Alchemy Is NOT Magic, Damn It!

by The Mirror Above the Sink

Well, here he was, at this idiotic school called Frogwarts - ahem, Hogwarts. Seeing as this place is supposedly magical, Ed had no clue why the Fuhrer felt it necessary to send him here. But maybe, just maybe, he'd finally find a way to get his brother's body back without a Philosopher's Stone... and maybe he'd finally be able to act like a kid. (Semi-AU)

1. Arrival

This is obviously going to be a semi-AU, where Ed has been in the military since he was ten - still with automail - Hughes is alive, Al is still armor, and Amestris and England are in the same world. I haven't really read the Harry Potter books recently - a few months ago, at best - so I hope most of this is accurate. And I'll try to make every chapter as long as this one, but no guarantees. And the quality is definitely not a guarantee. This took me hours to write - more than one day of writing, that's for sure. Some parts may be better written than others. It depended on my mood and amount of sleep I got the night before. Considering I never really get much sleep, I can almost promise bad quality. But please be patient with me, and thank you in advance for giving this story a go. I'll try to explain everything inside the story, but if needed, I'll answer questions after the chapter on the post-author's note.

---

Edward Elric sighed as he repeatedly kicked the seat in front of him. He usually would've gotten an annoyed or nasty look, if the seat was occupied. But he was the only one on this train, strangely enough. Nobody seemed to want to visit England these days. Though why he was going to England was a whole different story.

---

FLASHBACK:

"What the Hell, Colonel? I'm eleven! Understand? No way in HELL am I old enough to travel across the world just because some shitty school thought I would make a fantastic fucking wizard!"

"I'm afraid you don't have a choice on the matter," Roy said calmly, his hands folded in front of him. "The Fuhrer himself offered you up for it, and you've already been accepted by the school. Besides, you've traveled pretty far away from home before, haven't you?" He had his usual smug grin on his face, making Ed want to punch him even more.

"But what about Al?" he blurted. The first thing that came to mind. Roy's face became a little more serious.

"Alphonse will be staying here, under Hughes' watch. He'll be protected carefully, because I'm sure he's made almost as many enemies as you've made."

"But-!"

"That's final. Go pack up your belongings."

---

And that was how Ed ended up on a stupid train, riding halfway across the world to attend a stupid magical school called Frogwarts. He glanced at the envelope stuffed with papers Roy had given him. It was addressed to;

'Edward Elric

Central, dorm room #26

Amestris'

He thought it was an odd way to put an address. Then again, Roy had told him the letter arrived with a large barn owl while he was away, so it may not have been that strange. Roy complained that the darn thing wouldn't leave until he wrote back saying that Ed was going. He opened up the thick envelope and pulled out the first paper.

'Dear Mr. Elric,

We are pleased to inform you that you have a place at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment.

Term begins on 1 September. We await your owl by no later than 31 July.

Yours sincerely,

Minerva McGonagall

Deputy Headmistress'

Hogwarts. What a stupid name. After digging through the envelope, he did indeed find a list of stuff he apparently needed to buy. Also, there was a specialized letter that was apparently handwritten by the Headmaster himself. He understood why he had this letter, but he was sure all the other teachers wouldn't know why and would probably be suspicious.

'I hereby give Edward Elric permission to wear gloves at all times. No student, Prefect, or Professor may tell him otherwise.

-Albus P. W. B. Dumbledore'

Ed didn't know what all the letters in the middle of Dumbledore's name stood for, but he was pretty sure he didn't want to know. There was one final paper, and he reluctantly pulled it out.

'UNIFORM

First-year students will require:

1. Three sets of plain work robes (black)

2. One plain pointed hat (black) for day wear

3. One pair of protective gloves (dragon hide or similar)

4. One winter cloak (black, with silver fastenings)

Please note that all pupil's clothes should carry name tags.

COURSE BOOKS

All students should have a copy of each of the following:

The Standard Book of Spells (Grade 1) by Miranda Goshawk

A History of Magic by Bathilda Bagshot

Magical Theory by Adalbert Waffling

A Beginner's Guide to Transfiguration by Emeric Switch

One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi by Phyllida Spore

Magical Drafts and Potions by Arsenius Jigger

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them by Newt Scamander

The Dark Forces: A Guide to Self-Protection by Quentin Trimble

OTHER EQUIPMENT

1 wand

1 cauldron (pewter, standard size 2)

1 set glass or crystal phials

1 telescope

1 set brass scales

Students may also bring, if they desire, an owl OR a cat OR a toad.

PARENTS ARE REMINDED THAT FIRST YEARS ARE NOT ALLOWED THEIR OWN BROOMSTICK

Yours sincerely,

Lucinda Thomsonicle-Pocus

Chief Attendant of Witchcraft Provisions'

He put the parchment to the side, already tired of hearing about magic and how he would be learning the shit over the course of nine months. He wanted to just deny the fact that magic existed, but Al had seemed so excited about the prospect of Ed going back to school that he couldn't bring himself to refuse to go. He was told by Mustang that this country spoke a language called English, so he pulled out a translating book and started to study English. Though he had a niggling doubt in the back of his mind that he was forgetting something.

---

After a boring three or four days of travelling, all by himself with no other passengers aboard the train, Ed stepped off at a train station that was apparently close to where he had been instructed to go. The station he arrived in was a boring place, not even a full building. It was only a sturdy wooden platform with 'Train Station' painted on a big wooden board. Ed almost turned to leave, but spotted a strange old man standing in the corner, a smile on his wrinkly, bearded face. Ed paused, regarding the man silently, but eventually decided that this must be Dumbledore and walked over.

"Hello," he said politely, speaking English, which he had managed to learn quickly, as he was a genius. Though he kept a slight accent, which he thought made him seem cooler. "You're Dumbledore, correct?"

"Hello, Edward," Dumbledore greeted back. "And yes, I am Albus Percival Wilfric Brian Dumbledore. I see you've made it. A bit ahead of schedule, but that's alright." He turned and stepped off of the platform as the train sped away. Ed hopped off after him, swinging his suitcase in his hand.

"So... this place I'll be staying at. It isn't at a hotel, is it?" Ed asked, quickening his pace to walk beside Dumbledore. The old man let out a short laugh.

"No, my boy. You'll be staying with a family of wizards that I happen to know very well. They have already agreed to take you in for the time being, as they have taken in many others at my request." Ed nodded slowly, not sure if he could totally trust the old wizard. "You'll be going with them to shop for school supplies. They should be a great help to you when that time comes," Dumbledore added. Ed just bobbed his head again, not very sure of what to say. The two walked in silence for a while, until an old, run-down house came into view. To Ed, it looked shaky, like somebody had just kept adding on to a one-story house until anything else would make it collapse. He noted to himself that it was probably held up by magic.

"And here we are," said Dumbledore grandly, stopping in front of the gate around it. A sign read 'THE BURROW', making Ed curiously tilt his head. Dumbledore shifted his hands around in his dark robes, then pulled out yet another letter (Ed groaned to himself, tired of parchment already) and handed it to Ed. "Be sure that Mrs. Weasley gets this, and that Mr. Weasley knows about it," Dumbledore instructed. "Now, I shall be off." He disappeared with a 'pop', making Ed jump in surprise. But before he could comment, a clatter came from inside the house, telling him that somebody inside had heard the noise. The door opened, and a slightly plump, red-haired lady stood at the doorway, a broom in hand. Ed was slightly thankful that his short stature let him hide behind the gate before he was noticed. Not that he was short, damn it! The lady glanced around, looking confused for a second, until her sharp eyes caught the glint of blond hair hiding behind her fence.

"I see you over there!" Mrs. Weasley barked, stomping over. The blond head straightened quickly, and she saw that the hair belonged to a young boy that looked to be about Ron's age, if not younger.

"I'm sorry, miss! I just- well, I-"

"Spit it out, boy!" Mrs. Weasley commanded. The boy flinched at the loudness of her voice, then whipped out his hand, which held the letter firmly in his fingers. Mrs. Weasley took it gently from his trembling hand and opened it slowly.

"Dumbledore said you were expecting me, Mrs. Weasley," Ed said quietly, slightly terrified of this woman. She looked like she could do just as much damage as Winry with her wrench. He watched as her eyes flicked over the parchment, then she looked up. Her eyes had softened considerably, and Ed felt himself relaxing.

"Well, why didn't you say so, dear?" she said, putting the letter in a pocket on her dress. She put the broom over her shoulder and turned around. "Let's get you situated." Ed didn't move for a few seconds, then warily followed her inside. The inside of the house wasn't much better than the outside; the floor looked like it needed swept, and dishes were piled into the sink in the kitchen. A set of zig-zagging stairs winded up to the other floors.

"Sorry for the mess," Mrs. Weasley apologized, flicking her wand casually and making the dishes clean themselves. Ed didn't pause to marvel, as he had seen plenty of magic tricks on his way here. "Now hurry upstairs, before the twins get you! Ron will help with your things, hopefully." Ed did as he was told and hurried up the stairs as quietly as his automail would let him. Once he reached the hallway, he glanced at the few doors before approaching one with a slightly ajar door. He peered in, not exactly expecting to see a couple of identical redheads stirring something in a cauldron.

"I think we need a little more than that, George," one was saying, holding up a spoonful of whatever was in the cauldron.

