The Long Night of Marcus Cole
Disclaimer: Babylon 5 and all its characters belong to the great maker JMS. I'm just borrowing the characters and will put them back when I've finished...honest
Setting: Rising Star, Endgame, Sleeping in Light then AU
Most excellent beta: Layhee
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He tore through Medlab like a man possessed; frantically looking for something. "Bugger," he shouted, "where the bloody hell is it?" Frustration rose as he smashed his fist into a control panel. "Computer, access location to Alien Healing Device, password 'Rosen.'"
"Password accepted."
He looked at the screen and after quickly reading its information, he knew exactly where the machine was kept. It didn't take him too long to find. He brought it over to where Susan lay and quickly scanned the notes, absorbing the information and attaching one part of the device to himself and the other to Susan. He sat down next to her, stroking her long hair.
"I will not fail again. I want you to live, Susan."
He started the machine up, lights flashing as it began to hum. The process had begun; there was no turning back now. He began to feel tired as his head slowly slumped next to Susan's. He was getting weaker, he could feel it. The machine was transferring his life-force into her, to the one being he loved more than words could say. His body was getting heavy now, so mustering the last of his strength and looking at her one last time, he made sure he burned the image of her sweet face into his mind, and finally whispered, "I love you." Those three little words he had wanted to say for so long but the time had never been right and he'd been afraid. The woman beside him could strike terror into the First Ones, let alone her comrades, when in a bad mood and that scared him. If his final words failed him, then this single action would speak for him louder than words ever could. The last of his strength waning, he lowered his head to be next to hers and he let the darkness take him.
How much time had passed, he had no idea. All he could see now was darkness, enveloping him completely. When, suddenly, he heard a distinctive noise slowly growing louder and louder:
Tick
Tock
Tick
Tock
That bloody noise, all he wanted to do was sleep, he was just so tired, but the sound was distracting. He wasn't sure if he still had a body anymore–he could no longer feel his extremities. Is this… my soul? he thought to himself in the blackness.
Tick
Tock
Can I please sleep? That bloody noise is really starting to annoy me. He was tired and cranky, then he saw a grandfather clock materialise in front of him, keeping time. It was beautiful, made from the finest wood and intricately carved. He willed himself to come closer, to look at the piece. Made of oak, he thought. He'd never seen a real oak tree in his life, but he knew the particular shade of wood, as back on the colony his parents had an old antique oak dresser, a family heirloom that kept various family trinkets amongst other things within it. He looked at the face of the piece and saw there were no numbers or hands. Well this is odd. What kind of clock doesn't keep time?
"Tick."
"Tock."
A different voice now, older, kinder, wiser, familiar.
"Tick."
"Tock."
"Tick."
"Tock."
The figure appeared from behind the clock, a tall being draped in robes, with his kind golden eyes looking at him, peering into his soul.
"Tick, you're alive. Tock, you're dead. Which is it to be?" he asked, approaching him.
Marcus instantly recognised him. "Lorien?"
The being nodded and smiled. Marcus liked his smile; it was comforting. "Why am I here?" Marcus asked.
"You died," came the reply.
"Lorien, where am I?" He had to know.
"Oh, my friend," Lorien sighed, before continuing. "You are nowhere; you are neither in heaven nor in hell. You are simply here..." He spread out his arms. "…Your soul is trapped and is unable to fly free." Lorien paused. "Also, you have caused great pain."
Marcus spoke instantly, "Is Susan alright? Did the machine work?"
"After a fashion," he replied sadly, "yes."
"Why is there pain?"
"I will show you. But you may not like what you see."
Lorien waved his hand in front of him and everything changed around them. A room materialised and Marcus realised that he could look around. He noticed a reflection in the glass window; he now had a body. He knew instantly where they were: they were back in Medlab 1. It had been ransacked.
They walked to see the two figures in the facility. Marcus found it odd looking at himself, but he was fixed on Susan. Slowly she opened her eyes and began to take stock of where she was, then saw his figure slumped next to hers.
