The Legend of Gildarts
Chapter 1
Ages (Not likely canon ages)
Natsu and his crew: 12-15
Laxus and Mystogan: Early 20s
Gildarts, Ivan, Macao, and Wakaba: Early 30s
This story is inspired by omnidestruction5678's "I will make you Epic(Wait for it)dary!" Which tragically only had 2 chapters released (Both in 2013)
It was a typical day at the guild, Natsu and Gray were arguing, people nearby were trying to no avail to stop them from fighting, Cana was underage drinking, Laxus was giving a shit-eating grin to anyone who happened to look his way, others were shooting the breeze. Meanwhile outside Mystogan was meditating on a hill overlooking the guild.
However someone would be making his grand return later on
"How dare you melt my black cherry ice cream!" Gray shouted
"That's for my Hawaiian pizza you mercilessly froze." Natsu fired back
"Natsu if you're a real man, you would have a meatlovers pizza instead."
"Shut up Elfman!" Natsu threw the frozen pizza like a frisbee it was nearly atomized on contact with Elfman's face
KO! All the vegetarians in the vicinity clapped
But while Natsu was distracted by 'the manly one' Gray froze the ice cream into a cube complete with a handhold and swiped it across the dragonslayer's face
The frozen black cherries were on the face of the cube and produced similar results to barbed wire
"Aghhhh my face!" He then acted without thinking and chomped the cube to pieces "Aghhhh my teeth!"
Gray also got bit "Wait am I foaming in my mouth? Do you have rabies?!"
"I don't think so but you're gonna pay my dentist bill buddy." Natsu's teeth looked like something out of a alley dentist's nightmares. Several people vomited in response
Meanwhile on the other side of the hall mages were discussing Laxus and staring at him kind of creepily
"He's so cool just look at those headphones, probably cost a fortune."
"His voice reminds me of Dio Brando. Such elegance!"
"I know he claims he's a super saiyan, but I personally think he's a super saiyan 2."
"Oh he looked at me, I shall treasure this moment for the rest of my life!"
"Truly a remarkable man I think he's next in line for guildmaster."
"Wait isn't there someone else next in line?"
Just then that guy known as Ivan strolled into the guild, he started to pimp walk towards Laxus and talked to him for a few moments then they both got up and pimp walked outside
But Ivan stopped before the entrance, he looked over at Makarov and then he did the unthinkable
HE DABBED
He then resumed his pimp walk out. His dab was met with such disgust that Natsu and Gray's fight instantaneously stopped and Cana quickly downed another barrel of the strong stuff.
Makarov gave a look of disapproval "Hmmm the black alpaca in the family. For generations the Dreyar bloodline has been blessed with being born super saiyan but when he was born everything changed."
"At first I thought it was the wrong baby but I accepted it and raised him as if he was super saiyan, but he really was different."
"I thought Laxus would be my successor but if he keeps following Ivan's style Fairy Tail is doomed."
Unfortunately for him Erza heard his monologue "Master if not Laxus what about Macao, Wakaba, Mystogan, or even me?"
The guildmaster thought about it "Well you're too inexperienced but maybe in a few years I'll consider, Mystogan prefers to keep to himself, and while Wakaba and Macao are experienced enough..."
They both looked over to see them in a drinking contest with some underage mages
"Yeah... point taken." Erza facepalmed
Over the horizon a hero comes within sight of Magnolia
"I'm back." he simply said
It was Gildarts Clive the most badass, intense, sexiest, memetic, arguably intelligent, and strongest member of Fairy Tail. He wore a black shirt, a customized brown cape, navy blue pants, and chrome coloured boots that had extensive experience in asskicking
He stood on a hill in the east forest overlooking Magnolia with an overflowing travelbag, he took one dramatic step
His journey to the guild was met with a obstacle: a small rock
Gildarts tripped on the stealth rock and did a faceplant causing a earthquake that panicked the villagers. But it wasn't over he started rolling down the hill, building up to a ridiculous speed
It must have been a coincidence that there was a bike marathon on the same day and close to 30 bikers in a tight spread were headed straight for Gildarts
They never stood a chance. Some were thrown into trees while the rest joined Gildarts' manmade avalanche. They rolled all the way to the border of the town where there was a reinforced wall.
The biker's journey tragically ended at the wall, however Gildarts went straight through the wall and a couple more before coming to a stop.
"Damn you Dwayne Johnston." He got up, dusted himself off then walked to the guild
Seems the word got out. The town started shifting in preparation of the crash master, sirens were also blaring
Gildarts was disappointed "They were supposed to play Lost Horizon Highlander."