"Fred, we're almost out of it!" George snapped, dumping a weird white powder into the mixture. Ed slowly backed away, not wanting to be caught up in whatever those two were planning. He wandered up a few more flights, until he finally opened a door that had two people sitting on a bed. One looked to be his age, and the other looked like an adult. Both had flaming red hair, and the older one's hair was pulled up into a smallish ponytail with a fang-shaped earring. The room had two beds, and half of the room was cluttered up in orange while the other half was completely bare, save for one of the beds. When he opened the squeaky door, the two glanced up. There were pentagonal cards in their hands, and they quickly hid them away under a pillow.

"Hey, who're you?" the younger one asked rudely. The older redhead smacked him on the back of his head.

"Ron! Be nice!" he snapped, then looked at Ed.

"Hello, there. What's your name?" he asked. Ed blinked, realizing he really didn't want to tell these guys anything. Instead of answering, he put down his suitcase and crossed his arms, eyeing them warily.

"Isn't it more polite to introduce yourself first?" he practically growled. The redheads blinked.

"Right. Well, I'm Bill Weasley." The older one held out his hand expectantly, but Ed just stared at his hand until he pulled it back awkwardly.

"And I'm Ron. What's your problem, mate?" the younger boy said, standing and crossing his arms. Him and Ed ended up in a staring contest, neither of them wanting to back down. After a minute or two, with Bill standing awkwardly behind Ron, Ron's eyes started to water before he blinked. "Ah, shoot," he spat, ignoring Ed's slightly smug smile as he picked up his suitcase. "What are you even doing here?"

"I'm sure Mum let him in. Anyways, what's your name?" Bill asked again. Ed seemed to hesitate, wondering if he should reveal his name.

"Call me Ed," he finally relented, walking to the empty bed in the corner of the room and dropping his suitcase on the bed. Ron and Bill shared a strange glance. Ed turned and walked out of the room, leaving his suitcase behind. Right after he left, Ron turned to Bill.

"We should snoop around a bit, make sure he's not crazy," Ron whispered. Bill didn't really like the idea, being a polite gentleman, but he agreed and let Ron pull him over to the suitcase. Ron gulped as he put his hands on the latches, flipping them open. He started to pull the thing open.

Only, it wouldn't budge. No matter how hard he pulled or pried, the two sides would not separate.

"That's strange," Bill muttered, not sensing any magic spells cast on the thing.

"Oh, really?" Ron panted, out of breath from his brief wrestle with the suitcase.

---

As Ed walked down the stairs, he could hear Mrs. Weasley humming as she swept the floors. He paused at the bottom of the stairs, content with just watching for the time being. It slightly reminded him of when his own mother used to sweep the floors, singing aloud and inviting him and his brother to join in. He smiled a little to himself as he watched the woman sweep the dust through the open door, out into the grass. He gave a small cough to let her know he was there, and Mrs. Weasley turned around with a smile.

"Hello, dear," she said kindly, leaning the broom against the wall. "Are you hungry?" Ed opened his mouth to say no, he was fine, but his stomach let out a particularly loud rumble. Ed flushed in embarrassment as Mrs. Weasley laughed. "I think your tummy already answered that one!" She bustled into the kitchen, and Ed reluctantly followed her inside. The dishes were now clean, he absently noticed. Mrs. Weasley magicked together a couple of sandwitches, and Ed thanked her as he made quick work of them. Ed found he rather liked Mrs. Weasley and her willingness to give him as much food as he could fit in his black hole of a stomach. Mrs. Weasley seemed pleased with his big appetite and polite manners, as she made him a few more before he said he wanted to go and set up his stuff.

"Have fun!" Mrs. Weasley called. Ed gave a small wave over his shoulder, stepping onto the stairs and heading for the room he was apparently sharing with Ron. Ron was sitting on his bed, trying to pry open his Alchemically-sealed suitcase, while Bill was half-heartedly giving suggestions on how to open it. Ed watched the struggle for a few brief seconds, slightly disappointed that wizards apparently knew nothing about Alchemy, then stalked forward and snatched his suitcase from Ron's fingers.

"This is mine, I believe," he said, quietly and icily. Ron jumped up indignantly.

"What do you got in there?" he demanded. "Some kind of money?"

"It's mine. I can put whatever I please in it," Ed said smoothly, easily opening the said suitcase. He pulled out another set of clothes, then closed the case and put it under his bed before leaving to find the bathroom. Ron was bristling with indignancy.

"That guy! I swear, he tries to make me mad!" he seethed, throwing himself on his bed. Bill shrugged, though Ron couldn't see it.

"I think it's because he's unfamiliar with us. But if Mum let him in, he's probably a good person once you get to know him," he said optimistically. Ron snorted in disbelief.

"Yeah, I'm sure he's a great guy," he said sarcastically.

---

Ed was standing in the bathroom, his back facing the mirror. He twisted his head around, trying to examine the back of his automail for any damage. When he assured himself that his automail was fine, he checked all the joints for any squeakiness or debris. When he actually looked, there was too many little pieces of dirt inside his automail to count. He frowned darkly, grabbing a pair of tweezers and starting to dig all the debris out.

He was almost finished when the doorknob rattled. He froze in fear, staring wide-eyed at the door, but luckily he had locked it before he started changing.

"Who's in there?" a girl's voice called. "Percy, is that you?"

"It's not Percy," Ed said, loudly enough to be heard through the door.

"Well then, who is it?" the girl demanded.

"It's Ed."

"Who?"

"I'm just a guest," Ed sighed, going back to his automail.

"Well, hurry up in there. Mum says I need to take a bath tonight," the girl said haughtily, and Ed heard her footsteps fade away. He rolled his eyes. This whole family was annoying, all except their mother.

He finished cleaning up his automail arm, then looked at his leg. Since it was almost always covered by his pants, there was hardly any cleaning needed. He sighed in satisfaction when he felt his arm moving much smoother, no longer trying to fight his every movement. He glanced at the clothes he brought in, then realized he had forgotten to grab a pair of gloves.

"Freaking idiot," he cursed himself, pulling on the long-sleeved black shirt. His pants were also black, and he kept his boots. He nearly forgot to grab his pocketwatch from his other pants' pocket. He shoved his hand in his pocket as he walked out, glancing around to make sure there wasn't anybody nearby. He re-entered the room he was sharing with Ron, tensing when he saw Ron staring at the door, as if waiting for him to come back.

"You're a strange little bloke-" the redhead started.

"Little...?" Ed's eye twitched, and he could feel a forced smile grow on his face. "Mind saying that again?" Ron gulped, obviously scared of the malice in Ed's voice.

"You're a strange bloke," Ron started again, relieved when Ed didn't comment, "And I don't really trust you yet. So you stay on your side of the room, and I stay on mine. Agreed?"

"Fine with me," Ed said flatly, pushing his automail hand even further in his pocket. He reached his flesh hand under his bed, pulling his suitcase out and opening it one-handedly. He could still feel Ron's eyes on his back. He pulled out a white pair of gloves, then quickly pulled his automail hand out of his pocket and jammed it into a glove. Ron didn't even get a glimpse of metal, to Ed's relief. He pulled on his other glove more slowly, then reached up and began tying his loose hair into a braid.

"Why's your hair so long?" Ron suddenly blurted. Ed glanced over at him.

"Because it can be," he snapped back. "I like it long."

"Alright! There isn't any reason to go biting my head off!" Ron retorted, crossing his arms and turning away with a huff. Ed rolled his eyes, turning to his own bed and climbing on. He reached into his suitcase again and pulled out his travel notebook, something that made Ron stare again. Ed pulled out a pen as well, not yet trusting those weird quills that all the wizards and witches liked to use. He quickly scribbled down a quick summary of his crappy day, then stuffed the items back into his case. Then he realized what he had forgotten. He hadn't brought anything to read, or any other source of entertainment. He groaned aloud, making Ron quirk a brow.

"Something the matter?" he asked.

"Nothing, never mind," Ed barked, laying back on the bed and covering his eyes with his arm. Ron snorted, obviously not believing him.

"Whatever you say, Ed."

---

About half an hour later, Ed was laying on his stomach on the bed, his arm dangling over the side and brushing the floor. Ron looked amused as Ed lazily drew circles on the floor, humming softly.

"You're bored, aren't you?" Ron asked quietly, crossing his legs and sitting on the floor. Ed glanced up.

"What's it to you?" He meant to sound biting, but he just sounded... well, bored.

"Because I don't have anything to do," Ron said, grinning. "Do you want to play Wizard's Chess?"

"Chess? No thanks," Ed snorted, climbing fully back on top of the bed and sitting with his legs crossed. Ron scrambled to a standing position.

"Oh, but this isn't ordinary chess," he said slyly. "Just watch." He dug around under his bed for a minute, then pulled out a black-and-red chess set that already had every piece set up perfectly. Ed watched as Ron set it down in the middle of the floor, then beckoned for the blond to sit on the other side. Ed reluctantly dragged himself to the floor, then sat. He had the red pieces. He raised an eyebrow as Ron grinned again.

"So... what now? Who goes first?" he asked irritably.

"I'll go first." Ron cleared his throat. "Knight to H5." Ed's eyebrows rose as one of the pieces literally started moving across the board all on it's own, sliding past the pawns and coming to rest on the said square. Ron looked smug as he crossed his arms over his chest. "Your move." Ed slowly smirked, leaning over the board with much more interest than before.

