Disclaimer: I do not own THG or Mulan.
When will my reflection show who I am inside?
Peeta Mellark always brought her back to reality.
He showed up in each nightmare of hers always at the right moment. This time it was no different.
Katniss trembled with fear as she ran out of the classroom. The alarms signaling disaster in the mines had started blaring from the tower holding them. Please let him be safe, please let him safe, she repeated like a prayer in her head over and over again.
She was quick to find Prim outside of the building. Her two blonde braids stood out in the sea of panicking children. They were all from the Seam and almost all of them had black hair not unlike Katniss'. She put on a brave face as she walked to Prim. "It'll be okay," Katniss said as she took a hold of her sister's hand. "We have nothing to worry about."
They walked slowly to the mines. Katniss didn't want Prim to have to witness what was happening there and Katniss wasn't brave enough to face it either. She feared the worst as the mines became closer and closer in her vision. It didn't look like any of the coal miners had made it out yet. Her heart sank when she caught sight of her mother's blank stare. She stopped a few feet away from the crowd of desperate families waiting for their husbands and fathers to come through the shaft.
"Prim," her voice shook. Katniss cleared her throat and hoped that her next words sounded stronger. "Whatever happens, I need you to stay strong for me. Promise?"
Her sister slowly shook her head. They continued on walking to their mother.
"Mama?" Prim clung to her mother's hand, desperate to gain her attention. Their mother didn't blink as her daughter cried for her and Katniss knew her sister was about to break down.
Katniss grabbed Prim and turned her away from her mother. "Remember what I said, Prim? You have to be strong. For Mama. For Papa."
They went back to waiting.
A few miners made it out. Her father wasn't one of them.
Katniss' mother wasn't strong enough to stay with them. Each day she sat in a wooden chair by the window, waiting for a husband that would never return.
Katniss was becoming afraid that Prim was also not strong enough.
But then there was Peeta.
He tossed her bread in the rain after Katniss realized she was doomed. The bread saved Katniss. It saved Prim.
A bright shade of yellow clouded her vision and brought Katniss out of unconsciousness.
It was just a dream. She breathed heavily as she convinced herself that her dream wasn't real. Her father didn't really die. He was only sick. Peeta didn't give her bread she stubbornly thought.
He still saved her life.
She let out an angry huff after she calmed her breathing and wished she would stop dreaming of dandelions and Peeta Mellark.
The next time Katniss awoke, it was from a dreamless sleep.
She quietly got out of the bed, careful not to wake Prim. Katniss quickly put on her boots after looking out the window. The sun was rising, she was already late to meet Gale.
Katniss ran through the Seam and to the outskirts of District Twelve. She stopped at the fence, listening for a hum of electricity that was never there. She ran towards the woods quietly after crawling under the fence. Katniss spotted the trunk that kept her bow hidden, grabbed the bow and quickly made her way to her and Gale's meeting spot.
He nodded at her as she stepped through the clearing and the two started their daily hunting routine. Gale checked the snares while Katniss shot at whatever animals she could find. The hunting partners were silent as they made their way through the forest.
As they walked to the Hob after finishing hunting, Katniss could hear an unusual hum of voices coming through the black market. When they entered, Katniss went to Greasy Sae first, knowing that she would have an explanation for the gossip.
"People from Thirteen are here again. Drafting as many men as they can for the war." Sae whispered to them, eyeing Gale nervously.
Gale's face turned white. "I have to get home, Katniss. Can you do the trades by yourself?" He didn't wait for an answer. Gale was out of the Hob before she could nod her head in response.
Katniss and Gale weren't close, they were only hunting partners but the thought of him going to war terrified her. Images of her father being sent off to war filled her mind. He was sick, Katniss told herself. They would never make him fight. She put her thoughts elsewhere and focused on trading her game with Greasy Sae. Her hands shook as she grabbed a rabbit.
"Katniss?" Sae's voice interrupted her actions. She placed a hand on her arm and forced the rabbit back in the bag. "You might want to go home, too."
"But my father's ill, he can't-"
Greasy Sae looked at her sadly and shook her head, "From what I've heard, it doesn't matter."