"Marcus," she called weakly.
There was no reply. Then she saw the machine and the realisation of what had happened hit her.
"No," she cried weakly. "No, Marcus, no." Tears fell down her face as she struggled to free herself so she could shut that damn machine off, but her body would not move, still traumatised from her injuries. She tried to yell from the bottom of her lungs to get attention, but her voice was still too weak. No one came. She lay there, watching the life-force ebbing away from Marcus into herself. There wasn't a damn thing she could do to stop it.
Eventually, a medtech made it in to where she was. He was wobbly on his feet, still trying to gather his wits after being clobbered by the Ranger.
"C- Commander-"
"Turn that damn thing off!" she blurted. "Help Marcus! Help him!" She lapsed back into uncontrollable sobs, "Help him."
The tech successfully turned the machine off and picked up a med-scanner from a nearby unit and ran it over Marcus.
"Heart rate, zero, respiration, zero, brain activity…"
Susan looked at the tech and held her breath, hoping against hope that he wouldn't say what she feared he would.
"Zero. I'm afraid he's gone."
"No," she cried hoarsely, "Marcus, don't leave me!"
"Oh, no," he gasped, "what have I done?"
"Exactly, Marcus," the Ancient said sadly, "what have you done?".
The two beings stood in a corner in silence. After a time, the commander was freed from her restraints and Marcus's body was removed, put on a gurney, covered with a sheet, and placed in a nearby room.
Sobbing, Ivanova walked gingerly outside the room and slid down the front of the wall onto the floor. She curled herself into the foetal position as tears flowed freely down her face and began to gently rock to and fro, the front of her hair wet. Two medics came through the doorway. "Leave me alone!" she screamed. Quickly, they turned and left. She sat up with her back to the window frame, turning her head to look through the window at his body. Another wave of pain and sadness arose in her as tears erupted from her already-reddened eyes.
The door opened again and someone came rushing in.
"I said leave me alone!"
"Susan, it's me." It was Stephen, he was out of breath. He must have run from the docking bay all the way here. Slowly, he made his way to where she was sat.
"You okay?" he asked gently, not knowing what else to say.
"Dammit, Stephen, why the hell did he have to do it?" she asked tearfully, pleading to her friend for a reason. "I didn't want him to, never would have asked him to..."
Stephen sat opposite her, and sighed.
"How the hell did he find out about that machine?"
"After we gained custody of the alien healing device, Sheridan and I decided that it was just too dangerous to let others know about it, so I coded all my log entries. He must've hacked his way through half a dozen security overrides."
She gave a frustrated sigh, "It's typical. He was always pulling crap like that. Even I never knew what to do with him." Tears were flowing again… "He was the most undisciplined, the most annoying…"
Lorien turned to see that Marcus was standing rigid, just looking at her, his face white and transfixed. He turned back to watch what was happening.
"I was just lying there and feeling myself letting go of my body, and I remembered the last thing that I thought was, I'm going to die now and… it wasn't so bad, and then I heard this voice coming from far away saying, "I love you." And then I thought, is this god? Is this god? I mean, he really did have an English accent just like in all those old movies, and then I felt myself being pulled down. I got heavy, so heavy and tired. I forced my eyes open and…there he was next to me, hooked into that damn machine." Her sadness overcoming her, she pushed on, "I tried to pull it apart Stephen, I swear to god, I tried. I couldn't even move, I couldn't move." She broke down again.
"Look, there was nothing that you could do, alright? Your system was traumatised. You can't blame yourself."
"I don't, I don't. I just… you know all my life I've had… I've had problems with relationships. You may have noticed."
"A little," he said gently.