"You're on, Weasley," he snickered. They bantered back and forth like this, and for a while, all they did was move all their pieces. Until Ed's knight took out it's first pawn. Ed watched, fascinated, as his knight completely smashed the poor pawn, sending it's pieces to the edge of the board.

"Pretty cool, huh?" Ron said, directing his bishop to E7. Ed didn't answer, already planning ahead of the game and deciding where to move his rook. The said rook was shouting at him, trying to not be sent somewhere where it would get smashed.

"Rook to F7."

---

About three hours later, long after the sun sank down in the sky, Mrs. Weasley peeked into the room to find the boys still playing, a bedside lamp turned on for light. (Ed had already won four games, and a good amount of Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans was piled beside him.) Ron looked frustrated as he moved his knight across the board. Ed looked pleased as his rook completely obliterated the defenseless knight, leaving the king in checkmate. It was surprising that the two had bonded over something as simple as Wizard's Chess and boredom.

"Not again!" Ron whisper-shouted, banging his fist on the floor.

"You boys need to get into bed!" Mrs. Weasley snapped. Both the boys jumped guiltily, and Ron quickly gathered up the set and shoved it under his bed. Ed climbed into his own bed, stuffed his prizes into a drawer in the bedside table, and rolled himself up in the blankets until he was sure the woman was satisfied that he wouldn't be moving.

"Goodnight, Mrs. Weasley," he said absently.

"Night, Mum," Ron said hastily, turning off the lamp.

"Goodnight. I expect you to be up as early as everyone else tomorrow, Ron," Mrs. Weasley said, closing the door. Ed waited until her footsteps had faded, then reached over to his own bedside table and turned on the lamp.

"Bloody Hell, Ed! I didn't know you had a death wish!" Ron growled, covering his face with his pillow. "Mum's gonna get you!" Ed ignored him, instead pulling out one of his extra notebooks and scribbling down every last detail of Wizard's Chess. He even added a few illustrations, which he had to admit looked pretty good. At least to him. He suddenly remembered his watch, and he reached into his pocket and put it on the bedside table.

"Turn the light off!" Ron groaned, rolling over in bed. Ed glanced at him, then tossed his notebook back in his suitcase and flicked off the lamp. Ron grumbled a few irritated insults, but Ed couldn't really care less right now. His eyes suddenly felt like lead weights, and he could barely keep them open long enough to re-roll himself in the blankets and put his head on the pillow. He fell asleep within seconds of closing his eyes, not even taking off his boots.

---

"Up and at 'em, Sunshine!" Ron said grumpily, shaking Ed awake from yet another nightmare. Ed lurched to a sitting position, startling Ron, who was standing above him. But the redhead was too sleepy to comment on Ed's sweaty form.

"Mum's got breakfast ready," he yawned, walking over to his orange dresser and digging around for clothes. Ed stayed sitting in his bed for a few seconds, reliving his nightmare, then slowly reached into his suitcase and pulled out another set of clothes. His last set, since he hadn't brought much. He had to wash the other ones soon. He stumbled off to the bathroom, this time making sure that he brought gloves with him. He blearily dressed himself in the bathroom, then brushed his hair and tied it up into a simple ponytail, too tired to put the effort into making a braid. He glanced at his reflection in the mirror. Luckily, he had gotten enough sleep so that there weren't bags under his eyes, but his golden orbs were still slightly dull from sleep, and his clothes were slightly wrinkled. He headed out of the bathroom, passing one of the twins on his way.

"G'morning," the redhead mumbled, not realizing that Ed was a complete stranger. Ed made it back to his and Ron's room, and found Ron struggling to fit his head through his arm hole. Ed sighed, coming over and helping the boy put his shirt on right. Which was slightly hard to do since Ron was taller than him by quite a few inches.

"Thanks, mate," Ron said groggily. Ed nodded, turning and walking out of the room. He stumbled his way down the stairs, almost tripping over his own coat on the way.

"Good morning, dear," Mrs. Weasley said kindly, placing a few plates on the table. Ed mumbled a 'good morning' back, then slouched down into a chair. Minutes later, the rest of the Weasley family entered the room and sat at the table.

"Oh, Molly? Who is this?" Mr. Weasley asked, sitting beside Ed.

"This is Edward. Dumbledore asked us to watch over him until it was time to go to school," Mrs. Weasley replied, tossing a healthy amount of breakfast onto Ed's plate. This woke Ed right up. Mr. Weasley nodded, eyes twinkling.

"Well, hello, Edward. Arthur Weasley, at your service." He held out his hand, which Ed shook lightly.

"Nice to meet you, Mr. Weasley," he said politely.

"Mum, why is he staying with us?" a smaller girl asked. She was about the same height as Ed, slumped into the seat on the other side of the table.

"He doesn't have anywhere else to go, Ginny," Molly said, placing a few pancakes in front of Ron. "He came here from across the world." All of a sudden, every eye was on Ed.

"Really? All the way on the other side? And he still speaks English?" one of the twins (Ed believed it was George, but he couldn't be sure) said, his eyes sparkling.

"Where did you come from? Like, what was the place called?" the other twin, possibly Fred, demanded.

"Amestris..." Ed mumbled, stabbing a sausage with his fork and stuffing it in his mouth so he wouldn't have to elaborate any further. As if this was a cue, everyone started to eat.

"What's it like there?" Ron asked, genuinely curious.

"Boring," Ed responded automatically, swallowing the sausage. "The only time there's any excitement is if somebody gets arrested for something or another."

"Oh? So there's a lot of crime where you live?" Mr. Weasley seemed genuinely interested, making Ed a little uncomfortable.

"Yeah, there's usually a lot of illegal stuff happening on the streets that the government doesn't catch. I usually end up getting caught up in it since I tended to move around a lot," he answered honestly, not exactly lying but not telling the whole truth.

"Oh, you poor thing!" Mrs. Weasley sighed. "A boy like you, getting caught in the crossfire! You'd think the government would know better than to involve children in their problems!"

"Ahaha... yeah..." Ed agreed nervously, giving a weak smile before catching sight of the glass Mrs. Weasley had placed beside his plate. His body instantly went rigid. "Is that... milk?"

"Yes, dear," Molly answered, settling down herself and grabbing a few pancakes. Ed glared hatefully at the glass cup containing the vile white liquid.

"I hate milk," he muttered under his breath. Mrs. Weasley paused to stare at him.

"You do?" She picked up the glass and walked over to the sink, dumping the milk into the sink and rinsing the cup, then filling it with pumpkin juice instead. "Is pumpkin juice any better?" She handed it to the blond boy, and he nodded.

"Much better, thank you," he said happily, taking a sip. Mrs. Weasley seemed pleased as she sat back down.

"How can you not like milk?" Ron said incrediously, pointing at Ed with his fork. Ed shrugged.

"I never really did like it," he replied.

"Maybe that's why you're so-"

"So what?" The atmosphere around Ed took a drastic turn. 'Say it. I dare you. Call me short.'

"It's probably why you're so pale," Ron said quickly, catching the evil aura. Ed blinked.

"I'm pale?" He turned to Mrs. Weasley, who nodded.

"It must be all the long sleeves you wear," she said. "They don't let the sun get to your skin."

"Huh. I never thought I was pale," Ed said, mostly to himself. He finished off the last of his pancakes, then stood and stretched. "Thanks for the food!" He smiled at Mrs. Weasley, then brought his plate to the sink.

"He's so polite!" he heard Mr. Weasley whisper. "They must have good manners over in Amestris!" He pretended not to hear as he walked back in.

"Oh, Edward, we're going to be shopping for all the school supplies and wands today," Mrs. Weasley said. "If you'll wait for us to finish, we'll leave right after breakfast."

---

And leave they did. They all piled into a surprisingly spacious van, and Ed could tell it was enchanted to accomodate them all. The car was barely as tall as him when looked at from the outside. Mrs. Weasley didn't seem to notice as she pushed Ginny into the front seat. Ed, Ron, Fred, George, and Percy ("Perfect Percy the prefect," Fred had called him) were all fitted quite comfortably in the back. Bill had stayed behind, saying how he needed to get back to work before the bank got onto him about slacking off. Mr. Weasley was seated in the driver's seat, giddy with excitement.

"Alright, let's go!" he said enthusiastically.

---

One long, bumpy ride later...

Ed climbed out of the car dizzily, trying to balance his swaying body. The Weasleys seemed much better off, probably already used to this kind of crazy driving. Ed stumbled along behind them like an odd puppy, feeling out-of-place among the casually-dressed regular folk and the redheaded Weasleys. Luckily, nobody even gave him a second glance as they casually walked into a pub called the Leaky Cauldron.

It was a very strange place indeed for Ed. There was strange, shady-looking people sipping drinks at the bar, and a few old ladies sitting in the corner. The Weasleys quickly walked through, sharing pleasantries with a few random people. They walked out into a back alley, and Mr. Weasley took out his wand and began counting the bricks. Ed was really confused now, but he didn't comment. Mr. Weasley tapped a brick with his wand, and after a second, the wall folded in on itself and opened up a doorway about eight feet tall. Ed quickly dismissed it as magic. The family (and Ed) all crowded through, out into a street filled with people and shops. The first thing Ed saw was a shop selling cauldrons. There were robe-wearing wizards and witches everywhere, haggling for better prices and hurrying about. Mrs. Weasley suddenly put her hands on Ed's shoulders and turned him towards a big white building.