The war began four years ago, after Annie Cresta was crowned victor of the 70th Hunger Games. Her mentor, Finnick Odair, who had won the Hunger Games five years earlier when he was only fourteen, revealed his feelings for her while she was in the arena. The rumors that the Capitol forced Finnick to sell his body had been spreading throughout the districts for years and it didn't take long for the citizens of Panem to connect the dots. The odds had never been in Annie's favor. The couple was the spark that District Thirteen needed to finally reveal themselves and start the fight against the Capitol. Uprisings started in Eleven, Eight and Four and the other eight districts followed suit. Soon enough, District Thirteen had enough support to declare war against the Capitol.
So far, each district, save District Two, was participating in the fight to defeat the Capitol and end The Hunger Games.
There was a letter sitting outside of the Everdeen's door waiting for Katniss as she came back from the Hob. She had walked slowly through the Seam, too afraid to learn the fate of her father. Her hands shook as she picked up the envelope sealed with District Thirteen's emblem.
Katniss didn't even need to open it to know what was inside but she forced herself to read it. Katniss reread the letter in her hands over and over in disbelief. With the 74th Hunger Games fast approaching, the war efforts to defeat the Capitol, it seemed, had gone to their last resort.
Her old, sick father had been drafted for the war.
Katniss couldn't let him fight; she couldn't even let him leave the house. Her father hadn't been able to stand up without his lungs betraying him for years. All the years of working in the mines of District Twelve had taken a toll on her father. He had been bed ridden by her mother for half a decade.
She wished, with a guilty conscious, her father hadn't been sick. The money they could receive after the war ended could help their family immensely.
They needed the money; they needed someone to go to the war.
The ultimate factor that finalized Katniss' decision to volunteer to take her father's place was that - sick or not - he would be killed for refusing District Thirteen's "offer" to help defeat the Capitol. This realization fueled Katniss' anger. District Thirteen was just as tyrannous as the Capitol. She cursed the war, cursed the Capitol and cursed Alma Coin, District Thirteen's leader.
"Katniss, is everything all right?"
She jumped. Katniss, lost in her own thoughts, hadn't noticed her younger sister had taken a seat across from her. She tucked the letter in her father's hunting jacket. "Yes, Prim. I have to go meet with Gale, now. Go back to sleep. I'll come back with some breakfast."
"But you already..." Prim gestured to Katniss' game bag still full with animals.
"I know, I had to grab a few things here first before going to the Hob. That's where I'm meeting him now. Come on, it's still early. Let's get you back to bed." She pulled Prim out of the chair and brought her to their bed. Katniss tucked her in as she kissed her head. "I'll be back soon. Maybe with some bread. Would you like that?"
Prim nodded her head, "Please."
"Anything for you, Little Duck," she cooed as she patted her sister's cheek. Katniss grabbed her game bag once again began the trip outside the fence.
She ran through the forest as quick as she could, hoping that Gale would return there as well. When she approached her and Gale's usual meeting spot, she sighed. He was there holding a letter in his hands. Her hands trembled and she gripped her bow tighter. "I'm sorry."
"There's nothing you can do about it," Gale turned to look at her. "I'm kind of glad, I'll be proud to help take down the Capital... I've been wanting to do it my whole life."
Katniss held back a laugh and rolled her eyes. She was used to hearing Gale's treasonous rants against the Capital. "My father got one," she whispered solemnly. "I have go in his place."
"I figured that's what you'd say," he frowned, the fury in his eyes now gone, replaced by hopelessness.
"What's going to happen to our families?" She asked. With both of the hunters gone, there would be no one there to take care of her mother or Prim... Oh, Prim, she thought, sweet Prim. How could she convince Prim that Katniss had to fight in the war? That their family had no other option?
Katniss was relieved that Gale didn't argue with her about going to the war. He understood the position she was in, as he had also faced the harsh reality of having a father working in the mines. Gale's father had died shortly after her father left the mines due to his illness. There had been a collapse that surely would have left her own father dead, too, if he had been working that day. She had never been more grateful for the sickness brought on her father. Katniss thought Gale had always been bitter about it, that her father was still alive while his was buried beneath coal dust and dirt, his body unrecovered from the explosion.
