A/N: For the lovely Mirrial, who sent me a prompt on tumblr many months ago (on new years eve to be exact!) Hopefully there's a chapter two to come, as an apology for this taking so long to be completed :') reviews very much appreciated x
Zosia drained the final dregs of tea from her mug and huffed a breath out slowly, her heart hammering in her chest. She was determined not to lose her nerve again, not the stupid way she had done on Christmas Eve.
She'd almost gone through with the whole plan on the 24th of December, but bottled it right at the last second. She squeezed her eyes closed and ran her hands over her face, recalling the way her blood had run cold upon knocking on the door to Jac's office, and hearing her call "come in!" It was the precise second she had stepped back, trembling, and run off the way she had come like some ridiculous child.
Of course Jac couldn't have possibly known it was Zosia who had knocked the night. By the time she would have opened the door Zosia was back in the locker room, her head in her hands. She was pretty sure no one had seen her but her face burned red all the same.
This whole thing is stupid, she told herself. She'd never crushed on someone like this before, not even when she was at school. So why now? Jac would never feel the same way, and besides what were the chances she'd even entertain the prospect of letting Zosia in? She's a mother. She's got a nice house and the luxury of working when she likes. She can have whoever she wants so why would she ever bother with me? With these thoughts whirling through her mind she had resolved to just forget about the whole thing and spend Christmas with her father as she had planned all along.
And yet here she was once more, three days later, half-talking herself out of it again.
Curling her hands into fists, Zosia looked up at the clock. It was 11.00. Their shifts would finish in forty-five minutes. It was now or never. She stood up to leave, clutching the gift bag and outside the window saw storm-clouds gathering above the city. She swallowed, praying it wasn't a sign.
Jac was interrupted from her work when there was a tentative knock on the door. She lifted her eyes; fingers still poised over the computer keyboard and cleared her throat. "Come in?"
The door opened and Zosia slid into the room. Jac exhaled and sat back in her chair, elbows balanced on the armrests. She found her hands shaking and cursed her nerves, opting to fold her arms instead. "Doctor March. How can I…" Jac tailed off as she noticed the gift bag dangling from Zosia's hand and narrowed her eyes. "What are you doing?"
She stared at the girl stood before her, seeing how pale her skin was, how her dark eyes were wide with fear. Her left hand, Jac noticed was hidden behind her back, and she found herself certain that she was clenching and unclenching it safely out of sight. It was a habit that manifested only when Zosia was particularly nervous. Jac had come to expect seeing it on days when Zosia had important research presentations to give, or while she was preparing to carry out new, particularly delicate procedures.
She raised her eyebrows accusingly and waited for Zosia to explain.
"Umm…" Zosia took a few hesitant steps forward and stopped, putting the gift bag gently down on the desk. "…I got this for Emma, for Christmas. I know its late and I'm sorry about that I just wanted it to be perfect, um there's something in there for you too, I wasn't sure if you'd like it but I wanted to make the effort on the off chance that you would and now I will stop talking and leave you in peace because you're probably busy and I really should be out there with Mr Avery because he's got a blocked valve…"
She backed away as she spoke, reaching the door and wrenching it open as she made to leave.
"Zosia!" Jac barked suddenly, interrupting the brunette mid-tirade. She threw a hand up in front of her. "Stop."
Zosia paused, her hand still on the doorknob as she stared at Jac. She watched silently as Jac dipped her hand into the gift bag and drew out a present, carefully wrapped in shiny, red wrapping paper. Jac squeezed it cautiously and met Zosia's eyes curiously.
"What is it?"
Zosia cleared her throat. "For Emma. You'll see when she opens it, I suppose."
"Right." Jac half-smiled as she put the present down and Zosia's heart jumped. "That sounds reasonable.
A silence fell between them as they stared at one another. Zosia hummed awkwardly. "The rest is for you."
Jac grimaced. "I'm sorry. Whatever it is, I can't accept it."
Zosia wilted. This was exactly what she had been afraid of. "Please." She whispered. "Please don't say it's inappropriate."
Jac shook her lowered head, rubbing her thumb over an unsightly mark on the glass tabletop. "It's not that. I don't do this – Christmas, exchanging presents – Zosia, I have nothing to give to you."