"That's Gringotts Bank. Since you're not from here, you can exchange your money here," she instructed, pushing him towards the building. Ed stumbled a few steps, then glanced back at the Weasleys. They were already scattering off to do their shopping, leaving him by himself. He hesitantly entered the Bank, looking around at all the professional-looking wizards and witches in multi-colored robes. There were strange-looking small people with pointy ears that looked like somebody had simply squashed them down to their size. Everybody in there, including the little people, was wearing robes. At least his coat was almost as long as their robes, so he blended. Slightly. Ed slowly approached one of the friendlier-looking creatures.

"Um, hello," he called, inwardly cursing his shortness because he could barely see over the edge of the counter. The creature glanced up.

"Hello, boy," it said, not unkindly. "What do you need today?"

"Uh, I need to switch my money or something like that... I'm not from here," Ed said nervously. The creature eyed him up and down.

"Elda can see that. Just place the money you want exchanged here, and Elda'll give you the same amount in wizard money." The creature tapped the counter with one of its long, spindly fingers. Ed pulled out a thick wad of Amestrian money and placed it on the counter. The creature's eyes widened.

"Why, is this Amestrian, by any chance?" Elda gave Ed no chance to reply as it snatched up the money. "Yes, it very much is. Very well, Elda'll get you your money shortly. And what is the young Amestrian's name that Elda will be serving?" it said pointedly.

"O-oh, it's Edward. Edward Elric," Ed replied hastily. The creature's eyes bulged even further.

"Oh, dear! And now Elda meet the infamous Edward Elric!" it breathed, fanning its face with the bills. Ed suddenly got the feeling that 'Elda' was a female. "Well, Elda happened to have gotten a request many years ago that if an Edward Elric was ever to stop by, Elda'd give him everything in that." She stared at Ed for the longest while. "You are Hohenheim's son, correct?" Ed stiffened in a way that told the creature that, yes, they were indeed related.

"Yes," Ed said shortly.

"Alright then, can you prove it?" Elda said slowly. Ed blinked.

"Uh, I'm not sure how to do that," he answered quietly. Elda looked around, making sure that there was no eavesdroppers, then beckoned for Ed to come behind the desk. He did so nervously, not expecting this to be what a bank was like.

"Do you know Alchemy?" Elda demanded, hands behind her back. Ed nodded hesitantly. "Then transmute this into something." Elda held out an old, broken watch. Ed stared at it, wondering what to turn it into, before tapping his fingers together gently and touching the watch. A few sparks of blue lightning flashed, and the watch twisted into a delicate-looking, golden snowflake. Elda examined it for a second, looking awed, before smiling widely. "Excellent! Now, if you'll come this way, sir..." She turned and started hobbling away, and Ed realized that one of her legs was shorter than the other. "Come along, now!" Ed started after the quick little creature.

"Um, sorry for being rude, but what exactly are you?" Ed asked. Elda cackled.

"Everybody that works at Gringotts is either a goblin or a magic person, sir," she answered. "Elda is a goblin, as you can see." She gestured to her face, and Ed shrugged. She giggled again, then turned and climbed into a rusty-looking mine cart. Or something of the sort. "Get in, get in!" she urged, waving her hand impatiently. Ed quickly scrambled in, and the second one of his booted feet touched the bottom of the cart, Elda yanked on a lever. The cart lurched forward, nearly sending Ed over the edge. But Elda snagged his coat and pulled him back in.

"Crouch down so you don't fall out," she advised, standing calmly with one hand on the lever. Ed obeyed, hunkering down so only his eyes peeked above the edge of the cart. The two passed many strange things, but they were gone so fast Ed wasn't sure of what he thought he saw. At one point, he thought he saw a red-scaled dragon with a heavy chain around it's neck, but it whizzed away only seconds later.

"Are there dragons here?" Ed blurted out. Elda chuckled again. She was a very giggly creature.

"Yes, the dragons guard the vaults with the most amount of money," she explained. "Your vault - left by your father, by the way - is also guarded by a dragon. Mean old thing, it is. Nearly burned Elda's hair off." She wagged her head, sending the tiny, thin dreadlocks on her head swinging. Ed smiled a bit, then jerked to the side and banged his head on the wall as the cart whipped around a corner. He shivered, feeling the air suddenly grow a lot colder. He looked around, surprised to see a giant cavern, with flickering yellow candles and crumbling, rocky walls.

"Are we almost there?" he asked, spotting another cart zipping down a ramp right above them.

"Oh, yes. Elda is sure that it's just one more turn," the goblin said, smiling wide and showing her startlingly white teeth. Ed sighed in relief. The cart had started to make strange squealing noises, and he didn't want to be the first person to fall out of a faulty cart. As Elda said, the cart whipped around another corner (Ed banged his head on the wall again with a muffled curse) and came to a screeching stop. Elda climbed out instantly, sniggering as Ed just about fell out of the cart in his haste to get out.

"This is it?" Ed awed, looking around the spacious cave. It was only lit by a single skylight, illuminating just a small circle of the floor. Ed spotted a single dark shape on the ground, hidden away in the corner. It shifted slightly as he stared, and yellow eyes suddenly shone towards him. Ed held it's gaze, and Elda seemed to watch the staring contest with interest. Finally, the yellow eyes blinked slowly, and then disappeared. A snuffling sound was heard, then a small cough brought forth a burst of flames that lit up the whole room. Ed briefly caught a glimpse of the dragon.

The dragon itself was enourmous, easily six times the height of Armstrong. When it was laying down. It was pure black, with grey spikes going from the top of its head to the tip of its tail. It had thick legs, and a long, twisting tail. Its neck wasn't too long, and its head was rectangular with bright white teeth. The claws were probably four inches long, and gleamed in the flames until the fire winked out. Ed could only describe the dragon as 'mysterious'. Elda seemed satisfied as she snapped her fingers, and a safe door was suddenly illuminated by a glowing orb in the middle of the room.

"The dragon has recognized you as Hohenheim's son. You may pass," Elda said quietly, backing away. Ed gulped, suddenly apprehensive of going over there with a dragon on the loose, but as he walked towards the vault, the dragon simply watched with glowing yellow eyes. Ed stopped in front of the vault, staring at the many locks and strange mechanisms sealing it closed.

"Use your Alchemy, child," Elda called. Ed nodded to himself, clapping his palms together and lightly pressing his fingertips to the door. Blue lightning instantly sprang to life, zipping up the door and lighting up what looked like a Transmutation Circle before flashing red and fading completely. The door slowly swung inwards, and Ed hesitantly leaned forward to peer inside.

Gold, silver, and bronze coins were piled high in the corners, leaving a space in the middle large enough for him to step in and turn around comfortably. There had to be thousands of coins, and most were golden.

"Grab as much as you can, sir," Elda called. "Elda will give you a special magical money pouch." She tossed a small coin purse as far as she could towards him, and Ed reluctantly stepped out of the golden room to pick it up. He examined the small red pouch, which fit neatly in his palm, then shrugged and walked back to the money-filled room. He grabbed a handful of coins, dropping them inside the pouch. Surprisingly, they fit no problem. He experimentally poured another handful inside, and they, too, fit perfectly fine. He grinned, now getting what Elda meant by 'special' and 'magical'. He grabbed as much as he thought he might need, then tossed it all into the purse and walked back out. The vault door closed automatically behind him.

'I guess you expect me to thank you now, old man. And I guess you have my gratitude for this, and this only.'

"Did you get all you wanted?" Elda asked, smiling. Ed nodded, a grin forming on his own face.

"Yep. Let's go back now."

---

As Ed was leaving, he waved to Elda happily.

"Bye, Elda! Thanks for everything!" he called, getting a few funny looks. He just kept smiling as he walked away, trying to spot any of the Weasleys in the crowd. But he couldn't spot a single redhead, and with a sigh, he recalled the place he was supposed to go to get a wand.

"Ollivander's it is, then," he muttered to himself, looking around and easily spying the shop. He jogged towards it. As he opened the door, a little bell jingled, alerting the shop owner of his appearance. A bespectacled, black-haired boy was already standing there, a measuring tape wrapped around his head. A thin old man was bustling about, pulling boxes off of the wall and looking inside, then haphazardly shoving them back, muttering "No, that won't do..." He glanced over at Ed, then gestured for the blond to take a seat. Ed awkwardly perched on the edge of a wooden stool. The other boy was staring at him with a small smile.

"You going to Hogwarts, too?" he asked. Ed nodded.

"I just traveled halfway around the world just to attend this stupid magic school," he grumbled. The other boy's smile widened.

"So you're a foreigner. I thought you had an accent. The name's Harry. Harry Potter."

"Edward Elric," Ed automatically replied, warming to the boy already. Harry seemed to be waiting for something, staring at Ed expectantly. Ed raised an eyebrow.

"What? Do you want an autograph?" he snorted. Harry blinked.

"You don't care?" he said, then suddenly smacked his forehead, making the tape measurer slip a little. "Of course. You're a foreigner. Never mind, then." Ed stared for a few seconds at Harry's obviously relieved smile, then shrugged.

"O-kay..."

"Here, try this one." The old man's voice made Ed jump. He nearly forgot about the man. The man was holding out a box to Harry with a polished twig in it. Harry lifted it out wearily, telling Ed that this wasn't the first time. Ollivander suddenly pulled the tape measurer off of Harry's head and stuffed it into one of his pockets. He then nodded at Harry, who had the wand outstretched. Harry waved it a little, accidentally pointing it in Ed's direction as a small stream of fire exploded from the tip. Ed automatically jerked his head to the side, and the flame passed harmlessly by his head and fizzled out. Ed wobbled on the stool for a second, before both him and the stool toppled to the ground.

