could have a brief word with Dedede in private.
"Please forgive Tammy, she's very protective is all," she said.
Dedede gave a great huff, but did not argue. "Oh, fine," he said. "And? What about you? Aren't you gonna go with your friends?"
It was meant to be a simple question, but Lucina detected the faintest spark of hope in his voice, and it wasn't hope that she'd join her friends. She gave him her kindest smile.
"Well, you don't seem to be here with anyone," she said. "Why don't you come and join us, Dedede? My friends will forgive you, I'm sure."
Lucina did not know what it was that so compelled her to invite the penguin king to join them for the evening. Though Dedede was alone, it was not pity that tugged at her. When she awoke and saw the king's great blue eyes staring at her, and when he flirted with her so blatantly, it stirred an inexplicable emotion within her, one she might think to describe as a probing curiosity, or the state of being flattered, or the tiniest pinprick of desire for companionship.
All motivations aside, King Dedede agreed to her proposition, and though Peach and Tammy were wary at first, they soon warmed to the big penguin and all had a fun night even though the concert was already drawing to a close. Lucina decided that if people her age had such fun all the time, then she ought to go out more often. In the parking lot, Dedede slipped a scrap of paper to Lucina before departing with a wink.
At first she'd been too embarrassed to open it, but the incessant urging of Peach for the entirety of the ride home did her in, and she unfolded it when they reached Peach's place.
"Lucina," it read, "I had a ton of fun with you tonight. Meet me at Toad Town Mall tomorrow at noon for tea. If you want! -Dedede"
Peach's face said it all. "Ooh, girl!" she said. "He's asking you on a date! Are you gonna go?"
Lucina stiffened. "Well, don't you think it's… weird?" she asked. "I mean, he's a bird... I'm a human… You know?"
But Princess Peach simply waved those concerns away. "That doesn't matter! You haven't forgotten about Bowser, have you?"
"I suppose..."
Peach leaned closer, her eyes alight with curiosity. "Come on, Lucy! Tell the truth! Do you like him?"
"I don't know!" Lucy replied quite forcefully. "I mean… We just met! I barely know who he is, much less if we'd even be compatible."
"You should go!" Peach said. "And don't be nervous. Since I know it's your first date and all, I'll help you make a great impression!"
And that was how Lucina found herself at the Tea Kiosk in Toad Town Mall just before noon, dressed in a simple (but smart!) blue dress, and with her hair washed and brushed to an impeccable shine. She did not even need makeup to achieve the blush that dusted her cheeks. That came all on its own when she spotted Dedede making his way toward her.