Katniss figured that her and Gale would be closer if she lost her father that day. From the first time she met him in the woods, he had kept himself guarded. She stifled a laugh thinking back to the day he accused her of stealing.
"What are doing out here, anyway?" he had asked after Katniss timidly backed away from the rabbit hanging from the snare and explained she had only been admiring his craftsmanship. "Did your father croak, too?"
She flinched at the harshness of his words and she could tell by the way he frowned that they had affected him too. She spoke quietly, "I.. no." Katniss watched him quizzically. His stony gaze intimidated her and she wondered if he was one of the many children who had lost their fathers to the mines last week. She eyed him warily as he examined the bow in her hands. Katniss tightened her grip on it and brought it closer to her chest after catching sight of his icy glare. "My father's just really sick from working in the mines. I'm trying to help my mom take care of my family while he can't."
"So am I," he said in a faraway voice. He held out his hand, "Gale."
Katniss noticed the change in his expression after she explained why she was in the woods. He had a look of admiration in his eyes. She knew then that she could trust him out here. Gale understood, he had a family to take care of, too; he wouldn't rat her out to the Peacekeepers. She let out a sigh of relief and shook his hand.
"Katniss," she said without the slightest hint of hesitation in her voice.
"Well, Katniss, what do you say to helping each other out here? Hunting partners?"
Katniss liked the idea of having someone else out here in the woods with her, someone to literally watch her back while she roamed the forest in search of game to shoot at. She figured he had a lot of his own knowledge he could share with her, too, like crafting a snare. She gave him a timid nod, "Partners."
Gale stood up and walked towards her, interrupting the flashback she was replaying in her head. "I suppose it's time we start bringing Rory out here, huh?" He wrapped one arm around her shoulder. "Everything's going to be okay, Katniss."
"Don't get all soft on me, Hawthrone," Katniss teased as she pushed him away.
Katniss walked into town after her and Gale parted ways at the fence. She still had the squirrels she shot earlier and wanted to buy the bread she promised Prim she would get earlier. As she made her way to the bakery, it appeared to be closed. An odd feeling sat in her gut.
If her sick father had been drafted, why wouldn't a young, strong sixteen-year-old boy be?
No, no, no, she thought, not him. Please not him.
She walked around to the back of the bakery where she usually made her trades. Katniss had always feared the idea of walking into the front of the bakery and being yelled at and shooed away by the baker's wife. She heard the rumors and had also been a witness to the callousness the wicked woman possessed. Katniss told herself that the real reason she never walked through the front door of the bakery wasn't because she was too afraid to face Peeta Mellark at the counter. She still never thanked him for the day he saved her father's life.
Katniss took a deep breath and knocked on the door.
"Sorry, we're closed," a voice spoke from behind the door.
"It's Katniss Everdeen. Can I-" She stopped talking as the door swung open.
Peeta Mellark stood in front of her, his blond hair askew and eyes red from crying. The sight of him confirmed her suspicions and she felt that odd feeling pit in her stomach again.
"Katniss? What are you...?" He wiped at his face and ran a hand through his hair, attempting to fix his appearance. Seeing her brought on a new set of tears. Peeta almost laughed at the look on her face. "I'm sorry, I'm probably making you uncomfortable. I just got..."
She shook her head, "No, it's fine. I understand." Katniss looked at the ground, unsure of what else to say. She didn't know what to do as she saw tears come to his eyes. Katniss had never been good at comforting people. She shifted awkwardly on her feet.
"You're probably looking for my father," he pointed out.
"No!" Katniss shouted quickly as he turned to look for him. She grabbed Peeta's arm to stop him from walking away. His eyes widened in surprise and he looked down to where Katniss was touching him. She let go as soon as she realized what she had done and cleared her throat. "No, you're fine. Please take these, Peeta."
He looked at the three squirrels Katniss handed him in amazement. It brought the first smile to his lips this morning. "Thank you, Katniss. What does my father usually give you for these?"
Katniss dreamily thought of the big, hearty loaves of bread the baker would normally give her for the squirrels. They could help feed her family for days. She looked up at Peeta's distraught face and those thoughts vanished. "Please just take them. I have plenty more," she lied.
