When they returned to the motel, JJ cried. It was something the BAU team all tried to avoid—shed too many tears around profilers and the temptation for them to profile you became irresistible. Emily knew that her presence in their shared room wasn't ideal for JJ, but tonight it was privacy enough. As soon as the door closed behind her, the tears began to fall. Cases involving children always hurt JJ the most.
It must have been something about being a media liaison: JJ had the most feeling face, but she could turn it off. She could make herself appear hard and blank when underneath she was softer than a baby's breath. Sometimes she seemed so pure that Emily thought if she only let her guard down and asked, every criminal in the US would drop what they were doing to turn themselves in. Of course, Emily hadn't always thought that way, but JJ hadn't always shared so much. Stoic and hardworking, Emily had admired her; but in tears with her back against the door, she found she loved her.
JJ cried quietly, too conscious of the rest of the team moving about in the neighbouring rooms. Her eyes shifted to the bathroom door and Emily made a split second decision, placing a hand on JJ's arm to keep her from folding herself away, out of sight. The simple touch surprised them both and time seemed to slow. Emily was aware of every millimeter of JJ's tight bicep beneath her fingers, and although her grip was loose, it was enough to gently manipulate the smaller woman toward the bed. As they sat together on the edge, she extended her arm around JJ's shoulder and nearly sighed aloud, relieved and empowered by her lack of protestation.
"It's ok," she murmured, pressing her cheek against JJ's hair. "You can cry, baby."
JJ drew a sharp breath with the intention of forming an apology, but it came out as a shaky sob, and she closed her eyes, wishing the situation away. Em, she mouthed, but couldn't say.
Emily only shook her head, trying not to enjoy the softness of the blonde woman's hair against her cheek, trying not to dwell on the endearment that had slipped so easily out of her mouth—JJ, sweetheart—as if she said it everyday. "Shh," she crooned, her voice almost unfamiliar to her. And without another word, she reached her other arm around to encircle JJ completely, drawing her in tighter. The silence, too, enveloped them, seeming to press them closer together—one brave, solid entity in a world that was shifting and eerie, distant and strange, yet altogether too close and too real.
Becoming painfully aware of her back after their long day, Emily finally leaned backwards, pulling JJ with her onto the bed. Together they stared sightlessly at the ceiling, and surrendered thought and judgment to quiet relief. JJ turned her head towards Emily and Emily mirrored her, noticing for the first time that the younger woman's tears had stopped coming. Their hands entwined in the space between them, Emily's thumb gently stroking. JJ's eyes were deep blue at the centre and red at the edges, vibrant with her past tears. Her lips parted slightly and Emily tried not to notice how close they were; told herself she wasn't supposed to notice; told herself that what JJ wanted was to be alone, in the bathroom, and that this was purely her own doing, so not to read into it. And yet, JJ seemed to be settling, and she'd given in so easily to Emily's wordless suggestion, hadn't even questioned it… Unsure how to answer the intenseness of JJ's gaze, Emily glanced down toward their joined hands and slowly raised them, pressing her lips to JJ's knuckles in what she hoped was a friendly way.
"Are you okay?" The oddness of her own voice make Emily blush; she barely sounded like herself anymore.
The blush was contagious. "I'm fine, I'm just…" No more words, but those bright, bright eyes seemed to be communicating something deep and unknown.
Then there was Morgan's voice behind the door—"Em, JJ, get up. We've got a lead!"
Hands parted, and JJ was on her feet in seconds. When she opened the door and spoke her voice was infinitely louder and stronger than it had been moments ago. "What happened?"
Emily banished the dazed look from her own eyes as she too stood.
"Highway Patrol turned up the Unsub's car abandoned 20 miles from here, and a white van was reported missing from a nearby service station ten minutes ago. Arizona plates AAG1921. Hotch and Rossi are already on it, headed north. We've got that son of a bitch."
Within hours it was a little girl crying as she was united with her mother, while JJ's previously tear-stained face showed nothing. When Emily caught her eye with a small smile, JJ's in return was weak. She seemed to be drawing back into herself, so Emily was shocked when the first thing JJ did, when the motel room door closed behind them again, was take her hand. Eyes shutting briefly, JJ squeezed Emily's hand and released the longest breath. She didn't speak a word, but turned her body into Emily's, placed her arms around her waist, and tucked her face into the crook of the taller woman's neck like it belonged there.