Everyone at Fairy Tail knew what was happening
"That's gotta be Gildarts!" Natsu said excitedly
"7 years. Took him long enough." someone else said
By then the Gildarts chants were heard all over Magnolia (Think Goldberg/Gillberg's entrance)
Mystogan paid no attention to the commotion, he was wearing what looked like a Sub Zero costume (MK9). The city shift was meant to protect the buildings from the wrath of Gildarts, it unfortunately caused semi-meditating Mystogan to fall through a nearby building
Gildarts had a non flinching walk, nothing could steal his attention he continued down the clear path.
The guild members watched the front doors with anticipation. Soon enough a shadow appeared from under the revolving doors
The doors were literally vaporized as the man of the hour walked into it. He stood there with his front shadowed, nobody took a breath
Then all of a sudden Gildarts stepped into the light and executed a JoJo pose causing everybody to cheer like their team won the Stanley Cup
"Kept you waiting huh?"
Meanwhile quite a distance away
The Oracion Seis were training in a wasteland Racer, Cobra, and Hoteye were sparring. Brain, Midnight, and Angel sat on the sidelines and observed
Cobra had the advantage but as he moved in for the knockout his face contorted from a arrogant smirk to a face that looked like his head would combust
"Uh... you ok?" Hoteye questioned
"My ears... Did the Maple Leafs actually win the cup?" He then collapsed
(Metal Gear Solid gameover music starts playing)
"Cobra what's wrong?! Cobra?! COBRAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Angel and Racer screamed
Brain had a pissed off look "Cobra you can't die now, you'll create a time paradox, you can't go changing the future like that."
Back at Fairy Tail
The cheering and screaming had quieted down Gildarts tried to get to Makarov but the wrath of millions of questions stalled him, he knew they would be coming
"How many 100 year quests did you do?"
"All of them."
"Close calls?"
"Well I was negotiating with a hostage taker over the phone. He knew something was wrong when he could hear my voice twice."
"Any kids yet?"
"Probably not... I hope."
"What shampoo do you use?"
"L'oreal because I'm worth it."
"Ok ok thats enough." Makarov said "Give Gildarts some space he's probably tired."
Everyone cleared and returned to their usual positions except Natsu
"Gildarts! I'm all fired up, it's time to get payback for those times you beat me."
Gildarts gave the come at me gesture
"Hmmm it's been around seven years since we last fought. He was 6 then now he's 13 I think. I should upgrade my Normal Flicks to Consecutive Normal Flicks to see how much progress he has."
Natsu jumped straight at Gildart "Fire Dragon's Iron Fist!"
The attack hit him in the face but stopped instantly, and that's when Natsu knew he screwed up
But Gildarts aborted his attack he looked very disturbed "Natsu what in the name of german alternative rock band Falco happened to your teeth?"
"Gray's black cherry ice cream happened."
Gildarts gave a death glare to Gray who looked terrified. It's a well-known fact that Gildarts' Death Stare produces similar effects to top level laxatives
"Gray Fullbuster get your buddy Natsu a ice cream sundae before I harpoon you." He pulled out a previously unseen harpoon
"Yessir!" Gray sped towards the kitchen so fast Jet had to do a double take
"Make sure it's soft serve! Anyway Natsu come to my house later I'll get your mouth fixed up."
For years Cana struggled with the confidence to tell Gildarts something fairly important. Now she had enough confidence, but unfortunately she was too drunk to remember what to tell him
Gildarts finally made his way to Makarov, they did a truly badass handshake and walked to Makarov's room
"Did you seriously finish all 18 quests?"
"Yep and I spent the first 4 years going on adventures and training."
"A task with a combined time of over 1800 years gets finished in 3 years... Why is this guy not a household name?" The guildmaster said mentally
"Impressive, I don't think I've heard of such an remarkable feat in half a century." Makarov complemented "Did you get what I asked for?"
Gildarts took out several magazines "Last 7 year's limited editions in (mostly) mint condition."
The master got a perverted look and skimmed through one "I can see why they're limited edition, they sell out too fast around here."
"Believe it or not there's educational value in them." Gildarts gave his input
"Who wouldn't believe that?" Makarov put the books away
"So what's up with your grandson? I didn't see him here."
"He's out with Ivan." Makarov said with extreme despair
"I thought you got him on therapy."
"He somehow absorbed the therapy the wrong way and now he's much worse."
"We need to save Laxus before it's too late." they both said instantaneously
"Well anyways, Laxus is now S-class so is Mystogan and Erza."