"I can't do that. Let me give you something." He walked into the bakery for a minute and came out with some freshly baked bread. "Here, please accept these. I just made them. Try one," Peeta held one out to her.
Katniss grabbed it angrily. She wanted to stop owing this boy. The boy who saved her father's life years ago and indirectly the rest of her family's. Her anger faded as soon as she took a bite out of the bread. "This is really good. Thank you, Peeta."
He smiled at her. "Thanks, they're cheese buns." Peeta handed her the rest of them.
"This is too much."
"I've been baking to keep my mind off the letter," Peeta winced as he talked about it out loud for the first time. "It's probably better that I get rid of them before my mother finds out. You'd be doing me another favor."
Katniss sighed and shook her head, hating that he seemed to know her better than she wanted him to. "Thank you." She held her hand out to him. "Be safe, Peeta. I really hope that you come home." She noticed the tears that came to his eyes. "I need you to make me more of these cheese buns."
Peeta laughed, hoping to disguise the sob coming from his throat in response to her words. "I'll try my best, just for you," Peeta whispered as he shook her hand with a firm grip.
She couldn't tell if he was joking along with her or being serious. Katniss couldn't figure out which one she wanted, either. "I'll see you..." she stopped herself. She couldn't say soon, who knows when the war would end? Or if he would even come back. Katniss herself didn't know if she would return, either. With these thoughts, she squeezed his hand tighter. "I'll see you," Katniss said again with more finality.
"See you, Katniss."
Katniss walked away from the bakery, cheese buns in hand, with a heavy heart. She spotted a dandelion rooting from the ground and turned around. Peeta was still standing in the door. Her eyes met with the saddest blue eyes she had ever seen. Katniss blinked away the tears she felt in her own eyes and drew in a shaky breath. She gave him a small smile and a wave before turning around and picking the dandelion. It brought her back to five years ago.
Katniss couldn't stand looking at her father's lifeless body for another second.
She turned away from her still unresponsive mother and Prim and tried not to wince as she noticed her sister's hollowed out face. Katniss rummaged through her family's scarce belongings, attempting to find something valuable enough to sell. She settled with Prim's baby clothes and took all the coins she could find as she put on her father's hunting jacket.
Prim followed behind Katniss to the door. "Where are you going," her voice was weak.
Katniss gently touched her sister's sickly looking face. "I'm going to the apothecary to try for some medicine again." She frowned. This would be the sixth time in two weeks she would be visiting the shop. She gave up going everyday three weeks ago. Each time she had gone, they shooed her away not even bothering counting up the small bag of coins in her hand. Katniss didn't expect this time would be any different, even with the clothes. She wouldn't allow herself to ever hope of it.
Her sister sighed, "be careful out there."
Katniss pulled her jacket closer as stepped out of the house and into the freezing rain. This winter had been a harsh one, especially with their father unconscious for the better part of the end of it. Katniss shivered as she thought of the night her father collapsed after dinner. He had come home from the mines more beaten down than usual. She couldn't help but notice the loud, uncontrollable coughing fits he couldn't get rid of as he prepared their supper. Katniss worriedly kept watch of him from her spot on the couch. He had barely gotten dinner started in the half hour he had been in the kitchen. She started to panic when he bent over, gasping for breath.
"Papa?" She stood up quickly and made her way to the kitchen. He was upright again when she ran in the room. "Papa? Mama's still working with a patient, but I can take over for you."
"Oh, I'm fine, my flower," he waved her off. "Just a little cold." Her father started wheezing again.
"You should rest. You have to go back to work tomorrow," Katniss said with a frown, thinking about her father down in the mines. She hated knowing that one day he could go under ground and never come back up.
He sighed, "I guess you're right. If I rest now, I should be better by then." He patted her head as he walked past her.
After dinner, he asked Katniss to sing for him. She had barely gotten two verses past her lips when her father fainted. Katniss helped her mother carry him to their bed. "Is he going to be okay?" She looked up at her mother's stoic face, already fading from her children. Katniss knew then that this was more than a little cold.
She should have seen the signs. He hadn't sang with her in weeks.