"You know, the ones that I loved always ended up hurting me, or leaving me. And the ones who stayed, they had nothing inside, no depth, and after a while, I just decided to forget about it. And here was Marcus, I knew he'd never hurt me, and I knew he'd never leave me, and I knew he loved me." She broke down again. "I knew it, I just didn't want to admit it, and he gave so much and wanted so little in return and he just wanted a kind word or a smile and all I ever gave him in two years was grief. It's because I think I saw what I wanted and I was afraid."
"You knew that it wasn't going to work out; you were just protecting yourself from being hurt again, that's all."
Lorien looked at Marcus. "She was afraid, Marcus, afraid. As you wore your wit and humour as your armour to protect you, she wore the element of fear for hers. I tried to tell her, before, to listen to what her heart was saying. But now it is too late."
"Oh, no," Marcus barely managed to get the words out, a tinge sadness in his voice, still looking at her.
She tried to gain some sort of composure by wiping away her tears.
Her friend smiled sadly, he knew she needed to release her emotions.
"….maybe I should have just tried one more time. I could have done that for him. Now I can't. At least I should have boffed him just once."
Stephen gave a short laugh; tears were welling up in his eyes too. "Boffed." He grinned, "Did you just say boffed?" He'd also lost a good friend.
She looked at him sadly. "It would have been the type of thing he would have said. I mean, hell, it's not as if we were doing anything else!"
"I guess that's one way to deal with unrequited love, huh?"
"All love is unrequited, Stephen, all of it," she said sadly, leaning into her friend for comfort.
"Susan." Marcus barely got her name out. Intense pain rose in his chest. He was choking up.
"There is more. Come," Lorien said as he guided Marcus toward a doorway that he hadn't noticed before. He stopped, turned to look at his grief-stricken love, her tears openly flowing now. Hoping against all hope for some way to put things right, he followed the First One through the doorway and into a long corridor with doors on either side.
They came to the first door.
"Open it," the old one instructed. Marcus shook his head; he didn't want to. He didn't want to see anymore of her pain.
"No," he whispered.
"Tick, you're alive. Tock, you're dead."
"I know I'm dead, and there's no way I can ever go back, so just leave me." Marcus' voice was full of sorrow for what he'd done. He just wanted to sit in a dark corner and lose himself in memories of happier times.
"So, is that it?" Lorien asked, shocked that someone who'd come so far in such a short period of time when he was alive would give up so quickly. "You're going to just give up?"
Marcus said nothing.
"Well, we can't have that." Lorien opened the door and quickly pushed Marcus into the room. He entered behind him and closed the door.
It was Medlab, but in an adjacent room. It was dimly lit, with a sole body in the room. A button was pressed and the door opened. A lone figure walked in, the silhouette easily identifiable as Susan's.
Marcus reached out a hand.
"She cannot touch you or see you, my friend," Lorien said. "We are on a different plane of existence."
Tears formed again in his eyes.
"Why, Marcus?" came the hoarse question. She was hoping for a witty comment or cryptic answer, but it never came. Slowly, she walked toward the body, picking up a nearby chair and placing it next to the gurney. She looked down at the body of her friend and pulled the sheet back to his waist so she could see him and sat down.
Susan gently took hold of his hand. "Why did you do this, Marcus? Why did you leave me?" This was one hell of a declaration of love from one being to another, but it was a gift she could not accept, she didn't want to accept, she would not accept. "If you loved me, you wouldn't have done this. You would have found another way." Susan began to break down again; this was torture for her. After she had spent her tears, she looked at his face. It was peaceful, serene. She stood up and slapped him as hard as she could, just so he could get a small dose of the pain she was now in.
Marcus winced, "I deserved that."
She leaned over his face and she wished with all her being that she hadn't been such a bitch. Here was someone who, yes, had babbled on about things so stupid and insignificant and had driven her nuts more than once. But she now realised that she wouldn't have had it any other way. "Now you'll never speak to me again, never give me funny charts placing me in the centre of the universe…" She sighed. "You loved me then; Lorien knew it and I still didn't listen." Her voice was filled with so much regret, she desperately wanted him to be alive so she could kick his ass—among other things—but that would never happen now. Susan looked at him and kissed him on his lips tenderly, her tears flowing freely again. There was still some warmth left in his body, but not much.