"Whoa! Erza's pretty young to be S-class, I did predict Laxus though, and who's Mist Gun?
"Mystogan is a wizard around Laxus' age, he joined 2 years ago. He's an expert in elemental and illusion magic, carries magic staves, and he doesn't socialize much. Right now he's wearing a Sub Zero costume."
"Yes! We finally have a ninja mage! This is great!" Gildarts ran outside but took a shortcut through the wall
"Same as always." Makarov shook his head
Mystogan dragged himself out of the building he fell through holding his back in agony
A birthday party was being held inside and all the kids were hitting Mystogan with his own staves, he was trying to be polite and letting them. But then some of them started biting the staves or doing worse things
In retaliation he cast a sleep spell and gave the kids nightmares about Sonic the Hedgehog and Exodia the Forbidden One
"Hey Mystogan!" came a loud voice
"What do you want Laxus?"
Laxus for some reason kept trying to make Mystogan his rival ever since he became S-class. Possibly because whenever they sparred it was pretty evenly matched, Laxus is also one of the few members who actually talks to him.
"The city was shifting, the town was chanting, you know what that means the almighty Gildarts is back." Laxus said excitedly
"Indeed, I've heard some bizarre stories about him"
"Believe me they're all true, well most of them anyway. He's so powerful that all our S-class mages combined would get our asses kicked by him effortlessly."
They talked for awhile then they went their ways. But before they were out of earshot
"Laxus! You have to be careful with those headphones, could stab someone's eye out."
"What about your staves? Speaking of which is that snot on the skull one?"
Mystogan obtained a look of horror when he saw one of his staves coated halfway with mucus
"Uh... good luck with that." Laxus left the scene
Mystogan used a steam technique to clean the skull stave. Suddenly he felt the atmosphere change intensely
He looked up to see Gildarts approach
"Are you Mystogan?" he asked
"That's right. So you're the ace around here."
"Not just around here. Are you a ninja?!"
"No just using this to disguise myself, but I am familiar with illusion and shadow magic."
"We'll have to spar sometime. Have you seen Laxus?"
"You just missed him, he headed in the guild's direction."
"Typical. If you want to be disguised you might want a new set of clothes."
Mystogan didn't notice before but the birthday party bastards managed to damage quite a bit of his Sub Zero costume. Weird Laxus didn't say anything.
"I got some spare clothes at my place."
"No thanks I'm good."
Clive grabbed his shoulders "You don't understand. These are such badass threads that the laws of physics couldn't catch up to them for another 5000 years. Being formulated from the same material as plot armor, makes it nigh indestructible, it's also a extreme lightweight material that won't slow you down even slightly. Not to mention the style which crosses ninja and badass elements in a fusion that traces the origins of a historical battle that actually took place in ancient Fiore. And it's also comfortable."
"Take me to the clothes. ASAP" Mystogan was convinced
Gildarts and Mystogan headed towards Gildarts' Pad. Through talking with the crash mage Mystogan realized the rumors he's heard while eavesdropping were accurate, he really was as badass, experienced, and wise(in his own way) as they said
He could learn alot from him. They entered the house near the northeastern edge of town, it seemed mostly minimalistic.
"So nobody would attempt to steal from here? Even when you're gone for so long."
"They know better." Gildarts led him down into the basement where it was packed with stuff and looked hi-tech for the age.
"Mystogan. This is most of my weapons, gear, awards, and keepsakes from all my quests."
"The clothes I got from a mission years back from a ninja clan I helped, it looks identical to what they wore."
(Note the clothing is what Mystogan actually wears in the series)
He brought the clothing to Mystogan "If you're S-class you really shouldn't have to disguise yourself as Sub Zero."
"Thanks a lot. You have no idea how hard it is to find decent clothes around here."
Mystogan was so into the new threads that he took off his mask unconsciously
He looked up at Gildarts who had a unreadable expression
With a quick hand motion he sent all the staves flying across the room. He then gathered intense energy and assumed a stance "Is looking like a terrorist the new style now? I swear you're the third person I've seen with that face."
Mystogan sweated mountain dew "Now I know what you're thinking, but the answer might surprise you."
Gildarts sat down "Explain."
Mystogan gave an explanation so long, the author lost all motivation to write any of it. He explained his origins, why he looks like a terrorist, where Waldo is these days, and Dreyar family drama
"So you're a prince from a alternative universe whos a counterpart to Jellal?"
"My name is also Jellal." Mystogan mentioned, causing Gildarts to complain about the confusion
"In case our slave master Jellal becomes a recurring character, I'll just call you Mystogan or Mist Gun."