And I'll never sing again until he can with me, she thought to herself as she trudged through the mud. Katniss was relieved after making it past the imaginary line separating the Seam and Town. The walk to the apothecary would be easy now.
She sighed as she made her way up the steps. The same woman Katniss had seen at the counter each time she came let out a huff as she walked through the door. She hid her scowl, even attempting a polite smile. You have to be nice if you ever want a chance of buying that medicine, Katniss bitterly reminded herself. She shook thoughts of returning home empty handed out of her head. It wasn't an option anymore; she needed this medicine.
"What do you want?" The woman spat out. "The price is still the same it was five weeks ago; if you don't have enough, you can leave now."
Katniss wondered if the woman was only this rude to people from the Seam. Yes, she thought as she noticed the woman eye her grimy hands with disgust. She cleared her throat, "I brought something else with me this time. Some baby clothes. They've been well kept."
The woman scoffed. "I have no use for your old, ratty clothes. My children have already grown up."
"I don't think you understand," she cried. Behind her, Katniss heard the bell to the shop jingle as someone entered. "My father's going to die. No one will be there to take care of my family. Please."
"If you don't have the coins, leave." The woman didn't even flinch. Katniss knew she was doomed. "I have other customers waiting."
Katniss looked over her shoulder and felt her cheeks flush with embarrassment. A boy the same age as her with the blondest hair and the bluest eyes was staring at her. Peeta Mellark. His family owned the bakery and he was one of the most popular Merchants in her grade. She glared him. If it was anyone else behind her, any other merchant she wouldn't have cared, but she had often caught Peeta's eyes on her. Each time he would quickly turn away and laugh with his friends. Insecurity sometimes got the best of her after hearing their taunting laughs and she had wondered if they were laughing at the poor Seam girl staring at the handsome Merchant boy.
The way he was looking at her now was unsettling. He almost looked sad, or maybe that was just pity. He did just witness Katniss beg for medicine. She turned away; she didn't care for his pity.
"Forget it. Sorry for bothering you," Katniss mumbled out before bolting out the door, leaving her sister's old clothes behind. She shouldn't have bothered coming. She knew that bringing the old baby clothes wasn't going to change anything, but Katniss still felt disappointed. Tears began to cloud her vision at the realization that she would never be able to help her father. Katniss tried to find the way back home but couldn't see past her tears. Sobs escaped her mouth and she fell underneath an apple tree.
All of a sudden, Katniss felt weak. Weak knowing that her father would stay unconscious until his inevitable death; weak with the knowledge that her mother would follow fast behind; weak because she swore each time she looked at her sister, Prim was another pound lighter; and weak because she was tired, just so tired. Her tears had subsided and her eyes began to droop. Katniss willed herself to keep her eyes open, knowing that if she fell asleep now she might not ever wake up.
"So tried," she mumbled.
Katniss almost didn't hear the plop of the bag thrown in front of her. Almost.
Her eyes flew open and she looked in front of her. Katniss reached into the bag and found the medicine her father needed in her hands. She looked up and met the gaze of Peeta. Katniss furrowed her eyebrows and the nod he gave in response reassured her that the medicine was meant for her.
His mother stormed out of the bakery yelling about coins and Seam trash.
"Go," he mouthed to her as she approached him.
Katniss quickly snatched the bag and tucked it safely under her shirt. She stood up and glanced at Peeta once more. His mother was raising the rolling pin in her hand, but Peeta was still watching Katniss. "Go," his mouth formed the word again. She gasped, turned away, not wanting to see what was about to take place in front of her, and ran towards the Seam.
The next day at school, Katniss tried to gather up enough courage to thank Peeta, but each time she convinced herself to get it over with, she caught him staring at her. She tried not to think anything of the red welt covering his cheek. Katniss began to worry. Did he expect something from her? For her to pay him back? With a sinking feeling, she realized she owed Peeta Mellark big time. How would she ever repay the boy who saved her father? She wouldn't ever be able to pay him back for the medicine, at least not for a long time. These discouraging thoughts were the reason Katniss turned away from him in the schoolyard later that day.
Her eyes caught sight of something bright yellow growing from the ground. A dandelion. It reminded her of what her father told her last night, after the medicine took affect, as he handed her a book.
