Scorpion and Sub-Zero

In…

Mortal Komedy

In the middle of Shao Kahn's enormous coliseum in Outworld, the audience in attendance cheered wildly and tossed organs and body parts into the arena, eagerly awaiting the next brutal round of Mortal Kombat.

Shang Tsung, the bumbling sorcerer and Shao Kahn's personal suck-up, announced the matches with a microphone and hip sunglasses on.

"The next match will be between two warriors. In this corner, the fiery, vengeful ghost from the bowels of the scenic Netherrealm, you know him, you love, you can't live without him, ladies and gentlemen, give it up for...Scoooooooooorpioooooooon!"

Suddenly, a flaming portal tore through the fabric of space and time, and out of it marched Scorpion, blowing kisses to all his fans and giving them the thumbs-up.

The crowd went ballistic. Some of them waved foam fingers saying, "Scorpion's # 1" over their heads.

Others raised signs saying, "We 'heart' U, Scorpion!"

And a few of them had their iPhones out, filming and taking photos of Scorpion through their built-in cameras, ready to upload it onto Facebook as soon as they went home.

"And in this corner..." Shang Tsung, Shao Kahn, and all the people of Outworld shifted their attention to the right. "A member of the cold-blooded clan of assassins known as the Lin Kuei, and with the power to manipulate and control ice, and most definitely a home-town favorite, ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for…Sub-Zeeeeeerooooooooooooooooooo!"

An icy wind began blowing and it began to make a whirling-motion, and suddenly, it turned into an icy sculpture. The statue shattered, and there stood Sub-Zero. He raised his hand and made the "peace" symbol, which made his fans go nuts.

Some held up signs that said, "Kick some ice, Sub-Zero!"

While many others had blue T-shirts that stated, "Sub-Zero's my hero!"

And other fans held up Sub-Zero dolls, from which they had seen being advertised in the second Mortal Kombat. They had purchased these dolls from Ebay at unnecessarily high prices.

Scorpion and Sub-Zero both turned to each other, and stood in their battle poses, ready to duel to the death.

Shang Tsung stood in the middle of them. He consistently turned left to right, gazing at both fighters.

"Alright you two, I want a good, clean fight. Remember, plenty of kicking, biting, eye-poking, nostril-pulling, head-butting, hair-yanking, and punches below the belt. And if you're thinking of spamming the same move and using dirty tricks to achieve victory…that'd be awesome, since we need higher ratings!"

He walked back towards Shao Kahn's side. The emperor sat on this throne, with a bag of popcorn in one hand and a jumbo hotdog with mustard, ketchup, and relish on the other.

"Come on," he roared, with bits of hotdog flying out of his mouth. "Let's see some blood!"

Scorpion clenched his fists and hissed, "You murdered my family and clan."

And Sub-Zero replied with, "And you unjustly murdered my brother, who wasn't even near your clan at the time."

The fire-ninja arched his eyebrow and lowered his fists, and said in a casual voice. "…Oh. Well, uh…well, that's different then. Um…sorry about that."

Sub-Zero lowered his fists, shrugged, and rubbed the back of his neck. "Ah, it's ok. These things…uh, these things happen, y'know."

"Yeah, it was an honest mistake. No hard feelings, right?"

"Eh, I guess not."

Shang Tsung called out, "Hurry up and fight! I got to go host a Tekken tournament at five!" Scorpion said, "But…but…ah, to hell with it. I'mthe better Mortal Kombat ninja!"

"Oh yeah?" asked Sub-Zero, raising his hands in his fighting position once again. "I haz been in more games than you! Heck, I even had my own sub-series…er, no pun intended."

"Pfffft! That wasn't you-you! That was your idiot older brother."

"Oh…yeah, you're right. But if he was an idiot, then come you were defeated by him?"

"Ninja, please!" declared Scorpion, crossing his arms. "That was a cheap win. You know that the character that the player controls always wins. Just look at the story mode for 'Mortal Kombat 2011'. I cooked his ass in my chapter!"

"Oh pee-shaw! Look at what happened to you in my chapter! Afterwards, you become everybody's punching bag! Mine, Liu Kang's, Raiden's…we all pwned you!"

"Enough of this!" roared Shao Kahn, throwing down his popcorn and hotdog. "The tournament shall begin now! I paid five koins to see you two tear each other part, and I'm gonna see it, goddamnit!"

"Round one, fight (already!)"

