AU: You'll see. c: Paring: AraSol
Never the Same
"Bye-bye now!" She giggled and gave a small wave to her latest partner. It was a blueblood whose name Aradia couldn't care enough to remember. She rubbed a spot right above her elbow; geez, he was rough. The blueblood grinned at her and entered his hive, probably satisfied beyond belief and hoping she'll be back tomorrow.
As if.
She shook her head. He wasn't what she wanted. Nobody was ever what she wanted. Aradia frowned at the ground in front of her, avoiding the gazes of the trolls she was passing by and watching her step closely. She had gotten a reputation, and it wasn't a good one.
Aradia flinched as she was shoved harshly. Looking up, she found that it was a past lover watching her with hateful eyes. It was normal for her to be pushed around. Of course, she had been with many trolls over the months and had never bothered to look back at the ones she'd left, not to mention the numerous amounts of happy matespritships she had destroyed due to her carelessness.
Oh well. Aradia smirked at the angry troll and pushed her way past the furious female. She didn't have time to put up with any of their baggage. She was simply there for a day and then gone. Would her lusus be proud of her? Aradia sneered at the thought.
Finally, home, sweet home.
She slipped inside of the old and worn out building quickly, not wanting to be outside any longer than she had to. Encounters with those that hated her, and those that loved her, were not desirable in the slightest.
She sighed in the comfort of what was familiar to her, then frowned at the empty space that used to be filled with so much joy. Aradia slid her hand on the wall as she walked to her respite block. The old recuperacoon that hadn't been used in ages sat in a corner, the spoor all dried out and the red color faded dramatically.
Her old posters of troll Indiana Jones and FLARP were torn halfway off of the walls in a fit of rage long ago. Books were scattered over the floor, as well as her laptop that she hadn't used in ages. Ironically enough, she still didn't know whose face she used to chat with her old friends via Trollian belonged to.
She bent down and picked up her old whip. It brought back bittersweet memories of when she used to go adventuring. She loved digging out ruins, even though she had trouble with it sometimes. If she couldn't move something or she needed to figure out how to get in somewhere, she could always rely on-
No. None of that.
Aradia shook her head and threw the whip across the room. No more thinking. She couldn't let her mind wander anymore. She had spent too many nights crying.
She was about to leave the mess of the room when something caught her eye. A lump formed in her throat as she eyed the black piece of fabric hanging from a chair. She gripped the hem of her considerably shorter skirt than she used to wear. The thin fabric strained against her claws before finally giving and ripping holes in the bottom of it. Aradia openly cursed.
Hating herself, she stepped over the mounds of useless items that she used to treasure and snatched the black shirt, hastily running from the room filled with who she used to be.
She rubbed the fabric between her thumb and index fingers carefully as she made her way to a different room. Her feet carried her to the living room. She scanned the blank walls and drab appearance carelessly.
She couldn't stand to have everything in here after the accident. She threw away all of her favorite artifacts and the pleasant pictures of her friends and herself when they were younger. She hated them. She hated their smiling faces. She hated the fact that she used to be one of them.
They didn't understand her anymore. Aradia slumped down on the couch. Her eyes were blank as she traced the familiar symbol she knew all too well. She couldn't count the times she did the same exact thing before to this.
Except the shirt was on someone's torso.
Aradia blinked back tears. No, tears were signs of weakness. She wasn't weak. She was doing her best to survive. Survival. That's all it was.
Survival means that you can move on.
Yet she couldn't. She was stuck in a ditch that was ten feet deep. So, she let the tears fall. She let the hot, wet streaks line her face with the dark red of her regrets.
She misses him so much.
Aradia cried. She held the Gemini shirt close to her face and breathed in the faint honey smell that still lingered on it. She fell over on the couch and closed her eyes. Her heart ached.
She remembered sitting on the very same seating she was on right now with him. They would always watch troll Indiana Jones movies, but only because that was all Aradia owned. Those, like most of her other belongings, were in the trash. All but forgotten.
He hated her movies, though. He thought they were boring and highly unlikely. But he always put on a brave face and sat through the entire thing with her. Multiple times, even. He liked to see her smile. He would always say that it was the best thing he'd ever seen.
She doesn't smile anymore. Not the genuinely happy smile that always graced her face before. She wasn't the naïve little troll she used to be anymore. She was different. She grew up.
She snapped at herself for acting like such a wriggler. He was dead. He died a long time ago. Aradia needed to move on, though she knew she couldn't even be like she once was.
She'll never be the same again.
So, she sat up and set the shirt to the side. Wiping her eyes, she got up and went to the abulation block to rinse all of the hate and regret and sorrow from her body.
She fixed herself up. Though, this was only part of the routine. She could never stand to be in her hive for more than a few hours at a time. She couldn't be in the place she used to spend days with him without leaving.
Aradia put on a new skirt and let her thick locks of black hair settle in place by itself. As she was leaving the hive, she picked up his shirt, and hung it up carefully.
Then, with an emotionless face, she set out to find a set of arms that could bring her the warmth and happiness that she once was given, even though it was futile.
Nobody could ever replace Sollux.