She raised her head and noticed a chain just protruding from underneath the collar of his tunic. Curiosity took the best of her as she took it all the way out to reveal an old antique locket. She rubbed the main body and the clasp released to reveal a picture. Susan's eyes widened, she backed away from Marcus' body and numbly felt the cold, hard wall stopping her from going any further. Her chest felt like it was going to explode, emotions rising up within her like a wave of unstoppable sorrow. She was powerless to prevent it.
"No!" she screamed, "Marcus, no!"
She launched herself onto the body, straddled his abdomen and began to slap him and shake him to try to wake him up.
Dr. Franklin was in his office looking at the never-ending supply of paperwork, when he heard Susan's scream. It made his blood run cold; he shot up out of his chair to see where she was, and saw through the window that she was hysterical, screaming, on top of the Ranger and shaking him, trying to wake him up. He rushed in and quickly came up behind Susan to try and calm her down. He tried to grab onto one of her flailing arms, but she turned around so quickly and landed a right hook on his jaw that sent him reeling. He had never seen Susan like this. The pain she is in must be unbearable.
"Oh god, Marcus, what have you done?" he said as he rubbed his jaw and he knew that she would never give up this guilt. He also knew that he'd have no chance of reasoning with the commander with her being in a state like this. So, he tapped his link. He needed back-up.
"Franklin to Allen, come in."
A nanosecond later, the channel opened at the other end.
"This is Allen, go."
"Zack, I need a security team in Medlab 1, now."
Zack had heard the screams of a madwoman in the background of Stephen's transmission.
"Is that – the commander?" the chief asked, his voice shocked.
"Yeah…" Stephen sighed.
"Aw, hell, we're on our way." The transmission ended.
Stephen ran out of the room where Ivanova was going crazy and got a sedative shot ready. It wasn't long before he heard Zack and his security team running down the hallway leading to Medlab. Stephen could hear his voice, "Out of the way now, move!" Zack came running in and looked to where the screaming woman was shaking the prone Ranger's body. He noticed a welt rising on the Doc's jaw.
"Did she do that?"
Stephen nodded. "Okay, I've got a sedative here. We need to calm her down before she does Marcus any further damage."
Zack nodded as he, his security team, and Dr. Franklin made their way to the room. As they entered, Susan was like a person possessed. No one had seen her like this, her pain and anguish unfathomable. Zack managed to catch one of her flailing arms and held it out for Stephen to inject the sedative. It quickly began to work; Marcus was half-hanging off the gurney and Susan started to slump forward. One of the team caught Marcus while the other two retrieved Susan. As she fell she caught the locket and chain in her hand as it came loose from Marcus' body. Stephen saw the image, it was Susan's.
"No wonder she went nova," was all he could say.
***********************************************
Lorien looked at Marcus. "See, see what you have done." He pointed to Susan's now-prone body as the two security guards took her to a nearby bed and strapped her in as a precaution.
"I didn't know," was the sad reply, "I couldn't have known." A stray tear trickled down Marcus' cheek. He was now truly in hell; he knew that he'd caused this and, as far as he knew, there was no way to undo it.
"No, you're wrong; you did know. You didn't want life, you wanted death! You wanted a release from the obligation of living. But you didn't think about the hurt Susan would suffer when you left her behind."
Marcus tried to get a reply in but Lorien didn't give him the chance. He went to the door that led to the main corridor and opened it. "Come," he ordered.
"Don't want to." His voice hoarse, he just stood there, looking down at the floor, he couldn't look ahead. There was no future for him now.
Lorien was growing impatient. "Marcus, you can either do this the hard way or the easy way, but either way you're coming with me."
"Why, what am I to you?" It was Marcus' turn to be frustrated.
