CARE
(Desktop version highly advised)
(Follows the movies, does not follow the TV series. Age: about 16, 17)
(Based on a modified dialogue prompt from "Emerald City", I believe. Also posted on Tumblr on my page - slavicviking)
"I can take care of myself."
"But you won't, will you? Because lately you've been rushing into things without a care whether or not you live or die. But some of us do care." Astrid clenched her fists in frustration, wishing there was a way for him to see. He always took the risk if he believed his plan would work, she knew that, yet in the past few weeks or so, he'd been rushing into danger blindly, trying to save everyone.
Everyone but himself.
She hated the way her heart stopped every time he was in danger which happened more often than it should be. She hated the feeling of being completely hopeless when he was out there, risking his life, and she was miles away, physically and mentally. She hated she could never predict his next move, help him without asking how to help. Astrid felt as though even Hiccup himself never knew what he was going to do next – he just did what he believed was right in that exact moment. As much as she admired him, his selflessness and courage, she hated the carelessness that was tied to his every move, the lack of thought when it came to consequences of his actions.
She hated how much she cared.
Caring was lethal. Her father had died protecting his family from a dragon. Her mother fell gravely ill while making sure little Astrid was safe and warm. Uncle Finn fought and failed to make his village, his home, safe from the Flightmare.
Astrid knew she wouldn't think twice before pushing Hiccup out of danger and sacrificing herself instead. She would have done so with any other one of her friends, yes, yet with him the need to protect was even stronger for reasons she couldn't fathom, or at least admit just yet.
It scared her how much she cared.
A too-warm hand on her upper arm made her jump. Astrid snapped her head to the right, muscles tensing up and hand yearning for her trusted weapon. Hiccup quickly pulled back, the image of the shy and awkward preteen stepping forward again, taking the place of the seemingly confident young man that she came to know. He peeked from under his bangs, fingers tentatively playing with the leather straps of what he liked to call a 'flying suit'.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to-" He cut himself off. The words "scare you" hung in the air awkwardly, and Astrid glanced to the side, lips pursed and jaw clenched. She could hear him shuffle, the way he always did when he felt uncomfortable, and she knew he was thinking about what to say to prove her wrong. The familiar sound of their two dragons playing in the distance was the only thing that filled the silence. This quietness, tense and perilous, was new to them.
"I'm doing what I can to-"
"- kill yourself," Astrid snapped before Hiccup could give her another one of his 'excuses', one sounding more rehearsed than the other. She heard him sigh. In annoyance or not – she couldn't tell.
"You know that's not true," he began, his voice sharper this time, making her look at him. His brows were furrowed as he crossed his arms across his chest, first traces of anger visible. As years went by, he rarely ever showed his annoyance out in the open. He shot her a look, long and determined, and repeated. "It's not, Astrid."
It struck her as odd, almost… strained, or forced.
"Are you trying to convince me, or yourself?" The words come out angrier and more aggressive than she intended, but Hiccup didn't seem to notice, focusing more on the message itself.
"W-what?" His arms dropped loosely at his sides. Astrid dared to come closer, slow and with a twinge of uncertainty . She could see the clear surprise on his face, the way his eyebrows travelled high and green eyes got wider. Dark bags under them caught her attention. He looked tired, older. It wasn't right.
"Hiccup, you need to stop…" She paused before gesturing to the rider in front of her. "whatever this is."
"I don't know what you mean," He quickly interjected, though she could see his façade slowly breaking. Good. Hiccup glanced to the side, trying his best to avoid her intense stare. He shrugged, awkwardly, one shoulder higher than the other, and kicked a loose pebble with his metal foot negligently. "Nothing is different."
It sounded too forced for Astrid not to draw conclusions.
"Nothing is different?" She repeated accusingly, placing her hands on her hips. "Hiccup, what happened with the Outcasts, or the hunters – that was not you."
Green eyes met blue for a split second. Hiccup parted his lips only to shut them almost immediately, pressing them into a thin line stubbornly. His expression turned unreadable, but Astrid could almost see the gears turning in his head as he processed what had been said.
"You usually take the risk, and I get that, but there's always been some kind of… logic to that," Astrid paused to gather her thoughts as different words and phrases, ones too harsh, others too ill-defined, crossed her mind. Hiccup observed her with a careful gaze, waiting for her to finish. The previous anger disappeared as quickly as it came and his features got softer, somewhat sadder. Feeling her mouth go suddenly dry, Astrid wet her lips.
"Lately there's been lack of that."
She could see his eyebrows lowering as the words sunk in. His fingers travelled to one of the braids at the nap of his neck, gripping it the way she always did to get his attention.
"I…really?" His voice got quiet all of a sudden, the angry undertone completely gone. Astrid nodded curtly and he slid his hands up his face, clutching the ends of his dishevelled hair. "Gods…"
"Hiccup-"
"That's, that's not," he shook his head sharply. He then straightened himself and looked at the girl next to him, red in the face and with his hair all over the place. "That's not good. At all."
He turned and took a few steps in no particular direction. His hands flew to his head once more as he hastily returned. Astrid saw his conflicted expression.
"Gods…" He repeated, with less fire this time, and let his arms drop by his sides. Hiccup grimaced. "Of course."
"What's going on?" She reached for his arm, feeling some comfort in the fact he didn't lean away or push her hand away. The previous irritation that had settled in her chest got replaced with worry instead. "You can tell me."