Emily shivered at the sensation—JJ's lips brushing against her shoulder as her face turned inward. Obviously it was a mistake, this whole display of intimacy was strange enough… Yet Emily couldn't stop her own arms coming tightly around JJ, and for a moment she allowed all of her defenses to drop—allowed herself to feel every point of contact with the woman in her arms and all of the emotions that came with that. Sighing gratefully, she brought one hand up into JJ's hair—so soft and fine, she'd always longed to touch it—and placed the other at the small of her back to hold her there.
"Jayj, baby…" This time it wasn't only the term of endearment with which Emily surprised herself, but her whole tone. Her voice was weak and needy, full of an unspoken desire that caused JJ to pull her head back and look up in surprise. What she found was Emily gazing down at her with more love in her eyes than she could put into words, and the intensity of it caused her to shiver. "Jayj, baby, we did it. That little girl is safe now."
"I know," JJ replied, ashamed that her mind was already far from the case. "Emily, thank you… for before. And for this." She tightened her arms around Emily briefly, to demonstrate what she meant. This was, apparently, their embrace, which was again bordering on exceedingly long and exceedingly intimate for colleagues, if that was all they were.
Emily hand in JJ's hair moved to cup her cheek and, desperately unsure of what they were doing or what to do next, she leaned their foreheads together, eyes closing. "Baby…" she said again. She was so close to kissing her. She wanted to. Why did she want to? And why wasn't JJ pulling away? Her thumb stroking JJ's velvet cheek trembled at its own audacity. And was that a smile edging at JJ's lips?
"C-call me that again," JJ whimpered. "Em?"
"Jayj…" Emily's lips dipped closer until there was barely an inch between she and JJ. Each could feel the other's breath, shallow and self-conscious, and JJ's hands gripped Emily's waist tighter in anticipation. "Baby…" On that release of air, Emily joined their lips and the world grew dimmer around them. JJ's sigh of happiness allowed Emily's tongue to press between her lips and they kissed needily in defiance of all the horrible things they had witnessed together, and in celebration of the one wonderful reunion had seen today.
"Thank you," JJ whispered between kisses. "Thank you, Em…"
Their kisses grew slow, languid, as they moved backwards onto the bed and lay in a mirror of their earlier position. Both were exhausted, emotionally and physically, and finally Emily reached down for the blankets, pulled them up around the pair of them, and moved to spoon herself behind JJ. Her hands rested softly against JJ's stomach, and JJ placed her own on top, holding her there.
"Will we have to talk about this?" JJ asked quietly. "Tomorrow?"
Emily considered this, and when she spoke, her breath tickled the back of JJ's neck, sending a chill down her spine. "If we leave it until tomorrow we won't want to," she said.
"Or we'll be afraid to," JJ added. "I don't know if I'll believe this is real when your arms aren't around me anymore."
"So we're talking about it right now. It's not so bad."
JJ smiled, although Emily couldn't see it from behind her. "No, it's not… Nothing about this is bad," she admitted.
Emily's smile in return was felt against JJ's neck—wide and beautifully happy. "We really saved the day today. A happy ending for everyone."
"And now…" JJ murmured.
"And now," Emily agreed, as though that was all there was to say.
"And tomorrow?" asked JJ.
"And every day after, if you want me." A gentle kiss was placed on JJ's neck—hopeful, but restrained. "I don't want to push…"
Slowly, JJ turned in Emily's arms, looking into her eyes and seeing the doubt there. She kissed it away. "I want you," she promised. Another kiss, and then—"I'm so lucky you cared enough to hold me when I wasn't okay."
"I'm so lucky you trusted me enough to let me."
Without breaking eye contact, JJ leaned up and reached over Emily to switch the light off, leaving them in almost complete darkness. Gently she traced her hand up Emily's side, continuing from her shoulder along the smooth line of her collarbone. Legs intertwined, lips moved beautifully against each other.
"Goodnight, Emily," JJ whispered, dropping her head into the crook between Emily's neck and shoulder, and with a hand in JJ's golden hair and a blissful smile upon her lips, Emily replied, "Goodnight, baby."