"Sorry! I'm sorry!" Harry shouted, tossing the wand back to Ollivander and rushing over to help Ed back up. But Ed ignored his outstretched hand and pulled himself to his feet, setting the stool on it's legs and sitting on it again. He gave a small scowl in Harry's direction.

"Try to not kill me before I even get to Hogwarts," he sighed, pulling up his legs and sitting cross-legged on the stool. Harry had to wonder how he didn't tip back over.

"I have another wand, Potter!" Ollivanger cried shrilly. Harry gave Ed one last uncertain glance, then walked back over and picked up the next wand. He waved it slightly, careful to not point it near Ed at all. A stream of glittering, crimson sparks poured out of the end of the wand, and Ollivander's eyes glittered happily.

"Nice wand, that is. Eleven inches long, holly, and with a phoenix feather core. Nice and supple, too. Though why it chose you is baffling..." Ollivander seemed to talk with himself as he took the wand back, placing it into it's box and handing Harry the whole package. He didn't bother to elaborate on his comment. "That'll be seven Galleons, Potter." Harry nodded, putting the box under his arm and fishing out seven gold coins. He handed them to Ollivander, then walked out with a weak wave in Ed's direction. He walked right over to an enormous man, who handed him something before hurrying away. Ed stood up and walked over to Ollivander, slightly grinning.

"Hello," he said. Ollivander wasn't much of a smiler.

"Hello. Edward Elric, was it? Alright, let me just take your measurements..."

After a series of strange measurements, including the distance between his nostrils, Ollivander finally bustled over to the wall filled with boxes upon boxes of wands. He pulled out what seemed like a random box, then opened it up and held it out to Ed.

"Sycamore wood, twelve inches, with a Thestral tail hair core... Go on, give it a wave." Ed hesitantly gave the wand a wiggle, then nearly fell backwards as the wand literally exploded, flames bursting from the bottom and the top and nearly singeing his fingers. Ollivander snatched the wand from his fingers. He muttered something to himself as he pulled out yet another box, offering the wand to Ed again.

"Pear wood, thirteen inches, with a unicorn hair for the core." Ed gingerly picked up the fragile wand, then barely even moved it before it made a sound like a gunshot, jerking in his hand. Ollivander dropped the wand back in it's box with a short laugh.

"Picky, aren't you?" he told Ed, a humorous twinkle in his eyes. Ed scowled. Ollivander practically threw the box back, then grabbed another box and held it out to Ed. "Ten inches, yew, phoenix feather for a core." Ed sighed as he picked up the light, thin piece of wood, then paused as he felt like he was being flooded with warmth. Ollivanger watched him expectantly as he waved it slightly, and instantly a shower of rainbow sparks burst from the end, spiraling around him for a second before winking out of sight. Ollivanger seemed pleased as he placed the wand back in it's box and handed it to Ed.

"Phoenix core it is. Very interesting... Very curious... That'll be seven Galleons," he said. Ed had already learned to not comment on Ollivander's strange muttering. He dug seven gold coins out of his money pouch, then dropped them into Ollivander's hand.

"Thank you," he said politely. Ollivander nodded, waving him away and turning to the next customer. Ed grinned, shifting the box so he held it under his arm. He walked out of the store, and was instantly met with a head of flaming red hair.

"Ed! There you are!" Ron gasped, grabbing Ed's arm and dragging him off. "Mum was really worried about you!" Ed blinked.

"She was?" He got a slightly warm feeling when he heard somebody was worried about an idiot like him.

"Yes! She said she saw you leave Gringotts, but you walked away before she could catch you!" Ron said breathlessly. The rest of the Weasley family came into view. Ginny was holding a pewter cauldron, struggling under it's weight. Ed realized that it was filled with books. As Ron approached, he took the cauldron from his sister's hands.

"I found him, Mum. He was at Ollivander's," he said proudly. Mrs. Weasley took one look at Ed and rushed over to him.

"Edward, dear, you really should've tried to find us before you went and got yourself a wand!" she fretted, grasping his face in her hands and making sure he didn't have any random injuries.

"I'm fine, Mrs. Weasley," Ed mumbled, trying to pull away. "I'm old enough to explore by myself." He smiled at her, and instead of the calming affect he thought it would have, Mrs. Weasley huffed with anger.

"You are not old enough to wander around on your own! You are only eleven, young man. Not even close to being old enough!" She turned away, leaving Ed slightly pink in the face.

"Alright, Arthur, you take Ed to buy his books and uniform. I'll take the others to Flourish and Blotts. Fred and George need their books." Mrs. Weasley didn't leave room for argument as she started herding the family towards the said store, leaving Arthur and Ed standing in the middle of the street. The two glanced at each other awkwardly.

"So... Do they have magic where you're from?" Arthur asked as they headed for the cauldron shop.

"No. We have other stuff," Ed said vaguely.

"Stuff like what?" Arthur pressed.

"Like mechanics," Ed elaborated. Arthur's eyes glittered.

"Ah, what kind of mechanics do they make there? Perhaps cars?"

"Not really," Ed mumbled, getting slightly uncomfortable with where this topic was going. "More like... well, mechanical limbs. Like arms and legs and stuff." Arthur looked shocked.

"Well, whatever for?" he cried, drawing a little bit of attention.

"For people who don't have any," Ed grumbled, wishing that he could see the shop already. Luck seemed to be on his side as the cauldron shop appeared in his view. "There's the shop." He pointed to it, diverting Arthur's attention. For now.

---

The redhead family - and Ed - all gathered again in front of the Bank. Everybody had their arms full of books, robes, and cauldrons, except for Ginny, who was still too young to go to Hogwarts.

"Everybody alright now?" Mrs. Weasley said breathlessly, lugging an armful of books. She recieved many nods in answer. Ed had been extremely reluctant to leave Flourish and Blotts, but he reluctantly parted with the endless shelves of magical books after Arthur told him Hogwarts had a library as big as the store. He slumped along behind the Weasleys as they bustled back to the car, somehow managing to fit everything in the trunk of the car before climbing in themselves. Ed sat by the window, and he watched the scenery speed by as they drove back to the Burrow.

He found himself wondering what Al and Winry were doing right now. He was so homesick, he even found himself wishing he could see Roy's face for just a second to reassure himself that they hadn't all disappeared while he was gone. Somehow, Mr. Weasley had convinced him to buy a tiny, pitch-black owl with bright blue eyes. The cage was resting on Ed's lap, and he found himself wondering if the owl could manage to find Al or Winry so he could write to them. The owl's eyes seemed to burn holes into Ed's face as he stared.

"Alright there, Eddie?" George whispered next to him, grinning. "You're not nervous already, are you?"

"Of course not," Ed scoffed. "I'm just thinking, is all."

"Suuure." Fred grinned, leaning over from his seat in the middle. Ron and Percy were to busy arguing about something or another to notice. "Probably thinking about a girl back home, huh?" Ed's face turned slightly pink.

"No, I'm thinking about my brother," he said brusquely. "He wasn't invited, so he had to stay home all by himself." The twins' faces fell.

"Ah, that must've been a hard move, eh, mate?" George sighed, clapping him on the back. "It must royally suck to live halfway across the world."

"It's a royal pain in the ass," Ed grunted, poking his finger into the owl's cage. He promptly got a sharp-beaked nip, making him draw back. Luckily, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley weren't paying attention and didn't berate him on his language. The twins snickered.

"I'd like to live somewhere else - anywhere'd be nicer than here," Fred said.

"Same here," George agreed. Ed gave a small scowl.

"Doubt it. The only scenery back where I live is a bunch of apartment buildings and dirt."

---

The days seemed to slip through Ed's fingers like sand. It felt like it had only been minutes since he got his wand and everything else, and yet here he was travelling to King's Cross Statioin to board the train to Hogwarts. He could hardly contain his growing excitement - and strange feeling of dread. For some reason, there was a sick feeling in his gut that warned him that his year at Hogwarts wasn't going to be all sunshine and rainbows. None of the Weasleys seemed to feel the same way, as they were all animatedly talking amongst themselves. They were back in the car again, as if Ed hadn't had enough experience with cars for the last few days. He decided to look out the window, because he had nothing better to do anyways except stare at the owl in his lap.

"So, Ed," Ron unexpectedly called. "Back at your hometown, did you have any family?"

"Not really. It was just me and my little brother," Ed answered softly.

"What's his name?" Percy asked curiously.

"Alphonse."

"That's a mouthful to say," Fred commented. "Al-phonse. Alphonse. Aly-Al."

"Alfred," George suggested.

"Arnold."

"Alex."

"Albus."

"Alright, you don't have to make fun of it," Ed chuckled, reminded of when his mother first told him Al's name. He, too, had thought it was difficult to pronounce, so he called his little brother Al instead. And the nickname stuck.

"What about you parents?" Ron asked innocently. Ed's face instantly fell into a scowl.

"I'd rather not talk about it," he muttered bitterly.

"Ah, we're here!" Mr. Weasley said awkwardly, sensing the tension in the back seat. The car lurched to a stop (Ed banged his head on the window, silently cursing at how much his poor head was being abused these days) and everyone poured out. Ed grabbed his owl's cage. He hadn't thought of what to name the little thing, though Fred and George had given many suggestions. But Ed was sure he didn't want an owl named Ton-Ton.