Scorpion put his hands together and began forming a ball of energy, and he extended his arms with his palms out in front of him and yelled out, "Hadoken!"

The blue, spherical ball of energy hit Sub-Zero and sent him flying backwards and knocked him to the floor.

Sub-Zero stood up, shook his head and got to his feet, and he crossed his arms extremely quickly and cried out, "Sonic boom!" and instantly a wave of energy shot out from the intense speed and knocked Scorpion off of his feet.

Shang Tsung gave himself a face-palm. "No, you idiots! That's the wrong game!" The former Shirai-Ryu member and the Lin Kuei assassin exchanged confused glances, and instantly, they got into their original fighting poses.

"Hyah!"

"Take this!"

"Oh yeah? Take that!"

"Huuh!"

"Taste it!"

"Get over here!"

"Cool your jets, man!"

"Come at me, bro!"

"Huuurrrgh!"

"Whoooooo-wah-taaaaaaah!"

"Ha, I knew you'd do that, you noob!"

"You leave my brother out of this, you turd!"

Finally, after intense button-mashing and constant spamming of projectiles, teleports, and ice-clones, they were both nearly worn out from the intense battle. The specter and the Lin Kuei warrior both stood there, panting heavily and in pain from their wounds.

However, during this brief moment of tranquility, Shao Kahn was laughing and having a blast. He turned to Quan Chi and asked, "How did you ever get these two to have such a feud with each other?"

Quan Chi, the pale demonic sorcerer from the Netherrealm and Scorpion's boss, chuckled and said, " I sent this Sub-Zero's idiotic older brother to retrieve Shinnok's amulet, and in the process, I killed the Shirai-Ryu clan to give him a reward. Then, later on, I deceived Scorpion into thinking it was Sub-Zero who murdered his clan."

Shao Kahn and Quan Chi both snickered deviously, and the emperor uttered, "Pffft, those retards!"

And during all this, the two ninjas heard everything. Scorpion turned to Quan Chi and pointed at him. "Wait, it was you who killed my family and clan? Not this younger Sub-Zero?"

Sub-Zero also turned his anger towards Quan Chi and demanded answers from him as well. "And it was you who tricked Scorpion into thinking my brother was his clan's destroyer?"

The pale sorcerer gulped in nervousness and smiled a toothy grin and said, "Uh…well, I…um…you see…"

The vengeful spirit and the enraged Lin Kuei warrior cracked their knuckles and both went charging up to Quan Chi.

"I'm gonna give you such a nasty pinch for this, Quan Chi!" bellowed Scorpion, jumping on him. "Save some for me!" snarled Sub-Zero, jumping on top of him as well.

Shao Kahn grimaced and winced at the sight of Quan Chi getting mauled by the two infuriated warriors.

"Ow! No! Wait! Yeow! Can't you guys take a joke? Ooh! Ouch! My liver! Aah! My head! No! Stop! Aaaaaaaugh!"

Sub-Zero and Scorpion both sternly walked away, both grumbling things under their breath.

Two Tarkatan warriors came out, both clutching the handles of a stretcher, and tossed Quan Chi on top of it. He had two black eyes, half of his teeth were missing, bruises all over his face and his arms and legs were shaped like the letter Z.

Shao Kahn scratched his head in confusion as he saw the two ninjas walking out of the coliseum. He turned to Shang Tsung and asked, "What're we gonna do now? These people paid good koins for a fight!"

The sorcerer put a hand to his chin, contemplating on what should be done. But then, he saw a warrior with a white gi and a red headband and another one with a red gi and shoulder-length blonde hair.

"Hmm…you two, fight! Now!"

The two street fighters looked at each other for a moment, and then they both shrugged, and began battling.

"Hadoken! Shoryuken!"

Mean while, Scorpion and Sub-Zero were both walking out of the coliseum.

"Man, I can't believe Quan Chi tricked us like that." muttered Scorpion, shaking his head. "I know, right?" added Sub-Zero. "That guy got what he had coming to him."

"I'll drink to that."

"...Mmm, speaking of which, let's go get a drink. I'll buy you a cold one…er, again, no pun intended."

"Sweeeeet! I'm gonna get a strawberry margarita!"

"I'll supply the ice for the drinks."

As they both walked into the sunset, Scorpion put his hand on Sub-Zero's shoulder. "You know, Sub, I think this might be the beginning of a great friendship…starting on Facebook."

"I heard that, Scorpion. It's good to be alive…um, figure of speech."

The End