A/N: Just taking a little break from "My Hypnotism" to type out this one-shot I've been pondering over for a while now. Okay, so this idea came to me when in one episode (I forget which one unfortunately) Carla teases Dr. Cox for having a curling iron in his locker. It only lasts for two seconds, as Dr. Cox is quick to put an end to that conversation, but I couldn't help but wonder…for all the times our favorite angry doctor has called JD girls names, what would his Newbie do if he found out about this little piece of information? I had to write it. XD Hope you enjoy!
Disclaimer: I own a very large nothing.
His First Girls Name
It's been a typical day at Sacred Heart, and by typical, I mean completely and utterly infuriating. All of my patients are either drug addicts looking for a fix, ignorant sons-of-bitches who refuse to believe in my diagnosis, or hypochondriacs who think something must be wrong with them in since their fingernails are growing at an unusually fast rate.
Most infuriating of all is that Newbie isn't here to pick up any of the slack. Well, he's here somewhere, but I sure as hell can't seem to find him. I know, I know – I should be eternally grateful that the annoying kid isn't two steps behind me, babbling away, but in turn I have no one here to rant at; no one here to blow off a little steam. And maybe, just maybe, he's good at assisting me with patients, but I sure as hell don't plan on telling him that or anybody else any time soon.
After being handed five more charts from one of the more incompetent nurses, I decide it's about time to page Newbie. I don't know where he's been all afternoon, but the kid should be here doing some actual work.
Only mere seconds later and he's practically waltzing up to me, his Newbie like grin in place. Except…except that dopey grin of his looks a little different today. It looks…mischievous? Cocky?
Kind of like he knows something he shouldn't…
I shake my head and throw him a chart. For a moment the grin is wiped off his face as he fails to catch it. He picks it up hurriedly just to run after me down the hall. I hear him catch up to me, a little breathless, and begin with my rant. "Well it's good to see you've finally made it out of your sugar-coated dream world of unicorns and butterflies there Ginger, but we really don't have time for your half-baked fantasies today, got me? Mr. Brown is back and he probably won't be leaving any time soon, so I need you to try very hard to keep your attention down here on planet earth, do you understand?"
I turn around sharply with a flick of my nose and cross my arms, but instead of coming face to face with that "You're terrifying" expression, or that "I'm trying my best to make you happy here," look, he's wearing that smug little grin from earlier.
"And what are you so damn pleased about today?"
"Your curls," he says through his grin.
"Excuse me, Stephanie?"
"Your curls, Dr. Cox. They're very…springy. I mean, at first glance they would appear completely natural, but if you really take the time to look at them, it seems as though they may have had a bit of help getting that way."
A warning flag goes off in my mind as my stomach makes an abrupt nervous twist, but I just furrow my eyebrows and give height to my current stance, because c'mon…there's no way he knows about that…
But his grin only widens as he continues to stare at me, so I know it's time to act like I have no idea what he's suggesting by only further making fun of the girl he really is. "The fact that you're eyeing my hair can only mean that you've reached a whole new level of femininity, but I assure you Newbie – unlike your moussed up, product coated locks, my hair is completely natural."
"Well, I'm sure the color is natural, Sally, but I was referring to your curls, just in case you've forgotten."
I think time actually freezes for a moment as the name echoes inside my head.
Sally.
Sally.
Sally.
My eyes narrow warningly, and for two seconds that façade of confidence he suddenly seems to possess slips, but its back on and grinning at me in a blink of an eye.
"What did you just call me, Patricia!?"
"For all the girls names you've called me in the past, I'm surprised you're so startled. But really, who would ever call sports loving, scotch drinking Dr. Perry Cox a girls name? Oh wait, I would! Especially after finding out about that curling iron in your locker."
Time really does stand still as we stare at each other, and I'm thanking any and all higher powers that might exist that the hallway is currently cleared of anyone who could have heard Newbie's last statement.
"Well, Susie, it seems you've finally decided to grow a pair, but you are picking the wrong time and the wrong place and the wrong man to throw a girls name at, because let me tell you something there, Tiffany, this little conversation is not going to end well for you."
He swallows, hard, and I inwardly smirk in satisfaction as his confidence begins to fade. It looks like he's going to run, and while it would pleasure me beyond belief for him to realize the huge mistake he's just made, I'm actually thinking of making him stick around, just so I can punish him right here in the hallway, but before I make a move of grabbing him by the collar –
"SPROING!"
My eyes widen in absolute shock, and for two seconds anger completely slips away as his hand let's go of the curl he just currently… "Sproinged" …and now, yes – now he's running away.
Oh, he is so going to pay for this.
--
Hours later and I'm exhausted as ever. I would have given Newbie some of my patients, but he's been avoiding me like the plague ever since his backbone grew ten times it's normally very small size.
And I must admit, he's smart for doing so.
It's an odd combination, actually. I'm almost, almost proud of him for having the balls to do what he did, but it was so not the topic to touch, and so not the way to show he wasn't a little girl.
God, Newbie, you think by now you'd know how this works.
I walk tiredly to the on call room, glad to be able to lie down for a while. I open the door and that's when I see him. Newbie lying on his back, comfortably asleep.