And why should she? She had never once entertained the idea of buying gifts for Zosia – well, perhaps she had, but she had never imagined there would come a time when she should. Three Christmases had passed in the time they had known each other and Zosia had never made a gesture like this before. But then again, they had only really gotten to know each other in the last year, when Zosia had helped rescue her daughter from being held hostage on the roof – and only then had Jac begun to understand what the odd fondness she had for Zosia really was –
She shook herself free from her thoughts and found Zosia stood right on the other side of the desk, her fingertips delicate against the tabletop and her eyes beseeching.
"All you need to do is give me some time." The words burst out of her before Zosia could stop herself. She saw Jac's eyes widen but despite her dry mouth, found herself unable to backtrack. "Please."
"What do you mean?" Jac murmured, but she already knew, her hand already reaching back for the gift bag.
Zosia nodded encouragingly, chewing the corner of her lip. She felt dizzy with excitement and apprehension, this was something she had dreamt of for months, and agonised over for the last week.
Jac slid her hand into the bag again and this time drew out a rectangular shaped present, wrapped in the same paper as the last. She exhaled shakily and touched where the sellotape held it all together.
"Open it." Zosia whispered, and Jac looked at her, and for half a second she desperately wanted to disobey. To throw it back in her face and scream obscenities the way she would have done twenty years ago had someone had the nerve to reach out and try to pull her young, achingly damaged heart back together.
But Zosia was different. Zosia was hurt too. Zosia had probably cried and hurt as much as Jac herself had done, but she had grown with it, she had accepted and evolved with her suffering to a point that was so new but all so familiar to Jac.
She ripped the paper all in one go and found herself holding a sleek black box. She opened it without being prompted and was met with the most beautiful, delicate necklace she had ever seen. It had a silver chain and a small, raindrop-shaped pendant the colour of emeralds.
"Zosia…" Jac started, but suddenly choked up and was briefly unable to continue. "This must have cost you a fortune." She whispered, both horrified and inexplicably touched by the gesture.
"I was able to afford it." Zosia lied, daring to reach for one of Jac's hands. She would be paying it off for the next two years at least, but nothing could make her happier. She'd wanted to see it around Jac's neck ever since she had first noticed on display all those months ago. "And I wanted to."
Jac was quiet for a moment, her thoughts and emotions all tangled up as what Zosia was saying sank in. "I don't understand. Why?" Her heart fluttered as Zosia's warm fingers gently squeezed her hand, sending tingles all up her arm.
"You've been there a lot for me this year, Jac, when you didn't have to be. Probably more so than anyone else. I'm the happiest I've been in a long time and that's all down to you, honestly. I just needed to find the right way to say thank you, to make sure you really heard me."
"Yeah, a simple thank you would have sufficed." Jac uttered, and she chuckled as Zosia rolled her eyes. "I've heard you though. Loud and clear."
Zosia met her eyes. "Good." She smiled, and then nodded at the bag. "Don't shout at me, but there's on more."
Jac's lips parted in surprise, and she frowned at the woman before her, but reached back into the bag all the same. She pulled out a large, expensive bottle of champagne and as her eyes scanned the label, her jaw dropped in pure shock. "Zosia!"
Lifting her hands in defence, Zosia laughed. "You said you wouldn't shout!" Jac just glared, her expression clearly reading I said absolutely nothing of the sort and Zosia relented. "Really, don't worry. That one didn't cost me anything at all. I stole it from my dad's drinks cabinet."
Jac snorted. "Oh, thanks very much. Flattered. "
"So you should be! He doesn't even like champagne. I just wanted to make sure it would go to a home where it would be properly appreciated.
"Well, in that case…" Jac turned the bottle in her hands, examining the label before meeting Zosia's eyes with a mischievous smirk. "Let's do just that. Go and get your stuff. "
Zosia straightened up slowly, a similar grin on her face. "There's ten minutes left of my shift. And yours."
Jac shrugged. "Mo's here for the rest of the night. I'm sure she won't miss us. Unless you'd rather stay with her and Mr Avery…" She trailed off slowly, waving the champagne bottle tauntingly.
"No. No, definitely not." Zosia chuckled and shook her head, making for the door. "See you back here in five minutes?"
Jac paused for a moment, just staring at the brunette with an expression Zosia couldn't quite read.
"Five minutes it is."