"A trapped and lonely soul," came the sad answer.
Those words hit Marcus right to his very core. He was beaten; there was no way he'd be able to argue with the first of the First Ones. "Okay," he sighed, "I'll do it your way."
"Good, now come."
Marcus followed Lorien out of the room and back to the main hallway. They walked up the corridor a little and Lorien opened another door.
"Enter."
Marcus did as he was told and Lorien followed.
They were in the chapel on Babylon 5. Brother Theo and his monks were conducting a service. Sheridan, Delenn, Garibaldi, and Stephen, as well as various other station personnel were in attendance. Marcus recognised his contacts from Down Below; the chapel was over full, the crowd stretching down the hall.
"You never did think that you were that special, did you, Marcus?" Lorien asked. "Look, look at all the lives you have touched and look at their sadness now that you are no longer with them."
Marcus turned to look at each of their saddened faces and then he noticed her. Susan looked like hell. Her hair was loose; she'd lost weight. Her eyes were reddened and puffy with all the crying she'd done. He'd seen her in a similar state like this before recently after Sheridan & Garibaldi disappeared. But how she was now, it definitely wasn't good. This was in fact far, far worse.
"We come here today to honour Marcus Cole, Ranger and friend…" Theo began.
He heard someone crying, sobbing, and eventually evolving into a heartbroken scream.
"Can you hear it?" Lorien asked.
"Yes."
He looked to see Susan. She now wore his locket and held it tightly; on the outside she was keeping it together. But on the inside, the pain within her soul was a different story as it screamed in agony.
***********************************************
Lorien opened the door again and gestured for Marcus to follow him out of the room.
"Why?" he asked.
Lorien continued up the corridor. Answers would come later, but for now this had to be done. They came to another door. It was Marcus who opened it. They entered and this time, the room was different, not at all familiar to him.
"Where are we?" he asked.
He looked around the room. It was sparse, with a bed, desk, closet, comm unit, and a chest of drawers, but that was pretty much it. It was dark and cold. Loud shouting could be heard from behind another door that led into the room.
"I don't need your advice, doctor. If I want your help, I'll bloody well ask for your help! Am I absolutely crystal clear?" The voice was clearly Susan's. It was cold, distant, hurt.
The doctor gulped. "Ye – yes ma'am."
"Good, dismissed," she growled as she thumped in her entry code on the panel and entered the room.
"Lights," she shouted; she was most definitely in a bad mood.
Marcus instantly recognised her, but she was hard now, cold. She'd aged, and her walls were even higher than before.
She made her way to her bed, tiredly took off her EarthForce jacket and threw it on the floor. She undid her shirt collar and a couple of buttons and bent down to undo the zips that fastened her boots. As she did so, the locket came free. She kicked off her boots and they made a loud thud against the wall. Then she undid the braid in her hair and shook it loose. Sighing, she got up and walked toward the closet, punching in an access code. It opened to reveal a spare uniform, her dress uniform, her Army of Light uniform, and a silver brief case. She took the case, closed the closet, and walked toward her desk. She placed it on her desk and then went to get a bottle of vodka from the bottom of her chest of drawers.
She got out a shot glass and sat down at her desk, opened the bottle, and began to pour out the liquid. She knocked it back in one foul swoop. The alcohol felt good, she needed it after the day she'd had, especially on this day, but it would never be able to heal her pain.
"Six years, Marcus," she sniffed. "Six years since you gave your life for me, and I hate you! I hate you because I didn't want this…" She was choking back the tears as the pain of her emotions rose, crushing her chest.
Marcus clutched his chest as the pain somehow reverberated into him.
"…never wanted this, I'm dead inside, and it's your fault." She poured another shot and knocked it back, then poured herself another and set it aside.
She opened the case to reveal its contents, and got them out reverently one by one.