"Alright, hurry up. We have fifteen minutes," Mrs. Weasley said breathlessly, pulling out one of the trunks. Fred kindly took it from her hands. Ed carefully grabbed his own trunk, making sure that he didn't accidentally leave anything out. His suitcase was buried into the trunk that Arthur had forced him to buy because the suitcase couldn't hold everything. Ed was relieved as Mrs. Weasley went and got them all trolleys to roll their trunks around on. He wasn't too keen on having to lug around the big wooden thing.

As they pushed their trolleys into the station, Ed glanced around. It was much like the station back in Amestris, except this one had a lot more people that looked like they were in a hurry and wanted you to just get out of their way. He followed behind the Weasleys as they headed for the barrier between Platform Nine and Platform Ten. Mrs. Weasley showed him how he was supposed to go through the barrier to make it to Platorm Nine and Three Quarters. He made it through the barrier no problem - but convincing him to ride a train for another bazillion hours was another story.

Eventually, Ron convinced Ed to climb aboard the train and go to the very back, where nobody ever went. Ed put his owl's cage on the luggage compartment, along with his suitcase. Most of the other train cars were already full, and Ed spotted Percy already wearing his flowing school robes with a shiny red badge, striding self-importantly to the nearly empty front cars. Ron was caught by Mrs. Weasley before he could enter the train, and his mother posssibly took a few layers of skin off of his nose as she tried to rub away a little black speck. He grinned as he watched Ginny try to keep in her sobs as she hugged her brothers goodbye. Fred and George seemed to find this amusing.

"Don't worry, we'll be back before you know it," George said with a mischevious smile.

"If I get one letter saying you've blown up a toilet, or something like that...!" Mrs. Weasley threatened menacingly.

"We've done nothing of the sort! Thanks for the idea, Mum!" Fred chuckled.

"You two!" Mrs. Weasley hugged them both, then shoved them towards the train. "Look after Ron for me."

"Aww, Ronniekins needs somebody to watch over him," George cooed, grinning wickedly.

"Ah, shut up," Ron growled. The twins both snickered, then galloped away to find their own seats. The train lurched to a start, and Ed could hear Fred and George promising to send Ginny a toilet seat while they were gone. Ed pulled away from the window as he heard somebody enter the car him and Ron were sharing. It was Harry, the boy Ed had met at Ollivander's.

"Hello again, Harry," he said with a grin. Harry nodded awkwardly, placing an owl cage into an empty seat.

"Nice to see you again, Ed," he replied. Ron suddenly bolted upright in his seat as Harry brushed his bangs out of his eyes.

"Wait, are you-! The Harry Potter?" Ron gasped, looking very much like a freckled fish out of water. Harry shrugged, sitting in the seat on the opposite side of the car.

"I guess you could say that. And you are?"

"Ron. Ron Weasley." Ron looked like he would faint when Harry shook his hand. Ed merely made a face and looked out the window.

"This is going to be a boring Hell of a ride," he grumbled.

"Well-" Ron started, but cut off as the car door slid open once again and a kind-looking, plump lady pushing a cart of treats walked in.

"Anything I could get you?" she asked, smiling. Ed and Harry simultaneously jumped out of their seats and walked over. Ron mumbled something about sandwiches before slumping in his seat. Ed didn't know what the heck a Pumpkin Pastry was, but it looked good, so he bought a few of them. And by the time him and Harry were finished, the lady's cart must have been a lot lighter as she left. Ed dumped all the goodies into an empty seat, then picked something up off of the top. It was a box of Bott's Every Flavour Beans. He popped open the top as he sat back in his seat. Ron ogled at the amount of snacks Harry and him bought.

"You two must be rich or something," he awed. "I wouldn't be able to afford a single Chocolate Frog..." Ed suddenly held out his hand, which held a Chocolate Frog. Ron started to decline, but Ed insisted.

"Do you really think I could eat all of this by myself?" he said, waving his hand at the mountain of treats beside him. Ron paused, then shrugged, taking the frog.

"I guess I could take a few..." he muttered, peeling open the wrapper. The sandwiches he had brought along were tossed out the window by a snickering Ed. He grinned as he picked up a green-colored jelly bean. He stared at it for a second.

"I wonder what flavor this would be," he mused.

"Ah, don't trust the green ones. Those ones are usually terrible. Last time I got a grass-flavored one. Those haven't been the same to me since." Ed put the bean back in the box.

"Really?" Harry put in. "I haven't had any before." He grabbed his own box of Bott's Beans, then opened it up and picked out one. It was a light brown color, almost the same color as coffee with too much milk in it. He popped it into his mouth, then instantly spat it back out onto the floor. "Yuck! What was that?"

"Probably dead skin," Ron said seriously, biting the head off of his Chocolate Frog and examining the pentagonal card. Ed recognized the card as the same ones Ron and Bill had been trading when he first saw them. He put the box of jelly beans to the side and picked up another Chocolate Frog. He opened it up, then, nibbling the dark chocolate, looked at the card. It was flat, but the picture inside looked comepletely 3D. He turned the card over in his hands, looking for a hint of an optical illusion, but found no hints and dismissed it as magic. He flipped the card to the back.

"Huh. I got somebody called Voldemort," he said casually, reading the description. Ron suddenly started choking on his frog, while Harry's eyes widened. Ed raised an eyebrow as Harry snatched the card from his fingers.

"I can't believe it!" Harry exclaimed. "They have my name on it, too!" Ed quickly took the card back and read it over himself.

'Voldemort, or He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, or You-Know-Who, was the most powerful dark wizard ever known. He believed in an only pure-blooded wizarding community, and gathered an army of pure-blooded wizards and witches who had the same ambition as him. He targeted mainly half-bloods, but he also went after magical folk that did not agree to his ideas. One such family was the Potters. Both Lily and James Potter, husband and wife, were killed. But their son, Harry Potter, lived on and utterly defeated the dark wizard when he was still only a baby.'

Ed whistled lowly.

"So that's why you were surprised I didn't know your name," he said, glancing at Harry. He flipped the card to the front. A white-skinned, pale-eyed thing stared back at him. It had no nose - only two slits. It was completely bald, and reminded Ed of a snake. "A snake chimera?" he muttered to himself.

"You can't tell me you've never heard of You-Know-Who!" Ron spluttered, finally swallowing the chocolate stuck in his throat. Ed stared levelly at him.

"I've been halfway across the world, where there is absolutely no such thing as magic shit," he deadpanned. "Do you really think I would hear about some snake guy called Moldyshorts?" Harry snorted with laughter, while Ron paled. But before anybody could say anything, once again, the compartment door slid open. A round-faced, dark haired boy was standing there, sniffling back tears.

"Have you seen my toad?" he croaked. Ed opened his mouth to say he hadn't, but cut off when something wet and slimy suddenly fell onto his head. Ron and Harry both turned to him when he made a very undignified noise, the thing sliding over his eyes. Both of his so-called friends stifled laughter as Ed peeled the thing off his face. It was a toad.

"Trevor!" the round-faced boy said happily, holding out his hands. Ed unceremoniously dropped the thing into the boy's hands, more preoccupied with the slime dripping down his face. Ron and Harry couldn't hold their laughter in any longer as he wiped his hand over his eyes, growling darkly. Only a few seconds later, a girl with bushy brown hair barged into the car.

"Neville said thank you for finding his toad," she said. Her tone was bossy, and Ed noticed her slightly large front teeth when she spoke.

"Tell 'Neville' to keep his slimy frog away from me," Ed hissed, flicking slime off of his gloved fingers. The girl glanced at him, then noticed the gunk on his face.

"Here, this might help," she said, pulling out a handkerchief and handing it over. Ed thanked her quickly and wiped his face. The slime felt too much like blood for his liking. Harry and Ron were still snickering, opening a couple packages of Pumpkin Pastries. "I'm Hermione Granger, by the way," the girl suddenly said, holding out her hand. Ed awkwardly shook it, trying to not let her notice the stiffness of his automail.

"Edward Elric."

"And who are you two?" Hermione demanded, turning to the other two boys in the car.

"Ron Weasley," Ron said instantly, stuffing a pastry in his mouth.

"Harry Potter," Harry said, a bit more reluctantly. Hermione's eyes widened.

"Oh, you're the Harry Potter? I had no idea! I'm Hermione Granger, by the way - I had Muggle parents, so I'm obviously a Muggle-born-" She was talking very fast, and Ed noted that she was rambling, probably not knowing what she herself was saying. Ed slowly reached over and grabbed his still-opened box of Bott's Beans, and popped a white one into his mouth. He instantly spat it back out, and it landed on the floor, right next to the one Harry had spat out. Hermione looked shocked as she stopped talking, as if thinking he tried to hit her with it. But Ed ignored her, quickly sticking a yellow one in his mouth to rid his mouth of the foul taste of the white bean. Luckily, the new one was banana.

"What was so disgusting that you had to spit it at me?" Hermione said, frowning.

"Milk," Ed replied bitterly, glaring at the white speck on the floor. Hermione blinked, but didn't press.

"You should probably put your school robes on - we're nearly there," she advised, turning and leaving the cart without a 'goodbye'.

"Well, she was pleasant," Ron said sarcastically. Ed snorted slightly.