I smirk, because to be honest, I wasn't perfectly sure how it was I was going to get back at him, but now it's so clear and so perfect and sleeping just isn't an option right now, it isn't, because this is just way too good to pass up.
I quickly head back to the nurse's station just in time to see Carla, who is, God bless her heart, applying her makeup before meeting up with Gandhi.
"Carla."
"Hey, Dr. Cox. Aren't you on break?"
"Yeah, yeah. I'll go back to that in a minute. I need you to do me a favor though."
The woman's practically glowing. God, she loves when people come to her for favors. Well, the kind that involves her dishing out some of that motherly advice of hers. She must expect that's what I need by the way I asked, but what I want has nothing to do with personal life lessons. What I want is the tools to help teach somebody else a well deserved lesson…
"Can I see that make up of yours when you're done?"
She looks at me startled, one eyebrow quirked in question. "Excuse me?"
"I'll give it back to you tomorrow, just…just c'mon. It's for –" And suddenly it occurs to me how Newbie would've known about the curling iron to begin with. "You owe me!"
She jumps a little at my sudden voice change and my very sudden switch from neutral to rather pissed off expression.
"What exactly do I owe you for?"
"How the hell did Newbie find out about my curling iron!?"
Instead of the amused grin I was expecting, she actually has the decency to blush. "It sort of slipped…"
I let out a small growl, but round it back in almost instantly. I can't yell at her too much if I still want to follow through on the brilliancy that is my plan. "Well thanks to you, I was called Sally earlier, had my hair 'Sproinged,' – whatever the hell that means – and have spent the whole day balancing an insane amount of patients because Newbie's too scared to even be on the same floor as me, not to say he shouldn't be a nervous wreck after what he pulled, but I need that crap you so enjoy putting on your face to restore things to their natural order, understand?"
I think she might, because she glances over to the on call room's entrance and is now looking as though she can't decide whether or not to scowl or laugh at what I have planned. She does neither, but ends up giving me that blank stare of hers as she pushes the makeup forcefully into my hands. "You're lucky I have more at home, other wise you'd be getting nada. Oh, and you better keep that promise about returning it to me in the morning."
I give her a curt nod and practically spin on my heel as I head back to the on-call room.
Newbie is still sound asleep, face turned in thee most perfect position I could've asked for, and I can feel my expression slip into a mischievous little grin, but I don't care. I'm completely savoring this moment.
I sit down on the bed across from him and pull out what I think is blush.
Oh God, completely savoring this moment.
--
An hour later and I have him paged to pediatrics. I've promised the kids a good bit of entertainment, so now they're waiting for him excitedly, and to be honest, so am I, even if it's for an entirely different reason.
He walks in, and I have to try so hard not to lose it right then and there. His face holds an obvious expression of confusion as the kids burst into hysterical laughter while I lean casually against one of the beds, smug smirk in place as I spin the handle of the mirror I'm holding in my hand like one would a tennis racket.
"Dr. Cox? Y-You paged me?"
"Ah, Newbie. Glad to see you got up out of bed especially for me."
"Uh…yeah. I got a couple of weird looks coming over here. D-Did something happen?"
He seems nervous, and I know it's because he's still waiting for his punishment from what he pulled earlier today. Clearly still puzzled as to why I'm grinning from ear to ear as the kids continue their laughing, he looks at me before backing up a couple of steps.
"Hold on there, Newbie. I have to show you something."
I walk over to him then. He's wide eyed and most definitely apprehensive, and damn – this is just too much fun. My grin only widens as I hold up the mirror and he catches his face upon waking up from the on call room for the first time. He lets out a "manly" scream after getting over the initial shock of seeing his new look: Bright red lipstick, baby pink blush, and the loveliest blue eye shadow to match his scrubs.
He looks at me, horrified. He tries to speak, but can only stutter. I take it as my cue to talk. "Now you see Sally, the blushing is only helping me prove my point in that you are, without doubt, a little girl."
"I-I…While I was sleeping!?"
"Brilliant, I know, but listen here Newbie and listen closely; I call you the girls' names. Understand, Bethany?"
He just stutters some more as I turn my head towards the kids. "Say bye to Nurse Dolly, kids."
They wave enthusiastically, and poor Newbie is forced to wave his hand right back.
"Now I know you're self-conscious Janice, but if you could go wash away that new look of yours, I think we'd all appreciate it."
He just glares at me a little before stalking off, doing his best to hide his face as he makes his way for the bathroom. I grin even more.
No one calls me a girls name and gets away with it.
"Hey! Mary! Are you almost done with your shift or what? Jack needs a bath and my new manicure can't handle that right now."
I grit my teeth and close my eyes at the new voice that penetrates into my skull from behind. Almost no one gets away with it.
A/N: Well, there it is. I was originally going to end it where JD gets away free, leaving an angry Dr. Cox in his wake, but then as I was typing it the rest just kind of came out, because let's face it…there's just no way Dr. Cox would let him get away with that little stunt. Jordan at the end was just a way to tie it all up, and while it's very rare, I can remember her calling Perry a girls name at least once on the show.
Well, that's enough out of me. Hope you guys liked it!