The chart that he had made for her. She unrolled it and saw the pictures and tried to remember in her mind his words. It had made her laugh then, but she couldn't laugh now. She looked at it lovingly and ran a finger around his image. Then she rolled it up again and put it back in the case. Next she took out his Ranger pin. As she looked at the jewel, she sniffed, "Isil'zha, in Minbari it means 'the future'..." She took another shot before continuing, "…I have no fucking future…." Anger rose within her as she hissed and nearly threw the jewel at the wall, but stopped short. Her voice filled with bitterness and regret before she continued, "Yeah, sure I do my duty, like a good little captain, but I don't want to be here…" She placed the pin back into the case as she took out another object and held it. Marcus instantly recognised the object; it was his Denn'Bok. She opened it, looked at it, caressed it, and then closed it again.
"I had you frozen, Marcus," she sniffed. "It was all I could do. Your body hadn't died, it just shut down because your life force is now in me. Someday you may be revived, but I doubt that I'll ever talk to you or touch you again in my lifetime."
She opened her locket to reveal another image, beside hers. It was his.
"I miss you, Marcus," she whispered. "I miss your crazy banter. I miss you walking by my side. Oh god, if I could do things differently, I would." She ran her thumb over his face before continuing, "And I love you. I've always loved you. But I never realised it till it was too late, and now I'll never love again." Tears formed in her eyes as she stood up and walked to her bed, climbed in and hugged her pillow to seek some type of comfort that would never come. "I miss you, Marcus," she sobbed as she cried herself to sleep.
Marcus was astonished at the admission. "She—she loved me."
"Is that so difficult to believe?" Lorien asked before continuing, "Marcus, you have touched the lives of so many, but you still carried the chains that led you into being where you are now."
"Chains?" he asked, "What chains?"
"Come." Lorien opened the door to the corridor and gestured at Marcus to follow.
They walked together towards the next door. Lorien opened it. They walked in and Marcus recognised where he was instantly. They were standing on a balcony overlooking the beautiful scenery; he'd always loved this place and had hoped that one day he could live out his days here.
He took in a long breath of the clear night air and exhaled; it felt so good. "Tuzanor."
"Yes," Lorien smiled as they turned to see a doorway where the sound of friendly chatter could be heard; as they walked nearer, they could hear people were laughing about a Pak'ma'ra eating a cat.
Marcus and Lorien walked through the doorway and stood to one side, listening patiently to the familiar voices: Sheridan, Delenn, Franklin, Vir, and Garibaldi. Marcus closed his eyes to savour this moment.
"Singing?" Sheridan asked. "They can sing?"
"There's nothing about that in the literature," Stephen added.
Vir elaborated, "Apparently it's something they only do certain times of the year as part of their religious ceremonies. You may not believe this, but... it was the most beautiful sound I've ever heard. I couldn't make out the words, but I knew it was full of sadness and... hope and wonder and... a terrible... sense of loss. I looked at Londo and -- this is the amazing part -- there was a... tear running down his face. I said, 'Londo, we should leave.' And, 'This is upsetting you.' He just stood there and... listened. And when it was over he turned to me and he said, 'There are 49 gods in our pantheon, Vir. To tell you the truth I never believed in any of them. But if only one of them exists... then god sings with that voice.' It's funny. After everything we've been through, all he did... I miss him."
Sheridan lifted up his glass to offer a toast. "To absent friends, in memory still bright."
Garibaldi raised his glass. "G'Kar."
Vir raised his. "Londo."
Delenn raised hers. "Lennier."
Finally, Stephen raised his. "Mar-"
Susan cut in and raised hers, "Marcus."
At the sound of his name, he opened his eyes and looked at her. In her eyes he saw her pain, her regret, her sadness, her loss.
They drank long from their glasses in silence, honouring the memories of their fallen friends. Lorien looked at Marcus. He was deep in thought. Yes, he is beginning to realise. Sheridan, Garibaldi, Franklin and Vir both got up and went to talk in an adjacent room while Susan looked on. She walked and talked with Delenn. Marcus and Lorien followed.
