Honoka Yamanashi's eyes jerked up as she heard the sharp click of the lock turning. Her roommate, Kitsune, stumbled into the room, a teetering stack of files in her arms. She managed to close the door with her foot and set the mountain of work down on the counter before collapsing, exhausted, beside her best friend on the ragged brown couch.

"Long day?" Honoka queried as she fished for the television remote within the crevices of the sofa. She made a face as she withdrew her hand, a sticky mass of gum and pennies clinging to her fingers. She knew that Kitty's job at the detective agency downtown was often stressful, and the girl usually came home with paperwork and a scowl.

"Understatement of the century," Kitty replied, smirking as the blonde wiped her hand on her already filthy jeans. "We had four homicides, six B and E's and two drug dealers."

Honoka's eyes flashed at the mention of the last item on her friend's rap sheet. Her heart began to beat excitedly and she nearly dropped the television remote as she whipped around to face Kitty. Trying hard not to sound eager she asked, "Drug dealers? Really? What…what were they in to? Coke or something?"

"Yeah, one of them was a coke kingpin. Called himself something ridiculous like Doctor Chaos or whatever. Then the girl we had was nabbed for selling pills."

"What kind?" she asked too quickly. Kitty paused for a moment, searching Hono's face and creasing her delicate eyebrows before saying, "I don't know. I haven't gone through the evidence box yet. Matsuda is supposed to do inventory on Mondays, but he had to go wipe L's ass for him or something."

Honoka forced a smile, knowing she would look suspicious if she allowed her preoccupied mind from laughing at the joke. Her eyes darted for a brief moment to the black evidence box, barely visible beneath the mound of manila envelopes.

"Hono? Did you hear me?"

"Huh?" the blonde looked up to find a look of concern smudging her friend's lovely features. "Sorry, Kitty, my head isn't in the right place today. I'm loaded up with assignments at work and I have an order to appear in court. Apparently I'm late on Kurisa's child support again…" This was not a lie. It had been almost a full year since the former mother had had her young daughter taken away on claims of an unstable home by her ex husband. Her part-time job as a secretary did nothing to relieve her stress. The tiny office was like a prison to her, and Honoka couldn't help wondering how she was going to keep up with the payments while making minimum wage.

Kitty merely nodded, a deep feeling of understanding in her ice blue eyes.

"I know exactly what you mean," she said. "You don't have to explain to me. I just said I'm going to run to the shop and see if they have my transmission fixed yet."

Butterflies erupted in Honoka's stomach as these words sunk in. Alone with all that evidence? It was too good to be true. She made a noise of recognition and stood up to hug her roommate before the elder girl disappeared down the hall. Honoka watched her go, and as soon as the clack of Kitsune's black sling backs faded to nothing, the blonde dashed back inside the apartment. She snatched the box from the pile of papers and yanked a bobby pin unceremoniously from her tangles of golden blonde hair. She then proceeded to sit cross legged on the dusty linoleum kitchen floor and set to work picking the lock on the box. After what seemed like twenty minutes, the lid snapped open.

"Oh my god…" she whispered hoarsely. The labels glared back at her from within the foreboding jet black box like the most beautiful diamond she had ever seen. Oxycodone, Vicodin, Percocet, Atavan, Valium, Xanax. Her heart nearly skipped a beat as she twisted off the beige security cap. Everything was about to be okay.

One

Two

Three

Four of every bottle, and then all was dark.

****

Grey. The sky through the blue windows of her eyes was dismal once again. As grey as it had been when she had first awakened, as grey as it would be hours from now. Unreal, a twisted way of telling her nothing she had done had changed her life in the least. She was still the shunned little girl, alone and trapped within her own head. She turned another corner, her feet making a dull thwack on the cracked sidewalk. She had to do it soon, Honoka would be wondering where she ran off to. There was a gas station up ahead. That would do, the deed would not take long.

Kitsune slipped quietly into the public bathroom, fingering the plastic case that held her sweet escape from reality. Locking the stall door behind her, she perched herself on the toilet seat and hiked up the sleeve of her black jacket. Dark purple scars snaked around her forearm like hideous bracelets, entwining and forming patterns on her milky skin. She traced them gently with her long fingernails, smiling and half closing her eyes. Proof that the beautiful release had not been a dream, a sign that she was not a figment of her own imagination. She removed the small case from her pocket, snapping it open and extracting the steel razor blade from its depths. She shuddered as it kissed her flesh, the rusty edge biting lovingly into her arm, scraping a vein.

Crimson warmth spilled from her, endorphins rushing to her brain like the sweetest poison. She made patterns for awhile, playing connect the dots with her arteries. It wasn't until the blade dropped to the floor and the blood began to pool on the stall floor, that she realized she had gone too deep.

***

"Hono? Hono, wake up! Wake up! Please!" Mello, her lover, smacked her cheeks, shook her as hard as he could. Her eyes rolled back in her head and drool dripped down her chin. Pieces of her hair were matted to her face with sweat and her skin was as pale as death. The boy clutched her to his chest, sobbing and wailing. He threw her over his shoulder and bolted down the stairs, fastening her arms around his waist as he jammed the key into the ignition of his motorcycle and gunned the engine.

Three weeks later, Hono and Kitty stood hand in hand with the rest of their support group. They flashed a knowing glance at each other and smiled sourly. After a janitor had found Kitty on the floor of the gas station bathroom, she had been taken to the same hospital as her best friend. Honoka had very nearly overdosed and was lucky to be alive. Kitsune had split two arteries and had almost bled to death on the dirty floor. After being prescribed antidepressants that were being monitored by their boyfriends, they had both been convinced to join a support group for addiction.

Hono squeezed the older girl's hand as the serenity prayer began.

"God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference."