After about three seconds, the boredom created by the waiting was finally overcome by the numbness of shock that came with the revelation she'd been waiting for. She sat on the toilet, a red-gold lock of hair dangling in her eyes. She held the stick up, turned it upside down, flipped it over, and shook it. Then she stared at it. Hard.
Huh. The result had not changed.
She tilted her head a little. This was going to be interesting. In a few months. Maybe. As she continued to sit and meditate on the current situation, she heard the scuffling of feet outside the door. And then the impatient pounding. It was late enough, she thought to herself, surprised the knock didn't come earlier.
"Matsumoto," came the growl from behind gritted teeth, "I have adjusted to the concept that you can't be bothered to walk into the office prior to ten-thirty. I have accepted that your lunches tend to last more than three hours. I have even learned to dismiss your tendency to shirk, as you have an uncanny ability to get things done without looking occupied. However, I do feel that you should not come in at all if you are not even inclined to come out of the bathroom once you get here." She heard him lean on the door, and his voice dropped to a whisper. "Are you alright?"
This was his typical reaction when he knew she'd been out drinking the night before. Although she had never once walked into the office hung over, he assumed there was a first time for everything and she was currently praying to the porcelain god. Give it a couple weeks, Taichou, she thought to herself before heaving herself up and opening the door.
Her hand, clutching the stick, was the first thing out. Her captain, aqua eyes wide, gaped at her. "Matsumoto. . . what is that?"
"Proof," she replied airily, waving it around. "The rabbit has died."
The furrow in his brow dug in deeper. "What does that mean?"
"I'm knocked up," she said.
"What?" he blinked.
"I have a bun in the oven."
He blinked again, his youth suddenly annoying to her as it never was before.
"I am pregnant, Hitsugaya-taichou."
He gaped at her.
She smiled at him sweetly, bent, and pinched his cheeks. "No worries, taichou. It's not yours." With that, she strode out of the office to hunt down her baby daddy.
Fifteen minutes later, Hitsugaya Toushirou took a deep breath. "Not mine? What's that supposed to mean!?"
A/N: It's a bit cracktacular, but I felt like the first Dead Matsumoto story should be posted before I lost interest. Hopefully, it won't be the last. Anyway, check the profile if you're curious.