"It has been nineteen years since you sacrificed yourself for her Marcus." Lorien said looking at him. "And the pain is still as fresh in her eyes as from the day she woke up to find you dead. Her friends have tried to help her to move on, but she cannot. Just as much as you could not move on without a word from the ones you lost."
Marcus nodded his head in agreement. If William could have told him not to be guilty of what had happened at Arisia, he might have been able to move on with his life. But you cannot hold a two way conversation with the dead – one of life's little drawbacks.
"I've buried so many of my friends, Delenn," she said sadly. "I'm beginning to resent it and I don't want to."
Marcus turned to Lorien, "Her soul has been…"
"Shattered," Lorien interceded. "That one action, Marcus. Was it not a human who said, 'for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction?'" Marcus nodded his head in agreement.
He led him away to leave, and entered the corridor once again. Lorien led him to another doorway, he opened the door, entered and Marcus followed him.
The room was dark; Marcus recognised he was again in Tuzanor. A lone figure sat down on the couch. She had been crying; she always cried now. Sech-li-sachar, the Minbari called it. She slowly got up and, with the use of a cane, walked towards the balcony, looking over the Tuzanor skyline. Her hair was grey and tied back in a bun. Her eyes puffy and red, she wore the uniform of a Ranger. Turning, she went to get her cloak. It wouldn't be long now. She put it on. It was the cloak of Anla-shok'Na. She went back to sit on the couch. Her breathing was getting laboured. She took the chain and locket from her uniform, opened it, and looked at his picture.
"I love you, Marcus," she sighed, and began to relax. She closed the locket and held it next to her heart. She took in one last breath before the veil claimed her. "Marcus." She exhaled and died alone.
Lorien looked at the Ranger. "Her pain would last for 50 years. You wanted her to live, but she didn't know how to, not without you at her side."
Marcus crouched down with his head in his hands. He was openly crying. "If only I could take it all back."
Lorien waited for a few minutes, and then guided him to the doorway. They both entered, Marcus deep in thought. They walked to another door; as Marcus opened it, a pair of hands reached out and grabbed him, taking him completely by surprise. He felt a stinging as a fist landed squarely on his jaw, leaving him reeling.
"Ow!" Marcus protested, rubbing his jaw and trying to see clearly at the same time. "Bloody hell, that hurt."
"You daft bugger! Why did you have to something as humongously stupid as that? You bloody idiot." The voice, the accent, like his – Marcus knew who it was.
'Willie?" he asked, astonished. "Willie, it that you?"
"Well, who do you think? The AbominableSnowman? Course it's me, you silly sod."
Marcus looked at his younger brother. He looked as he did before he died, with long blond hair and a goatee beard. He looked away from his younger brother, feeling so ashamed for what he'd done.
"Yes, you were always the rash, impulsive one. I'm amazed you made it out of Ranger training in one piece!" William spat. "Who did you die for? Was it Delenn?"
Marcus shook his head. "It was someone who I really cared about, Willie, loved in fact. I thought that I did the right thing, but all it's done is caused her pain. I realise now that I was being selfish."
"Hallelujah! He's finally got it," Willie exclaimed as he squared up to his older brother. Marcus looked at him, wanting to know more. "Yes, Marc, I died on Arisia and I asked you to finish what I began, and you did. Your oath as a Ranger, you swore to 'live for the One and die for the One'. At the time, 'the One' was Delenn, but now 'the One' you swore to live for was her." Marcus nodded before William continued. "Slight problem there, though, bro, you didn't live for her. Sure, you died for her, but you didn't truly live."
"What do you mean, I didn't truly live for her?" he asked.
"You had plenty of reasons to risk your life; for the greater good you took many one way missions and somehow always managed to come back safe. That's commendable. Yes, you lived, but you really wanted death more."
Marcus began to protest, "I had to do what was right by my friends."