"Sure was. Hey, what's Quidditch?" He held up a Wizard Card, and a picture of somebody called Viktor Krum was riding a broom.

"Ah, you don't know Quidditch? Well..." Ron went off to explain the whole game, with much arm-waving and even imitating riding a broom. He had just started explaining about the Seeker when the compartment door slid open again. This time, it wasn't Hermione or Neville. It was a pale-faced boy with white-blond hair slicked back, making him look like some kind of rat with his pointy face. He was staring at Harry with a spark of interest. Two thick-set boys stood behind him like bodyguards.

"So, is it true? People are saying Harry Potter is in here, and it can't be him-" he pointed at Ron, "-or the pipsqueak. So it has to be-"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A PIPSQUEAK?!" Ed roared, throwing an unwrapped Chocolate Frog straight at the pale boy's face. The boy didn't react in time, and the frog landed on his face and stuck. The boy peeled the frog off with a face of disgust, then glared at Ed for a second before breaking into a sleazy smile.

"Oh, sorry, didn't see you there," he said tauntingly. Ed fumed, standing up, but Ron grabbed his arm and pulled him back into his seat. The boy snorted, then turned back to Harry. "So is it true? Are you Harry Potter?" Harry nodded, looking like he'd rather be anywhere else. The boy smirked. "Well, I'm Malfoy. Draco Malfoy. And you better watch yourself, Potter. We wouldn't want you making friends with the wrong type of wizard." He glanced at Ed and Ron meaningfully.

"I can decide for myself what the wrong type of wizard is," Harry said coolly. Draco seemed shocked, but quickly put a sneer on his face.

"Well, look out for me, then, Potter," he said snidely, turning and walking out of the compartment. The burly boys trailed behind him. Ed glanced at he other two in the cart, and with a sigh, grabbed his school robes out of his trunk.

"Would you two mind looking away?" he asked, staring at them threateningly.

"No, we wouldn't mind at all," Ron said quickly, sliding out of his seat and into the one behind it. Him and Harry turned away, and started talking in hushed voices, obviously gossiping about Draco. Ed quickly slipped off his shirt, then yanked the heavy black cloth over his head. It fit neatly on his automail, and he was grateful to Madam Malkin for not commenting on his metal limbs when she made him the robes. (Though he had gone on a rather loud rant when she called him small for his age.) After the robe was settled nicely on his frame, he told Harry and Ron they were safe now. Ron and Harry quickly turned and changed into their own robes. Ed noticed that they both were thin, and didn't have any muscle at all. He almost laughed when Ron tried to brag that he was stronger than Harry, and the two wizards got into a small argument over who was stronger. Ed didn't join in, because he knew he could squash them both flat if they tried to bring him into it. The train slowly screeched to a halt, and Ed heard the speakers crackle.

"Well, we're here now," Harry said, pushing away from Ron. The speaker advised them to leave their luggage on the train, which Ed did so happily. He didn't want to carry around a box that was as heavy as him. The three hurried to get off of the train, and when they stepped off, Ed instantly regretted it. It was dark, cold, and he couldn't see anything over the mass of kids scrambling to get to the teachers.

"Firs' years! Firs' years, o'er here!" a giant of a man called, his face practically hidden behind wild tangles of bushy black hair. "Alright there, Harry?" The giant winked at the black-haired boy, who smiled back in return. Ed recognized him from outside Ollivander's shop. "Alright, into the boats!" the giant called. Ed frowned when he caught sight of the said boats. He didn't trust the things to safely make it across the lake."Four ter a boat! No pushin'!" The giant carefully guided the students into the boats. Harry, Ron, and Ed all shared a boat. The giant came and plopped Hermione in with them, then climbed into his own boat. "Forward!" The boats started across the water by themselves, and the glassy water was broken by the ripple of the boats.

"Duck yer heads!" Ed didn't have to - the ivy went right above his head. Once the vines were out of the way, the first-years caught their first glimpse of Hogwarts. Ed could only describe it as a castle, with its giant, towering walls and torches. The boats bumped gently onto the harbor, and the giant started to help everyone out. When he got to Ed's boat, he simply lifted Ed out like he was a little child. Ed didn't appreciate that much, but didn't comment. After all, the giant was nearly three times as tall as him. He followed the rest of the first-years to the castle, and the giant knocked three times on the door. It was quickly opened by a stern-looking woman with black hair and rectangular glasses. She eyed the first-years with what Ed hoped was a warm gaze.

"I brought the firs' years," the giant said proudly.

"Yes, well done, Hagrid," the woman said briskly. "Come along, children." The first-years pushed into the castle, thankful to be out of the cold. They climbed a set of stairs, then entered a room they all barely fit into. They probably only fit because they were standing closer together than usual. There was a small hush, then a dozen pearly-white figures drifted through the wall. A couple of people screamed. The ghosts - Ed was sure that's what they were - were talking in clipped, angered sentences. He caught something about someone named Peeves, but the conversation died when they spotted the first-years. Ed could now hear the drone of many voices past the wall, and realized that he would probably have an audience. He had been separated from Harry, Ron, and Hermione at some point, and he was stuck between a tall, blond-haired boy and a thick-set girl with black hair.

"I say, what are you all doing there?" one ghost said.

"Ooh, first-years!" another ghost cheered. The ghosts started to talk again, but this time they were addressing the shell-chocked children beneath them. That is, until the black-haired lady came back.

"Alright, get going, now!" she ordered, and the ghosts drifted away reluctantly. The lady led them through a doorway in single file, and every student was suddenly looking aroud with wonder. Ed was jostled into the back of the line, and all he could see was the night sky above him. But he could hear Ron and Harry gasp in wonder at whatever they were seeing. He heard a sudden hush over the supposed audience, and the clank of a stool being set on the floor. There was a pause, then something with a scratchy voice started to sing.

'Oh you may not think I'm pretty,
But don't judge on what you see,
I'll eat myself if you can find
A smarter hat than me.

You can keep your bowlers black,
Your top hats sleek and tall,
For I'm the Hogwarts Sorting Hat
And I can cap them all.

There's nothing hidden in your head
The Sorting Hat can't see,
So try me on and I will tell you
Where you ought to be.

You might belong in Gryffindor,
Where dwell the brave at heart,
Their daring, nerve, and chivalry
Set Gryffindors apart;

You might belong in Hufflepuff,
Where they are just and loyal,
Those patient Hufflepuffs are true
And unafraid of toil;

Or yet in wise old Ravenclaw,
if you've a ready mind,
Where those of wit and learning,
Will always find their kind;

Or perhaps in Slytherin
You'll make your real friends,
Those cunning folks use any means
To achieve their ends.

So put me on! Don't be afraid!
And don't get in a flap!
You're in safe hands (though I have none)
For I'm a Thinking Cap!'

There was a smattering of applause, and Ed was sure that he caught a brief glimpse of a hat sitting on a stool, bent over like it was bowing. The lady started shushing everybody, though, and eventually the crowd was once again silenced. There was a rustle of parchment, and the woman cleared her throat.

"When I call your name, you will put on the hat and sit on the stool to be sorted. Abbott, Hannah!" she called. A pink-faced girl with pigtails stumbled out of the line and towards the stool. The hat slid over her eyes as she sat on the stool, and after a moment-

"HUFFLEPUFF!"

The table on the right cheered, and the girl shakily stood and handed the hat back before running off to the table. Ed blocked out the rest of the Sorting, until it was "Granger, Hermione"s turn. She was sorted into Gryffindor, which seemed like the best out of all of them so far. Draco was sorted into Slytherin, Ed noted. When Harry was called, it seemed like somebody had set a hissing fire in the room because of all the whispers. As Harry was placed in Gryffindor, it seemed like a bomb went off with all the loud Gryffindor cheers. All of his friends, including Neville, were sorted into Gryffindor. After a while, Ed realized that they had skipped him. They were going alphabetically. He should've been called before Hermione and Harry and Ron and Neville. Hermione seemed to notice, because she glanced anxiously at Ed. After the last one was sorted ("Zabini, Blaise" became a Slytherin) Ed was left standing alone in the middle of the hall. There were a few murmurs as Professor McGonagall, as Ed learned she was called, cleared her throat again.

"Elric, Edward," she said loudly. Ed took stiff, small steps as he approached, The crowd seemed to notice that he was called out of line, as whispers started to fly. He climbed onto the stool, and Professor McGonagall placed the hat on his head. The last thing Ed saw was all the faces turned towards him, practically glowing in the light. The hat slid over his eyes, and he had to hold it up with his hands so it wouldn't cover his whole face.

"Hmm... Very interesting... Another tricky one, I see..." he heard whispered into his ear. He jumped, instabntly recognizing the hat as a soul-bound object. "Right you are, boy. Hmm, intersting... an Alchemist, I see... Haven't had one of those for a good couple of centuries. And a smart one, at that... Where shall I put you, hmm? Perhaps Hufflepuff because of your loyalty? Or Ravenclaw for your brains? Slytherin because of your determination and cunning? Or Gryffindor for your bravery? Hmm, what a puzzle..."

"Don't put me in Slytherin," Ed murmured, remembering Malfoy. He wasn't shocked that the hat could read his mind - how else could it sort everyone so perfectly?

"Not Slytherin, eh? A pity, you'd do well there... What a waste. Well then, how about Ravenclaw?" the hat suggested.

"No."

"Hufflepuff?"