Hiccup's head bobbed up and down in silent agreement. His eyes flickered to the slim hand on his arm, as if studying it, and she suddenly felt all too self-conscious about the simple gesture. She let her hand fall by her side, feeling as though some invisible, unspoken line had been crossed.
"I, uh," Hiccup cleared his throat, taking his eyes off the now-empty spot on his arm. "I just, I've been having all those chief lessons, y'know? And, and they're not… not what I thought. And dad keeps going around calling me the Pride of Berk, and, I mean, that's, that's nice and all, but-"
"Pride of Berk?" Astrid tilted her head and scrunched up her nose. Hiccup nodded quickly, suddenly out of breath. Connecting the dots, her blue eyes widened and she looked up at him, noticing the unnatural red colour of his cheeks and jumpy manner.
"You, Hiccup, you don't have to… prove yourself to anyone." She almost yelled out, finding the thought absurd. Astrid shook her head, her long, neatly woven braid sliding over her shoulder without her noticing it.
"What if- what if I do, Astrid?" Hiccup tapped his fingers on his leather trousers impatiently. "Have you seen Thuggory? Or Dagur? How they fight? Astrid, they are fit for this. I'm, I'm not."
"So you want to – what? Defeat the Outcasts all by yourself to show you are 'fit'?" Astrid asked incredulously, stressing on the last word. She saw Hiccup opening his mouth to retort, but she didn't let him. "With no backup? No plan?"
He winced when she continued to list out all the things he hadn't thought through. She noted the fact with some satisfaction.
"When you say it like that, it sounds… stupid," Astrid couldn't help the snort that left her.
"Maybe, Hiccup, because it is stupid." She saw his face fell and something tugged at her heart, the small smile on her face dropping. "Look, how about, just, being yourself, huh?"
"But what if it's not en-"
"It is," Astrid insisted. "Okay? Your dad called you the Pride of Berk, for Thor's sake, Hiccup! He wouldn't say it if he didn't mean it – you know that."
Hiccup's eyes grew wide and she saw him swallow hard. Se cleared her throat, taking a step back. "Sorry, I didn't mean to yell."
"What?" He raised his eyebrows, his hands shooting up the way they always did when he talked. "No, no, no. I- Thank you." He paused. "I, I needed that; this voice of reason."
Shy smiles were exchanged, filling their hearts with a sense of relief. She felt some weigh finally lifted, now that she could help the one that was closest to her heart.
"What are friends for, right?" She asked weakly, though the word 'friend' felt heavy on her tongue for some reason. A moment of silence followed, this time filling her with a sense of contempt.
"It's… nice to know you care so much."
"If you hadn't figured it out by now..." Astrid breathed out, dropping her gaze to the ground as her face grew warm without her consent. She felt Hiccup's clammy hand reaching for her own. Despite it being unexpected and quite bold of him, she welcomed the shy gesture and tightened the grip, squeezing his hand gently.
"I care about you, too, Astrid. A lot." She looked up at him and saw a gentle smile tugging at his lips and much softer features. Corners of her mouth lifted before she herself could register it, warm feeling passing through her whole body.
"I know," The smile grew wider and her heart sang as he laughed lightly. Astrid reached for his shoulder with her unoccupied hand and stood on her tiptoes, planting a quick kiss on one of his cold cheeks. He looked dazed after she pulled away, mind miles away, and she poked him in the side, laughing at the way his face contorted into a slight grimace. He was quick to return the favor, jabbing her in the arm gently, his uneven teeth shown as he smiled down at her. A soft laugh escaped her just as Stormfly pushed her scaly head under Astrid's arm.
"I think it's time for us," she said as she noted the sun that began to settle in the distance, colouring the sky with orange and pink dashes. Astrid hoisted herself in the saddle and leaned to the side.
"Be yourself, okay? That's more than enough," She winked at him before pulling back up. "And, also, please, because I swear to Thor you'll have me to face if not, just... be more careful."
"I will. Thank you," He nodded to her with smile. Stormfly squawked impatiently, opening and folding up her wings, and Astrid patted her on the side.
Finally in the air, with Berk right underneath her and the soft summer breeze hitting her on the face, Astrid smiled to herself, shaking her head at the dork that was to be their next chief.
Freakishly long A/N:
First things first, I wanted to say thank you for sticking with me through and through. More importantly, I want to thank you for the patience. I know my updates have recently become very infrequent and that I have a lot of backlog right now. Rest assured, no story of mine will ever be abandoned.
Second of all, I wanted to note some updates connected with specific stories:
"My Hero" has been rehearsed (because some changes were needed in my opinion – thanks to wolfie-dragon-rider for helping me out) and I have been working on the last chapter of it as well – draft is all up and ready. I can promise you it will be finished.
"Inner Struggles" & "Struggles of the Past, Present and Future" have taken a backseat lately, as you have probably already noticed and that is because I am in the process of rewriting the main story. Rereading it now, I can see some things that I don't like and am not satisfied with. I feel I have a better understanding of the characters and the movie itself than I had then and that the rookie mistakes that have been made need to be fixed. That is obviously connected with lack of updates on the sequel/companion of the main story.
And last but not least, I will be away during this weekend as well as the whole week that follows – so no updates will be made during that time.
I can't express how grateful I am for all the support and motivation I've been given. Once again, thank you for the patience. If you happen to have any questions (writing-related, or not) ask away here or on my Tumblr (slavicviking).