"Marc, mate, I'm sorry, but that's not true."
It was Marcus' turn to get frustrated. "I did what I could for my friends and for Susan!"
"No, you didn't—"
It was Willie's turn now to get landed by a punch to his jaw. He reeled a little bit and then came back face to face with his brother.
"—because if you truly valued your friends and Susan, you wouldn't have done this." He sighed before continuing "Marc, believe it or not, just because I'm dead in your realm, doesn't mean to say I've not been watching from time to time y'know…"
Marcus's head was still in a fog. "No, Willie, it was my fault. I never listened to you; I was too wrapped up in my work to notice." Since their parents had passed on, and with William joining the Rangers, it had fallen onto Marcus to keep the company going. "I'm sorry, William, I'm sorry for not listening to you."
William began shaking his head; his big brother had to have some sense knocked into him. "Will you listen to me, Marcus?" William smiled, he needed to do this. He needed to see his brother happy. "I want your complete and utter undivided attention now." He placed a hand on his shoulder and Marcus nodded his head that he would listen.
Willie smiled. "Marc, you've been feeling guilty for my death and the deaths of the others, and for that I'm truly sorry. Yes, I wanted you to join the Rangers, but not to be guilty for what happened back home. Don't be guilty for what happened at Arisia…"
Marcus' eyes welled up, "I – I don't know if I can."
"Mate, you must, you wouldn't have been able to stop the Shadows! They were coming whether we liked it or not and the destruction of Arisia would still have happened even if you had died along with us."
"But I couldn't stop you from dying," he said, sadly.
"It was my time, Marcus, that's all," William began. "Some of us are meant to have long life-spans, and some of us aren't. That's the way the universe works."
"Willie…"
"Marc, no. Don't say it. Just do as I've asked. Let go of your guilt and live." He embraced his brother with an almighty hug. "Besides, we'll see each other again. And between you and me, when I've looked in on you, I've seen her and Susan's an absolute babe." Willie looked at his brother with mischief. "She is H.O.T."
Lorien watched the interaction between the two brothers. "It is time, Marcus," he said as he took hold of his hand and guided him to the door.
"Don't be afraid of her, Marcus…" his brother smiled. He nodded. "Don't forget to live, and don't forget to love, you're a long time dead."
William's words struck home to Marcus. As the door closed, he was half expecting to be back in the corridor, but he was back where he had started in the black void with the grandfather clock.
Tick
Tock
Tick
Tock
"It is the clock of the universe, Marcus. Each stroke of the clock is someone being born or someone dying, the silence in between is their life. No matter how long or how short. The universe is always growing, so therefore it is timeless; that is why there are no numbers or hands on its face. How can you measure something that is infinite?"
"…I have to let go of my guilt." Marcus realised that that was what Lorien meant. "You told me I had to let go of my chains, the chains of my guilt for what happened at Arisia. My guilt led me here." The moment he said it, he felt refreshed and happy like a huge weight had been lifted from his soul.
"You are finally beginning to understand," Lorien nodded, pleased with the young human. He had always had a soft spot for tormented innocents, and although he'd gone with the First Ones beyond the Rim, he always watched from afar the needs of his special children. Here, he saw two tormented souls who were destined to be together and he decided to act.
"Susan's time has not yet come."
"What do you mean?" he asked.
"Her time with the universe has not finished and neither has yours. Tick, you're alive, Tock, you're dead. Which do you want?"
"I want to live and I want Susan to live."
"Even if one of you dies before the other?" Lorien questioned.
"I'd be happy to have lived and loved," he began. "Now I've seen the consequences to have loved and lost, the pain, anguish, and anger that comes with it. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy."
Lorien smiled, "Then go, Marcus, go and live and love." Lorien's image vanished with the clock. Marcus saw a bright light coming toward him, enveloping him completely.
He heard William's words in his head. Don't forget to live, and don't forget to love, you're a long time dead.
TBC