It was filled with information about herbs and plants. She remembered him showing her it as a child and couldn't believe she had forgotten about it. It would have been useful during the time her parents were away. "As long as you find yourself, you'll never starve," he whispered in ear like a secret between the two.
Now, staring at the dandelion in front of her feet, she realized the meaning behind his words. Katniss closed her eyes and thought of the lake. Of katniss roots tickling the bottoms of her feet as her father taught her to swim. Of tall, green trees. Of a bow wrapped in tarp, safely hidden inside the trunk of a tree outside of District Twelve. Of a meadow bursting bright yellow. Of hope.
For the first time since her father collapsed, Katniss was not afraid. There would be food on the table tomorrow, she would be sure of it. Prim would gain back the weight lost during the past month. Her mother would go back to work and provide her family with the coins needed and Katniss would provide them with food from the plentiful forest. Her family would be okay.
She plucked the dandelion and happily ran in search for her sister.
Winter was over; spring was coming. They were not doomed.
She stared at the dandelion now in her hand and it brought a smile to her face.
Peeta. Her dandelion.
There was still hope yet.
"I have to go."
"Katniss," her father's voice said weakly. Just hearing him speak her name reassured Katniss that she was doing the right thing. Her father wouldn't even survive the walk out their door. He coughed before trying to speak again, "You can't do this. I... I won't let you."
She almost rolled her eyes. "You won't let me? Father, there's nothing you can do. You can't stop me," Katniss bitterly pointed out. It was true, she sadly thought. Even sitting in front of him, not even a foot away, her father couldn't reach her. "What else am I supposed to do? Just sit and watch as the Peacekeepers of District Thirteen kill you?! I won't let that happen. Besides, we need the money and you know it. We'll starve without it.. hunting isn't cutting it anymore."
"I'm-" his words were lost as he started another fit of coughing. He accepted the water Katniss handed him thankfully. "I'm dead anyway, Katniss. I don't think I'll survive to see the end of this war."
"No." Katniss spat out. She held back the tears threatening to fall and looked away. He couldn't die, he was her father. "You're not going to die. I'm risking my life for you... so you can't die. You can't." She looked up again and was startled by the anger radiating off him. Katniss had never before in her life seen her father so angry.
He slammed his hands down on the bed. "I don't want you to risk your life for me."
"I don't care. I'm going and you can't stop me," she spoke vehemently against her father, egging his anger on. She wanted him to be mad at her, it would make leaving easier. He frowned at her making Katniss guilty for the way she was speaking to him.
Katniss continued, softening her voice, "I'm going to start preparing with Gale before I go. He's going, too," she was brought back to the conversation she had with the baker's son as she said this. Peeta will be there as well, she sadly thought. "He'll protect me, it'll be okay, father."
"I'm not going to convince you to stay, am I? Come here," he struggled to lift up his arms as Katniss inched closer to him. He softly caressed her face and kissed her forehead. "My stubborn flower, you remind me so much of myself. I wish you would stay."
"We have time, father," Katniss whispered. She placed her hands on top of his to steady his shaking. Katniss swallowed her tears. "I'll come back. For you," She echoed words similar to the ones that Peeta vowed to her earlier. She could only hope, as images of his sad, blue eyes swirled in her mind, both promises would be kept.
That night no amount of dandelions could help her. Peeta Mellark couldn't save her from her night terrors, instead, he became the reason they existed. She dreamed of hundreds different ways the war took his life. A new reality began to sink in that night and Katniss hoped that it wouldn't become true. She couldn't bear the thought of losing Peeta to the war.
a/n: Okay, so. This is my first fanfic for THG and the first one I'm trying really hard to take serious and finish (my fics I attempted to write when I was thirteen are cringe worthy). And okay, I'm only three years older and I'm no fantastic writer by any means, I'm just going to try real hard to finish this. Uhm, I don't really know how to do the whole beta thing? So, excuse the errors I didn't catch. If anyone wants to explain to me how that works, I'd love you. Also, right now my computer is broken (sad, sad) so getting a chapter on here is a little hard. That being said, I'm not sure when the next chapter will be.. hopefully soon! I have a good chunk of it done.
I hope you enjoyed it. ;)