"That sounds dumb," Ed muttered with a grin. The hat chuckled.

"Well then, better be GRYFFINDOR!" The Gryffindor table erupted into cheers as Ed stood, took off the hat, and ran over to his new house with a wide smile. Harry was grinning, and Ron was laughing aloud.

"I knew you would be in Gryffindor!" Fred shouted.

"I thought so, too!" George added. Percy was grinning widely as he gestured for Ed to sit down. Dumbledore stood up from where he was seated at the High Table - Ed only just now noticed him there. The talking went silent as he spread his arms out, smiling widely and happily.

"Welcome," he said. "Welcome to a new year at Hogwarts! Before we begin our banquet, I would like to say a few words. And here they are: Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak! Thank you!" He sat back down, and a roar of applause and cheering rose from every table.

"Is he... a bit mad?" Harry asked uncertainly.

"Mad?" gasped Percy. "He's a genius! Best wizard in the world! But yes, he is a bit mad. Potatoes, Harry?" All of the first-years gasped when they realized the empty dishes were suddenly filled with food, All kinds of delicacies and courses were just there, waiting for Ed to scarf it all down - big slabs of steak, baked potatoes, tubs of butter, gravy boats with eight different kinds of gravy (Ed didn't even know there was that many kinds of gravy) and giant pots of soup. He reached out and scooped a big glob of mashed potatoes onto his plate, not caring where the food came from, or that Harry had just been reaching for the potatoes. As long as he could eat it, he didn't care. His stomach was growling.

"That does look good," he heard a ghost sigh. Harry glanced up from where he was cutting up his steak.

"Can't you-?"

"I haven't eaten for nearly five hundred years," said the ghost.

"That must really suck," Ed said seriously. The ghost glanced at him, as if just now noticing that he was sitting beside Harry.

"I don't need to eat, though," he pointed out. "I don't believe I've introduced myself. Sir Nicholas de Mimsy-Porpington at your service. Resident ghost of Gryffindor Tower."

"I know who you are!" Ron said suddenly. "My brothers told me about you! You're Nearly Headless Nick!"

"I would prefer you to call me Sir Nicholas de Mimsy-"

"Why nearly headless?" Ed interrupted, grabbing an empty goblet and peering inside. He looked irritated that there wasn't anything inside it. Nicholas also looked irritated, but for a very different reason.

"Because of this," he said. He reached up and pulled on his left ear, and his head flopped onto his shoulder. Ed grinned, thinking it was pretty cool, but the other kids looked like they'd be sick. Some even pushed their plates away. Nick pushed his head back onto his neck, and, glancing at Ed with his own smile, turned to the other first-years. "So, new Gryffindors! I hope you'll help us win the House Cup this year. Gryffindor has never gone so long without winning. Slytherin's won the cup for the past six years already - the Bloody Baron's getting to be almost unbearable! He's the Slytherin ghost."

Harry, Ed, and Ron all glanced at the Slytherin table. There was indeed a ghost, with a gaunt face and splashes of silvery-blue blood. He was next to Draco, the three boys noticed with amusement. Draco didn't look happy with the seating arrangements at all. They looked away when a boy named Seamus Finnigan started asking them about their families. Ed just said he didn't remember his parents and left it at that. He didn't really listen to the coversations, but he looked around at the other tables. He found out that each house had its own colors - the Gryffindor colors were scarlet and gold, he noted with approval.

After another while of eating, when everyone seemed satisfied, the remaining food faded from the plates. Then desserts appeared; ice cream of so many flavors, cakes, Jell-O, and - Ed noticed with glee - apple pie. He grabbed the biggest slice he could, then put a scoop of vanilla ice cream on top. He grinned, muttered 'Thank you for the food!', and dug in.

That was only the first of many slices to become a victim to Ed's big appetite.

After everyone was satisfied, the desserts, too, disappeared. Dumbledore stood once more, and a hush came over the students.

"Ahem - just a few more words now that we are all fed and watered. I have a few start-of-term notices to give you. First-years should note that the forest on the grounds is forbidden to all pupils. And a few of our older students would do well to remember that as well." Ed could've sworn he glanced at Fred and George as he said that.

"I have also been asked by Mr. Filch, the caretaker, to remind you all that no magic should be used between classes in the corridors. Quidditch trials will be held in the second week of the term. Anyone interested in playing for their house teams should contact Madam Hooch. And finally, I must tell you that this year, the third-floor corridor on the right-hand side is out of bounds to everyone who does not wish to die a very painful death." Ed and Harry snickered. They were two of the few that did.

"Is he serious?" Ed whispered to Percy, smile dropping.

"Must be," said Percy, frowning at Dumbledore. "It's odd, because he usually gives us a reason why we're not allowed to go somewhere - the forest's full of dangerous beasts, everyone knows that. I do think he might have told us prefects, at least."

"And now, before we go to bed, let us sing the school song!" Dumbledore smiled wide, but the other teachers looked like their smiles were made of cardboard. Dumbledore flicked his wand, and a golden ribbon shot out of the end and twisted to form words in midair. "Now, pick your favorite tune, and let's be off!"

And so they sung.

'Hogwarts, Hogwarts, Hoggy Warty Hogwarts,
Teach us something please,
Whether we be old and bald,
Or young with scabby knees,
Our heads could do with filling,
With some interesting stuff,
For now they're bare and full of air,
Dead flies and bits of fluff,
So teach us things worth knowing,
Bring back what we've forgot,
Just do your best, we'll do the rest,
And learn until our brains all rot.'

Ed laughed when he was finished singing to the tune of the Amestrian army theme. Fred and George were the last ones to sing - they were singing in a slow funeral march that Ed didn't recognize. Dumbledore conducted their last lines with his wand, and was the one to clap the loudest when they were finished. He wiped his eyes, to Ed's confusion.

"Ah, music! Magic beyond all we do here! Now, bedtime. Off you trot!"

The first-years sorted into Gryffindor sleepily followed Percy through the crowds, out the Great Hall, and up a marble staircase. Ed, who wasn't tired in the slightest, looked around with wonder at the moving and talking pictures. He was fascinated by the hidden doors and moving staircases. They had just started walking down a hallway when Percy suddenly stopped them. There were floating walking sticks in front of them. As the prefect took a step forward, they started to throw themselves at him.

"Peeves the poltergeist," he whispered, blocking with his arms, then raised his voice. "Peeves, do you want me to go get the Bloody Baron?" There was a rude noise. "Peeves! I'm serious!"

There was a noise like a whip crack, and a little man with a wide grin and beady little eyes appeared, sitting cross-legged in mid-air. He was holding the walking sticks.

"Ooooh! Ickle Firsties! What fun!" he cackled, then suddenly swooped at them. They all ducked, except Ed. He didn't have to bother.

"Go, Peeves! Or the Baron'll hear about this!" Percy threatened. Peeves stuck his tongue out childishly, then vanished. The walking sticks fell onto Ed's head, and, cursing under his breath, Ed kicked them to the side. Peeves flew down the hall, still invisible, rattling suits of armor. Ed was briefly reminded of Al.

"You'll want to keep an eye out for Peeves," Percy advised them. "The Bloody Baron's the only one that can control him. He won't even listen to us prefects. Ah, here we are." They stopped in front of a portrait of a very fat lady in a pink dress.

"Password?" she said.

"Caput Draconis," Percy said. The portrait swung open. Everyone climbed inside. Ed and Neville needed a boost to climb in. The Gryffindor common room was warm and cozy, with squashy armchairs and a big fireplace.

Percy directed the first-years to their dormitories - girls went through one door, boys went through the other. They climbed up a spiral staircase and into a circular room. Six four-poster beds were sitting there, each with a trunk at the foot of it. Too tired to say much, everyone but Ed changed into their pajamas and climbed into bed. Ron whispered something to Harry, then pushed his rat Scabbers off the bed. Everyone fell asleep nearly instantly. Ed waited until all their breathing was deep and even before changing himself. He sat on his bed, then pulled out his pocketwatch. He opened it up and reread the engraving. He smiled ruefully to himself, placing the watch on the bedside table and laying back on his bed. He pulled the blankets up over his head, then turned on his side and fell asleep quickly, strangely enough. That night marked the first night he had nightmares about a snake-like wizard with slits for a nose.

'Snake Chimera.'

---

Fun fact-

There are 76,944 words in Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone.

There are 15,374 words in this chapter.

*Whistles lowly at the word count*

Well, this plot bunny certainly wanted attention. Sorry for all the rehashing with Sorcerer's Stone and the lack of attention for Harry. My explanation/excuse is that I'm retelling the story with Ed in it, and we don't need a fanfiction that says exactly the same thing as the book. And if you think Ed is OOC, sorry! I'm not too good with making them act in-character...

Hope you enjoyed this! I'll update as soon as the next chapter is looked through, corrected, etc...

Please review! For every positive review, Ed grows an inch taller!

Ed: *Gasps*REALLY?! THEN YOU BETTER GET GOOD REVIEWS! (Which I doubt will happen because your writing is awful)

Me: Oi! *Crosses arms and pouts* I'm better than you!

Ed: *Splutters* How do YOU know?!

Me: *Shrugs* Eh. I dunno. You've never written a fanfiction before so...

Ed: I WILL WRITE ONE! YOU'LL SEE! IT'LL BE BETTER THAN ANY OF YOURS! *Runs off*

Me: *Sighs* Idiot...