When the door creaked open, Gilbert knew exactly who was slipping in. The scent of burned sugar crawled into his nose and confirmed his expectations. He didn't even have enough time to roll onto the right side of his bed when Break already let himself plop onto the sheets.
"Eeeevening ~", the older man whispered in his singsang voice, as he crawled closer to Gilbert, putting the blanket over both of them.
"Hey", Gilbert just replied as he felt a small smile appearing on his lips.
He really loved those night visits Break sometimes gave him. The ones when they aren't in any rush, when they don't need the heat and the passion and the pleasure, but are just able to enjoy the presence of each other. And even if those were not the nights Gilbert preferred (in fact, the other ones were just more fun ~), somehow he got the feeling that he needed them nonetheless.
Because sometimes even someone so restless like Break needed the calm of a starlit night like this. And Gilbert was grateful that he'd become the one Break would approach with that need.
"It's funny", Break hummed and moved closer to Gilbert until his head rested on the spot where not so long ago Gilbert's left arm would have been.
Sometimes, in moments like this, the raven got the feeling that, when he lost his arm in order to sever the bond he shared with Glen Baskerville, he didn't lose anything in reality. He just created new space for other things to fit in.
"You know, Raven, sometimes I feel like I can't breath", Break continued. He mumbled the words softly against Gilbert's chest where they crept over his skin, leaving the sensation of something warm tickling him. "But when you are near me, that heaviness somehow lifts. As if you were helping me carry it." He paused, as if he was searching for the right things to say, and Gilbert could feel his own heart beat faster and faster with every breath he inhaled. "Being with you...sometimes I think that's enough", Break finally chuckled, leaving Gilbert breathless.
He has never...during their relationship so far...Break has never ever said something like this. The emotional part, the part where feelings were expressed, had always been up to Gilbert. He had always been the one to say 'I love you' while Break stood there and smiled at him with that foreign look on his face. And suddenly Gilbert knew what to answer.
"No", he said unusual calmly. "No, it's not enough."
And then the words just left his mouth as if they were only waiting for this moment to come.
"Even if I'd spent every moment from now on sleeping with you, or kissing you, or looking you in the eye", he hissed, his voice trembling with anger and loss of air. There was a sudden weight on his chest, something didn't feel right and Gilbert didn't know what exactly it was that made him shudder in fear. "Even if I could spent every blink of an eye for the rest of my life holding your hand, or just barely even touching you, or standing next to you, or just watching you from across the room, it would never be enough."
He didn't realize he was almost crying until his voice broke and a muted sob escaped his throat.
"And I hate you for it", he spitted. "I hate you for walking into my life, making me feel addicted to you, and then leaving me as if it has all been nothing but one of your stupid jokes!"
Break's petite fingers wiped away the tears and brushed his bangs aside as the Hatter leaned closer to him, only to give him a sweet kiss on the lips.
"I love you", was the only thing Break said.
It was the first time Gilbert heard it.
It was nearly enough.
When Gilbert woke up, he couldn't remember his dream. But depending on the unshed tears behind his eyelids, he mused it must have had something to do with Break.