A.N: So, I wrote this letter for some of my so-called "friends" (ex ex EX friends, that is) that have been nothing but horrible to me for the past year since I stopped talking to them. This is really, really, REALLY personal and I wasn't really focusing 100% on grammar or making sense, I just needed to express myself. And I kind of wish they'd read it someday, even though I know they won't :( Just be warned, there is one swear word *just the D word, though*. Anyways, I think I'm going to make this Smitchie, at first it was gonna be Naitlyn but I decided against it. Anyway, enjoy, and please no flames :( P.S, I changed some things, like how they met and where they moved down from and how he's her boyfriend and all, so that it would fit Smitchie. So, not all of this was in the original letter (the person I was writing to was a girl, anyways... lol), just so you guys know that. Anyhoo... ENJOY!

Disclaimer: Yes, the letter, and my feelings are mine. Want them? But of course I don't own Camp Rock :(

Shane,

I bet you're wondering why I'm writing this, when you'll never even see it. I don't know, I just need to get my emotions out for once, and not in the form of another heartbroken poem. I'm kind of sick of writing depressing songs 24/7. Plus, the label company's threatening to drop me if I write another sad breakup song.

What happened? Or should the question really be, WHY did everything happen? I don't understand a fraction of anything that happened that June, nor will I ever be able to comprehend why it was such a big deal. It's been a year, and I still can't escape it, and it's still just like it happened yesterday. So why is it so hard to move on? Why won't you let me move on?

I don't hate you, even though sometimes I hate myself for not hating you. It doesn't make any sense as to why I can't hate you; after all of this, it should be relatively easy. I only wish I could rewind time, and walked away that moment I ran into you at camp. I wish you guys had just stayed back in New Jersey. I wish a lot of things. It would have saved so much pain and trouble. Things would be so much different.

Sometimes, I just want to pick up the phone and call you, and apologize and fix this, but it's my head that knows I can't. I'll never be able to again. And it hurts so damn bad (not that you give a crap). Too many things have happened, too much has been said, and everything's different now. Once upon a time, I might have been able to save our relationship with a phone call, but not now. You made you choice, and now I've got to stick with mine. Even if sometimes I don't want too.

When I think back, it isn't even clear exactly what caused us to stop talking. I guess our relationship just slowly died. And in a way, I kind of wish we'd had a real fight, or at least been able to say goodbye to each other. Maybe that would make it easier to move on, or at least I can keep trying to manipulate myself to believe that. Nothing would've been able to change our relationship; I guess it was just destined to fail from the start. And I'm not going to beg you to stay or to change your mind. You made you decision.

And now, seeing you, it makes me wonder if I ever meant anything to you, or if it was just all a game. A sick, twisted game to try to make yourselves better, to give yourselves a better reputation. Did you even mean anything you said? Because I certainly wasn't lying. Ever.

Part of this is my fault (I'm not blaming you completely), I was so stupidly naïve, and I just needed someone so badly that I just went along with you. I never questioned why your mom was so nasty one moment and "nice" the other, or why your brother was such a jerk and then switched to a 180. So, yes, I blame myself. I was too stupid to see what was going on right in front of me, and you were just a part of their twisted evil games.

I threw out your pictures, I took your necklace off, and I tried to get over you. But if there's one thing I can't do, it's forget. And I don't know why this has to continue on (it's been a YEAR) and why I can't just drop every memory we shared and hate you. Because that's what should have happened, instead of this long, drawn out insanity.

And I'm definitely not sure why I'm writing this. Because it won't change a thing. Everything will still be messed up like it is now. One stupid letter can't change a years' worth of problems. So why do I even bother; sitting here writing out something that won't do anything? It's worthless to even bother. You'll never change or understand how I'm feeling. So, eventually, somehow, I'm just going to have to let it go – find a way to hate you.

So, as I'm trying to find a way to close this letter, please, let me move on. Please, don't sit in front or to the side of us every time we're in the same room, don't continue to spread rumors about us, don't try to take every possible friend or happiness I have. Just move on and let things return to normal (I'm not saying that's going to happen, I don't even know what normal stands for anymore, but just try to fix things). Don't keep throwing me down every time I try to get back on my feet. I need to move on.

You really were my best friend/boyfriend,

M.

P.S. Skillet – The Older I Get. Listen to it, learn it, live it.