"That's fine. But if he's such a well-known terrorist why hasn't anyone tried to stop his tower of heaven project?"
"The government are morons." both men nodded their heads to that
"I know a little bit about transformation magic, I can change your face so you don't have death threats on sight."
"Proceed"
Gildarts spent an eternity focusing energy into his hand properly for transformation. Then he unceremoniously punched Mystogan in the face
Mystogan sat up to see a mirror held in his face. His red tattoo was gone and his hair was now dark blue.
"Good! Gotta add facial reconstruction to the resume." Gildarts wrote in a huge book titled Gildarts Clive: is there anything he can't do?
Some time later
Natsu dropkicked the guild doors open (yes they've been replaced already) only for the doors to repel back and smack him in the face. Gildarts appeared behind him looking disappointed and helped him up
Natsu looked up, everyone who wasn't passed out was giving him a intense stare. This made him a little uncomfortable, but it was time to test a new technique
"Fire Dragon's Lite Brite!" Natsu opened his mouth to flawless teeth, so shiny that it mimicked a laser pointer with the spread of a floodlight.
"Aaaaaaaaggghhhhhhh"
"Nnnnnnnnaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnniiiiii"
"I can see the light"
"Now I really wish" Wakaba began "Goku didn't steal my sunglasses."
"Yeah! But aren't your eyes always closed?." Macao brought up
"They're squinting, you know like Clint Eastwood."
"Sweet mother of PeanutButterGamer! That's really bright." Gildarts commented
As most of the guildmembers demanded mercy, Erza decided she wasn't most of the guildmembers and requipped to a g-men uniform with sunglasses
She pulled out a badge "Fairy Tail S-class Erza Scarlet."
Everyone including Natsu stopped and responded with their usual dread toward authorities
"Natsu Dragneel! In light of your acts of indecent exposure and disruption of peace, I'll take it upon myself to beat you like a rug."
"Calm down Erza" some of the mages were weary of her g-men antics
Erza waved the badge "I'm a cop you idiot!"
Natsu welcomed the challenge "Fire Dragon's Lite Brite! Phase 2" this one was twice as bright
Titania struggled with the light, but kept moving towards the smiling dragonslayer. However the sunglasses started to crack until they broke into pieces and fell down.
Either Erza instantaneously put another pair on or she apparently was wearing 2 pairs at the same time like the Master Chief
With a swift punch Natsu went flying smashing his cranium off the second floor. He rolled over and saw a tooth on the ground that looked suspiciously like his front tooth
"Your move creep." Erza channeled her inner Robocop
Gildarts by this time sat down on a bar stool and ordered a drink with a hand motion "She's been watching too many movies lately."
"We managed to hide Kill Bill." Max said over the counter
"What a relief. That was one spot-check that saved lives."
"But she got to Aliens and Mortal Kombat."
"Those were $500 sunglasses asshole!"
After hearing that Max and Gildarts gave each other looks of horror. A fatality this early in the story would be unacceptable.
Back at the fight Natsu was in that dazed state when beaten in Mortal Kombat (MK1 version because it looks funnier)
Erza was trying to remember her fatality combination
But Gildarts appeared behind her at a speed that sent nearby furniture repelling like two same magnets. He gave her a 540 turning kick sending her flying airborne like a missle, destroying a mountain on the horizon "She'll be back."
Everyone in the guild stared at him
"What?"
"Are you seriously gonna complain I hit a girl. She was going to give Natsu a freakin fatality and that mountain was ugly anyway." he pointed out
The awkward silence was broken by "Dat Boi Ivan's" loud footwear hitting the wood floor
Ivan and Laxus pimpwalked into the guild, Ivan appeared to have a camera "Guess what? It's your boi Ivan Dreyar and Son Laxus! Today we are going to react to the return of Ivan's infamous rival
Large Ham narrator: "Gildarts has finally encountered Laxus and his apparent rival Ivan! Will their opposing conversation turn aggressive? Probably for sure! Is Titania going to be alright? And more importantly will she get sued by Ricola for destroying one of their precious mountains? Meanwhile Mystogan is trying to act normal around people but he soon realizes it's not as easy as it sounds. Is Natsu in store for another dentist trip? Does Fairy Tail even cover dental? Find out some of these and much more on the next exciting episode of The Legend of Gildarts!
Urban Dictionary's Definition of Pimp Walk: A slightly controlled stagger on either the left or right leg that causes one to limp in such a way others will notice them. In short, a Pimp Walk is what most ballers do as they walk down the street or enter a room; it lets the surrounding audience know that they are in fact, the shit