"Trying to be Strong"
She kept staring into the oblivion of her stack of cases. Olivia was still on "desk duty", while Fin, Rollins, and Amaro were out picking up suspects from a previous heist earlier that week. Suddenly, Olivia felt a darkness over power her.
She was back in that chair, duct taped, tied, with cigarette burns. She woke up wondering what the hell had happened when she was out. She saw Lewis, hovering over her with a whiskey bottle and her gun. Her gun, he had gotten a hold of it. As she observed his eyes, she knew she had to at least warn him.
"I'm a NYPD Detective; my partner, my squad, the entire department will hunt you down. You think you put people through hell? It will rain down on you."
Olivia saw the lifeless eyes of her abductor. She knew he would try to do what he did to those other women. She squirmed, but weakened from the lack of sleep for trying to put this guy behind bars.
"You know what? Let it rain"
"Liv, Liv, Olivia!" Captain Cragen said
He knew she was suffering from another flashback, it had been two months since her attack, she'd showed up to work one day with chin length hair, rather then her brown curly shoulder length hair. He assumed she had done it herself, because it wasn't perfect. Nothing was perfect. Nothing ever was. Especially now, Olivia knew she was in a deep hole. He knew she wanted to be the same, but she couldn't recover quickly, even though she was trying so hard.
"Huh, what?" Olivia said gasping for air suddenly
She turned red at the moment of the squad room and Captain staring at her.
"I'm sorry, I was just-"
"Olivia, my office?" Captain said reassuring her by putting his hand on her shoulder
Olivia shivered at the touch of Don's hand, she was still jumpy and uncomfortable from Lewis. He had taken away this comfortable response to Don. Cragen is like a father to her, obviously growing up without a father, he really was there for her, personally. She got up from her desk, accidentally knocking over the stack of files on the floor.
"Crap." She said as she started picking up the files
"Hey! Let me get that!" Fin suddenly showed up out of no where
"Okay, thanks" Olivia said quickly, slightly frightened by the surprise
She walked into Cragen's office, noticing the squad was back when she closed the door.
"Olivia, I've noticed-"
"Save it Captain, I know, you see me out there, staring into oblivion, wondering." Olivia said interrupting.
"Well, you got that right, I'm just worried about you being able to handle the job."
"I know I can, it's just that-"
"That you can't get the flashbacks out of your mind?" Cragen said with a bold voice
Olivia looked down, with tears in her eyes. She looked up.
"Yes.."
"Take some time in the cribs, I'll make sure nobody disturbs you."
"Alright, thanks."
Olivia headed for the door.
"And Olivia?" Cragen said with his hands in his pockets
"Yes?" Olivia responded stopping at the exit
"Take as much time as you need."
"Thank you captain."
Olivia walked towards her desk, grabbing her cell phone.
"Hey Liv, where you going?" Fun suddenly asked
"I'm just going to take some time in the cribs, be out in a while"
"Okay."
As Olivia walked towards the cribs, the whole squad room seemed to stare at her. She walked to the cribs, as if it was endless getting there. She finally reached the door, entered ,and closed the door behind her. She sat on the bed farthest away from the door. She felt uncomfortable being in a bed alone, especially now, since Lewis had invaded so much of her life. Putting her arms on top of her stomach, she drifted in and out of consciousness, hearing only "let it rain", inside her head until she finally fell unconscious.